Me Against Myself

My greatest enemy in life is myself...

Yhel Risilas POV

I'm Alone walking the dark road, narrow and with a strange smell. I went to a door and I'm my surprise when I saw myself hanging and bloody, I ran to the door but it suddenly closed. I couldn’t get out, it was dark, scary. Suddenly someone spoke that caused me to shout.

“AHH !!! STOP!!" I woke up immediately to hear the voice. He is already in my room.

“Yhel, listen to me! Your life is a mistake you should not have lived and formed in this world, you will only suffer if you will continue to live! Everyone doesn't like you, you're embarrassed you won't win at all. You are weak, unable to fight. Do you think your life will be better if you continue? No, it won't , everything will just be meserable to you. There's nothing you can do in this world because you're a weak woman who doesn't know how to fight yourself to others, so why do you continue if you're just going to fall, end everything, just end your life Yhel !! ” said the woman, which was the same as my voice.

"No, I won't listen to you, just let me go!!!" I shouted as I covered my ears with both hands and pressed against the side of my bed. I heard someone calling my name. I screamed!

"Stop! stop me!! ” I shouted.

“Yhel! Hey! It's me, Gino ”said a voice. I turned in front of me, there was a man in front of me and holding my shoulder.

"Gino?" I said. I felt his caress my cheek.

“I’m here Yhel, it’s me. You don't need to be afraid. ” he said.

I hugged him. He led me to the bed, but I still wouldn't take my hug away from him. He sat on my bed while I hugged him.

"Shh hush now, I'm here, you need to take a rest Yhel" he said,he laid me on the bed and hugged me. He would have stood up properly when I stopped him.

"Please stay, I don't want to be alone here." please. He nodded before sitting down again.

"You need to go to a psychiatrist, Yhel." he said while gently stroking my hair.

“Hmm, I’m afraid, I can’t control myself everytime I hear her voice, the pain, sorrow and loneliness in her voice I feel it. Its just like mine, she feel what I feel. ” I said to him. He smile to me.

"Your gonna be okay, I'm here you don't need to be afraid Yhel, I'm always here by your side baby, so sleep now take a rest." he said. He adjusted the blanket and leaned over me. He hug me like his protecting me in anything, I hugged him back, I feel safe and comfortable to his arms. Slowly as I wrapped up in drowsiness, I felt him kiss me on the forehead.

"Sleep now Yhel, I love you!" he said before I finally fell asleep.

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The next day he accompanied me to the hospital where I would see a psychiatrist.

"Ms. Risilas, have you been experiencing this for a long time?" doctor's promise.

"It's been a long time, but I just now went to the doctor." my answer.

"Based on the result, you are having hallucinations as well as your trauma, the words you have heard in past events come back." said the doctor.

"I often hear a voice like me, she says what people say to me, from my parents my siblings and my friends." I said.

“ Trauma dominates your mind, hurtful words that you keep hiding in your heart and mind so you also have hallucinations. Ms.Risilas, you just need to forget the past and build beautiful memories and activities. Make positive things that are negative for you, have the courage to speak up for your rights. Learn to fight Yhel.” doctor's promise.

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After a month of therapy, here I am today.

"Gino, I did it!" I ran into him while saying those words.

"Gino you don't need to worry now about me, I'm okay now, you just need to rest there!" I said as I laid the flower and lit the candle at his grave.

Two years since he died because of the car accident that happened to us, he died because of protecting me. The hallucinations helped me to see him and he gave me courage. I did it.

We need to speak our self!

Don't be afraid to tell what you feel!

Leave the past and make a present!

Be strong in every battle, you can win it.

Me against myself is hard, having mental disorder is difficult but you can cope up to that.

Be Positive!

FIGHTING!

Thank You For Reading and Don't Forget That

I LOVE YOU !!!

—Herzy—