Just Let Me Cry

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Avatar for Jane
Written by
2 years ago

January 23, 2022

Inside the four corners of the lavatory's cubicle, I was weeping in anger. I wanted to shout out loud and let this heavy feeling out. Why are there selfish people in this world? Why can't they consider my own feelings? Can they let me feel happy and free again? When can I regain my wisdom? I felt like I'm being caged inside a world that is too tough to escape from the burdens of life. They are getting heavier and heavier as days pass by and that makes them too hard to unload. 

"She's pregnant." Great! My sister is pregnant! She's still a student and the father of her child is also a student. Great! I wanted to scream!!!

I felt like lightning struck me when I heard those words. My mood was ruined, my hope fell. And what now? Until when will I be grinding and supporting others? When could I feel real freedom? When could I free myself from everything? So all I could think of is myself alone. Who else would help me carry these burdens? No one. They are all selfish!

Hatred lingers down my spine and a sense of frustration makes my blood boil. I wish I didn't hear those words that triggered my anxiety. I wish I could be apathetic and unconcerned about things around me and the people in my world. Can I just be a stone? Lifeless, emotionless, but hard to break. Because at this very moment, I think I would break. 

I just want to cry, cry, and cry until no more tears come out from me. Until this heavy feeling lessened or faded. I want to shout, can I even shout? I want to shut myself from this world for a while until I could no more feel the pain again. I just want to cry, just let me cry.

I wanted to run and escape from this world of responsibilities. Can I even run away from this world? Because anywhere I go, these burdens are still tucked on my shoulders. Or should I just elope and forget about these burdens? Until they feel the pain as well and realize how hard life is. So they could move their arses and grind for themselves. And I would be free for good.

But no, that's too impossible to forget everything and start with a clean slate in a new unfamiliar place. I wish I could be so hard and emotionless. I wish I could be just like that so I couldn't feel any pain. But I can only wish for that, because I'm just too fragile, emotional, selfless, and absorbing other responsibilities as my own. And I hate myself for being too responsible.

I hate myself for being so weak that all I know is to cry. But that's all I could do for now. So please pardon me.

Just let me cry...

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Avatar for Jane
Written by
2 years ago

Comments

Yan yong sinasabi ko kadalasan na wag puro sila ang isipin at baka sariling kapakanan mo na ang nakakaligtaan mo. I hope you feel better now after you cried out. Ang masasabi ko lang support your family with what you can not with all what you have. Sometimes letting them feel that you are upset is a manner to teach them how to improve themselves especially sa sis mo. Pero yong baby pagsilang nkakawala ng sama ng loob😁.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Ate jane!!!!! Okay lang magalit at umiyak. Karapatan mo yan lalo pa at ang tagal mo na din naghihirap para sa iba. Nakakarelate talaga ako sayo, kaya lang mga kapatid ko bata pa. Personal happiness vs. Walang katapusang responsibilities, Ang weird ng advice ko pero minsan kailangan mo din maging masaya, kailangan mo din matutunan limitahan. Wag lahat at wag lagi bigay ng bigay. Mauubos ka ate Jane. Mauupos na kandila. Maging vocal ka sa kanila, hindi lahat ng pagkakataon ikaw lang ang kailangan mag-adjust at umintindi. Okay lang maging emotionally tough, praying for you. Magiging maayos din lahat.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Cry until it hurts no more Ms. jane. Hugsss

$ 0.02
2 years ago

So sorry that you're feeling this way. It's okay if all you want to do right now is cry. It's not a sign of weakness to show emotions. But I believe for you that you will get through this and eventually be okay and be at peace with all that's going on.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Sending virtual hugs. You're not alone ate, we're all living in a world of responsibilities, kaya I feel your pain and disappointment. Much better if you cry it out loud, iyak ka lang hanggat sa gumaan na yung pakiramdam mo at mabawasan na yung hinanakit na nararamdaman mo. You've been through a lot, and we know you're way stronger than what we think you are. If only we can have a rest day from our responsibilities and only think for ourselves even just for days.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

This hurts a lot. I can remember my grandma when she knew I am pregnant. I am pretty sure she felt the same as you, ms.jane. hugsss!

