Why do we hide ourselves ?
In the course of life, we have questioned ourselves, have you been yourself. When it comes to being yourself, being yourself, it is often thought to be impossible because the phenomenon called surroundings prevents you from doing this. Otherwise, you are living the life that others want.
When people listen to what comes from their minds and live themselves, the society is under the delusion that it will go against values and be criticized. We are mistaken here. A person thinks that he is trying to live himself, but here again, the first thing he thinks about is society. Again, he started this process not from himself but from the society. The self that constitutes one's self begins first with the body. Knowing yourself is freedom, being unlimited. It is intelligence, it is intelligence, it is to be in balance. It is constantly changing. Sometimes it's the same thing. Being independent of time and place. It is energy, it is trust. To know me is to know the self. Being You is a unique awareness.
İnsan doğası ve yapısı gereği bencil bir varlık olarak yaşamını sürdürmekte kendi varlığı ile çakışan kendi varlığı ile mücadeleye giren insanlar bu yolda aslında kendini bulmaya çalışıyor. Ortalama 60 yıllık bir süreç de yaşama tutunan insan varlığı belirli rollere girerek yine kendine belirlediği sınırların içinde yaşamak adlı oyunu oynuyor .
Ben okurlara şu soruyu sormak istiyorum sen ne kadar kendinsin?
Ön yargıya bencilliğe ve egoistliğe sıkıştırılmış ruhunuzu serbest bırakmayı denemeyi red ediyoruz. Aslında varlığımızı bir amaca sürükledikçe aynı amaç doğrultusun da ruhumuzu bedenlerimize sıkıştırıyoruz. Şöyle bir kendi hayatlarınız düşünürseniz yaptığınız seçimleri inceleme şansınız olursa hayatınızda bulunan somut ve soyut her şeyin kendi çıkarlarınız doğrultunsa devam ettiğini göreceksiniz. Çoğu benlik ve kişilik kendine karşı olan yine aslında kendi yararına olabilecek seçimlere hayır diyerek hayatına bencilliğe teslim olmuş bir ruh olarak devam ediyor. Bunları size küçük örnekler ile açıklayacağım. Örneğin;
Dostluk duygusunu ele alacak olursak kişi seçeceği arkadaş konusunda hassasiyeti ön planda tutarak seçimler yapıyor. Eğer ki en yakın arkadaşınız en zor durumda yanında oldu iseniz ve daha sonra sıra size gelirse onu da yine zor zamanınızda yanınızda görmek istiyoruz aksi durumda ise duruma karşı tarafı ihanet etmiş gibi düşünüp üzülüyoruz. burada değinmek istediğim şudur ki yaptığımız her iyilik için bir karşılık bekliyoruz belki isteyerek belki istemeyerek. Bu aşk konusunda da keza böyle sürmekte aile konusunda da bir çok örnekleri kendi yaşantınızda çevrenizde ki yaşantılarınız da görebilirsiniz .
Ruhunuzu ne kadar çok beklenti içine sokarsanız o kadar çok yanıldığını göreceksiniz. İnsan doğası gereği duygusal yaklaşımlarda bulunabiliyor ama bunu karşılık beklemeden yapan insan sayısı çok az.
Başta da belirtmiş olduğum gibi belirli rollere – iyi arkadaş sadık bir aşık ailesine sorumluluklarını bilen bir çocuk vs vs – büründüğümüz için bencille yaklaşımlarda bulunuyoruz ve kendimize hangisi sensin sorusunu sormaktan kaçıyoruz. Eğer bundan sıyrıla bilirsek daha saydam düşünürsek hayata karşı duruşumuz da bir o kadar güçleniyor ve asıl mutluluğa ulaşıyoruz.
Peki şunu sormak istiyorum siz ne kadar kendinizsiniz ?
How healthy can sexless marriages last?
Are you experiencing the excitement of the first day with the person you love? Have your emotions diminished? Does the excitement you experience when you see this continue or has it become commonplace? You got married, You started sharing the same house, The time you spent together increased. Is everything okay.. Do all the pieces that complete the relationship fall into place, or are there still shortcomings?
