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Pain is never permanent, but tonight it's killing me
You know that feeling when you keep telling other people to take a rest while you yourself can't even do what you've told other people to do? Isn't it ironic that we tell other people to take care of their mental health but we ourselves cannot even take care of ours? We're good at making other people happy, but we can't even make ourselves happy.
Has the thought of surrendering ever crossed your mind? If you do, then congratulations on surviving and still continue to keep on kicking. Honestly, the thought of surrendering has always come across my mind, but I was lucky because I was able to shut it off before it crawled all over my heart and brain. It's never been a solution, and will never be. It'll just worsen everything we've been through.
These past few weeks, I've been down. Maybe it's because I was too busy and loaded with work to the point that I couldn't take a rest. My sleeping routine has been ruined to the point that I can only have 3-4 hours of sleep. And I know that it really ruins my mental health, and not just that, but also my physical and emotional health. I've become unhealthy in the past few weeks. I've been telling myself that I'd be better but still couldn't. I could only be better for a day, then the next day I'd be back to being unhealthy again.
What's worse is that I've been experiencing pain all over my body, like literally all over my body, every part of my body from head to toe. Last night, I experienced an extreme pain in my chest. It lasted for 20 minutes or something. I had difficulty breathing. I didn't want my family to see that I was in pain, so I just took a deep breath slowly, repeating it several times to help me relax. I honestly got panicked at first because my chest was so freaking hurt. It felt like I'd been stabbed in my chest. And thank goodness I calmed myself and the pain in my chest started to slowly fade away.
"Pain is never permanent, but tonight it's killing me"
I took this from one of Neck Deep's songs, "December."
This article is dedicated to a close friend of mine.
She's a very close friend of mine, a jolly, humorous, and outgoing friend you'll ever have. She literally has everything you want in a girl. Beauty and brain, she has it all. But behind her lovely smile and laugh hides a darker side that keeps dragging her down. Who would have thought that the cheerful girl we know was the opposite inside? She cries in her sleep every night. She's silently dealing with her pain all by herself, without letting anyone know. Not a single member of her family knows what she's been dealing with every night in the middle of the night.
It was bugging her every night to the point that she almost ended her life. Luckily, her parents found out about her and took her to a psychiatrist, who found out that she had anxiety disorder and depression. Her parents could not believe what their daughter was doing because they thought she was just doing fine. She always excels in school and always has her jolly and cheerful attitude.
We should all be mindful of whom we encounter every day and avoid judging them because we have no idea what they have been through. We all face different battles and challenges in life. We don't have the right to judge anyone just because of who they are. We should be aware of the words we speak to someone. We may find it funny, but for them, it hurts. Let's help each other fight anxiety and depression.
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