I'm Back
Hi everyone here at read.cash community. I'm thankful to the Lord that we all survive the year of 2020 with much of troubles and struggles.
How are you all? Did you guys have move on? and are ready for this year 2021? How is your personal life? How is your family? How is your spiritual life? How did you fight and survive against crisis? It's my prayer that you all are safe and moving forward, even to all that has been going around. May the Lord Almighty will give you the knowledge to know what is best for you and to your family as well.
I'm back as I promised. This is a good timing to start anew. I'm not sure if all of my friends, subscribers or followers are still here in this time. It's been a month or so, I have not actively working on read.cash due to my busy schedules.
It's good that I got my new cp, that I could use now for read.cash and noise.cash.
So what now? Is the Robot Rewarder that we keep our eye on guard to where he is now giving tips, is also ready not only to my account but to all of us. So that our journey this 2021 will be worth it. Anyways, let's keep moving. As it is my passion writing although, I never become good and professional to this but I thank read.cash for giving me such opportunity.
To all of my followers, I promise to do my best to be more and better determine in my writings this 2021. To my co-writers here at read.cash let's get it on.
Lastly, I would like to say thank you for all my friends here, not only because we are writers but also because we are people with real life and real problem. But let us continue to uphold the things that would help this platform a good and meaningful one. This all for now. God bless, see you little later.
Let's have a coffee
Hari
Blessings
Part 1: The Second Coming
While the term "second coming" is not found in the New Testament, it appeared early in Christian writings. It was used as early as the middle of the second century and perhaps earlier. Justin Martyr, in his First Apology (dated between A.D.147 and 161), speaks of "two advents".... the second, when, according to prophecy, He shall come from heaven with glory, accompanied by his angelic hosts, when also He shall raise the bodies of all men who have lived, and shall clothe those of the worthy with immortality and shall send those of the wicked, endued with eternal sensibility into everlasting fire with the wicked devils." In other places in the writings of Justin the term was used to refer to the coming of Christ at the end of the world in contrast to his earthly life and ministry which closed with the crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension.
The doctrine of the second coming occupied a very prominent place in the New Testament and in early Christian thinking. It was one of the teachings of Jesus which was most precious to the followers left in the world when he ascended to the Father. Because of the fact that the material in the Gospels relates primarily to the earthly life and ministry of Jesus, the references to his second coming are relatively few. They are, however, sufficient and specific. Following the ascension of Jesus, because of his own promise to return and because of the promise of the heavenly messengers to those who witnessed the ascension, the followers of Jesus made much of the promise of his return. Their faith is reflected in the preaching and the writings of the apostles. This emphasis extended beyond the period of the writings of the New Testament; Christian literature of the second century reflects the acceptance of the teaching of the Lord's return and of the Christian hope in relationship to it.
In spite of the fact that the teaching has been precious to Christian hearts from the very beginning, great confusion has reigned historically and now reigns currently in the discussion of the doctrine. Doubtless this is true because of man's intense longing to know the details of the future of the world in relationship to the redemptive purposes of God. It is due in part, too, to the fact that little is given in the New Testament concerning the time of the second coming other than the idea of imminence; few details of what will take place at the Lord's return are given, other than the fact that it will mean resurrection, judgment, and the consummation of God's purpose for the world.
When men accept the New Testament teaching that when the Lord returns he will raise the dead, hold the final judgment of men, and establish the eternal order, there is general agreement and little confusion. When, however, men try to determine the events related to the Lord's return in more specific ways, confusion reigns. Because this has been the history of the doctrine, many Christians have neglected to give it the proper emphasis.
It is easy to take the approach that since so little can be known from the New Testament a Christian must be satisfied to leave all of that to the future and to concentrate on what Christ can mean to men in this world. While that may appear to be worthy, it leaves something lacking if it ignores what is in the New Testament regarding the second coming. On the other hand, it is evident that many have overemphasized the future. They have given an emphasis out of proportion to the place which the doctrine occupies in the New Testament. Undue emphasis has been given, too, in many instances, to an effort to determine the detailed events related to the Lord's return. It therefore appears all the more important that the subject be approached in the light of two questions: What are the New Testament passages which relate to the second coming? What do they reveal about the doctrine?
When the investigator attempts to make out a systematic program, great difficulty is involved. No one of the so-called systematic approaches to the subject is free of difficulties. Not one of them appears to have all the evidence clearly on its side. It appears, then, that the Lord must have meant for the teaching to be just as it is. He did not mean for men to have all of the details of his purpose for the future. If he had, surely the details would have been given in clearer fashion. That which Christians need to know, they do know: The Lord has promised to return to the earth; in connection with his return he wikk raise the dead and transform the living; he will exercise final judgment upon the deeds of men and their response to the offer of his mercy through his redemptive work; he will bring an end to the present world order and establish the eternal order for the glory of those who are his and the degradation of those who are not his. This much is clear. On these points most interpreters agree. It is when the details are pressed that difficulties become mountainous and confusion reigns.
A specific definition of the term "second coming" must be given. There have been various interpretations of the Lord's promise to return. Some have thought that the promise was fulfilled in the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. Others have seen fulfilment in the destruction of Jerusalem in A.D. 70. This was interpreted at a very early date as the coming of Christ in judgment upon the nation of Israel for their rejection of him as Messiah. It brought to an end their religious system, of which Jesus had been the fulfillment, though they had not accepted him as such. Still others find the Lord's promise to return to be related only to his coming to receive the believer at the point of death. When Stephen was stoned to death, he saw the living Christ standing ready to receive him. The emphasis in the Gospels, in Acts, in the Epistles, and in Revelation, however, is on a personal, visible, and triumphant return of Christ to the earth to consummate the purpose of God in history and to usher in the eternal order.
The verb that is used most often in the New Testament for the Lord's return literally means: "I come." It is the one that Jesus used in Matthew 24-25 when he spoke of the coming of worldly masters after a journey. He used these illustrations to speak of his own coming.
Let's have a coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Hi everyone. How are you all? I know the journey of 2020 is very tough, but I will try my best in 2021 to achieve generosity in every aspects. As I have not done it the past year.
Happy new year...I spend the remaining amount in my wallet to support other writers and I also pledge.
God bless...lets journey again in 2021 with optimism spirit.
Chronology of the Infant
The first few years of a child's life are filled with new learning experiences. First the infant must learn how to express his hunger and comfort needs. Crying may work so successfully that he learns to use this communication technique in gaining additional attention. Each child develops differently, but all experience continual growth and development and need adequate nourishment.
The newborn infant had experienced a stable environment before birth. Now he comes to depend on the people in his new environment to meet his basic needs. He cannot tell those around him what he needs; he can cry and his crying must be interpreted. At first, the infant does not have a hunger rhythm since prenatal nourishment was continuous through the placenta. After two or three weeks, the hunger demands begin to form a more regular pattern. The infant sleeps or dozes approximately eighty percent of the time after birth, but later drops to about sixty-eight percent. He will awaken every two or three hours but eventually will have fewer and shorter waking periods during the night than during the day. Pain, discomfort, and hunger cause the infant to awake and express his need by crying
During the first several months, infants are completely dependent on adults, but by their second birthday, they have developed a degree of independence which marks their entrance into childhood. They are able to sit, stand, walk, and manipulate objects at will. They have improved their ability to communicate needs and wishes to others. During these two years, the foundations of many of their behavior patterns and attitudes are developed.
With the passing of the second birthday, babies have often been described as "terrible twos." Previously they have been helpless and dependent and thus more easily managed. As they develop ability to do things for themselves, they are less easily managed and more resistant to adult help. They have a strong desire to explore but do not have knowledge of possible harm that may come because of certain actions. The mother must give constant supervision to the developing child, allowing him to develop independence while protecting him from injury.
The second year is very significant in the development of children. Usually their experiences are not as happy as those during the first year. They desire to exert independence and resent interference in their activities. They show their resentment by being balky or having temper outbursts. Usually more discipline is exercised during their second year. Since babies cannot understand words, parents resort to spankings and scoldings to communicate that wrong actions will not be tolerated.
Towards the end of the second year, another baby may be born into the home which means that the mother with have less time to spend with the firstborn. The two-year-old may conclude that he is no longer loved and may experience insecurity and anxiety. His second year is marked by frustrations, but he also experiences happy times.
Since the baby's most constant association is with his mother, his happiness and emotional responses will be determined largely by how she treats him. Her anxieties, overprotective, excessive punishment, or feeling that the baby is a burden will bring unhappiness. Her affection, evaluation of his behavior in a positive way, and fair treatment without favoristism will contribute to happiness.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
A Gift This Season
Thank you so much, @wrabbiter for the sponsorship. Its always been a good feeling, knowing that there is you who trusted my ability in writing.
I will consider this as a Christmas gift. But also take head, this will also be transpire to others who walk through the path we are taking, to encourage them in their journey. Rest assured I will do more in writing more valued topics and issue base on my theme...
Thank you..again..
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings
Painsary
The day we are born, brought us so many events in ones life...could be good or bad, experimental or circumstantial. In whatever side of the coin you look at, it is you and no other will face the reality of it.
But what if things happening is a natural, unpredictable, devastating, threatening, and life taking. What will you do? And how would respond to it?
Today is a Painsary. The year 2019 from October 16-December 15. Hit the devastating earthquake, in 2 particular province in Mindanao Philippines. The Provinces of Davao del Sur, and North Cotabato, where schools, offices, gym, brgy hall, markets, churches, houses and Lives suffered, destroy, damage, and die. Series of shake is happening during the time.
In this very painful moments to many people in many different places in our communities. There is no wise words that I could use to tell the people to give them a whisper of encouragement, as me and my whole family is also feel the agony, and hopelessness and homelessness of many people around us.
As I have witness the actual scenario of all this damages and death of people during this time. I cannot help myself. But to come to the Most High God, calling His Divine help. Because even my own family is facing the trauma.
With no much influence to some sort of relief operation, trauma counseling, project operation, linkages all the like. I don't know why God has choose me to do some sort of Heroic thing. He has Bless me with knowledge and capacity and more so many people to sponsor the whole thing.
This is my Painsary story. December 15, 2019 marks the 6.9 magnitude of earthquakes. Nothing can ease the deep fear of all affected people and children. But the simple gesture of help would remind our humanity. All of this survivors from the earthquakes of lastyear are still in trauma, in fact just today we are preparing for anything to happen. But thanks to the Lord. Just a hard rain today.
Lessons that I learned:
1. No expert with regards to natural calamities.
2. Among many other disastrous natural calamities, earthquake is unpredictable and no one is of preparedness.
3. Life, and things on earth is seriously temporary.
4. Rich and poor are of the same value when emergency is the issue, due to calamities.
5. God is true to His words and promises. He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Please note: All pictures are mine, also all the operations, setup, meetings, marketing, and planning, ocular visits, area validation, liquition of funds, reporting, linkages, program, project distribution is hands on by me, with the help of my wife and children, friends and key leaders on the ground.
Indeed, GOD IS LOVE...
In a case you would want to give anything for the key leaders on the ground to make them smile on this Christmas season you send it to this wallet address, then let me know how do you want it to gave. God Bless.
bitcoincash:pzq8tj3hyna83s9ehr07ru2tlzhcu50z45xefw68ha
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Hi read.cash family, How are you? Just telling you advance, in case you wonder. I'll see you all on January 2021. Since this season demands a lot of my time to some other commitment. I gonna miss you all, rest assured I love read.cash and writing here is a dream come true. God Bless you all.. Have a joyful, stayful, careful, beautiful, bountiful, and heartful Christmas to all of you.
Caring For The Baby
The arrival of the first child requires significant adjustments within the home. Loss of sleep, exhaustion, guilt at not being better parents, continuous responsibility in caring for a baby, economic pressure from additional expenses, and interrupted social life force a young couple to take a giant step towards adult responsibility. After giving birth to a child, the mother undergoes a major shift in hormone function, which inevitably affects her emotionally. Most experience a sense of well-being, joy, and love for the new baby, but others have an opposite experience. Some have feelings of depression and disillusionment. The mother's body becomes exhausted in giving birth, and she is immediately faced with the continuous responsibility of caring for the newborn. The arrival of the child marks the final transition to maturity and adult responsibility.