What makes a relationship more than just a platonic friendship; physical intimacy and contact. It's natural for physical contact to have some ups and downs in marriages. However, some married couples may neglect or ignore the physical aspect of marriage or lose it altogether, especially after the child(s) are born. This usually indicates a marital problem that needs to be resolved.
Married couples can become roommates in romantic partner relationships without physical intimacy. If this is good for both parties, then there is no need to worry. But often, one or both spouses are disappointed and hurt by the lack of physical intimacy.
A sexless marriage is defined as a marriage with little or no sexual activity. It is estimated that about 2% of marriages fall into this category.
Reasons for Asexual Marriage
There can be many possible reasons for the decline or end of sexual intercourse in a marriage, from health to lifestyle factors.
1. Health Factors
The physical and mental health of individuals has a significant impact on their libido (sexual desire).
Some of these effects are:
Mismatched sexual libidos: Not everyone wants to have the same degree and/or amount of sex. Every individual's sexual desire has its natural ups and downs. When sexual desire and desire levels are not compatible between partners, it is natural for spouses to wait for each other to have sexual intercourse.
Childbirth: Women are generally advised by their doctors not to have sex for at least six to eight weeks after giving birth. In addition, the stress of caring for a baby after birth, changes in the body, fatigue and hormonal factors can also affect libido.
Stress: Excessive stress can cause sexual reluctance. In addition to the physical cause of the stress hormone cortisol lowering libido, the psychological effects of stress can make you so tired, worn out, and anxious that you run out of energy for sex.
Erectile dysfunction (ED): Difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection can make it difficult to have sex for many reasons. While ED is a common problem, it can affect a man's anxiety level, confidence, and self-esteem. Men who experience symptoms of ED should consult a doctor, as it may be a sign of an underlying health problem.
Sexual desire disorder (CIB): CIB (low sexual desire) is characterized by a lack or absence of fantasy, desire, and activity. In women, a number of factors can contribute to CIB, including menstrual cycles, use of hormonal contraceptives, childbirth, breastfeeding, hysterectomy, and menopause.
Medication side effects: Many medications have side effects on sexual function. Some medications that can cause sexual dysfunction include some decongestants, antihistamines, antidepressants, and high blood pressure medications.
Depression or other mental health problems: Depression symptoms (such as lack of energy, loss of interest and pleasure, social withdrawal, and depressed mood) are one factor that can affect a person's desire for sexual and physical intimacy.
History of sexual abuse: The current and future relationships of the person who has been sexually abused in the past may be affected. Emotional reactions such as fear, embarrassment, post-traumatic stress can seriously affect a person's sex life.
2. Communication and relationship issues
It can be difficult to maintain sexuality when you are in conflict with your partner. You may not even be willing to talk to your partner at times like these, let alone sex. Some factors that can contribute to this problem include:
Communication problems
Relationship conflict and arguments
Negative emotions such as anger or resentment towards your partner
Sexual punishment or passive aggressive sexual withdrawal
Cheat
power struggles
pornography addiction
Research shows that some of the most common problems that cause problems in marriages are; separate personal developments, poor communication, differences in tastes and financial problems.
3. Lifestyle and personal factors
There are several life factors that can play a role in how often partners have sexual intercourse with each other.
Some of those;
Boring
Tiredness
sadness, grief
job loss
financial problems
Aging
body image issues
Michele Weiner Davis, author of "Sex-Hungry Marriages," explains why sexless marriages with little or no sexual activity can be such a problem:
"It's when one partner desperately wants more contact, more physical intimacy, more sex, while the other partner goes: 'What's wrong with you? What's there to do with so much trouble?' Such approaches cause a great disconnect in their relationships. This causes a decrease in physical and spiritual intimacy in the relationship. In fact, it is about the spouse whose needs are not met, wanting to feel really wanted, loved and valued."
Davis says that not meeting a spouse's physical and spiritual needs can put that marriage at risk.
Solutions to asexual marriage
The first step is to recognize the signs of a sexless marriage and determine if lack of sex is a problem for your marriage. Whether a marriage with little or no sexual activity is a problem is entirely up to you and your partner.
