Troublesome times, message!

November is ending and its been raining for the past days. Finally, we are able to finish the installation of the plastic on the roofing to redirect water. Finish the decoration for Christmas and rearrange patio that able us to make use of the space. Thanks to the boys, its all done!

Atmosphere

For a month now, my dying friend has been staying in the hospital due to stomach abcess. I don’t know when she was admitted but the familiar irritation and reaction I get from her started to fill in the messages, so I asked. And she is admitted and she was told she had stomach abcess.

Still she said “I almost believe them”, that’s to the statement that she is terminally ill and could die anytime! Sensing her a bit depressed, I replied, “what’s new? You’ve been told! Hahaha! We live by the day geng! Why you feeling it na?”. Then she disclosed that they recommended her to be moved or endorsed to the home for the sick so she will be well taken care off and she wont be alone! And I really thought, “its Thanksgiving and Christmas is really nearing… is it really here? Knocking her door?”. Not that I am worried and hurt, its just that, -holidays! Then she was furious with the doctors, telling her they can write endorsement letter to allow her parents to go there. Furious because she hated knowing that she is reduced to a cripple knowing she is in this state when she knows she is able to do the writing herself! Hmmm! Strong for a dying woman!

Stalemate

We’ve been like this for the past 3 months, since the release of her prognosis! And her body has really deteriorated since then. After her 3rd chemo session, she had fever, chilling again like never before so she was brought in. Of course, I thought she was immuno compromise that time because she just finished chemo, but no! Its now forming an abcess, in her stomach! Honestly, I really wonder how long her body can last. She complains, she’s tired, hadn’t sleep because of the pain. Again! Hmmm (sigh)!

Cancer

I wonder how cancer can be so cruel to people and family(ies). Its really heartless. Sad at the same time, people are losing their battles and a number of ways breaks the spirit, let alone those who survived. How must someone endure the pain? The torture to bear just to look forward for another day? While I could only witness on the side bench while she is fading away! There are countless of ways to die, only to find out cancer dangerously creeps in without you knowing. Eventually eating you inside, whole until it conquers every inch of you. It doesn’t stop there, people you love trembles on the site of you bleeding or breaking apart. Depress on the site of seeing you feeling the pain, the excruciating pain and run to the bath room when pain is already unbearable and screams! What a torture? In the eyes of innocent children, repeated witnessing you brought to the hospital for an emergency. Until such time, you no longer come home! The time cancer has consumed you! Hmmm… troublesome!

My Misery, my own!

True. We all suffer alone in the end. That’s what we thought. Good if you live alone, if not? Live like tomorrow never comes, leave silently as you go! But don’t forget, there were eyes and ears that witness those little battle and cries. They are watching. Witnessing how you screamed when the pain is unbearable. Watching you cry when fright and worry creeps in! you do not know and own their thoughts and feelings. Good for you, your end is on a countdown. What happens to those who you left behind? Oh! Only God knows what! Remember, you were not alone from the start!

Nov 28, 2021