At birth, the infant is the most helpless of all newborn creatures. When the infant's body is no longer protected by the warmth of hi mother, he begins to cry. The crying establishes his breathing, and his body is separated from that of his mother's by the severance of the umbilical cord. Birth is a critical moment for the infant since his own organs must be activated immediately to support his own body.
Many doctors recommend that babies be breast-fed. The baby learns to associate food with love and cuddling. Both mother and baby profit from the intimacy and warmth that comes through natural feeding. Until recent years, doctors suggested that babies be placed on a schedule, but now more are suggesting that the baby be fed on demand. Some mothers who are exhausted physically and emotionally may be unable to supply sufficient food for the infant.
It is important for the husband to help with household responsibilities upon the arrival of the baby. The mother needs additional rest in order to permit her body to return to its strength. The husband now has become a father which assigns to him a new role in providing and caring for his family. In addition, the husband needs to recognize that his wife has become a mother and has assumed additional responsibilities and a new relationship. No longer will she be able to devote her full attention to him.
Growth and Development of the Infant
The first few years of a child's life are filled with new learning experiences. First the infant must learn how to express his hunger and comfort needs. Crying may work so successfully that he learns to use this communication technique in gaining additional attention. Each child develops differently, but all experience continual growth and development and need adequate nourishment.
The newborn infant had experienced a stable environment before birth. Now he comes to depend on the people in his new environment to meet his basic needs. He cannot tell those around him what he needs; he can cry and his crying must be interpreted. At first, the infant does not have a hunger rhythm since prenatal nourishment was continuous through the placenta. After two or three weeks, the hunger demands begin to form a more regular pattern. The infant sleeps or dozes approximately eighty percent of the time after birth, but later drops to about sixty-eight percent. He will awaken every two or three hours but eventually will have fewer and shorter waking periods during the night than during the day. Pain, discomfort, and hunger cause the infant to awake and express his need by crying.
During the first several months, infants are completely dependent on adults, but by their second birthday, they have developed a degree of independence which marks their entrance into childhood. They are able to sit, stand, walk, and manipulate objects at will. They have improved their ability to communicate needs and wishes to others. During these two years, the foundations of many of their behavior patterns and attitudes are developed.
With the passing of the second birthday, babies have often been described as " terrible twos." Previously they have been helpless and dependent and thus more easily managed. As they develop ability to do things for themselves, they are less easily managed and more resistant to adult help. They have a strong desire to explore but do not have knowledge of possible harm that may come because of certain actions. The mother must give constant supervision to the developing child, allowing him to develop independence while protecting him from injury.
The second year is very significant in the developmeng of children. Usually their experiences are not as happy as those during the first year. They desire to exert independence and resent interference in their activities. They show their resentment by being balky or having temper outbursts. Usually more discipline is exercised during their second year. Since babies cannot understand words, parents resort to spankings and scolding to communicate that wrong actions will not be tolerated.
Towards the end of the second year, another baby may be born into the home which means that the mother will have less time to spend with the firstborn. The two-year-old may conclude that he is no longer loved and may experience insecurity and anxiety. His second year is marked by frustrations, but he also experiences happy times.
Since the baby's most constant association is with his mother, his happiness and emotional responses will be determined largely by how she treats him. Her anxieties, overprotection, excessive punishment, or feeling that the baby is a burden will bring unhappiness. Her affection, evaluation of his behavior in a positive way, and fair treatment without favoritism will contribute to happiness.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Pregnancy
Conception
Once each month, ovulation takes place in the female reproductive system. If sperm is placed in the vagina at that time, they work their way up through the uterus into the fallopian tube and one fertilizes the egg. The union of the sperm cell and egg cell brings about conception. The fertilized egg begins to divide even during the three or four days' journey through the tube into the uterus. The lining of the uterus has thickened, and its blood supply has increased to provide a suitable place for the developing embryo. The egg sinks into the lining and becomes attached to it. It continues to grow by cell division, and the cells gradually rearrange and differentiate into various bodily structures and organs. At the the end of four weeks, the embryo is about one-fourth of an inch in size and is still in an unformed state; however, the beginning of facial features can be discerned. It exists in a sac of fluid and possesses gills and a tail like aquatic embryos. By the end of the second month, it is about three-quarters of an inch long, and its human features become perceptible. At four months, it is about five inches long and possesses a definite human form. The fingers and toes begin to separate and the human form of the body becomes more distinctive. At the end of nine months, the fetus has reached the length of about twenty inches and weight about seven pounds. During that period, the single cell has developed by division into about 200 billion cells, forming the numerous parts of the body such as hair, fingernails, skin, bone, heart, and other organs of the body.
The fetus obtains nourishment from its mother's body through a special organ called the placenta. The blood of the mother brings food and oxygen to the fetus without actually mixing with its blood. The substances pass through the wall of the placenta into the blood system of the fetus. The waste returns into the mother's blood and is eliminated from the mother's body. The fetus is connected to the placenta by a cord-like structure known as the umbilical cord. It is almost two feet long and about a half inch in thickness. This cord must be cut and tied upon the birth of the child. The placenta is discharge from the body and is called the afterbirth.
Changes During Pregnancy
The first indication to a woman that she is pregnant is the cessation of her menstrual period; however, a temporary delay may be caused by many other physical or emotional factors. By the end of the first month after conception, nausea and vomiting (morning sickness) usually occur and the breasts undergo changes. The mother tends to be sleepy during the day and may become more emotionally sensitive. By the fifth month, she becomes conscious of the movement of the fetus within her.
The fetus develops over a period of about 266 days from conception. The date of birth is usually calculated as 280 days from the first day of the last menstrual period. It is not clearly understood what causes labor to begin, but under normal circumstances it begins when the fetus is sufficiently mature to cope with life apart from its mother's body. The period of labor may last up to sixteen hours for a firstborn, but usually subsequent births require fewer hours.
The uterus and other reproductive organs increase in size during the development of the fetus and childbirth. These organs return to normal size over a period of six to eight weeks after the child is born.
The mother's mammary system first secretes colostrum, a fluid much thicker than and different from milk. It appears the first or second day after delivery. The milk secretion begins on the second to fourth day.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Planning for and Raising Children
Homes should have children-but not too many! The number of children a couple will have is a personal matter, but it should be influenced by health, economic resources, and the world situation. Without any children, civilization would become extinct. Overpopulation is also a threat to human existence. Scientists are concerned about the balance in nature-between plants and animals, which are interdependent-and the problem of future production of adequate food for a doubled world population. Millions of people starving now or are experiencing malnutrition and subhuman existence because of insufficient diet. What will the situation be in twenty-five years if the world population doubles as predicted?
It is normal for couples to want and to have a children. God planned for children to be born when He built into the bodies of both man and woman as elaborate reproduction system. God commanded man and woman to reproduce: Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it". He place within the natures of man and woman the sexual desire which assures that they will mate. The most intimate and exquisite experience of true love is associated with the conception of children.
A primary purpose of marriage is to provide homes into which children can be born and nurtured. Homes without the blessings of boys and girls are empty. The father naturally longs for a son to love, train, and bear his name and a daughter to perpetuate the characteristics of his wife. The mother craves a child to cradle as her own looks forward to the time when her daughter and son will be old enough to appreciate the wealth of her love. Parents share in their children's joys as well as in their disappointments. They sacrifice in providing for their children, and thus, demonstrate unselfish love. They share in the instruction of their children and feel a sense of accomplishment when they succeed. Parents experience guilt and despair when they conclude that their neglect has contributed to the failure of a child.
Parents live are extended through their children. Their influence, teachings, and name are perpetuated through their descendants.
Number of Children desired
The number of children desired by a couple will vary according to background, or tradition, and current ciscumstances. Couples in the past desired numerous children because of the high date rate and because children meant additional workers for the family farm or business. Society was not then facing crucial ecological problems, depletion of fuel supplies, and inadequate food.
Of the more than four billion people in the world today, it is estimated that up to half are starving and ten of fifteen percent more are undernourished. Productive nations of the West consume eighty percent of the resources of the world, but millions of people in the overcrowded countries of the East are starving.
One reason for the population crisis is that modern medicine has reduced infant deaths and prolonged the lives of adults. In past centuries, plagues swept across nations and looks large numbers of people, preventing the rapid increase of population. Unless parents in underdeveloped countries, where population is increasing rapidly, learn about and practice birth control, the future will bring more widespread sufferings through starvation and death by disease. Responsible parents should desire to have children, but they should not want to contribute to the serious problems of overpopulation, which confront most nations, by having too many.
Birthrates are proportionately higher among the low-income groups than among high-imcome groups. University educated people have smaller families. Among religious groups, Catholics are more prolific than Protestants. Mixed marriages of Catholics and Protestants have fewer children.
The Catholic Church takes the position that the primary purpose of physical relationships is procreation. In 1930, Pope Pius XI stated that birth control is "unnatural and intrinsically evil and therefore not to be justified for any reason, however great."The only birth control allowed was refraining from intercourse during the fertile period. Protestants do not consider the use of contraceptives to be a normal issue. Rather, many are beginning to conclude that failure to use birth control devices is immoral.
Sensible family planning will allow most couples to have two or three children without endangering the survival of the human race or placing the home under undue strain. Some encouragement has come recently in a news release with the caption " Good News for the World- Population Growth on the Decline." The article did not say that population is declining, but rather that the rate of increase has slowed down. By the year 2000, population is now expected to increase from the present 4.1 billion to about 5.6 billion instead of the predicted 6.5 billion.
Planning for the First Child
Married couples generally encounter less strain in their relationships when they postpone parenthood until they have had time to work out some of their basic adjustments. Research has revealed that the divorce rate is higher among those couples who wait several months or years before beginning to have a children. A higher percentage of couples with unplanned pregnancies early in marriage make poorer marital adjustments than other couples. On the other hand, couples who desire children are the happiest in marriage. These situations support the Biblical teaching that one of the basic reasons for establishing a home is procreation.
Couples who plan to have children should not delay the beginning of their family for too many years. Children make many demands on parents, and parents are in better condition to meet them in their younger years. Also, a couple many discover after postponing pregnancy a number of years that they cannot have children of their own. Fertility decreases with age.
The Frequency of Pregnancies
Too frequent pregnancies are to be avoided for the sake of both the mother and the child. The amount of time between children will depend on the health of the mother and the conditions within the home. Medical opinion advises spacing children at least two years apart. More frequent pregnancies may cause harm to the mother's body which has to assume support for two persons during pregnancy and early childhood.
Certain medical conditions make pregnancy unadvisable. Diseases of the heart and kidneys, tuberculosis, diabetes, previous Caesarean sections, and certain types of psychopathic disorders make childbearings dangerous. Childbearing is, discouraged if a serious physical or mental disorder of the husband or wife might be transmitted to the offspring.
Psychological Preparation
God has decreed that babies are to be born into homes where love, security, and opportunity for Christian instruction exist. Emotionally stable parents have an inner warmth of compassion and desire for a baby. These instinctual desires are seen in the animal world as well. Birds build nests of selected material in preparation for their eggs and the hatching of the young. The mother cat keeps watch over and protects her kittens. A mother joyfully anticipates, plans for, and prays for the safe deliverance of her baby.
Planned conception guarantees a baby's being wanted by both parents. It is important that a baby experience love, warmth, protection, and adequate provision during its earliest stage. The first six years of a child's life determine almost completely his character thoughtout the rest of his life. An atmosphere of devotion to Christ, feelings of affection and respect between husband and wife, kindness, unselfness, and stability are important spiritual attitudes which should form the environment of the new child. Development of these attitudes must begin long before the birth of the child; they must be nurtured by husband and wife from the time of their union in marriage.
Let's have a
Hari
Blessings...
The Old has left behind...do you think so?
How LONG ?; How FAR?; How DEEP?; For it to notice. Anybody knows?
The Filipiknow
Love For God
"For as long as man can remember, the Philippines has been a land where the lifeways are interwoven with the concept of God, be he worshipped in the form of a bulol (a crude wooden image of a granary god in the Mountain Province) or carved image of Christ"(Elwood and Magdamo, 1971,p.17).