Don't try to compare your marriage to others because every relationship is unique. For this reason, there is no such thing as the "right" amount of sex in a marriage. What matters is whether you have physical and emotional intimacy in your marriage.
1. Communicate
Talk to your partner about the problem of little or no sex in your marriage. It can be difficult, but this communication is necessary. Remember that even strong relationships can have sexual and intimacy issues. This is not a sign that your marriage is weak or in danger. It just means you need to communicate more and spend more time together with your partner.
If you need help with how to talk to your partner, how to handle the issue, you can consult a therapist for healthy ideas. It's important to make sure your partner doesn't feel attacked or blamed and keep this conversation positive.
Remember, every marriage is different. You should work with your partner to identify the needs of your relationship. Don't try to meet other people's or you's supposed "normal" needs. Talk about what you and your partner want, need and expect. Then work on these with your partner.
During this talk, aim to identify ways that you think can both rekindle your sex life. Exchange will only work if you both approve and agree to work together.
2. Focus on building intimacy
If you've decided you want to have more sex, date each other for sex. This may not sound romantic, but if done right, it can be exciting and special. Dating gives you something to look forward to. It increases your commitment to each other and to your physical relationship.
Beyond sex, it's also important to explore other ways to rebuild the physical and spiritual bond of intimacy that is often lost in marriages. Physical intimacy doesn't just include sex.
Make an effort to renew your love and re-create the spark you had in the beginning. Being close, both emotionally and physically, is an important part of a healthy relationship. Spending more time together (whether cuddling on the couch watching TV or massaging each other) builds a fundamental intimacy.
Other intimacy building activities you can try include:
Try a new activity together
Do physical activities such as going for a walk together or attending a yoga class.
Plan a vacation or getaway
Plan a "vacation" at home
Go on a date with your spouse.
3. Get professional help
It is important to consult your doctor to control medical factors that may affect your sex life.
Depending on the underlying spiritual and relational causes, seeking help from a professional may be a good option. You can get individual or couple support from your therapist to improve communication skills or learn stress management techniques.
You may want to consult a professional who focuses on marital sexual issues, such as a sex therapist. Your therapist will work with you to resolve the causes of intimacy problems and the individual factors that may play a role in your relationship.
Next steps
If your spouse does not accept that there is a problem in your marriage and does not want to change the situation, you will have to decide whether you can continue with a marriage with little or no sex. Don't make the decision to be unfaithful to your partner in frustration. Instead, start communicating to find ways to find the closeness you both need.
Interesting Aspects of Dreaming
Most of us wake up screaming from our sleep. When we wake up with a terrible dream. Or if we dream beautiful things, we don't want to wake up at all, we try to go back to sleep to continue the dream.
Sometimes just as we fall asleep, we fall out of bed and wake up with a jump. Everyone has experienced this. Isn't that interesting?
We tell these dreams, good or bad, to our environment, sometimes we try to interpret them. Does it really make sense or is it a clever memory from our subconscious?
More interestingly, we narrate this dream for hours as if we had it all night, but we only see it for a few seconds. A little research would be nice.
We're All Dreaming
Whether we remember our REM adventures or not, we all actually dream. A study conducted in 2015; revealed that although people claim that they do not dream, they do not actually remember their dreams. However, there is some neurological basis for not remembering dreams. A study in 2014; revealed that REM activity in the brains of people who claim not to dream is slightly different.
If You Watch Black and White Television, You Can Have Black and White Dreams
A 1942 study revealed that people have black and white dreams. Of the 277 university students who participated in the study, 71% stated that they rarely had colored dreams. In 2001, researchers repeated the same study once more, finding that only 18% of participants reported having black-and-white dreams. In 2008, British scientists; They set out to investigate why some people dream in shades of gray and found that people who watched black-and-white movies as a child were more likely to have colorless dreams throughout their lives.
REM Dreams Are More Aggressive
Dreams are not only seen in the REM stage, but REM and non-REM dreams have qualitative differences. A study conducted; showed that people see more socially friendly relationships in non-REM dreams, but aggression increases as soon as the REM phase begins.
