Am I the only one?

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Avatar for Jayr
Written by
4 years ago

I am 50 years old and I am a recovering addict.I spent the last 35 years ruining my life.The mother of my 2 daughters committed suicide because of drugs.She stayed out all night and was so depressed and feeling guilty she stayed out that when I went through work she killed herself.2 of my best friends since we were children passed away from using drugs.Next my 11 month old son was killed by the babysitter.He died of a massive morphine overdose.The babysitter(my new girls Aunt)thought it was a good idea to put Morphine in his bottle everyday,hide him in the closet so know one knew she was babysitting because her husband told he they already had enough kids in the house.Then my parents.They didn't die because of drug addiction but Cancer.At the end both were so addicted to the pain medication that if the didn't have any it was worse then having the cancer.Then I got Kydney cancer.I never knew what pain killers were but I found out really quick.When they did my PARTIAL NEPHRECTOMY they had me on a 4 mg Dilaudid pump every ten minutes,a 100 microgram fentynol patch every 3 days,and a 30 mg Percocet every 6 hours.By the time I left the hospital I was hooked.Then for the next 10 years I was working as a full time opiate getter.ITS A FULL TIME JOB.I lost everything in the matter of months.The pills were to expensive so someone introduced Heroin.That was such a bad time.Igot involved in illegal activities like stealing n boosting.Opiates want to make you die if u don't have any.Believe me,withdrawal from opiates is TERRIBLE.Theres no way to explain it if u never felt itButtheres an upside to this.I woke up before it was to late for me but was it.I did so many stupid things,I got arrested,went to prison,got out and did the same things over n over until I had enough.I have three years totally clean and I'm very proud of that.But I messed my credentials up so bad I can't get a good job.I know it's my fault and shouldn't cry over spilt milk but answer me this.All the talk n forums and movements about equality for all why won't anyone give me the the of day.Im not that drugged out thief anymore,the DOCTORS at the hospital and my oncologist got me hooked on opiates.I was way overmedicated.All the different ways we are overley sensitive to EVERYTHING these days you would think that people will give second chances.I found out alot of people talking are just talking.I just want to let people know that there are VERY GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT HAVE MADE SOME BAD The judgement is outta control in this day and age.I just want to know.AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FEELS LIKE I CANT BE WHO I REALLY AM ANYMORE BECAUSE OF SOME MISTAKES I MADE.WHERES THE LOVE AND SUPPORT.ALLS I GET IS REJECTION AND DIRTY LOOKS.I had a disease that is just as hard as any to fight and defeat.I WILL ALWAYS BE A DECISION AWAY FROM RELAPSING BACK TO THAT DISEASE.IN CONCLUSION,IF we are a nation of movements and getting to the cause of the problem THEN WHY ARENT WE DEALING MORE WITH THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE.I NEED SUPPORT NOT CRITICISM.

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Avatar for Jayr
Written by
4 years ago

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