These were the opening words of the exhibition, " Four Hundred Years of Christian Culture" in Cebu City, in 1965. The exhibit highlighted the religiosity of the Filipinos before the influx of Christianity and the Christian influence brought about by the Spaniards. It also underscored what Dr. Toma's Quintin Andres concluded in his book, Making Filipino Values Work for You, that "Filipinos firmly believe in the supernatural and in all kinds of spirits dwelling in individual persons, places or things" (p.28). According to him, this denotes that "the Filipino, in his religiosity is an animist or spirit-oriented" (p.28).
Filipino folklore abounds with illustrations of Filipino religiosity. Myths, legends, and folktales coming from all regions of the country have been compiled, many of which show out pre-Christian tradition. One such myth comes from the Bagobos of Southern Mindanao. The myth explains how people were created.
A long time ago, there was not a single man or woman in the whole wide world. There lived only Tuglay and Tuglibon, the two migthy beings who created the world.
One day Tuglay spoke to Tuglibon and said: Wife, perhaps it would be better if there are people in the world."
"It would be better indeed,"replied Tuglibon. There should be people who will enjoy the beautiful new world we made. Let us create a man and a woman who will love the blue sky and the wide sea. Let us create people who will love the flowers in the valleys and the clouds on the mountains." (Ramos,1978,p.3)
Prayers addressed to Almighty God are also found in the form of invocations at the beginning of many Philippines epics. Two of the most popular are: Lam-ang and Agyu. Francisco R. Demetrio cites the invocation of Lam-ang as Follows:
O Glorious God, the Holy Spirit enlighten my mind, Apo. So that I can faithfully relate the story of a man. (Demetrio, 1990,p.3)
As for the epic Agyu, Demetrio points out that the invocation, or pamahra in Manobo, is addressed to Diwata or Lugay (God Almighty). And the chanter offers his singing to him who "lives eternally and who gives wise guidance" (p.346)
The coming of Christianity during the Spanish period further enriched Filipino religiosity and folk memory. Again to quote Demetrio, "In the minds of the folk, Jesus Christ of whom the Bible and the gospels speak was a hero. He goes on to say,
His birth, His public Life, His death, and resurrection are even more wonderful and worthy of admiration than the life and deeds of the heroes whose names and works have come down through the centuries through the memory of the folk: Lam-ang, Handiong, Pablo Maralit, Juan Guintu, Laban Dunggon, Agyu or Bantugan. (p.276)
Such devotion is seen in the observance of Pasyon, Senakulo, Penitensiya, Prusisyon, Tenieblas, Pagsugat or Salubong on Easter Sunday. 'Thus, in manifold ways, Christ the hero continues to live in the hearts and minds of the folk" (p.279).
Every year the observance of the passion of Christ draws thousands of Filipinos into religious fervor that goes to the extremes of fanaticism. Many, literally, walk for miles carrying a wooden cross. Others are flogged with sticks or leather strands until their exposed backs become bloody. And to highlight their religious fanaticism, some nail themselves on crosses.
Bahala na ang Diyos or Nasa Diyos ang awa (God will take care or it's up to God's mercy), depicts the Filipino thinking that makes him accept the suffering of hard times to the extent that if he is exposed to a sub-human activity, he calls on God. Not only does the Filipino relate to God during hard times, for as he works with nature, he treats his work as prayer to God, "NASA Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa" (To God belongs mercy, to man belongs the work) (Andres, 1986,pp.28-29).
A young woman express her frustration on her husband's lack of religious commitment in going to church every Sunday. She believe it is a very important measure of her devotion to God. It is my religious obligation, "she said.
Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!" These are popular words in many Christian circles today. Spiritual gatherings are continually punctuated by choruses of "Hallelujah!" and "Praise the Lord!" These have become part of our religious jargon, the utternancd of which seem to catapult the believer into a spiritual high. As one sign says, "Get high with God, not with drugs."
The Filipino is truly religious. "He is makadiyos. He has a saint to pray to each day of the week," writes Andres (p.29).
Kapag Lunes, siya at Kay San Jose; Martes, Kay San Antonio; Miyerkules, Nasa Birhen ng Lacing Saklolo; Hwebes, na Kay St.Jude; Biernes, na Kay Jesus Nazareno; Sabado, San Lazaro; Linggo, Sta. Ana. (p.29).
His religious fervor ranges from simple faith to the absurb. Underneath his devotion to God is a preoccupation for apparitions, faith healing, and other religious experiences that border on spiritual magic. Is this what it means to be makadiyos? Are these valid expressions and manifestations of our love for God?
In the Gospel according to Mark we read,
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. (Mk.12:30,31)
This Scripture passage clearly teaches that love for God is more than just outward behavior. It is more than just going through a set of religious rituals and seasonal celebrations. It goes beyond the saying of the right words and doing the right things, which could be just hypocrisy. In other words, to be truly makadiyos is more than rules and regulations, rituals and resolutions. Being makadiyos has to do with right relationships.
Love for God, according to the Lord Jesus is a relationship that calls for total devotion-all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. It is a love that is demonstrated daily in every aspect of life, not just on Sundays. All of life's endeavors, religiously or mundane, are done out of devotion to God. As the Scripture says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God". In short, love for God is holistic, not compartmentalized, it is to be integrated with all of life, not fragmented.
However, love for God is more than just personal piety. It is not something static but dynamic. Its dynamism is seen in how we relate with others. A relationship that is both edifying and ethical.
Relationally, love for God is two-dimentional- vertical and horizontal. The vertical dimension is shown in our private worship, mainly through reading and meditation on Scriptures and prayer. Worship takes place either in the privacy of our homes or public places of worship. Personal obedience to God's commands and teachings also demonstrates love for God. The Lord Jesus makes this very clear. If anyone love me, he will obey my teaching. Whereas the horizontal dimension is public and social. This two-dimensional love for God is clearly taught in the epistle of John.
A man once had a problem with his office mate. He felt that this office mate was always putting him down. When his patience ran out he purposed in his heart to confront him. For practically a whole night he sat down, made a list of his grievances and planned out his strategy. The following morning, he cornered his office mate and fired off his cannon balls. When his verbal assault was finished, his office mate calmly told him, "I love you, brother.' He was stunned!
Love for God, is first and foremost, an inward experienced. It is reality felt in the inner man. Fear God, avoidance of sin, brokenness of spirit, purity of mind and heart are some of the marks of this inner life. And from this deep-seated love for God, honest, humble and compassionate love for others overflows.
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Hari
Blessings...
Adjustments
On the wedding night, the groom should remember that his bride may have strong reservations about the sexual relationship. She may have received the impression from her mother that sex is to be endured and is a necessary evil of marriage. Or she may fear pain or experience anxiety as she enters into this new experience. Some of the problems are resolved if both husband and wife have received adequate marriage counseling before the ceremony.
It is unrealistic to expect two persons of such different emotional natures to achieve adjustments immediately. Sometimes the partners become defeated because they respect too much too soon. They should allow as much time as necessary to establish physical compatibility.
Since the woman responds more slowly, ample time should be allowed for the arousal period. Either husband or wife may indicate the desire for sexual relations, but the husband will need to learn techniques for preparing his wife. Romantic expressions may precede their retiring. The arousal period may begin with kisses and proceed with the husband's gentle caressing of the wife's sensitive areas.
These areas may vary to a degree with different women, but usually include the neck, ear lobes, nipples of the breasts, inner thighs, and external sexual organs, especially the clitoris. Sight of his wife preparing for bed is usually sufficient for the husband. She should communicate which actions are most pleasing to her and should indicate when she is ready for intercourse. With experience, each should be able to experience orgasm even though it may not be at the same time.
Proper sexual adjustments are dependent on adjustments in other areas as well. Joyce Landorf emphasizes the necessity of "showing affection in the kitchen." Romance and gentle love should be expressed at various times during the day. The wife must be assured that she is important to the husband in areas other than their physical relationship.
TIM and BEVERLY LaHaye, in The Act of Marriage, have suggested, five kinds of love that are important to the woman. She looks upon marriage as a perpetual companionship and craves her husband's attention and company when he arrives home from work. Oftentimes, the man is glad to get away from crowds and wants a period of solitude instead.
Couples learn how to be good companion before marriage but sometimes fail to cultivate that relationship after marriage. In addition, the women needs compassionate love. She is an expert in expressing compassion for her husband and children, when they have needs. She needs to recieve this kind of love also. Most women are more romantic than men. A man may fail to understand the need of his wife for romance. She appriciate unexpected gifts, such flowers and candy, and an occasional night out. Women also crave affectionate love expressed by kisses of appreciation and warm embraces. These areas of love are essential for satisfactory passionate love.
The first few months or years of a marriage are crucial in developing patterns. Poor patterns frequently develop because of the lack of biological and psychological knowledge. To achieve satisfactory adjustments, both have to be open to learning and diligent in making the relationship work.
Successful physical relationships require cooperation. If one partner's thought and interests are in another direction when the other thinks of passionate love, conflicts may arise. These emotional and psychic differences may delay adjustment in physical relationships. Uncertainty, awkwardness, and tension often occur in the relationship. After the couple has lived together for a few months or years, they learn what to expect and gradually build a.successful and happy relationship. If wrong attitudes or emotional problems exist, satisfactory relations may not be achieved apart from counseling.
For successful Adjustments each partner must learn to give support to the ego of the other. A negative attitude or critical remark can hinder the emotional relationship which interferes with the physical. On the other hand, expression of affection, assurance of love and appreciation, and communication between partners are essential elements to satisfactory adjustment. Fatigue, unpleasant, surroundings, or danger of interruption hinder relations.
Some couples are concerned about frequency of physical relations each week. There are no set rules about why is right or even customary. It is determined by the mutual desires of the couple. Frequency varies from less than once per week to four or five times. The majority of married couples engage in physical relations more often than twice per week. Physical health, kind of work, and emotional tensions will affect desire.
The couple will need to make adjustments in frequency. The wife may desire less frequency relations than the husband, but she may accomodate his needs. If agreement is not reached, much unpleasantness may develop in the marriage relationship. Marital difficulties may begin to arise on the part of the husband if his sexual desires are thwarted. Wive who are frustrated may have less frequent needs, but their frustration is equally demoralizing to a marriage.
The time of interest for husband and wife may vary. Since fatigue and emotional distress are distractive, the end of the day may not be the best time. On the other hand, one or the other may be a slow starter in the morning or not desire to be awakened during the night. Often the wife, who may have no specific periodic desire, may be capable of intense response even though she does not initiate the physical relationship. Probably no couple achieves perfect mutual agreement at all times, but if both are understanding, satisfactory adjustment can be achieved.
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Hari
Blessings...
Physical Harmony
Since the woman responds more slowly, the physical relationship must be preceded by love-play and tender affection to lead her to the same level of readiness that he experiences almost immediately. The wife should be open to sharing with her husband what is pleasing to her rather than expecting him to understand her responses intuitively. Unfortunately, the husband has never been able to experience the feminine response nor the wife the masculine response; therefore, both are at a disadvantage in understanding one another. There must be open communication and preparatory instruction, either from a counselor or reading material, in order to understand more adequately one's partner.
A commitment of love to one another, an understanding of one another's nature and a wholesome attitude towards sex should enable a couple to make satisfactory adjustments. Unselfishness, patience, concern for the needs and rights of the other, reticence to blame or condemn, and willingness to learn are required traits for satisfactory adjustment. If problems persist, the couple should see a doctor or counselor.
Emotional Differences
The emotional responses of man and woman differ greatly. Man are stimulated by sight while most women are not. Jesus warned men "that whoever looketh on a women to list after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." He gave no such warning to women, since most women do not have the problem of looking at a man and lusting after him. Publishers of pornographic magazines recognize the emotional differences between men and women. Numerous magazines of scantily clad and nude women are being published for women, and they have limited sales.
While the man responds to sight, the woman responds to kindness and tenderness. Her emotions responds more slowly and are under greater control than those of men. Many cultural customs reflect these differences, and particularly roles for men and women have been formulated, even though the majority of the people may not understand why. One of the fallacies of the women's liberation movement is failure to recognize the emotional differences in men and women. One of the reasons for many divorces is the poor sexual adjustments made because a husband and wife do not understand their emotional differences.