Gun Users Are More Prone to Violent Dreams
Is it possible to be exposed to violence infiltrating your subconscious? A study comparing Canadian soldiers with people addicted to Call of Duty and other violent games; revealed that soldiers had more frequent violent dreams than game addicts.
Women Have More Nightmares Than Men
Or the reports want us to believe it. According to a study; this gender-based condition begins around age 10. Okay but why? This situation; It is interpreted as the higher frequency of women being better at remembering dreams and showing high neurotic levels, a trait compatible with having nightmares. In particular, women who stay up late at night have more nightmares than women who wake up early in the morning. A study done; It shows that the link between having nightmares and staying awake until late at night is most common between the ages of 20 and 29.
Pregnant Women Have Freak Dreams More Often
Compared to non-pregnant women, expectant women; they have more bad dreams, especially in the ninth month of their pregnancy. A study done; It was found that expectant mothers had a poor quality sleep period in the last period of their pregnancy, which could lead to nightmares. When looking at the whole society; Our dreams contain more negative emotions than positive ones.
We Have the Ability to Observe What a Dreamer Is Seeing
It may sound like science fiction, but it's true. In 2013, scientists discovered that using fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) can track what people see in their dreams. Whether we are asleep or awake, patterns of brain activity correspond to the same mental images. So, by observing, for example, the brain activity of conscious people who dream of red apples, scientists can work on timid thoughts and figure out who is lost in "red" fantasies.
Fragrance Shapes Our Dreams
Since our sense of smell is mostly closed during sleep, we rely on fire alarms to prevent fires. But according to a study conducted in 2008; Oddly enough, smells affect the emotional mood of our dreams. German researchers found that people exposed to the smell of rotten eggs had more negative dreams, while people exposed to aromatic scents had sweeter dreams.
Why Do We Dream?
This leads us to the question of what exactly the purpose of dreams is. No one has made a point-blank explanation for this situation, but there are various theories on the subject. Some theories focus only on the physiological aspect of the event and believe that dreams are simply the manifestation of our brain activity during our sleep. It has no more meaning to them, that is, our dreams have no real purpose.
Other theories focus on the more psychological aspects of dreams. According to Sigmund Freud, dreams help people do things they cannot do while awake. So, Freud says that our dreams help us to reveal our hidden passions. Carl Jung, on the other hand, believes that our dreams are the same thoughts we have when we are awake.
Freud and Jung put forward these theories in the Victorian Age. But today, many psychologists adopt a theory of bridging the psychological and neurological aspects of dreams. In 1973, Allan Hobson and Robert McCarley; They focused on the hypothesis that "dreams are the result of random electrical stimulations of the brain". Hobson and McCarley argued that dreams are images of our experiences stored in our memory. However, these random electrical impulses are not consistent with all stories, but are a series of fragmentary images. While a person is awake, the brain takes these fragmentary images and creates a meaningful whole story from them.
Love or trust, who will win this race?
We humans need to love and be loved from the moment we are born. Just as eating and drinking are our bodily needs, loving and being loved is an indispensable need of our soul. Another important emotion is trust. Trusting and being able to trust is a phenomenon that will make us feel good throughout life. Which is important to our relationships, which do we give priority to? Can a correct ratio be established? A relationship starts with love first, then progresses in the embrace of trust. I think love starts the race first. Love comes first before trust. The feeling of love is the emotion that takes us under its influence at the first moment. The heart beats so fast that the eye becomes so blind that we focus on one emotion. Trust is entrusting yourself to the other person. Without trust, you cannot reveal your ideas, your thoughts, in short, the real you. Even though you have love, if there is not enough trust, chaos and unhappiness will prevail in that relationship after a certain period of time. If you love but don't trust, you will always have a relationship on the edge and you will get tired of loving over time.
We would not be wrong if we guessed that ninety percent of the poems read, movies watched or music listened to are about love or love-related topics. Really it is. In fact, the subject of love is our weakest point. No matter how smart we are, we all succumb to this feeling. It's our blindest spot. Perhaps it is a sublime feeling that separates us from animality. While some of us see it as a flaw and describe it as a weakness, some of us see it as a blessing. Whether it is true or not, I will not deal in this article. There is another different window. I want to show it to you.
