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When I Get The Blues. Behind The Mind Of A Broken Mother-Journal of a mum with depression.

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Written by   12
7 months ago

Knowing and understanding what happened to people with depression at low times is important for a better understanding of people affected by mental illness. It will help people with depression to feel accepted and part of society, to rid themselves of the stigma surrounding people with depression.

I dedicate this piece of work to people with depression at the darkest of moments in their lives. (Personal Experience) You don't know me, I don't know you, but we live in the same world, share the same pain, fight the same battle. If you find me, smile and be grateful you're not alone.

Image copyright: BE-when I get the blues-2021

A box of chocolate coated magnum is a delight. Sit in the dark till sunrise. Nothing can put a smile on my face tonight, not even a rose from the valleys of knights.

Forget about the next released of Netflix show. For when I get the blues, everything good turns blue. I’ll do things I’ll regret for many days.

If only I could fly, free my mind, hoping to come back alive. It’s the dark reality of a life so bleak as mine.

I wondered if I should walk out the door to the shadows of death lurking outside. Poor Mrs. White, someone murdered her in her bed last night. I have the blues; I’m not afraid to meet the murderer in the middle of the night. These are times when I fear no one in the night's dark, the night.

Yesterday I was alright, today I was shining bright, tonight I’m fearful of the light. Maybe tomorrow Ill be just fine.

When I get the blues, my mind runs a million miles an hour. By the time it stopped, I’ll wake up from a long ride with the ugly past that was bothering me inside.

I’m afraid of the blues. Its force is too much for my fragile soul to fight back.I dig the graves of the past, adding more pain to the load on my back. Never knowing what I’m doing to myself in the dark.

It makes me angry, then makes me cry, then makes me smile, then it makes me want to die. I’m under its finger, like a child in the naughty corner, punished for doing something I like.

It reminds me of my mother. When she’s angry with the lady next door, she takes it on me, and pushed me onto the hard floor. It Reminds me of the time when my uncle slapped me across the face, because he called me twice and I didn’t reply. And when my mother's father whipped me with his cow leather belt because I want to go out to play.

I indulge in sweets to change the taste of bitterness. Cry rivers of tears, drinking the bitterness of it as they flow down my cheeks. So I wished I never exist.I questioned myself, why I was born, what I did to deserve all this. Where would I be if my life was full of bliss?

I’m tired, exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. I’m down on my knees praying for a relief.

God has mercy on me, grant me the strength to move beyond this mess I’m in.

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Copyright: @JoyOfWomanhood

Image Copyright: B.E-When I get the blues- 2021

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Written by   12
7 months ago
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