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Juskoooo 😭. Ateeee Jane let me hug youu huhuhu. Sorry to read this. Grabeeee na feel nko ang pain and disappointment ateee. I don't know what to say. Pero siguro, you've done enough. Give what you can but not everything what you have. Di naman forever na ikaw kaakrga sa kanilang lahat. You also have a life to live and enjoy. It may sound selfish but ate, you deserve na i prioritize naman yung sarli mo. Ano bang iniisip nila? Huhu they are too young. Kahit man lang sana isipin nila yung mga taong nagsasakripisyo para sa kanila.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

We cant go too far from all these distractions, as they are part of us and we do care for them. Even if we try to ignore them, it can be done only upto a certain extent. Share your experience with someone you trust. May be that can lessen your burden. Prayers also helo us.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Oh my goodness, it is indeed hurting as they both are students. I am really sorry. Believe this hard time will pass, and everything will be fine soon. Be strong and anyways support them and guide them. She is your sister and she needs you and yours support.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

At some point, you, me and @Yen mirror each other in terms of family situation.. why can't we be selfish instead of them? Why we care too much and let carry all the burden? Grrrrrr!

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I open this to my husband last night and at some point medyo nag usap na kami at pinabasa ko sa kanya Yung mga comment sa article ko at parang naliwanagan Naman sya.. sinabi ko din Yung sayo at Yung Kay Jane..

$ 0.02
User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Hugs for you madam. Cry yourself out po until it felt okay even it still hurts for you knowing your sister in that situation. It's hard to feel the burden of feelings inside you jusy cry sis until you feel well. If I'm in the same situation I don't know if I could handle it I treasure my siblings a lot more than myself and if they did something that it isn't supposed to be what they doing in their age I will fume in anger and cry myself out but that's it we can't change what happens, happens. Cry your worries madam hugs for you.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I am really sorry to read this, sis. I know you are the most loving, caring and responsible daughter and sister and human soul there is, and you seem to carry the weight of the world, and you are strong, but take your time to weep, let go of the burdens in your heart and tomorrow, you will get up even stronger. It's okay to get tired, it doesn't mean you are weak. Take a break, sis. You deserve it... xoxoxo

$ 0.03
2 years ago

At some stage you will have to put yourself first ate... You've sacrificed a lot ,even more than most male child will do. You can still give constant support but don't put other needs before yours. It's hurts reading this, I feel your pain ate. Please stay strong 💚

$ 0.04
2 years ago

sending virtual hugs sis... it's not easy to be the breadwinner and receiving such notice, it is understandable that you feel that way... i hope your family can also consider your situation...

mahirap talaga maging panganay... I don't know why our culture makes our panganay as the hope of the family, it shouldn't be...

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Omg ate Janeeee. Let me hug you po. Okay lang pong umiyak walang masama sa pag iyak. Ramdam ko po yang nararamdaman niyo ngayon... mas maganda po siguro kung unahin mo din po muna ang sarili mo minsan po kasi may mga taong abusado e 🥺

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I don't know why most ladies will choose to cry over matters again and again... Most especially loved to be pardoned, it's just in the vein... Please be pardoned, just don't cry anymore but tear of joy and excitement alone.

Peace

OkanlaDavid

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I guess at some point this is how my eldest sister felt when my 3rd sister got pregnant at 20. Sending virtual hug to you po 🥺 sana po unahin nyo rin ang sarli nyo, sometimes we need to let people learn from their mistakes. Di naman po sa papabayan nyo na yung kapatid nyo pero siguro hindi na din 100% support like before so they can learn din po. Fighting po ateee

$ 0.03
2 years ago

If this is really happening to you right now, I will want you to be strong, I have a feeling you're the eldest and if you arent, I'm sure they all rely on you because they trust you, but I would advice you don't let things slide every time, talk out your frustration to them and let them understand how you feel, since they trust you, it will make them think twice before making a decision

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I understand that feeling well. My sister fell in love at the age of 15 with someone older than her. I don't listen to anyone's advice. At 16 I was already pregnant, at 21 I already had 3 children. Obviously, the studies were cut short. I have no choice but to support her.

