5 Years Of Celebrating Father's Birthday Without Him

Yesterday was my Otosan's birthday or my father's birthday. It's been 5 years since he left us and went to the safest place. We just prepared a simple celebration and we had dinner all together with our family. Our oldest sister and her family came over to celebrate our father's birthday. My sister asked me if I would go with her to the cemetery, but I declined. My mom even scolded me about why I didn't go to the cemetery. I haven't visited him in a long time. The last time I visited him was at the time of his first death anniversary, and until now I still haven't visited him. All of my siblings forced me to go with them, since all of them went to see my father's tomb, but they failed to force me. I was left alone at home reading articles lol. I know you're wondering why I acted like this. 

When they finally came back, I prepared the dinner and everything. We just had a little argument with my mom because of my dumbass nephew, but it didn't last and we just acted like nothing happened and continued the celebration. We all had fun talking about my father's funny days when he was still alive. I can still see my mom's reactions to the way he shares their story about how they met each other. She said that our father was a guitarist and a band vocalist before. [Now I wonder where I got these traits of being easily attracted to a band member and a guitarist.] LMAO 

Everything went back to the time where I woke up hearing his breathing. It felt like he had run out of air. That was the most traumatizing moment of my life.

I was the one who witnessed and noticed him breathing heavily since all of them gathered at our grandpa's house and I was left alone in our room sleeping peacefully. My father was in the other room. He's a PWD. Half of his body was paralyzed and he's been suffering for 5 years already.

I still remember I was in grade 5 back then when my mom picked me up from my school. We were having a lecture at that time when my mom told my teacher that I would skip class for that time. He picked me up because I would be the one to look after my father since no one would be left at our house. I can't help but wonder why me? My sister was a high school student back then. I kept asking myself why it always had to be me. I was just a kid back then when I became my father's caregiver.

When I was in grade six, my friends wanted me to go with them. As much as I wanted to hang with them, I couldn't because I would be the one to look after my father. But my other siblings can freely go wherever they want. When I started high school, as far as I can remember, it was lunch time and we will be having a quiz later, first subject in the afternoon. I went home since the school is just right next to our house. When I opened the door to our house, everything was a mess. It looks like our house has been robbed. No one was there except my father. My mom couldn't stay at home because she had a lot of work to do. I don't have any other choice but to skip class. I still need to feed him and clean up the mess. I can't just leave it all like that. You know that half of his body was paralyzed as well as half of his brain. So, you know that he's not in his right mind. And sometimes he'll act like a kid.

I know that it's my responsibility because I'm the daughter, but I just can't help but think that I have siblings too. Why does it feel like all the struggles and everything is dumped on me?

When I woke up, I heard him breathing heavily. I got up immediately and headed to the room. I saw him there breathing heavily. I asked him what was wrong and he just asked me where mom was. I began to panic and shouted my mom's name outside since I heard them talking at my grandpa's house. Then I didn't know what was happening since I just literally woke up. I just saw an ambulance and they put my father on a stretcher. Everything went fast forward and I saw everyone panicking. 

He was comatose for a week, then days after, we received a message that he was finally free from all the suffering he had carried for 5 years. 

I felt a little relieved while typing this. I haven't told anyone about this, not a single one :>

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Authors Note:

As what the title of my recent article about. Expect that half of my articles for this month will be about birthdays LOL. As I already stated that a month of September is the month of Birthdays since most of our family members celebrated their birthdays in Sept.

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