29 September 2021, Somewhere in the Metaverse - UplandDood (@Just1Dood)
Something Different
After reading @Bloghound's Sick of Adulting article just now, I'd made the following comment:
One of the things that have helped me cope with the lockdown is to find things to do online. You are right if you say that there is only so much we can do online before we get sick of it too. For some, there wasn't much of a choice because our current livelihood depended on being online constantly. For others? What should we do? This and some of the questions mentioned in Bloghound's short article deserve having a closer look at before we go off the deep end.
I for one think that the temporary relief to do something different and I intend to do create some distraction from our normal routine through this article.
I'll find some of the stupidest and weirdest jokes I can find from around cyberspace. I hope you will find some entertainment value out of these. Sit back, relax, and most importantly, have a good laugh.
Let's Laugh
I will only post jokes that have made me laugh or at least giggled. You'll probably discover that I have a weird sense of humor.
I will start from a very familiar source. Most of us know this publication and if we get our hands on one, we'll instinctively go to the funnies section to get our laugher fixes. Yes, it's none other than The Reader's Digest.
A turtle and the snails
This is made me laugh. Yes, it did. See if you agree with me.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Source: Reader's Digest
The Past, The Present, & The Future
Not necessarily funny but very witty and I like it.
Source: Reader's Digest
Seeing-eye dogs
This has made me laugh too. Love the second guy's fast thinking. If I was the first guy and heard the second guy's response, I'd have burst out laughing and we'd both ended getting kicked out of the pub. LOL.
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.”
The second guy says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.”
First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.”
He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer says, “Ok then, come on in.”
The second guy sees this and does the same thing. The bouncer says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.”
He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer responds, “You have a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?”
The second guy exclaims, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”
Source: Reader's Digest
Telegram
I love this dog. A smart dog.
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
Source: TheGuardian.com
Fhgfhdfdfdffgfgfgfgfgfgfgfg
@emily2u, this one is for you. Talk about pressure. LOL.
Source: BoredPanda.com
Entomology is Easy
Who says entomology is difficult. Identifying one is a piece of cake.
Source: BestLifeOnline
And in case you were wondering and to put all doubts to rest...those that crawl are called crawling bugs.
Funniest Joke in the World
I'll leave you with the funniest joke in the world. This particular joke was voted as the funniest joke back in October 2002. This was the winner out of 40,000 plus submissions with over 2 million participating votes.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Source: TheGuardian.com
That's it. This should be enough for one day. If you look around, you can find some very hilarious snippets here and there to keep you amused and your funny bones tickled. Have a laughter-filled rest of the week.
Thank you for reading and do stay safe.
Sources:
Header Image by Dan Cook on Unsplash (edited by author)
All other sources are attributed in the article after the respective quote and image.
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I did happen to like the last one the best. :) As for the pandemic, I have been fortunate that both my wife and I were in jobs that were not affected by it. So we have had the advantage of actually making significant gains throughout it. But of course that has not been the situation for everyone.
I am just glad that a place this and noise exists that can offer at least SOME refuge from this whole pandemic farce and madness we have been living with for almost 2 years now.