I don't know what to think but the sun saved me.

Sometimes I feel like flying freely in the sky just like the free birds while witnessing the great view from above. My body feels very light but when I close my eyes at night it changed so much, from very light to very heavy. I don't know why I'm like this again. It seems that someone's soul is trying to hijack my body. So weird thinking about it but I can't help not to think like that lol.

Maybe I'm like this again because something triggered my stress points aww and yeah that's true. Just the other day something happened here and it was really bad, not for those who's around me but to me directly. It feels like that I'm gonna have fever thinking what happened haysst.

So here's what happened and I'm sorry to share it with you again friends. I can't help it. This is where I can only bring out what's going on in my mind so please bear with me.

My mom was in a bad mood yesterday and I didn't expect that she will bring out again the past which is supposed to be burried long time ago. It's the past about me and it has to do with money. It all started when my father told my mom that there's no more food for the ducks and chickens so they need to buy some but unexpectedly she don't have anymore in her wallet so she asked my father if he have some, my father said that he spend it for the gas of our tricycle so there's no more.

Then she began to talked about the past and she said that if it wasn't because of me(my mistake) she would still have her savings. When I heared that,it's like that a log slapped my face so hard. In my mind, I thought she already forgot and burried the past just like what she said back then when they fix my mistake. Why's she have to bring that out again when I'm trying to forget it because that led me to depression and I don't want to be in that situation again.

My father confronted her and told to stop. Thinking about what she said I can't stop my tears from falling out of my eyes. I didn't realized it. My heart feels heavy, regretting that I did a mistake back then. It's really hard for me too. Every night I regret about it and wishing that I hope I didn't commit that mistake in my life.

I did it and it's in the past now. I can do nothing about it anymore. If I can only turn back time to prevent it from happening but I can't. There's no way I can. I can only regret it and to move forward making my life better than before.

Bringing it out again is not helping me especially my mind. Since yesterday night I was not able to sleep well thinking about that. I cried to be honest and that help me to fall asleep. This morning my mood is not that good that's why I said to myself that I need to do something in order for me to divert the negativities I absorbed yesterday.

I went outside to see the sun as it rised. A gorgeous sky was formed because of it. It calmed my mind and it made me happy. Positive thoughts are coming in my mind again thanks to the view of the sunrise. As I walked I noticed my tomato seedlings are already big and ready to be transplanted any time so since I want to do something I thought of collecting loam soil for my tomatoes.

First I check the rice straws if it's already turned into loam soil. Loam soil is good for plants so it's very convenient to have rice fields. Luckily there's already a lot of it so I get the shovel and began to collect. It's a little bit wet due to the rain last night that's why I compiled it first in one place letting it to dry.

After lunch I began to carry them in a bucket putting it to a sack. I collected loam soil and at the same time I did a walking exercise. I sweat a lot and it brings out the toxic in my body. After putting them in sacks I decided to take a rest and took a bath.

After that I took picture of the sacks filled with loam soil and I collected a lot enough for my tomatoes. Tomorrow I will divide it into other sacks where I will transplant my tomatoes. From that activity my stress was gone for good that's why I'm able to write this now.

Author's note

Yesterday was a bad day for me and it stressed me so much at night but I don't let it win leading me to be depress again. I prayed and I cry then looking for something to do. I'm really proud of my self for handling that.

Other people may bring out your past, you may be affected a little bit but it's up to you if you will let it eat you alive again.

That's my article for today and I thank you once again for joining me till the end of this one. See you next time.

Lead image: I made it in Canva same with the image above.

To my sponsors and audience who are always there to support, Arigatou💚.