Emptiness in the dark
I pushed Joseph down.
I wanted to see how a man fell from the high roof of a 14 storey building but I have height phobia. Without looking down, I picked up the side glass and took a sip.
He hung his legs on the railing of the roof and smiled when he saw the full moon in the swing of the sky. I'm foolishly waiting for Joseph to come back, he must have fallen down and fainted, brainwashed, maybe Joe will still come. Let's spend some time thinking about what day it is today, but suddenly the cell phone rang with a loud noise. Now to get the cell phone out of my pocket means I have to go down to the 14th floor. What is the need to end life at once? I know my father called, even if I don't receive his call, for now, he is a distant person.
Dad, I feel very sad when I think of the man. After getting in trouble with Ammu, Rukaiya married Aunty and left us. After the man left, I broke down, even from my father, this trouble always haunted me .... The man still loves me, talking about his own child ..... I reached for the packet of cigarettes. That will grow!
Hu Ammuta also married his colleague in a few days, the affair was already between them. I gritted my teeth and accepted all the reasons. There was no other way. Exactly 1 month after the wedding, in the middle of the night, when my mother's new husband band came to my room, what is my cry ..... I want, otherwise why would her husband band come to my room. Ha ha ha what a strange thing! My mother was able to say this to the girl who gave birth to take the side of her characterless son-in-law, ha ha ha!
Nah! Nowadays alcohol is not in the stomach and I vomit when I laugh. I wiped my face and saw Joseph standing in front of me.
- Are you eating over 9 pegs today?
- Oops! Joe, are you coming again? Can you irritate me so much?
- More than 9 pegs? Mixed or?
- I ate. Can you come back again and again?
- That's why I love you.
I couldn't control myself, I started screaming and singing in a state of panic
"So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I can't hate
I don't deserve to have you
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know "
I laughed, and Joseph knelt in front of me and wiped his eyes. Then I noticed I was actually crying but it sounded like laughter. What a strange thing! I threw a glass of 48% alcohol-filled whiskey at Joseph's face with the utmost force of my body, breaking the glass and scattering the pieces of glass all around. I spread my arms and legs and lay on the roof without looking at him anymore, my thoughts are getting random ....
After listening to my mother's nonsense, I left home that night and came up to the flat with my name written on it, crying. Knowing all this, Father Suleiman sent Uncle to my flat. Gradually life changed, my boundaries between varsity and a huge flat were limited, I lived in a dark world with intense hatred of the outside world. Day and night I was floating in the golden liquid of metal songs, cigarettes, blood on my hands. I was leading a life that I don't even know what life is.
Familiarity with Joseph, great friendship when everyone at varsity is busy playing Lutuputu love. Joseph is a bit of a weird good boy, never smoked in his life, a brilliant boy wearing only his parents' darling Lutuputu glasses. I often told everyone in the class that the feeder would still be available if May B Joseph's backpack was opened by her mother. How can a boy studying in varsity not be so fond of his father and mother that it never enters the head of a girl like me who lives without love. But I don't know how this strange boy got involved in my life.
Joe would come to my flat, sit in the front and endure my cigarette smoke, watch the madness after the drinks. I used to cut my hands with a blade, and he used to give first aid to the cut hands carefully. He would often give me time to swallow my golden liquid ...
I gave up everything because of him, cigarettes and alcohol. So if someone thinks that our love is wrong because no one would believe in love. But the feeling was something that could not be captured in words.
Joe had an acoustic guitar, I could see him running his fingers on six strings with fascination in his eyes. He taught me what life is ...... we were all religious. From the family I am Muslim and Joseph Christian. But Joseph would go to the mosque to pray, buy me a sari for every puja. All my life I used to read jeans fatwa and walk around the temple wearing that sari, conch and sidur. At Christmas, Joe and I used to buy Hughes gifts with Dad's money. After the Santa Claus dress, the two of us would quietly leave the gift next to the street children sleeping on the street late at night. It would be nice to think how surprised these little kids would be when they woke up in the morning!