Everything will be fine. She is your sister and she needs you.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Oo nooo Allah Apko dheer sari khushiyan dyy Ameen Suma Ameen aur dheer sari kamyabiyaan smaitooo Ameen Ap hamesha Khush raho Khushi ki batin Suno ye sub ap k liye han

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Sending you tight virtual hugs. It is totally okay to cry in this situation, it does not make you weak. Hopefully, your sister and the baby's father will step up and grind for their needs too instead of adding more responsibilities to you. I hope you find the strength, courage, and wisdom needed in this unexpected event.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

No, you are not weak, your actions are justified anyone who cares about family will react the same. Only time will show the answers to your problem no one can, Don't think about it too much. I suggest watching some web series so, just for some time you will forget and get relaxed.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hugs for you Jane, iiyak mo yan, ibuhos mo lahat. Alam ko napakahirap nyan sayo, malayo kapa naman sa family mo. Sana lng panindigan nila ang ginawa nilang buhay, anjan na eh, need iaccept. Pero wag iasa sayo.

College ba kapatid mo? Baka pwede sya mgpatuloy mg aral kahit preggy na. Pero need nila magdoble sipag at wag na iasa sayo. Hayss

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Wow! This is life. Responsibility will always come and we can´t run away from them, unless we just want to take our eyes off them. If you cry, it won´t stop the responsibilities or even reduce them, No, it won´t. You have to brace up and look up to God to help you with them. I am sorry for what happened as it has come as a shock and surprise to you. You can cry though but believe me, God will see you through.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Hugs... I don't know what to say, I am feeling the same way when my brother's partner got pregnant again, knowing that they're both irresponsible parents. But, yours is the worst kc puro minors, omg! Ano ba iniisip nila?

$ 0.02
2 years ago

it hurts to the bone.... don't hold back all what you feel release it all free yourself from the screams of your heart... I was also shocked to hear this even though I don't know your brother but as a friend I can also feel your pain.. maybe I can't help you now it's just a prayer, may this trial have a way out and pass quickly... may God be with you

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Words are wet in tears and broken soul is visible in paragraphs. Feeling bad after reading the story of your beloved sister. May Almighty God bless her & child a better future.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Cry it out Ate. Take your time to feel the anger, if that's what you're feeling. What's done is done, hindi na ma-uundo. What can you do? What's in your control? Sometimes naffrustrate tayo sa mga bagay bagay kasi they happened out of our control. Let them be. It's not your responsibility to support their family. They chose it. Panindigan nila. You've done enough. It's time for them to learn how to stand on their own.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

All of those tears are just sad sentiment , don't worry it will pass away soon all of your worries . That's the reality now students may engaged earlier in a relationship despite of being naive with the things about marriage.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I wanted to hug you right now🥺😔 I feel the pain inside of you. Your words full of screaming help within. Sisss please be strong. I know its hard for you now knowing that your sister is in this situation. I feel you because I have a sister as well that I don't want to happen in her life as long as she is still studying.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Hugging you. Oh dear! Please don't cry. Just please. I can't handle it. I know who you are. You just doing hard things single handedly. Only you know how much pressure is there. They just didn’t follow your path and made mistake. I'm sorry dear. Patting your shoulder. Please don't cry.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Sometimes we want to empathise with someone's problems but you can't deny how much they also affect you. If you feel like crying, then that's the right thing to do. This is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders and you have the right to express your emotions

