Hello friends, it's been two days that I haven't posted an article. I can hardly think a topic to write. Might be this is the most common struggle faced by the beginners in writing. I really hope so that someday I will be used into writing.

It's raining last day, it's raining yesterday, it's raining last night, how about today? I hope so it won't because we will be having a bayanihan in our church today. We really need the sunshine to do the task easily. Hopefully the sky won't cry today.

I was able to write this morning because I had a dream. I dreamed just this early in the morning about my father who died last February 08. I don't know what to feel. I just noticed something warm in my cheeks. I just noticed that my tears is falling. Everything, flashed back.

Our last met

It's Monday evening (February 07) when I last visited my father. He just got home from a swab test. He is a hemo dialysis patient and he is having a dialysis twice a week, Tuesday and Friday. That time he acquired the common sickness of the people that month, having a fever, cold and cough. As a health protocol, you won't be entertained in the hospital without a swab test result. He needed a negative result for him to undergo dialysis the next morning.

So, no choice, they had a swab test and luckily its negative. That monday, I went home because my younger sister texted me that our father is breathing hardly because of his cough. I went home as fast as I can and I found him there sitting on the chair trying to stop his cough because he can feel some pain everytime he coughs. I never think that it was our last met.

I let him eat for the last time

I also found out that my father is not eating rice anymore. He just drink milk and a little bread as his lunch. My mother wasn't there because she waited for the swab result. So, i cook some porridge so he can easily swallow it. I cook some soup and put it in the porridge and makes it more easy to swallow. I let him eat and to my surprise he eat as fast as he can. Might be he is so hungry. I am happy that he eat a lot. I never think that it was the last time that i was able to let him eat.

Our last talk

I asked him what he really feels. He said that he can hardly breathe specially when he coughs. His back and his stomach is aching very hard when he coughs.

During our last visit he has a fever at pinahilot namin sya. Fortunately he became better after that. His fever and cough was lost. Then I ask him why he had a cough again. He told me that while having some early exercise along the pineapple plantation, he saw our cow there and tried to transfer it from a place to another so it could eat a lot of grass. The problem is he carried a big stone to be used in locking the stick of the cow so he can go far. So, might be nabinat sya.

In our last talk, I told him not to do things that can harm him because he will be the one to suffer later. It seems that i reprimanded him. I told him to get well soon. I never expected that it was our last talk.

Early in the morning, my mother brought him to the hospital because it is his schedule for hemo dialysis. My mother also told the doctor na ipapa admit si tatay because he is hardly breathing. The doctor said that they need to observe it if it will be gone after dialysis. It is common to dialysis patient to breathe hardly specially when their session is coming.

Unfortunately, the dialysis was done but he is still breathing hardly. So his doctor decided na iadmit na si tatay.

In the afternoon, we went there to visit him and at the same time bring some food for them but sadly we were not able to come in. Only one attendant is allowed inside and no visitors allowed. We felt sad but no choice and just give the food to our mother.

The most painful text and call

During the evening when we already asleep, the unexpected call woke me up. It's my brother, crying.. te, wala na si tatay😭😭😭. Please go to the hospital, kawawa si nanay doon. He also called our brother and I can hear us crying over the phone.

We met and went to the hospital directly. We wanted to run and hug our mother but we can't. Only one person is allowed to enter there. We just waited at the morgue until our mother, my brother and our father was there. We cried a lot 😭😭😭😭.

I was able to read the text message of our mother so late that says:

Mga anak wala na si tatay ninyo. Patay na sya.

This is the most painful text I received throughout my life.

I think this is for now. Thank you for reading my story. At least, I was able to release some pain through writing.