Its time to let go of something toxic! Shall we...

Oh! Hello April. March passed by with a lot of crazy things that happened including the coming back of a friend who used to mean a lot me. He be-friended me back after 3-years, just about the time my friend suffering from cancer died. And I just ended up our friendship, for good.

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He is one of the best buddies I can ever have. Not because he was good but rather he is everything you wouldn’t want for a friend. That time about 2 decades back, there were a lot of things we all have to learn and now, it was time to park our pens – forever I guess.

Now, it may be odd to say to goodbye and why? If he was, then why? Well, first he talked to my dying friend last November – he is a common friend. He discovered a lot about me just simply having a video chat but worst, he got all the information from her -confirming what he already knows about me. The info he secured are actually the worst and bad description of me and glad to know I am able to break free from that.

We all have to grow up I guess and perhaps... My dying friend really wished that I will have someone like her, who’ll take good care of me for the rest of my life. But what she doesn’t and couldn’t agree is im only open to that kind of relationship but I really cannot settle for anything compromised. And here he is, coming out of nowhere, taking the role of “knight and shining armour”.

Well, it was good that he is back but he was becoming more of a toxic friend than anything else. 1st demand was food, to be delivered on his doorstep which I did. The next were all emotional blackmails. Like “loue say was all true, if anything goes wrong you can count on Jen”. Oh! That was nice but… the next thing he did was borrow money from me and I really thought it was unbecoming. And he was honest about it, testing waters. How far would I go to help him? And there was another thing, was to steal some information for him, so he can continue his work? And that was a blast. My demise? for his personal gain? oh no no!

Well, I was glad it happened. And all those 2 decades of friendship has to go, I cant risk having to live all my life engaging in such a toxic relationship. My friend, was unable to let go of toxic married life because she always settled for a compromise and guess that was what he thought I would do too!

True we all have to settle on our terms, looking forward for the best possible fairytale we can have in this world. Paint the world in picture perfect is something really soooo good to be true that most of the time we have to face pain to realize that our picture perfect has to be so imperfect and grow from it. I prefer to be alone that to spend a very long time enduring a relationship that destroys the self and even uses unbecoming tactics like blackmail to get what he wants. Its for the best. You see he is rich and yet he still gets to take advantage and borrow money from me, seemed to forgot that I am a single parent. Like I will drop anything just to please him. If he was truly a friend, he wouldn’t take advantage of the things he learned from my friend. Self-gain over my welfare, was something I was grateful to know. Knowing how he valued our friendship, was disappointingly bad but at least I know where I stand from his view point. And he just lost a really good and loyal friend. Do I mind, yes I do. I will be missing him badly and I'm missing him now but I know the benefits of letting go now will be tremendous over keeping him and be lowly.

We all have to know when to say no and let go! Although, I pains us at first but eventually we will realize that all was for a purpose. We have a responsibility to our selves and me to my kids, that being involve with a toxic relationship pays terrible price if we don’t let go! Yes, the process is sad and it will never be easy but we have to take good care of our selves because no one else will do that for us, unless of course we have lots of friends who only cares for our goodness but what if not? What will happen to you? And all the people who depended on you? Your family? Your kids? You really have to think about it as life is too short to dwell on yesterdays and a lot of uncertainties of tomorrow! Right? Like my friend took the risk hoping for one day her husband will change until it killed her! Yes, a fairytale that was so good to be true but where is she now? We have to take the courage and just leave silently as possible. One go, another one will sure come his way to fill his place. Don’t wait for tomorrow will save you because it wont. What will save us is just our ability to say enough or no, and live. Go in another direction. It saddens me to know that there are actually a lot of people out there suffering like this because of some reason, -validation is one. But and however you view it, why ask validation from someone else when you actually can validate yourself by simply you? Nothing much. Just be real and everything around will be. Pretend and everything will be upsy turvy! Thank u for reading.

April 6, 2022
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