These emotional differences explain certain expectation on the part of women. They respond to tender affection and kind words and wait for their husbands to take the initiative in an affectionate kiss upon leaving in the morning or upon returning from work in the afternoon. Ordinarily the wife waits for the husband to take the initiative in physical relations because her sexual needs are deeper and respond more slowly. Also, she may have incorrectly concluded that only the male is to be the aggressor. If the wife does not understand the differences between herself and her husband and has concluded that sex is evil, she may think that her husband is interested only in her physical body. Since she does not respond as rapidly and may resist the frequency with which the husband desires relationship, he may conclude that she is cold or indifferent and simply does not love him. It is very important for both husband and wife to be aware of their emotional differences in order to make adequate physical adjustments in marriage.
Emotional Needs
It is important for wives to experience satisfaction in the physical relationship as well as husbands. A satisfactory act leads to an emotional climax of sexual excitement on the part of each. This experience is referred to as orgasm, and the experience binds the two or more closely together. Since the husband responds more rapidly, often the wife does not experience orgasm. Many uninformed or selfish husbands satisfy their own needs but leave the wife's needs unsatisfied. It is not necessary that she experience orgasm during every love making, but the husband should learn how to bring her to that experience each time she desires it.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings....
Physical Relations: Adjustment
God created sex when He designed the bodies of Adam and Eve. Men's sex qualities are describes as masculinity and women's as femininity. Feminine qualities usually attract men. Although love includes more than physical attraction, physical affection is a basic ingredient of real love and successful marriage. Man was designed for woman and woman for man.; they are incomplete without one another. Man yearns for those feminine qualities, both practical and spiritual, which only a wife can supply. On the other hand, a woman desires the strength, protection, and provision which only a man can give.
God designed sex to be both necessary and delightful within the context of love. It is holy and right when it is expressed in God's will and purpose. The sexual relstionship is a divinely approved act of marriage, but outside of marriage it is a sin that was judged worthy of death by stoning in the Old Testament.
Built into man's nature is a strong urge to mate, and it is woman's nature to desire motherhood.
Biblical Teachings
Many marriages experience difficulty because proper adjustments are not made in physical relationships; there is lack of understanding of the sexual needs of partners. Sometimes emotional problems on the part of the man or the woman interfere, and counseling is needed. Since Christians are taught that sex is sinful before marriage, one partner or the other may have difficulty making the transition to the attitude that sex is appropriate and approved of God within marriage.
The Bible teaches that both the man and the woman should bring undefiled bodies to marriage. In marriage, their bodies do not belong to themselves but to their partners: "Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" 1Cor.7:3-4. Our puritan heritage has caused us to be reluctant to talk openly about sexual relations and adjustment in marriage, but the Bible approaches this aspect of marriage with frankness.
Two extremes have been followed with regard to sex. The materialistic theory holds that it is only an expression of the flesh and can be satisfied in extramarital relations. When sex attraction no longer exists between partners, adherents of this view advise divorce. This theory holds that sex is a private matter and should not be restricted by law except to prevent one person from forcing another.
The theory of asceticism goes to the other extreme by overemphasizing the spirit and denying the significance of the flesh. According to this theory, flesh is evil and should be denied; therefore, sex is considered sinful. Abstinence is a virtue.
Christianity does not go to either extreme. It brings the spirit and the flesh together to cooperate as a total unity in the life of each person. The Christian view is that a successful marriage requires a good sexual adjustment, but the expression of sex must be within the bonds of marriage.
The Caress of a Man and
The traditional view has been that sex is man's prerogative and that his wife should submit to him and remain passive and silent. The Bible contradicts this view: "The husband must give the wife what is due to her". The passage implies that woman have a definite need for sexual experiences in marriage.
Because of emotional problems and lack of understanding, some women have concluded that they are incapable of response and sex must be endured rather than enjoyed.
Women are not frigid by nature, but many have been taught directly or indirectly that sex is evil. They think that sex is necessary only for reproduction; otherwise, it is sinful. These ideas limit their normal responses. If these false ideas are replaced with Christian concepts, wives can gradually learn to adjust and to enjoy a normal, happy sex life in marriage.
Often both the young man and young woman are uneducated about the nature of sex. They may enter marriage with little knowledge about their own sexual nature and less about their partner's. Adjustments are rather difficult for them to make. Since the man's sexual arousement is much more rapid than that of the woman, they may conclude that the woman's need are less. Perhaps her frequency of need is less than that of his, but her needs are just as great. If promises of a satisfactory experience frequently occur but are never completed for her, she may develop emotional tensions.
Dr. Herbert J. Miles points out that the sexual vitality of women is vindicated by their ability to have several orgasms during one experience while the male is limited to one. After doing research with 151 young married couples, he discovered that fifty percent of the wives state that they would like to have sex relations as often or more frequency than their husbands. The research did not prove that women are more or less sexual than men but that God created them as sexual equals.
**Right Attitudes for Physical Adjustments**
The right attitude is important for both husband and wife in the physical relationship. One authority has stated that "sex education is twenty percent education and eighty percent attitude." Two concepts are extremely important as the foundation of successful physical relations: the act of marriage was designed by God and, therefore, it is good: love rather than selfishness on the part of each partner should prevail during the relationship.
Love has been defined as the giving of oneself in meeting the other person's need. Perhaps Paul had this attitude in mind when he instructed the husband to meet his wife's sexual needs, and, likewise, the wife her husband's. In this cooperative experience, the total needs of both are continually met. In the act of adultery or rape, the person has no concern for the other individual but selfishly acts to meet his own desires. Paradoxically, such an attitude prevents even the selfish person from realizing satisfaction. The physical relationship can become a sublime expression of love only when two people are committed totally to each other.
According to the Bible, the marriage relationship is a sexual relationship and should be honorable in all, "wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh." It is also a spiritual relationship: what therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." Sex, as God-created experience, cannot be separated from spiritual-emotional-mental attitudes and feelings."
Attitudes of love and happines between husband and wife promote successful physical relations, but fear, frustration, shame, guilt, and unhappiness hinder. The sexual feelings are tied in with and become the channel of emotions from various sources.
The word love is used to describe the attitudes and feelings that bind partners together. Love includes both mental attitude and physical feelings. It promotes romance but is more than that; it requires a commitment to one another and an attitude of self-giving concern. It is characterized by devotion, self-sacrifice, and efforts to enrich the total personality of each other.
Sex is a medium through which love is expressed.
Love is spiritual in nature and is expressed physically through sex and other ways. The woman has special capacity for expressing her love in the act of marriage and through numerous deeds in the home. Modern women who have rebelled against cooling and other "ordinary" household chores have not learned the meaning of love and how to enjoy it, or perhaps the problem lies with their husbands who are blind to the numerous expressions of a woman's love.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Think About Man! Part 3
Roles of Men
Societies usually assign roles to males and females. In most cultures, girls are trained from childhood to help with household responsibilities while boys are involved in tasks outside the home. In the past, men engaged in the activities of providing food and shelter for the family. These roles corresponded with their physical and masculine traits.
As civilization moved towards industrialization, men sought employment to earn salaries for the support of the family. Women's roles continued to be related primarily to the home. Although men continue to conceive of their roles as provider and protector of the home, more women are now have assumed a role that previously was assigned to men. With the increase in divorces, many women are now being forced into the role of provider for the one-parent family.
Some tasks can be done equally well by men and women. Others can be done better by women and vice versa. The smaller bone structure and nimble fingers of a woman give to her an advantage in doing precise activities. However, many household activities, such as cooking and cleaning, can be done as well by the man as the woman.
Men express more interest in scientific subjects and mechanics than women, and thus, usually know more about these areas. Man's greater interest in these areas in the past may have been the result of his requirement to be engaged in them in making a living. The image of man is that he is scientific, mechanical, and sports oriented, and this causes him to learn more about these areas. On the other hand, women express more interest in religion, art, domestic arts, and music. They usually know more about flowers, fabrics, color combinations, precious stones, and household furnishings.
In the past, society assigned to man the role of getting acquainted with and developing the relationship with the woman. The social customs were based on the inherent aggressive nature of the male. Even in the animal world, the male is the aggressor, and the female engages in activities to attract the male during the mating season. It is characteristics in human relations for the female to attract the male as well. Ordinarily, women are more careful in dress and appearance than men. Girls appear to be by nature tidier than boys. This characteristics becomes obvious when the rooms of boys and girls are examined. The woman's care for personal attractiveness and tidiness appeals to the man.
Man's Need of Woman
While men need to conquer and achieve, women generally have a desire to be conquered with gentleness and strength. God has made their natures to blend together. The Biblical injunction for the husband to be head of the home and the wife to be subject to her husband is not contrary to nature.
Some feminist groups conclude that for the wife to be submissive to the husband and for her to recognize him as head of the home is to accept an inferior role. Actually, submission by the wife is a fulfillment of her nature in the one-flesh relationship with her husband. She does not experience emotional and psychological fulfillment if she becomes the dominant person in the marriage relationship. She needs to feel her husband's strength in taking care of her, and the husband needs to exert his strength in caring for his wife. These needs are instinctive with deep roots in the emotional structure.
A man is never sure how he should express his urge for mastery in relating to a woman. He is not sure what the woman expects. For the man to initiate an intimate friendship without bartering on the sexual level means taking risks and becoming vulnerable. If he reaches out to the woman and she does not respond, he is rejected and made to feel foolish. The combination of the urge for mastery and the feeling of inferiority may make his actions unpresdictable. The experience of intimate friendship-drawing from each other the strength and encouragement each has to give, other than on the sexual level-is missing from many marriages.
Man needs the helpmate Eve whom God created. Woman becomes the object of his emotion and his companion in marriage and in parenthood. He needs to exert his manly strength in protecting his home. Men work to provide for their families, go to war to protect their daughters and wives, and risk other dangers to defend their loved one. Men need the courage that comes from the loyalty and devotion of wives, and risk other dangers to defend their love ones. Men need the courage that comes from the loyalty devotion of wise and children who depend on them.
Man is incomplete without a wife as a companions with home to share his dreams and aspirations. He too wants to share in her dreams and thoughts. He wants to be respected by her above all other men. He wants to respect her above all other women. He does not want a relationship of manipulations, or domination, unless he is an emotionally disturbed person. He wants a companion of whom he can be proud as she exercises her own unique abilities and contributions in life. He does not desire to use her as a servant in his own pursuit of success but rejoices when he can help her attain her own goals. Man was made for companionship and cannot achieve supreme joy apart from it.
A man needs to feel that he has fulfilled his wife's sexual needs. Man, because of his strong sexual drive, may be depicted as an insensitive "ape" whose only concern is to satisfy his own sensual drives, but this image is inaccurate. The desire to fulfill the needs of the companion is not true of the man who seduces a woman for his own satisfaction only, but it is true of the man who loves his wife. Illicit sexual relations are never fully satisfying. A man needs to give in the sexual relation as well as receive. The woman who believes that it does not matter to her husband whether she responds and experiences joy in their relationship does not understand him. If a man fails in his attempt to fulfill his wife, he experiences a deep sense of failure, his own image of himself as a man suffers, and his control of all other areas of marriage will be hindered. He feels inadequate and becomes defensive.
Numerous writers have observed that nations fall when homes deteriorate. When the loyalty of wives to husbands and the respect of men for women disappear, men have no incentive for exerting their manly strength. Man needs woman for his strength and nature to experience fulfillment.
**Christian Moral Standards for Man**
Much has been said about the dual standard of morality with regard to men and women. Societies have permitted a man to have affairs with numerous women without great scorn but have required a woman be loyal to one man. Christianity requires that no man and one woman be faithful to each other in the marriage relationship until death parts them. This requirements was not made in earlier parts of the Old Testament in which a man may have had several wives but no wife had several husbands. This pattern was true of other polygamist cultures as well.
The polygamous nature of man may have been the outgrowth of his emotional nature. While the male is designed to respond immediately with strong emotion to the female, her response is more periodic. The dominating nature of the male tends to require loyalty from the female. Among lower animals, several females become the mates of the one male. Since man is of a higher social nature, he is not to be controlled simply by his instinctual drives although they are an essential part of his total being. His higher nature is more completely fulfilled in loyalty to one wife and responsibility to one family. He is to develop intimate understanding and one-flesh relations with only one mate. As a responsible human being, he must join his mate in concern for the well-being of the offsprings feather than leaving their sustenance and training to the woman.