Love is perhaps the easiest and best selling emotion in the world of media. People have a special weakness for love. To love and be loved is a human need. If we are different from the robot, it is because of our feelings. But there is more than just love. It's also to trust. I'm starting to think that love is oversold now. People everywhere are looking for true love. Dozens of people try to find their soul mate. However, like every human love, it ends in frustration. The reason is press and broadcast. However, real life is not like that. In real life, the feeling of trust comes above all emotions. You can communicate as much as you trust. The more you trust the other person, the more you open yourself up to him. Not the person you love! You can truly love a person with all your heart. However, if you have trust problems in your mind, you will never be able to walk on the same path as that person. You may think that you can trust the person you love, but not always :) If he lied or cheated on you, you will continue to love him, but once your trust has been shaken. There is also the opposite of this. People you don't like but trust. Maybe you even hate it, but you can do business with him because you trust him. There are many examples of this in the business world.
Trust is better than love, friends. Love or romance can be deceiving sometimes. Remember that all love ends. Love usually does not end instantly, but it is a feeling that gradually decreases. But trust is different. Trust can be broken with a simple lie. The feeling of trust is to entrust yourself to the other person. If you don't trust a person, you can never be with them for long. It is necessary to guess how big consequences even a small lie will have. In short, being an honest person is more important than being in love. If there are two feelings, it would be nice, but if one is missing, let's go back and read this article and think about it :) To give a very simple concrete example, people do not end their marriages because of lack of love. In fact, in most marriages, that love turns into a little more respect over time. But when it comes to cheating, trust ends first, then marriage ends. Also, friends, etc. This also applies to our relationships with all people.
Have you ever experienced Mobbing??
When starting a new job, a person takes steps with thoughts such as lots of questions, anxiety, fear of getting used to, and anxiety about success. Or can you imagine the uncertainties when a child is just starting school? Have you ever experienced the feeling of foreignness when you just moved to your street? While people feed these negative feelings, they sometimes expect support. So what do bad people do against their fear instead of support, It's just bullying! Let's come to how we can cope with the pressure of mobbing that we may encounter at every stage of life. Let's deal with mobbing that we may encounter in our business life today.
The concept of mobbing, or mobbing, which has been used for business life since the 1990s; It refers to repetitive and long-term psychological harassment behaviors that are made for a person or group to leave the job. Mobbing, which is a set of systematic and hostile behaviors; It can occur in a wide variety of forms, such as exclusion, humiliation or intimidation, and can occur frequently in almost any workplace.
In particular, job descriptions are unclear and cooperation is weak; In addition to these, intimidation behavior, which is fed by the high competition and workload and the low working conditions, may lead to punishing the person and leaving him alone in the group. Then, with the intervention of the workplace management, which is completely unconscious in this regard or uses the strategy of intimidation for competition, the exposure to psychological violence may increase even more. A person's job-related skills may be negatively evaluated, constantly searched for fault, or criticized for personal characteristics. In addition, the person's reactions to the mobbing behavior are exaggerated or inappropriate, and the person can be described with definitions such as 'paranoid' or 'too sensitive'. In the end, he may be forced to resign from the job or be dismissed by the management due to his already reduced work efficiency.
*Causes of Mobbing*
The causes of mobbing can vary greatly. Sometimes, mobbing may be used to reduce the performance of the person who is in a better position professionally or to leave the workplace. However, it can sometimes be used by managers to increase employee performance. Employees may be exposed to the constant threat of unemployment and competition with other employees despite doing their job well. Sometimes just for personal reasons, for example; They may use intimidation because the aggressors enjoy these actions or because some group dynamics are desired to remain dominant. E.g; Persistent humiliation and exclusion of the dominant group in the workplace towards those who do not support a certain team has nothing to do with job description or performance. They simply want that group trait to continue as a dominant value.
