Sometimes I think that kiss was a bad idea. Things became awkward between me and Jackson at school and he's been trying to avoid me for days now. He still talks to Samantha. They're okay but when it comes to school, I don't know how I'd approach him as Chloe. Sometimes I also don't know how to pretend everything is okay when I talk to him as Samantha. I never thought lying can be this hard. I never thought that pretending can make you feel so heartbroken and you can't even show it.
One night, I decided to ask him how things are doing between him and Chloe. He said they're fine. I asked him if they're still hanging out. He honestly said things became awkward with the both of them because of what happened. That he's so sorry he'd done such an inconsiderate thing for her and he's hesitant to talk to her about it. He also asked about us. If Chloe and I are talking and if we're okay. I told him not to worry and that Chloe and I are okay. I told him that he should talk to Chloe to straighten things up. I told him I don't want my two favorite persons to be awkward with each other. He didn't answer me and instead, he changed the topic.
The next day, I was walking down the halls at school when I heard someone yelling out my name-calling me. I know that voice. I recognize that voice. And as soon as I realized who owns the voice that's yelling out my name, I froze. I felt his hands grabbed my arm and hugged me. I was still frozen. Then he said my name gently. I remember how he used to do that. I was shocked. It's Justin! Why is he here? What is he doing here? I'm confused. We've been dating for over a year when we broke up. He needed to go abroad to help his mom get his sister to be sane with her breakup. He broke up with me saying he doesn't know if he'll come back and that he's not much a fan of LDR relationships.
I stood there, not able to move an inch. I barely remember how this feels. Then I glanced at someone that made me more confused about how I feel right now. I saw Jackson. He looked at us with slightly furrowed eyebrows. What made me more confused is his facial reaction when he saw us. I think he frowned but I don't know why. He stared at me for a second before he was called by his friends.
I came to my senses right after that. I asked Justin why he's here. He said her sister is now okay and that he's back here for good. He said he missed me. I should be happy, right? This was all that I wanted for months. I waited for him to come back. I dreamt of this for several months. But why am I not happy? Why do I feel like I'm confused and why am I having mixed emotions? Then I realized why. I know why. It's Jackson.
I know I still feel something with Justin. I loved him so much. I was devastated when he left. I was broken. I fought my way back to humanity. But I also feel something with Jackson. And I feel like we haven't really started yet. But then it made me realize that I don't even know if we'll really be together. I lied to him. I've been lying to him. I am still am. And I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. So I'm confused. I don't know who I want to be with. Be with someone I think I still love and have a lower risk of getting hurt or be with someone I like but has a greater risk of getting hurt, I don't know. Be Chloe in reality or be Samantha hiding behind lies and hope for the best. I don't know!
So-called Lover (I) | So-called Lover (II) | So-called Lover (III) |So-called Lover (IV) | So-called Lover (V)
Thanks for reaching! I was really busy at work and haven't got the time to write these past few days. So when I had the extra time, I finished this chapter. Thank you so much for reading this story! The next chapter will be up soon... hopefully..
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