The Christian requirement for the monogamous relation of man and woman is not based upon instinctual drives but upon love, the good of society, and the will of God. Love, the concern for the well-being of others rather than selfish satisfaction of one's own emotional desires, is a basic and controlling Christian virtue. Since man is the highest creation and is made in the image of God, his aggressive nature and instinctual drives are tempered by social and spiritual aspects of his being.
**Man's Master**
Because of his physical structure and emotional nature, the self-controlled, or uncontrolled, man loses perspective. He may use his strength to abuse his wife. If he allows his sexual impulses to get out of hand, he becomes unfaithful to his companion. His pride can lead to arrogance and make him become undesirable as a companion. His nature to compete and his strong desire to succeed can lead to his becoming unfair and dishonest. His tendency to be independent and self-reliant can cause him to ignore his Creator and neglect his companion. Characteristics which were designed to make life whole and happy can be perverted into destructive forces.
Since man has the strong desire to succeed, defeat may cause him such great frustration and pain that he tries to escape it through drunkenness. Instead of being the head and leader of the home, he may become the tyrannical ruler. Instead of being a responsible father and loving husband, his herd instinct may cause him to return to the animal level of satisfying only physical impulses in whatever way is possible. He may conclude that his perverted actions are expressions of manliness, but actually they are more in character with his animal nature.
Man needs to be controlled by his Creator in order that his inherent characteristics can be expressed in harmony with his true nature and purpose in life. His sexual nature give him drive and ambition as well as love for a companion and desire for children. His pride cause him to care how well he provides for those that are dependent upon him.
If a man's distinctive characteristics are at the disposal of his selfish and lustful nature, they become instrument of Satan. For the man who invites Christ to control his life, his distinctive characteristics add to his own fulfillment and contribute to the well-being of his family. When distinctive characteristics are properly expressed, they benefit the home and society and equip the man for his role as head of the home.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Think About Man! Part 2
The Aggressive Nature of Males
Man has the need to command, to perform, to take the lead, and to show strength because of the nature of his manhood. He feels the need of mastery in relation to a woman and may manifest this need in the area of intellectual superiority or sexual aggressiveness.
A young woman who recently divorced her husband after seven years if marriage states that one of the areas of serious tension between them developed because of her superior education. Her university education enabled her to get a job that paid higher salary than his. Her pursuit of a university degree perhaps indicated a difference in intellectual interests and ability. On the other hand, a husband's having more education does not ordinarily lead to conflict. It is not unusual to hear of conflict between a husband and wife caused by his sexual aggressiveness in contrast to her passivism.
The aggressive nature of males is obvious even in children. Sisters may fight with one another; girls of different families seldom do. On the other hand, boys frequently are engaged in scuffles and fisticuffs. Few women engage in professional fighting. Boys form gangs and attempt to dominate competitors. Football has become a popular sport for men and boys, especially in the United States, because it is both physical and competitive.
The aggressive, dominating, and competitive nature of males is reflected also in lower animals. In a herd, one male will establish himself as dominant. To become established as the king of the herd, the male must fight numerous battles. Other males may be permitted to remain within the herd, but they must respect th3 domination of the leader. Each time a new male attempts to join the herd, a new battle ensues with one becoming the victor. After age has taken its toll on the strength of the male, a challenger eventually replaces him. Females may fight, but they do not seek to establish dominance. Their aggressiveness usually is related to protecting their young or the getting of food.
The aggressiveness of males is related to the sexual drive. The sexual pattern of the female is cycnical and is related to conception and bearing of offsprings. The sexual pattern of the male is an immediate emotional response to the female. The strong emotion arising within his body causes him to become very aggressive and dominating.
Although the human mental and psychological capacities modify men's instinctual drives, men continue to have some of the traits of lover animals. They are highly competitive and often struggle for the dominant position within an organization. They respond immediately with strong emotion to the sexual overtures of women. This response is not because a particular man is sensual but because he has the nature of man with this type reaction built into his very nature. His response is aroused by sight. Men who lack emotional maturity may be unable to control their impulses when enticed by women's overexposing their bodies and by indiscreet actions or dress. The sex impulse is essential for the propagation of the race and is basic to the relation of man and woman. The sex drive is so powerful, however, that it can become the master of the man who is not controlled by moral convictions. It can lead to crime and social disruption.
Man's Externality
Jacob Moreno, a physchiatrist of Vienna, emphasized the importance of encounter in social relationships. He was joined by Martin Buber who defined the personal encounter structure as an "I-Thou" concept of relationship with other persons or with God. Buber followed an idea stated by Feuerbach in Principle of the philosophy of the future which holds that an individual person does not have his being in himself, either as moral being or a thinking being. Rather, personality, exist only in community, in the unity of person with person. Buber concluded that a person is incomplete as an individual; he is not a personality in isolation. Nor does he find his fulfillment by submerging himself in the collective mass of the crowd. Real life is in meeting- a life of relationship between person and person. This meeting, or encounter, is the life of dialogue in which one person addresses the other and the other responds, thus establishing a relationship that gives meaning to life. The whole being of one person communicates with the total being of another. In an intimate encounter in which two spirits blend, the other person is not an object who remains separate from one's own experience. Rather, he becomes a subject also who addresses the other as subject. "I-It" defines a relation to a thing in which the attitude of the person is that of separation from an object. When "I" encounters a person in a living experience, the person encountered becomes "Thou," and a living and mutual relationship is experienced. A person does not become a fulfilled self alone or in relationships to objects by in relation to another self.
God is a person with whom human beings establish an interpersonal relationship. He cannot be known by being treated as the object of abstract reasoning, for this process reduces "Thou" to "It" and puts God on the level of other things. One reason that woman may be more religiously inclined is her nature to find fulfillment in being and relationship. Man too must experience being and relationship in order to find fulfillment, but he has a tendency towards externality which causes his relationship to God to be less natural for him. He does not necessarily deny God's existence, but his natural tendency is to treat God as an object rather than as a being vitally involved in his daily life. As long as God does not interfere in his personal life, man is satisfied to manage his own affairs.
Man's externality may arise in part from his social position as head of the home and leader in society. He tends to view himself as independent and self-sufficient. These characteristics cause him to show less dependence on personal relationship for fulfillment. At a deeper level, man is a social being and experiences highest fulfillment only in the "I-Thou" relationships with the other persons and God. His deeper personal and spiritual needs require an encounter-type of relationship with his wife and with God, but his externality causes him to appear less dependent on communication and other aspects of personal relationship.
Man's externality may result in part from his economic role and the nature of his business relations. Because of competition, business relationships may take on the character of "I-It" rather than developing into an "I-Thou." A man may have difficulty making a proper transition on the way home from work from the business structured relationship represented as "I-It" to the more appropriate personal relationship for the family represented as "I-Thou."
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Think About Man! Part 1
Maleness has been depicted as brute, rugged independence and strength to handle any situation that comes along. Emotion, gentleness, and sensitivity to the needs of others have not been emphasized as essential for manly character. Masculinity is portrayed as physical courage, toughness, competitiveness, and progressiveness. A man is expected not to express his sorrow by shedding tears and often suppresses his tensions; this tends to shorten his life.
Contrary to what some women now claim, the role of the man is difficult. His anxiety begins in early childhood while competing on the playground and continues in sports and business until his death threescore and ten years later. He spends seventy five percent of his lifetime at work, fifteen percent with his family, and ten percent on various recreational and leisure activities. "Throughout all those years and activities he is driven to perform, to maintain an image of authority, stamina, courage and decisiveness."
Although men have masculine traits which differ greatly from the feminine traits of women, they are persons also. A person finds his true nature at the point of relationships. Human characteristics which are basic to relationships are similar in both men and women, and many are the same.
Physical Distinctives of Men
The biological distinctives of the male were apparent, obviously, the male body contains difference in cell structure from that of the female. Chromosome combinations of male cells cause maleness.
Although man is stronger physically than women, it was noted that women has a greater constitutional vitality; generally women outlive men three or four years. The male skeletal structure is usually larger, and his basic metabolism is higher. Normally his legs are larger in proportion to his height, his hips not as large, his chest cavity larger, and his shoulders broader and more muscular. Although he has more hair on his chin and other parts of the body, he is more likely to lose the hair on his head.
The physical functions of motherhood (menstruation, pregnancy, lactation) are totally lacking in man; the absence of hormones producing these functions result in different behavior and emotions.
The physical strength of men and their lack of hormones which produce the traits of motherhood have resulted, for most societies, in men's gravitating towards work requiring muscular strength while women are inclined towards occupations centering in the home and children.
Their physical strenght lends itself to men's being soldiers, hunters, farmers, and builders. The larger chest cavity accommodates larger respiratory and circulatory organs, thus making it possible for men to endure exertion longer.
Bearing and nursing children have provided a biological reason for keeping women at home, while men are less restricted. Men's roles do not require them to work harder than women, but they do engage in heavier work.
The Masculine Nature of Men
Masculinity infers strength, firmness, steadfastness, and unwillingness to yield while femininity implies tenderness and willingness to yield. Masculinity is reflected in a deep-pitched voice and heavy beard. An inner attitude of manliness affects gate, stance, and movements of head and body. Men's usually develop abilities which require masculinity, such as skills to be a carpenter, brick layer, plumber, or farmer.
Firmness is a masculine trait. It is the ability to remain constant, steady, or the same. A firm person does not succumb to pressures from others when he is confident he is right. This quality is essential in leadership. Women may be firm in their dealings with their children and in holding to ideals and principles regarding the home, but the are not as steadfast concerning activities away from home that do not involve moral issues.
Determinations is a masculine trait. It is closely related to firmness and is essential to masculine leadership and to achievement of goals. Women tend to have superior self-control. They usually have more willpower in adhering to principles, standards, and schedules, but men tend to have greater determination with regards to non moral issues.
Men do not give up, quit, relinquish, or surrender under pressure as readily as women. Men usually follow their convictions despite the risk of criticism or failure. They will not avoid an action because it may be wrought with problems or possible failure. Usually women are less determined to carry out an action which may be criticized or involve the risk of failure. These qualities correspond to the Biblical description of man's role as head of the home. However, the position he takes should be based on love for his wife.
Courage is also a quality which enables man to meet dangers and difficulties with firmness and strength. Men of courage will do what they should regardless of the danger involved. The manly trait of courage enables men to hold their posts during times of danger.
The brave, valiant, and unwavering become heroes who strengthen the morale of all society. Men and women alike admire those who have defended their country in battle. In the presence of strong, able, and virile men, women feel their femininity most strongly. The masculine traits of men have psychological effects on both men and women.
Men are relatively independent and usually make every effort to be self-sufficient in earning their livelihood. They attempt to solve their own problems and make their own way in life; therefore, the are less inclined to be expressive in personal matters. On the other hand, women tend to look to men for leadership and as their means of support. This tendency continues to be true even though women's liberation movements have concluded that dependence is an environmental influence and will change when women are encouraged to support themselves and to assert their independence.
When women move into men's work and developed efficiency in leadership roles in the business world and family managements, they must take on traits which are strongly masculine if they are to succeed. These traits are unattractive in women and replace the beauty and delicacy of their femininity. Masculinity is developed when one functions as the guide, protector, and provider of the family.
Because of the pleasure that comes to men through masculine achievements, they strive for success. Inherited wealth brings little sense of fulfillment, but one who earns wealth feels a sense of accomplishment.
The popularity of athletes and competitive sports indicates that the masculine traits of physical endurance and ability are admired and bring a sense of accomplishment to those who participate. Men who do not engage actively in sports enjoy watching sports events and identify with one of the teams. Success of their team gives to them a feeling of personal success. Men participate vicariously in the events they watch.
Men are proud of their inherent qualities of manliness. Even a weak man will defend his manhood when it is threatened. He has an innate desire to achieve something of merit and to be productive. This pride in manliness is essential for the preservation and progress of the family, but it can be overemphasized and become perverted to the extent that it is disruptive to the individual's psychological health and the harmony of society. A frustrated male ego can be hostile and even uncontrollable.