*Mobbing Behaviors*
Exemplifying some common mobbing behaviors can make it easier to recognize mobbing when it is encountered:
Using offensive, offensive, or unpleasant language
Using sarcastic voices and nicknames when communicating
Not taking the person's ideas and suggestions seriously
Not helping the person with their problems, not keeping them informed of work-related changes
Moving the person's work area away from other groups, causing harm, keeping the intimidated person away from social activities
Starting gossip to humiliate the person
Constantly criticizing and finding deficient in every job a person does
Making fun of a person's personality or appearance
The Effects of Mobbing on Victims
People may be chosen as victims because of their differences such as age, gender, ethnicity or religion, sometimes because they are inexperienced or successful at work, or because they have positive characteristics that stand out in the group, such as physical attractiveness. Victims may experience one or more of the following effects:
People whose job performance generally decreases due to bullying behavior may see themselves as unsuccessful and inadequate. Even if they describe their work-related skills as part of their identity, they may suffer from this situation; They may begin to doubt themselves. E.g; they may feel the need to check their jobs, which they used to be confident and satisfied with, over and over again. Thinking that they are now unsuccessful in the jobs they were proud to be able to do before can make them unhappy.
Their self-confidence may be damaged, their insecurity may cause a general state of indecision and they may avoid taking responsibility for any issue. On the contrary, they may see themselves as responsible for everything that goes wrong.
They may not want to go to work and so they may start taking time off. They may be dismissed due to long periods of absence from work, or they may resign themselves due to reduced workplace commitment and the problems they experience.
They may show depressive symptoms such as not enjoying life, reluctance, intimidation, and difficulty concentrating.
An increase in stress and, accordingly, activation of the sympathetic nervous system may occur. Heart rate and breathing may accelerate. People can feel very excited and alert at any time.
May experience loss of physical strength, muscle and joint pain; As a result, they may experience chronic fatigue.
They may experience problems with their digestive systems and some eating disorders.
*How can we deal with mobbing?*
In order to eliminate this problem, which is extremely common in workplaces, solutions produced by legal organizations, unions and individuals are needed. Here, some suggestions that can only be made individually when mobbing is encountered will be given. These recommendations can be divided into three phases:
The first of these is that mobbing behaviors have not yet fully emerged; but it is the stage when some signs appear. It is important to be able to define the indicators of mobbing behavior, which can also be done implicitly here, and to determine what the workplace can do institutionally, in order to decide how to proceed. In addition, drawing the boundaries clearly without acting timidly or aggressively against the mobbing behavior that manifests itself in the form of small interventions and 'jokes' can prevent the growth of this behavior.
It is possible to consider the mobbing behavior becoming visible and settling as the second phase. At this stage, keeping evidence such as e-mails, messages, or testimonies of people who were around at that time in writing, can help both to review the events and to establish evidence against the attacker. While doing these, establishing good relations with the environment, being aware of their legal rights and personal needs rather than being isolated can help one to maintain self-confidence and job performance.
The last stage is when mobbing behaviors and the work environment become unbearable. Even if the experiences are very challenging, it can be reassuring to think that you have control over your own life and know that there are still things you can do to solve the problem. Consulting a specialist for psychological help can help to analyze the situation and solution proposals. As a result, a healthier decision can be taken. In the process, first taking leave from work and then leaving the job after finding a new job, if it is foreseen that the problems will continue, may be a solution. In addition, it may be preferable to resort to legal processes. Finally, living through the emotional and perhaps financial losses experienced throughout this whole process and allocating enough time to this may allow the process to be overcome in a healthier way and a fresh start can be made in the future.
Do you realize how successful you are?
When we reach our goal, we consider ourselves successful. So, is understanding that we are successful limited to this feeling? Generally, we consider ourselves successful when we achieve our goals. However, the definition and scope of success is not limited to this. You can also be successful in very small details of life and thus increase your own motivation.
Most people define success simply by what they have. For them, having a good house, a good car and living comfortably means being successful.
Of course, material gain is important because staying below a certain income is miserable. Having no money to feed one's stomach means crawling. It is not possible for a person living in bad conditions to talk about success or happiness. But making money isn't the only measure of success. Although having a high income offers a comfortable life, there are more valuable and important issues in life.