I knew that if one truly loves people, that is above all else, that love has no religion, no caste.
Joe taught me at night that life is not for me alone, it is bigger for everyone, there are many more sad than me.
I touched my hair,
- Dia
- Ummm ..... I'm thinking of not talking.
- Shall I run my hand through my hair? You will like it.
- No, Suleiman's uncle can come to get the news by closing the roof door. Before that a cigarette from the packet.
- Already finished 2 packets. More khabi?
- I'll go to Pini today, nothing.
- Not today, please.
- Damn it! Go away and die!
I saw Joe walking away slowly. The broken glass is entering his legs and making him bloody ....
Oh yes, what else was I saying, we Buddhists used to go to the pagoda on a full moon night and fly lanterns, the matter was very dear to me. It was Maghi Purnima, I flew a lantern and told Joseph that I would eat fried hilsa on the Padma Char in Mawa, some shops are open 24 hours a day. Joe looked at him for a moment and then agreed. We got into a pick-up van in the fog of that Magh winter around 3 pm, also at my insistence.
After eating fish fry, the two of us sat on the grass as far as the eye could see. I leaned on Joseph and just said, give me a little warmth?
That beginning ... the first kiss of the two of us. What a feeling! Remember how it feels. What a madness that I did! Joe would have described it more artistically if he had been in my place. Honestly I wanted something more but Joe kept the warmth between his lips like a polite boy.
I got used to Joe, everyone at varsity thought we were couples but we didn't want to compare our relationship to any fragile love. I knew the reason Joseph stayed away from me, Joe hated all the physical love. After 3 years of my relationship with Joseph, I realized that the biggest basis of a relationship is respect. Respect for each other, no matter how small or big, is very much needed, which was not the case with my parents, which is why today I am the daughter of a broken family.
Eyes are burning, I sat up and at any moment I could fall asleep with my eyes closed. How many tall houses around, the moon tilted to the west. If Joseph was there, he would sing with the guitar, 'The highest roof of the highest flat house ..... I gave it to you today'.
Father gentleman came to the flat to pick me up, I could not return his request, I went with him. Joe was very happy to hear that even though we were supposed to go on a varsity picnic to St.Martin. He told me to stay with my father until he returned. My step mom stopped at that house, Aunty, two honest siblings, but I didn't even think about their behavior once. Rukaiya Aunty used to feed an old girl like me, Ahnaf and Anisha are crazy to call these two Diapu. I like my baby very much, these two siblings of mine used to sleep close to me every night.
Joe was enjoying the picnic very much, he told me that there is no network in the sea area so I don't have to worry. I was happy to have her children well.
Meanwhile I was also very busy. The thing happened when I went to varsity 7 days later.
I stared in amazement, I was standing around with a huge emptiness. What I didn't believe in love I felt that day I loved Joseph so much ...
Between mourning across the varsity and that mourning I was looking for Joseph's body like a loser. Joseph's body drowned in quicksand that never came back.
I was so miserable that I didn't have the good fortune to see the man closest to me for the last time, his body was drowning in that quicksand I couldn't touch him. I couldn't cry at all, my tears were like ice inside my chest. I was just sitting with his backpack where there was an oyster garland bought for me.
As soon as I closed my eyes, I could see Joe squirming in agony as he sank into the quicksand.
I wanted to feel Joe's feelings when I was drowning in the quicksand, I wanted to understand how much he was in pain, is it more than the pain of losing him?
I'm back in my old life where only me and my dark world memories and .....
Joseph sat down next to me with his acoustic guitar. There is so much light all around but I see his face vaguely. He continues to sing with his six fingers,
"I know you won't be sitting quietly at night
I know you don't sit alone and cry
I know you won't be awake in the dark in a corner of the closet
I know your troubles will only turn into tears
Don't sing like a dream
I know that torn love will fall alone
The clouds will not run .... "
Joseph continues to sing for me with passion.
And ......
All the things in the world come together in one water that I feel in tears flowing down my chin.
Thanks for Reading.......

Nice story...