Men resent the implication that they are effeminate. Wives who imply that their husbands are deficient in any trait which is distinctively masculine erect barriers to communication and relationship.
Men are very sensitive to ridicule, contempt, or criticism of their masculinity. Repeated insensitive remarks, which cause humiliation, tend to cause a man to build a protective wall about himself and to become quiet and unapproachable. His withdrawal is an attempt to avoid the risk of further humiliation. The man who experiences the pain of humiliation, either in or outside the home, develops a self-induced numbness to his pain which affects other areas of his emotional experiences.
His responses to the beauty of life, the laughter of his children, and the love for his wife are diminished.
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Hari
Blessings...
Esau and Jacob Story
Genesis 25:11 "After Abraham's death, God blessed his son Isaac, who then lived near Beer Lahai Roi.
Genesis 25:12-18, Ishmael, whim Hagar bore to Abraham, had twelve sons who became tribal leaders of Ismael's descendants. Altogether, Ishmael lived 137 years and died. His descendants settled near the border of Egypt. And they lived in hostility toward all their brothers.
The Birth of Esau and Jacob
Genesis 25:20-23...Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah... Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren...and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. The babies jostled..within her..So she went to inquire of the Lord. The Lord said to her," two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger ."
Genesis 25:24-26, Rebekah gave birth to twin boys. The first was red and hairy, so they named him Esau. His brother came out with his hand grasping Esau's heel, and they named him Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them. God said that from these babies would come two nations. God said that Jacob would become the master of Esau. How could this be? From whom would God's nation come?
Genesis 25:27-28, Esau became a skillful hunter, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents. Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.
Genesis 25:29-34, Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I am famished! Jacob reply, first sell me your birthright. " Look I'm about to die, Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?" But Jacob said,"Swear to me first". So He swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.
Being the first born son, Esau has in their culture the birthright to receive the double portions of his Father's property and the fulfillment of God's promises to his father Isaac and grandfather Abraham. The Esau decided to exchange his birthright for a bowl of food and said.
"Look I am about to die....what good is the birthright to me?"
In effect, Esau despised God's promises and blessings to him in the future. By his act, Esau was clearly following the way of Satan by not valuing God's promises and blessings for his lifetime and future. Esau reviled or scorned his opportunity to become God's interest; he was only concerned for his own needs to be satisfied. Jacob, however, valued God's promises so much that he coveted it for himself.
What do you think Satan will do in order to prevent God from establishing His own nation in Canaan?
Genesis 26:1, Now there was a famine in the land-besides the earlier famine of Abraham's time-and Isaac went to Abimelech king of the Philistines in Gerar.
Again there is a famine, and Satan can use this circumstances to drive Isaac away from Canaan. So...
Genesis 26:2-6, The Lord appeared to Isaac and said, "Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live. Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and will bless you. For to you and your descendants I will give all these lands and will confirm the oath I swore to your father Abraham. I wi make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because Abraham obeyed me and kept my requirements, my commands, my decrees and my laws." So Isaac stayed in Gerar.
Why did God warn Isaac not to go to Egypt? Remember, Satan used the Pharaoh of Egyt before to destroy Abraham's family by taking Abraham's wife Sara. Satan will always do everyting he can to prevent the fulfillment of God's promise to establish Abraham's descendants as a nation in Canaan.
Because Isaac believed, had faith and valued, God's promises, he obeyed God's command. Isaac stayed in the land and did not go to Egypt.
Genesis 26:12-14, Isaac planted crops in that land and the same year reaped a hundredfold, because the Lord Blessed Him. the man become rich, and his wealth, continued to grow until he become very wealthy. He had so many flocks and herbs and servants that the Philistines envied him.
God materially blessed Isaac so much because Isaac was obedient. Isaac's farm and flocks prospered even in the midst of the unfavorable climate. Indeed God is now fulfilling His promise to Abraham that he will fulfill His covenant through Isaac. Meanwhile...
Genesis 26:34-35, When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.
Esau lived in disobedience to God and his parents. Isaac was only concerned of pursuing his own desires.
Genesis 27:1-4, When Isaac felt his death drawing near, he called Esau to hunt and prepare for him a tasty food he liked. After he ate, he would give Esau his blessing before he died.
After despising God's promises and living his life the way he wanted, it seems that Esau can get his inheritance, and Jacob's blessing, too! Didn't Esau sell his birthright to Jacobs?
Genesis 27:5-21, Rebekah told Jacob about the plan. Rebekah wanted Jacob to get the blessing. Together they planned for Jacob to prevent as Esau. In such a way, Isaac who is now blind will give his blessing to Jacob.
Genesis 27:26-29,...his father Isaac said to him, "Come here, my son, and kiss me". So he went to him and kissed him, when Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, "Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed. May God give you of heaven's dew and of earth's richness an abundance of grain and new wine. May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed."
Finally Jacob got Esau's Blessing and Esau lost it through his negligence.
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Hari
Blessing...
Our Daily Devotional
STAY CALM
When you find yourself full of despair and hopelessness, look to God.
When everyone around you says it can't be done, it's not worth your energy, or you have too much to lose; Do not allow your obstacle to appear larger than what God can handle.
Remember God is greater than the obstacle at hand.
Have faith in Him and He will fight the battle for you.
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Hari
Blessings..
Have anyone here try changing the browser you are using?
What's that going on? Was there a problem or trouble doing it or that is an advantage. Please comment here. Because I'm changing the browser now, using different one. Thanks...good nyt.
Let's have a coffee
Hari
Blessings.
I wanna ask? Is it possible here at read.cash to withdraw a friends earnings to my crypto wallet? Is that OK with the system? Or it has to be one wallet per one user account?
Respect my post. Only those with experience please. Also site the what kind of crypto wallet is that.
Comment below. Thank you.
Taking Charge Of Our Future
We possess two powers to create a future worth living in. One of them is the power to forgive. The other is the power to make and keep commitments. We can use them both to secure a future for our most precious relationships.
The power to forgive frees us from past pains that we cannot accept and cannot forget.
When we forgive, we ignore the normal laws that strap us to our painful pasts. We fly over a dues-paying morality in order to create a new future out of the past's unfairness. When we forgive other people, especially people to whom we are committed, we untie ourselves from the unfair pain they caused us. When we forgive ourselves, we unshackle ourselves from unfair pain that we inflicted on others. We thaw a past that was frozen in pain, and shake ourselves free to face the future.
Just as the power of forgiveness releases us from a painful past, the power to make promises creates a foundation for a hopeful future.
The remedy for the ...chaotic uncertainty of the future is contained in the faculty to make and keep promises." Hannah Arendt wrote this at the conclusion. Of her epochal book The human condition. With commitments, she said create "Islands of security" within a wild sea insecurities. This is the power of commitment-the ability to secure our vital personal relationships against the tides of disillusionment.
Commitment is our unique human power to stand up against the whims of fate and circumstance. It ranks alongside of, maybe even above, the other noble faculties that civilized human beings applaud themselves for having-intelligence, great feeling, and imagination. "How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty!...in apprehension how like a god!" Let Shakespeare go on about our likeness to rational divinity. The truth is that none of us is even more God-like than when we simply make and simply keep commitments to each other.
There so much about our future that is out of our hands. We are stucked into the deadly games played by principalities and powers of this world. We are walloped by private tragedies and gifted by divine providence. And we all rise and fall with the American dollar. Yes, some things are beyond our controls.
But we have control over the most important arena where we live out our lives: we can decide, once,.and then a thousand times over, that we will keep our caring commitments to people. This power, when we choose to use it, is what breathes lasting life into the most precious facet of our future, the relationships we have with people we love.
It is a paradox. For we use power to limit our power-to tie ourself to a promise, a promise we intended then to keep. And we give someone else the right to hold us to that promise. All of which sounds more like losing control than taking control, like being stuck with the past more than taking charge of the future.
But that is the paradox! Being bound to a promise we make is only a way to set the stage for a future that is in our hands.
The promise we made yesterday is like the foundation an architect lays for the building he is planning. Once he has the foundation; he is free to improvise, to change, to recreate all the rooms in his building. He is free to improve on his plans as he goes. But he needs the foundation to make it possible.
Its that way with commitments. The promise we make at the beginning is the foundation. From then on we are on our own to the story of our relationship with another person. The foundations only gives us a continuing chance to keep on creating our future.
Each moment is a new beginning. In every decisions we swipe, the fates aside and take charge of our future. With another person. Whe.change, our mind, we improvise, we adjust, we suffer, we wait, we forgive, we move in and out of love, and we accommodate ourself to the shifting scenes of our life as we move from stage to stage on our journey. And we can make all our moves, freely, on the foundation we created by our commitment.
Life does not always feel as if we are in charge of it. Whenever a lasting relationship goes sour, we can feel fated, checkmated by things we cannot control. We feel bound by our obsessions. We feel driven by unsatisfied desires. We feel crippled by whacky parents. We feel trapped in an illicit love affair. And disabled by diverse demons tangled in the dark grottos of our soul. All in all, we do not always feel like a giant wings and cuffed legs.
We shop for a therapist who can work a magic that we cannot perform alone. But the therapist can only help us take responsibility for ourselves and take control of our future.
In her book MARRIED PEOPLE, Francine Klagsbrun remarks that "People who stay happily married see themselves not as victims, but as free agents who make choices in life." This is the key.
The first choice we make about our future is about ourselves.
Are we victims or are we choosers,?
The initial, and the most critical, choice in commitments is the choice to say no to the victim syndrome and yes to the power of keeping promises.
Of course if another person always met all of our needs, we could glide through the future with him or her without even thinking about commitment.. If the flame of desire for the other person never flickered, we would never feel pressured by a promise we made when we didn't know what keeping it would cost.
But most of us keep our commitments in spite of at least some good or bad reasons for not keeping them. Commitment was invented precisely because of the "in spite of" that haunts every lasting relationship. No matter when or where we live, we keep our commitments in spite of two factors that are present in every close human association.
FIRST, we suffer a global epidemic of imperfections. It hits people of every race, every culture, every faith. Every relationship is carried on imperfectly by imperfect people. Every friend is flawed. Every spouse has failings. Every son or daughter is faulty. Every commitment ever made, this side of Eden, has been made by a flawed person to a flawed person. So we always keep our commitments in spite of the imperfections of the people to whom we make them.
SECOND, each of us is unique, different from every other. Inside or outside, we are all, at certain points, strangers to each other. Which is the way it should be, because our mysteries make us interesting. Besides, if you are different from me you offer me something I cannot find in myself.
But differences can push us apart too; if other people are too different from us, they do not attract us, they threaten us. If you have too many habits that looks crazy to me, if you use too many words I cannot understand, if you have too many beliefs that are aliens to mine, if your quirks are too strange, I am likely to withdraw from you, and look for someone a little more like me. Our differences can become our incompatibility.
So, we are imperfect and we are different. And we keep our commitments in spite of our imperfections and our differences. Somehow love has to be kept alive, for no real relationship lasts unless love lasts. The shell can survive, but the relationship dies for lack of love. And the only love that lasts is the promised love of commitment.
Relationships do not die because the whimsical gods of Eros stop smiling on us. Nor do they survive because the gods of Eros fan the flame of our desire. Our romantic feelings float with the Fates;erotic love flickers and fades, flourishes and flounders. But lasting relationships do not depend on the ficle Fates or changeable gods of Eros.
We decide for ourself whether we will keep the promises of love. Not fate, not destiny, not accidental, but our own choices keep our pivotal personal relationships going.
Remember that every genuine personal commitment has two components. Consistency and care.
Consistency keeps the external structure steady. But care breathes lasting love inside the structure. Consistency is the backbone; care is the heart. Consistency is the muscle; care is the warm blood. Consistency is our predictability; care is our personal presence. We are consistent to the extent that we choose to be. An obvious point. But caring too is a matter of choice. We do not fall into care. Not the way we fall in love.
We have to choose to care. At least to care enough to respect the other person as a duly accredited image of God, not to be coerced, deceived, or demeaned. We have to choose to encourage the other person to develop and deploy his or her own gifts-even if they compete with ours, to honor the other person's trust, to accommodate ourself to unsatisfactory realities within our relationship, to applaud the other person when she dances to the tempo of her own music. We have to choose to care.
