When I thought it’s Love

In our teenage years, we cannot deny the fact that we had experienced the so called “puppy love” right? I think most of us had this stage in our life were we able to meet someone whom we think we felt the true feeling of love but when we became matured and reminisced this things we just realized that it was just a mere love or just a puppy love as what we called it. Sometimes when we reminisced this past, we just smiled at it from the thought that we became crazy of it a little bit were in fact it’s unnecessary to do and feel. But still, we must say that this kind of experienced we had before made us more stronger, more aware and more matured on things like that.

So, I’m just going to reminisced some of my memories before when I had experienced this so called “puppy love” feeling.

When I was in high school, I am really focused on my studies were in fact I had a classmate before that always wanted me to be her girlfriend that time but I just ignored it. (charrr gandang-ganda sa sarili lol)

I ignored it because that time my mind was only set to graduate first in high school before anything else like having a boyfriend. Also, it wasn’t really in my mind that kind of things before because what I’m up to is to finished my studies in high school without having that boyfriend thing.

But, this so called "puppy love" started when I finished high school. Still, I'm a teenager that time and I was just 17 years old when I get involved into relationship with a guy whose 2 years older than me. I entered this said relationship from the thought of curiosity and of course I already graduated high school. But our relationship is not open or legal to my parents because my parents were strict at me that time and they don't want me to engaged in that thing because I'm just 17 years old. So, in other words my relationship with this guy is just between the two of us. Then since, we are just in the same place or barrio we able to meet secretly in some places or area in our barrio to talked on some nonsense thing.

Since I really wanted to have someone to know about our relationship before and I'm not really open to my parents also because I'm afraid that they will just scold me. So, my grandmother was the one who only knew about us because I told my grandmother that I'm in a relationship with this guy. With that, I was being advised with my grandma about love things and then I was thankful that time that she understands me and supports me at least that somehow made me happy. My grandma allow us to talked in her house, so we always meet at my grandma's house but when we talked my grandma is there talking with us too. So, it's the three of us talking. But, there was a time that my father without my knowledge already knows about us and he finds timing that he can actually capture us both. Then, that one night my father really caught us in my grandma's house while were talking. Of course my father's reaction that time were angry and he let me go home. When I got home my father confiscate my phone and he did broke it because he thought that it's because of texting or chatting through cellphone triggers me to enter in a relationship. My parents were really strict at me that time when it comes to that, and I still didn't listen to them.

When I was in my 1st year of college, my parents thought that I already left my boyfriend that time but I really did not left my boyfriend instead he let me borrowed his phone for us to still communicate through chats and texting. So, our kind of relationship lasts for almost 2 years, a 2 year secret relationship. Until one day, my boyfriend decided to go to Manila for work. That time when we had this long distance relationship (LDR) our relationship also got shady. I don't felt anything when he left and one time we argued on something and that made me a chance to left him. I don't know, I just felt that I don't have any sparks on him like they said fell out of love. But, that time I don't even sure if I really felt the love, all I felt is just to have someone to talked to intimately and nothing more. Also, what triggers me to finally left him is that I also found out that I was just being played by him too. I don't if it's true, because that was what my mother told me before.

This was the end of my fantasies before when I was a teenager. Actually, when he came back from Manila he still tried to approach me. But I didn't really feel anything for him already. That was the time I realized that, it's not LOVE at all. WHEN I THOUGHT IT'S LOVE, BUT IT'S NOT. INSTEAD A FANTASY OF MIND.

LOVE is a very special feeling that we can render to someone and get to someone. What I learned is that, when LOVE comes to you, the real Love and not the puppy love. This will surely change our perspective in life. Just like when I met my partner now, at first I though again that it's not love but at the end I realized that it is really the love that I want to give to him and of course I also felt it for the first with him. I find a genuine love that never sees my flaws instead accepting me for who I am and what I am.

Lastly, I must conclude that TRUE LOVE is truly unexpected but it will come to you in a perfect place and time. Never rush on love that you weren't sure of to avoid regrets in the end. Be patient. Then, when it comes, it will come. So, never let that love to just pass you by.

-end-

@Janz