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Just let the tears fall ate. I just hope ypur sister and her boyfriend finds way to earn para sa baby at ng di sila umasa sayo.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Cry Janey Janey, cry until lumuwag ang nasa dibdib mo. Nothing will change kahit magpakagalit ka, mas talagang mattrigger anxiety mo at maaaring pumirmi yan jan if you let it stay they longer. I know it's hard pero pilitin mo. And, they both adult na, don't just carry it alone. Di mo kailang pasanin lahat. They did it on on they own accord so let them be responsible on their own doings. Sila ang nagpasarap so bahala sila buhay nila. Wag lang silang iiyak sila pag naranasan na nila ang hirap ng pagiging isang magulang. Naiinis ako sa mga ganyang tao na walang ibang iniisip kundi sarili!.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Being too responsible is something which can make our life stressful in some cases. At that moment everyone would wish to be Lifeless, emotionles.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That is so heavy, my dear friend Jane. I could feel the strong emotions of despair. Cry and cry until it hurts no more. I know you are very disappointed of the unexpected event that is truly beyond your control because the dreams you have for her simply disappeared in just a blink especially that both of them are still studying and you are thinking of their future. So sad to hear about that. I could really feel how you love your sister and your family that you are very supportive in everything. Hold on my dear friend, Jane. Sending my prayers and cares to a dear friend with hopes that everything would be okay in His time.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

I understand the feeling, Crying would only make you get weak and exhausting. It is hard to overlook the feeling of giving your all to others when they don't even place a pinch of value on your struggles.

You don't have to become cold or hard hearted, you are born to spread happiness, influence life and those are few out of your purpose in the world. Don't stop being you and don't allow the selfish nature of some human to hinder you from changing lives.

I believe you will be happy after all, your sacrifices, efforts, labor, pains won't be in vain by God's grace. Love you sister.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

I think that you were crying while you were writing this Jane,, I can feel your frustrations, Naiyak tuloy ako.... Di ko alam pwede sabhin na ikagagaan ng pakiramdam mo.. Go on, iyak mo lang yan, mapagaan man lang nyan nararamdaman mo..

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I really feel bad for you madam. Di ko alam anong exact words to console you eh. Just take your time lang to breathe and mag isip2x.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Kacocomment mo palang sa article ko kanina na mukang mas stress ako sayo tapos biglang ganito madam haysss.

Ewan ko ba bakit may mga taong selfish tapos ikaw na Naman Yung bubuhat lahat ng burdens

$ 0.02
User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Sometimes crying refreshes the heart and the soul. We tend to feel stronger afterwards... We are humans, bottling up a lot of emotions could be detrimental.. It is OK to let it go once in a while ... May God continue to give you strength

$ 0.02
2 years ago

It is an emotional story, and you have drawn the feelings out through your texts.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

This will change your sister’s life. I just hope she is ready for motherhood. It is sad that this happened, but we all make mistakes.

But I think this is not totally your responsibility (although I don’t know your actual role in your family)

So anyways, you’d still have to support them since she is your sister. If you are really close to her, then this is the time she need you the most emotionally. Just let her know you’d always love and support her(this is very important)

I wish your sister and the baby best of luck. Geez.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Iiyak mo lang sis para lahit paano makabawas bigat sa nararamdaman mo,hirap ng buhay tiniis mo para sa maganda sanang kinabukasan.

Pati ako naiyak sis ,sige lang wala ka ng magagawa diyan e pray lng na maging okey ang lahat.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Cry and take the time. Sometimes crying wasn't for weak but for those people who are truly brave. Crying is sign that we are just normal people, we feel the pain, we gives the feeling of unbelong. When we cry we are being our self. So take your time to be yourself at those harmless time. Our soul needs that. 🥰

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Let it out, then. Crying will help you release the pain. But it is better if you have a friend there whom you can cry to.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I know how it feels sis. Crying won't solve your problems though, it will only weaken you, all I want you to do is to relax and keep believing. You'll pull through it. Just gotta believe

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Sending my warm hug Jane. Just cry if it will make you feel better. I can relate in your current situation now, I've been there. What I can say to you as of now , please prioritize yourself. Your own happiness. Sometimes we are drown into helping our familu which results of forgetting ourselves.😔

$ 0.02
2 years ago

It's actually okay to cry! If that's how you can express yourself based on the pain you're feeling then do it. Holding yourself back wouldn't help!

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I could feel the heaviness that you're feeling just by reading your words my friend Jane. You reminded me of the song that Luisa sang in Encanto movie. Sending comfort to your heart my friend.

$ 0.02
2 years ago