But we can also create our own landscapes of care, patterns of care. The desire of lived-out commitment.
We Listen.
Listening is the silent shape of caring. We listen to what the other person says to us. But we listen closest when no words are spoken. We listen for the unuttered message of feeling. We listen for pain expressed in disguised sighs. We listen for desires heard only in the language of the eyes. We listen to our own message to learn how they were heard through the filter of the other person's needs.
We Stay Awake.
A caring person stays alert to what is happening. We notice the little things that have large meaning. We keep our wits about us when trifling temptation at five o'clock in the afternoon could take us where we don't want to be at ten in the evening.
We Stay In Tune With Reality.
Caring takes the form of accommodation to things we cannot change. We choose not to live by fantasies of the ideal friend, the perfectly satisfying spouse, the superior child.
We Forgive.
Caring on the longer journey takes shape in forgiveness. We can, if we choose, always go for the jugular, getting at least an eye for an eye and, if possible, two of theirs for one of ours. Or we can choose the way of healing for the wounds of unfair injury.
WD Stay Honest.
Caring is nurtured in the truth. And honesty comes whole, not piecemeal; we have to be truthful if we hope to speak truthfully. So if we care for another person, we will be our very self, not a fake, not masked self, in her presence.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
The Story of Abraham Part 2
Sara Gave Birth to Isaac
Now Abraham moved on from there (Hebron) into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shut. For a while he stayed in Gerar.
Genesis 21:1-4 "Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son Sarah bore him. When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumscised him, as God commanded him."
God always fulfills His promises for God cannot lie. Abraham's faith in God and his promises was not in vain.
Abraham Sacrifice Isaac
Genesis 21:5 "Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him.
Genesis 22:34 " And Abraham stayed in the land of the Philistines for a long time.
Genesis 22:1 "Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him: " Abraham!" Here I am replied. Then God said:
Genesis 22:2...Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.
What? Isaac will be offered as a burnt sacrifice? Had not God promised that Abraham have many descendants? Why is God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac in Mt. Moriah? Is he taking Isaac away? Wasn't it that Abel and Noah only sacrificed animals as burnt sacrifices and not human beings? What is God trying say? Abraham did not understand all this; yet he trusted and obeyed God.
Genesis 22:3-8 " Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" Yes my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood is here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went together.
Abraham knew that God asked him to sacrifice Isaac. He even made Isaac carry the wood on his shoulder and he himself carried the fire and the knife. This means that his son Isaac whom he loved so much will die. However, as they walked towards the mountain, Abraham let out a sigh of hope from the depth of his heart. When asked about the lamb, Abraham said to Isaac:
"God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son."
Abraham still believed and had Faith that God would provide a lamb substitute to die in place of Isaac even when Isaac was almost certain to die.
When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arrange the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then, mournful yet obedient, Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from Heaven:
Genesis 22:11-12...Abraham! Abraham!" Here I am, "he replied. Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.
God was only testing Abraham, but God was deeply moved by the measure of Faith of Abraham toward him. Then God provided the lamb for the burnt offering according to the Faith and Abraham.
Genesis 22:13-14 "Abraham looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the Lord if will be provided.
Isaac was saved from death because God provided a ram substitute sacrifice to die in his place. Through Faith, salvation comes by the grace of God to those who place their Faith in the living God. Again God confirmed confirmed that man shall be saved only if man has a substitute sacrifice to die in his of her place. Without a substitute, man will die for his sins.
God revealed this truth in Eden when, after He promised a Savior would crush Satan and foretold that he would suffer, God killed an animal in order to clothe Adam and Eve with its skin as a garment. By His act, God showed how the promised Savior will suffer to redeem mankind.
As pictured by the animal burnt sacrifices, when the Savior comes to fulfill the prophecy of the animal burnt sacrifice, God will charge the punishment of death on the Savior to redeem man from the wages of sin which is death.
Hence, the promised Savior will die for man's sins, like the animal sacrifice. The Savior is man's substitute that man may live and not die. It was through Faith on this Truth as pictured or preached by their animal sacrifices that God accepted Abel and Noah.
Through this testing, Abraham saw the days of the promised Savior(Jn.8:56) who, like a lamb from God, would take the place and die as a substitute sacrifice for every sinner who will believe in God's message and promises like Isaac and Abraham.
Like Isaac, who was a promised son to Sarah, the Savior is also a promised son who will be born as seed of a woman. He will carry wood on his shoulder towards the mountain where he will be slain like a burnt animal sacrifice.
However, unlike Isaac who is an unacceptable sacrifice for he is also a sinner, the Savior will be innocent like a ram from God whose head was caught in the thicket.
When Abraham understood the "good news" when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, Abraham was glad. (Jn.8:56)
Genesis 22:15-18 "The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time, and said I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."
Because Abraham had Faith and was obedient to God's message, God swore by Himself (because there is no other being higher than God by which God can swear) to bless Abraham....and he will surely receive what God promised him.
Try Faith produces obedience, and obedience brings blessings to those who believe in God and His promises. But to the unbelieving and disobedient, misfortune would come upon them who do not have faith in God and his promises.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
There is Life After Commitment
When someone breaks an important commitment to us, we die, part of us dies anyway, a large part sometimes.
The goodnews is that there is life after the death of a commitment.
I don't mean to be facile about it, though. Living through the letdown that follows when someone tears up our life's commitment is a horror.
To experience it is to die a minor death.
A minor death is the loss of of one precious segment of our life, one that went a long way to make us who and what we are in this life.
Sometimes when we die a minor death we feel as if we may as well be done with it, and die our major death too.
We experience our minor deaths as walk through dark passages in a dark night. Each is a stage of death and dying. Let's listen, just for a moment, to the voices of people who remember groping their way through the long nights and sunless places.
Anxiety.
"I felt that we trusted each other because we belonged to each other, and our trust gave me a stable footing. Now I am cut off, with nowhere to stand for sure. I have nothing to pin my life to, nothing to hook into, nothing to which I can secure myself. I feel as if I am floating unattached, unheld, unsupported-and the anxiety is killing me.
Loneliness.
"Nobody else can fill my emptiness. It is not the same as being alone; as long as I knew she was committed to me, I did not feel lonely even in solitude. Now my loneliness feels more like being lost, deserted, uncared for, unloved, unwanted. It is worse during those seasons we always celebrated with people we belonged to. Christmas is worst of all. Sometimes I have an urge to take every light and snuff it, every tree and burn it, every carol and silence it, so lonely is the time for me."
Unlovableness.
"I had love and I lost it. He knew me better that anyone on earth has ever known me, and he could not love me. Now I feel that if other people knew me as well as he did, they would all turn away from me. If he could not love me anymore, I must be unlovable."
Failure.
"I have failed at the one thing I needed most, wanted most, in all of life. Surely I could have done something to keep her. If only I had been a different person-better at love, more ready to praise, quicker to catch her moods-if only I had done more of this and less of that, I could have kept her. How bitter it is to be a failure at what matters most!"
Loss of Identity.
"I was the person in our kitchen getting dinner for him. I was the person making love with him. I was the person who gave birth to our children. I was the person who tugged them through the flat sides of our marriage with him. But who am I now? I cannot locate myself; he erased me when he left me. I am a missing person. And I would like to find myself before I die."
Dark passages, these are, all of them, leading through the minor death of lost commitment.
Is there hope for life after the death of commitment?
YES, there is hope. No guarantee. But honest hope. Realistic hope.
Maybe it is a hope that life can be fine without another lifetime commitment.
A woman name Phyllis. Recalled that after her divorce, she was floundering, lonely, and searching to find herself. She felt driven, she said, to find the perfect man for her. And then about a year ago, a light dawned inside her and she realised that no man could bring her the happiness she sought-that what she needed was to grow within herself, alone.
She learned that she had the capacity to enjoy anything and everything she wanted to, by herself, and that she did not need a man for this. Furthermore, she began to accept the fact that she was a worthy person and deserved a commitment from a man she trusted.
And waiting turned into a lively hope of being alive again, by herself, alone without loneliness.
Let me tell you about Irene story.
Irene came home one wretched day in May, found a note scribbled on a shopping memo stuck to the refrigerator door with a magnetic button. It was scrawled next to a reminder to pick up Clem's blue suit from the cleaner. The magnetic button had one of those mottoes meant to elevate Commons chores to the level of ministry: Divine Services Conducted Here Three Times Daily.
The note read,"I have left for Nevada with Hazel. I'll apply for a divorce there. Hazel and I are sure that this is God's will for us. I know that you will come to see it this way too. Will be in touch. Clem."
Irene plunked herself down on a kitchen chair, she had been Clem's devoted partner, dedicated to serving, though not to adoring, him, for twenty-two low church years.
In any case, Clem's commitment to Irene had wilted before the adoration which Hazel had become prone to offer him. He packed his bags, took off, and left Irene to walk her way alone through the dark passages of rejection.
She crawled through them with that homogenized blend of rage and shame we feel when someone we counted on lets us down. Rage at him for leaving her and shame that she did not have the stuff to make him stay. What hope was there for her now?
Hope? For a woman alone in the autumn shade of fifty? For a woman who had lived her life in the faith that a female's meaning was framed in service to a male? What hope?
Well there was hope. It didn't come by waiting for it, as an illumination, the way it did for Phyllis. Irene created her own opportunities of hope.
She made new commitments to friends, and new kinds of commitments to her children. She kept her commitment to the people of her church, and took strength when they upped the ante on their commitment to her. But mostly she made new commitments to herself. She created a life more true to her real self than she had ever permitted herself in her wifely days.
She traveled, venturing to new and strange places with friends. Became a music teacher people competed to engage. She played games she had never played. Took risks she had never dared to take. And before too long she laughed again. Those of us who knew her before Clem ran off see a far more interesting person now, more fun to be with, more honest than she used to be while she served the Lord at Clem's side.
Maybe, in one cordoned-off section of her mind, she is actually grateful that Clem took off and left her. But if you were to ask her whether she would risk making another commitment to another man, she would probably say something like this: "Yes, to another kind of man, I would risk it again."
There is hope for life after the death of a commitment. We cannot feel it at the beginning; we cannot feel it while we pass through the passages of our minor death. But we can gradually open for ourselves to it, be prepared to grasp it when it comes. And one way, one good way, to keep the door open to hope is by making and keeping commitments to other people, smaller, limited commitments to friends and neighbors and a larger commitment to ourselves.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Is God Committed?
Ultimately, the question of hope gets us to the question of God, and of whether he is committed to us. Will God be there for us? Does he personally care enough to keep a commitment to people who wonder what the odds of making it are?
No matter what our faith or doubt or disbelief may be, the ultimate question is whether God is committed to us.
The interest of the question whether God is really up there cools down quickly if I cannot believe he is committed to me down here, and to others, to weak, needy, faulty people like me. But in those moments when the current of his committed presence flows into my weakness, his reality becomes ultimately important to me.
When I feel that I am committed to, unconditionally, I sense that God's being has become transparent to me. I know what I want to know most about who he is and what he has in mind.
And I get new hope for my own commitments to other people.
I get reassurance from stories of other people's experiences that tell them he is committed to them in spite of everything.
And it helps to know that people with a lot more faith than I have sometimes wondered whether they can depend on God's commitment. Biblical stories are often the best. Take the one about Moses and his surprising experience with the burning bush.
God had been on leave of absence for four hundred years-as far as anybody could tell-and four hundred years is a long time for anyone to be away. Even for God. People forget someone who stays away too long. And, as a matter of fact, Moses didn't even know God's name.
Moses, who had been brought up in the Egyptian Pharaoh's court, was living in exile at the time, a fugitive from Pharaoh-and, for that matter, from his own people-when God spotted him alone in the wilderness tending his father-in-law's sheep.
God flagged him down with a burning piece of chaparral that flamed oddly long. Moses went to take a second look, out of mere curiosity, but it was not what he saw, it was he heard there that shifted the winds of the future. God had come back.
The Lord was committed to renewing his relationship with the human family, and he wanted Moses to go back to Egypt, where the Hebrews had been slaves for four centuries, and prepare them for escape into freedom and a new commitment to God.