The author who best describes how successful a person is in life and how to measure it is Harvard Business School professor Clayton Christensen. According to Chirstensen, there are 9 steps to living and measuring a successful life:
1- As a first step, one must realize what motivates him in life.
For example, if a person who enjoys discovering new places and meeting new people - just because he has a higher income - confines himself to a desk job, he will experience great dissatisfaction. Therefore, finding one's passion is more important than finding a job. First of all, one has to find out what motivates him.
2- Second, a person must set a goal for himself and move forward in line with this goal. In order to be successful, it is essential for a person to stick to the goal he has determined and the path (strategy) that will lead to this goal, despite the difficulties and obstacles that come his way. Because success cannot be achieved without perseverance.
But there are situations when the account at home does not fit the market. Sometimes life throws up such obstacles that it is impossible to overcome them. In such a situation, insisting on the same strategy for the same goal is a waste of resources. As Seneca said, "We may not be able to determine the direction of the wind, but we can change the direction of our ship by adjusting our sails to the wind."
Therefore, every person should try new ways when necessary. When there are very important changes in the conditions he is in or when he comes across very valuable opportunities, every person can set new goals for himself and new ways to reach this goal.
Although it may seem contradictory, in order to be successful, it is necessary to be a determined and patient idealist on the one hand, and a realist who accepts life as it is on the other.
3- The third issue that Christensen recommends we pay attention to is managing the resources we have effectively.
Human resources are not just monetary resources. Humans have resources such as health, time, abilities, knowledge, experience, friends and social relationships.
Most people spend days or even years wasting their most important resource, time. In order for a person to reach the goal he has set for himself, he must effectively mobilize not only his time but also all his resources. Only in this way can he get the chance to reach the goal.
4- The fourth is the time that a person spares for his family and friends. A person is happy to the extent that he spends enough time with his loved ones and spends full time with them. While most people are trying to make a place for themselves in life, to reach a goal, they ignore their loved ones and neglect them.
5- Fifth is the development of human empathy. In both private and business relationships, a person should always act by putting himself in the other person's shoes.
If a person can understand the perspectives of the people with whom he is in a relationship and look at life through their eyes, it opens the doors to being both very successful and very happy.
6- The sixth is to raise one's children correctly. I think the most important responsibility of a person in life - if any - is to educate his children. Every parent has to ensure the physical and mental development of their children within their means, as well as support their spiritual maturation.
Raising children who can stand on their own feet, solve their own problems and improve themselves is one of the most important criteria of being successful in life.
7- In order to be successful, a person must both have certain values and act in accordance with these values.
The abstract concept we call “values” is actually the compass behind our daily decisions. For example, a person who adopts honesty as a value prefers to tell the truth when faced with the dilemma of "making money-hiding the truth". The person who cares about making money does the opposite.
Determining what a person's values are is the starting point. But it is not enough to determine one's values alone. The main thing is to show the determination to apply the values that people embrace without compromising.
The fact that a person behaves in accordance with the values he has chosen as a compass makes him a person who appears as he is, as Mevlana says. Achieving this level is one of the most important measures of success in life.
8- According to Christensen, a very important issue in managing our lives is to be humble. Most people unconsciously walk around with an inflated ego. An inflated ego not only causes one to like himself or exaggerate what he has done, but worse than that, it causes him to devalue and underestimate others.
Being humble is a sign of self-confidence. Moreover, being humble means admitting that one does not know everything and opens the door to learning new things. People with high self-confidence are open to learning regardless of their age or position. People with low self-confidence, on the other hand, miss the opportunity to learn and develop out of fear of being superior to others.
9- As a result of all these, the real measure of a person's success is the benefit he provides to other people, rather than where he has reached himself.
According to Christensen, the measure of a person's success is not the money he has earned or the fame he has achieved, but how much he has contributed positively to other people's lives.
Charles Handy said, “A tombstone showing how many millions of dollars a person in the ground has earned won't impress any of the passers-by. What matters is what he does with the millions he earns.”
There is no value in making a lot of money or being very famous if a person does not make a positive contribution to their family, the people they love, a worthy cause, or the people in need.
True wealth is the positive difference one makes in the lives of others.
@Humanpsychology