Moses had reservations. Who wouldn't? It would be very hard to feel at ease with a God who stayed away that long from people who needed his help as much as those Hebrew slaves needed it. Who was this unseen presence, this awesome voice, and the stranger behind the voice? Moses needed a name for this presence.
For an ancient Jew, to ask somebody's name was really to ask for a hint of his personal character. So, when Moses asked for God's name, he was asking, "What sort of God are you?"
God obliged. He told Moses his name.
The name told Moses what he wanted to know. Enough, anyway, for him to go back to Egypt and lead his people out of bondage.
What was that name? Moses knew. But it is not easy to say now. The Jewish people came to consider the name too holy for any ordinary person to put on human tongue.
And with a divine name, like most things, we lose it if we don't use it. What was written in the Torah was only four consonants, YHWH, no vowels. And who could even pronounce a word without vowels, let alone know what it meant?
When the ancient Jews spoke of this God, they simply substitute another name for the original, so they always knew what they were doing. But when it came to putting the Hebrew name into English, we had a problem. The educated guess was that it was originally a form of the verb to be. So it got translated as something like "I am who I am." Which seemed to convey a deep philosophical truth about divine essence and divine existence.
But Moses was not a philosopher, and what he really wanted to know was whether the stranger could be trusted. Would he be there when a God was really needed? Moses did not really care, at that moment, about God's essence; he cared about his presence.
So probably YHWH, the name God gave him at the burning bush, comes across best in English something like this:
"The one who will be there with you, the God who has made a commitment to you and intends to keep it."
No one could have guessed then the fantastic story that was going to follow this strange encounter in the desert. One crisis after another. And whenever crisis came, people always asked the same question: "Is the Lord here with us?" If they knee God was keeping his commitment, they received strenght to keep theirs. When it looked as if God was not keeping his commitment, they lost hope for their own commitments.
What I want to know about God is exactly what Moses wanted to know. Is he committed to me? If I can't keep my commitments to other people, is God still committed to me? To his human family? To the world?
When I do feel that he is the God who will be there-in the worst as well as the best of places- I feel that keeping personal commitments is what holds life together for me and gives it a future. And I get my confidence back. Commitment is what makes any human sort of life together possible on this earth.
It isn't that commitments suddenly get easy to keep when we believe God is committed to us. I've not have much experience, personally, with miracle solutions to the problems and pains that make keeping commitments hard sometimes-though if miracles work for you, be thankful for them. But when I feel that God is keeping his commitment to me, to us, to the world, in spite of a lot of reasons we've given him for calling it quits with us, it makes more sense for me to keep commitments I make to other people.
I am not a hopeful person by nature. When things get tough I am easily tempted to believe that the jig is up. I foreclose on the future all too soon. If my team is not ahead by at least two touchdowns in the final five minutes of play, I hear defeat blowing in the winds.
When two people are committed to each other, when the innerspring of their commitment is care, each for the other, there are possibilities in the toughest situations. Not certainties. But possibilities. Not possibilities of things being all we've ever wanted them to be. But possibilities of things becoming better than they are. Good enough to make the future together, as friends, as partners, as family, better for having kept on caring for each other just a little more than we care for ourselves.
Hope is the Energy to cope when life gets tough..
Let's have a coffee
Hari
Blessings...
When What We Need Most Is Hope
Every commitment we make is an act of hope. We make commitments because we hope that can keep them. We keep them as long as we have hope that keeping them will bring good to both the persons we are committed to and to ourselves.
Hope is to commitment what gasoline is to the piston engine, and we can run out of both too soon. We can turn our solvable problems into incurable catastrophes before their time.
Every counselor I know tells me that people struggling with their commitments tends too soon to see their problems as catastrophes and their commitments as dead or dying. They give up hope before its time.
In fact, the deepest reason behind what some critics see as our culture's copouy from commitment is a loss of hope. Sociologist Christopher Lasch sees the symptom all around us, and speaks of it in his Haven in a Heartless World:"The ideology of [the uncommitted life]...radiates pessimism: the world view of the resigned."It makes sense. If we have given up hope for the future, why should we make serious, long-term commitments?
The critical question, then, is whether the future we can look forward to makes serious commitment a reasonable choice.
Let's admit that there are more than enough reasons to be pessimistic, for being afraid to make long-term commitments, for not wanting to take the risk. So before we talk about hope for keeping commitments a scary proportion.
Why People Fear Commitments
People are edgy about commitments for a lot of reasons.
Some people have given up hope for the globe. They doubt that there is a future for life on earth. This is especially true of young people, and the more sensitive and aware they ate, the harder it might be for them to keep hope alive.
Listen to Sam. "I would really like to make a permanent commitment to somebody, and live the kind of life with her that my parents have lived together. But my world isn't their world. They believe in the future. I don't. I think that some idiot in Washington or Moscow or some other place is going to push the button before too long. And there we go, the whole shooting match. So what's the point of making a permanent commitment to anyone?"
Sam isn't alone. If some polls are right, 75 percent of people under thirty expect the world to be destroyed before they can die a natural death.
And they think that even if nobody is crazy enough to start a nuclear war, we will find other ways to make the earth uninhabitable. We will make the air unfit to breathe, the water unfit to drink, the food unfit to eat, and in general turn globe into a glob of cosmic garbage.
With pessimism like this, commitment is going to need a powerful injection of hope if it is going to make a comeback.
But fear of commitment is also very private.
Some of us fear being abandoned.
Listen to Sarah."I needed my father terribly, and he went out one night and took his life. He couldn't help it, I suppose, but he left me alone with nothing to hang on to, and I felt as if it were my fault that he did it. I'm not going to risk being left alone that way again.
Or to Frank."My mother and father got into such awful fights, I was sure they were going to kill each other, and then my mother finally left and never came back again. It felt as if we kids didn't count at all, we felt like trash that could be thrown out with the garbage. So much for my parents' commitment. I am never going to put myself in that situation; I can't risk it. No commitment for me, thanks.
Fear of being abandoned! Reason enough to be skittish about long-term commitments.
And it's a reason more and more of us know personally. Polls show that 60 percent of the children born this year will spend at least part of their growing up with a single parent. Most of them will feel abandoned by somebody. By 1990, we are told, 70 percent of us will be part of a broken home-either out parents or our own.
We are creating a cycle of commitment failure: the more commitments fail, the less courage we have to make them.
Some people are afraid to make commitments because they cannot trust themselves.
Listen to Linda: "I never stuck with anything. How could I stick with another person for the rest of my life?" Or to Steve: "The minute somebody starts getting thick with me, I have an urge to split. Whenever people start expecting me to be close, I begin to panic. Maybe commitments are just not my thing."
Fear of ourselves! How do we know we have what it takes to keep a commitment?
The answer is, we don't. Not for sure.
The question is, do we have enough hope to make the commitment anyway?
Commitments are a chancy thing in the best of times. But right now, in our kind of world, the only hope, is hope itself.
Let's explore the ins and outs of hope, then, as the deepest secret of commitment making in a scary time.
The answer for many of us grows out of the soil of our faith.
Do we believe that God is committed to us? Is he committed to keeping our world a place where making commitments to each other works? If God is really committed to us, and to our important personal relationships, we have reason for hope, and a reason for making commitments to them.
So in my own experience, because I believe in God, I have to ask whether my faith really does give me hope that keeping commitments is still the only way to keep our deepest human relationships alive and creative.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Our Daily Devotional:
Fight for it
God calls us to be active participants in our futures.
If we want to see His best for our lives, we’ve got to fight for it!
Just because you face discomfort, doesn’t mean it’s not in God’s best plan for your life.
Sometimes our best and biggest steps of faith are the hardest.
Be assured those bold moves of faith are apart of God’s best for you!
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
Forgiving Our Friends
Forgiving can be hazardous to friendship. Forgive friends too quickly, too often, and you become a nag. And no one wants a nag for friend.
Friendship survives on a diet of accommodation, of being generous about faults. Magnanimity again; show me a person big-minded enough not to require good friends to be perfect people and I will show you a friend who can keep a commitment to friendship.
There is such thing as expecting too much from friends.
Not every friend has a perfect sense of timing; some friends tend to be late when we very much want them to be early.
Not every friend remembers to return things she borrowed; some friends need nudging. Not every friend knows how to dress for the occasion; some friends are slobs.
Not every friend invites you back after you entertained his out-of-town parents at a dinner party; some friends hate to entertain. Not every friend is a good listener; some friends talk too much.
We shouldn't forgive friends for being less perfect than we want them to be.
Nor should we forgive them for being more successful than we are.
Your kids dropped out of community college after the first semester; theirs are on fine scholarships at top-flight universities.
And they never stop telling you how well their children are doing. You sweat blood just to pass every course; your best friend gets A's in everything without trying. And he pesters you for being too serious about your studies.
Your husband is stuck at level C in a going-nowhere firm; your friend's husband gets periodic promotions and regular raises in salary. And she loves to tell you about their expensive vacations. You yearn for a little romance, your best friend is forever complaining about having too many men in her life.
The sorts of things we need to forgive friends for are the sorts of things we would stop being their friends for-if we couldn't forgive them. It can happen when a friend betrays a trust.
The only way to rescue friendship from betrayal is by forgiving the betrayer.
But even when we do forgive him, we be better off to call off the friendship.
Donald Former is a lawyer, a good one, but at this particular time he is wrestling with the kind of dilemma that takes more than a lawyer's skill to solve.
Back in the early sixties he had gotten involved for a while with a radical protest group. He was a college student then, fed up with the system, and he had hooked up for a while with this group of bitter-end extremist.
He didn't know what he was getting into at the time; and when he learned that this crowd treated people worse than did the system he wanted to change, he got out.
Then he applied for a job in the Justice Department, a job he wanted badly and one for which he knew he was qualified. But it called for security clearance.
He agonized over the situation, wondering if he should tell them about his brief romance with a radical organization. If he told he probably would not get the job. He wanted to be honest; but he wanted the job even more.
He talked it over with a good friend, a trusted friend. Her name was Judy, and she worked in the very department to which he was applying.
Judy advised him not say a word. "That was in your previous existence," Judy assured him,"and nobody has to know about it. Why scuttle your chance?"
Donald went along, said nothing, got the job.
One fact Donald did not know was that Judy worked for a fanatic who expected everybody working under him to demonstrate his or her loyalty by exposing, once a year, at least one weak link in the security system.
Another fact Donald did not know about Judy's problems with the boss. She had been feeling his paranoid breath, and she knew that what she needed right then was a chance to clobber a security risk.
Three months into Donald's new career, he got a letter telling him that he was fired. The reason: failure to disclose his 1962 membership in a radical organization.
Judy!Judy-Judas-he wanted to kill her and let her bowels gush over the steps of the justice building.
Friendship is killed by betrayal.
Eventually, Donald may forgive Judy, begin the journey to his own recovery, heal his heart by purging his hate. Even wish Judy well. Someday.
But would his forgiving resurrect their friendship?
The odds are against it. And it would be right if Donald forgave from a distance, and buried the friendship. Not necessary.
But right. Friendships are tested by less grievous letdowns.
We are not always sure of how to measure the disappointment, or how much to tolerate in a friend.
Some people lean too hard on friends, and expect too much from a relationship created to be equal.
They expect their friends to always pick up the tab, fix their plumbing and never send a bill, or drive them to work every day and never ask for gas money.
And when their friends finally say no, they feel down, badly threated, and wonder why their friends are not more committed to them.
One way to look at it is this: these are not the sorts of offenses that call for forgiving. They are annoyances that need understanding, indulgence too maybe, but not forgiving.
Forgiveness is better kept for more serious stuff. Just understand that some people do not grow up, and that we are better off staying clear of them and choosing our friends wisely.
We keep our commitments in a world where even a decent person can let us down and betray our trust. When a person does, forgiveness is the way to cleanse our own heart.
But forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that we should renew our commitment to him or her.
For parents, yes; we should always try to bring a child back. But forgivers don't have to be friends again or spouses again, not when trust is shattered and there is no reasonable expectation of putting a shattered relationship together again.
We need a sense of humor to cope with those who annoy us, the patience to wait for sick people to be healed, and the grace to forgive those who betray the trust of our commitment.
We also need the grace to renew our commitments when we can, and the wisdom to know when we should walk away.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings...
@Hari
