@Hari
Commitments Collide
We get caught, sometimes, in a commitment squeeze. Two commitments claim us at the same time, when we can keep only one of them. Commitments bring conflict into our lives. We can't get away from it. For one thing, we are limited; our supply of energy is limited, our time is limited, and God knows our understanding is limited. So we may be forced into a conflict between what we should do and what we can do. For another thing, we make commitments to more than one person. Different sorts of commitments, for different sorts of relationships. And sometimes we are caught in the middle of them. We will look at some typical conflicts committed people get into, and see how-or whether-they can be resolved.
Conflict Of Circumstances We can get into conflict simply because we make too many commitments. We can be heedless, even compulsive, about commitments; we can make them without regard to our own limitations, and without asking ourselves whether we have the time and the ability to do justice to any one of them. I have an acquaintance who is the most committed person I know-if you gauge commitment by numbers. He is usually a little Muddleheaded about them, and as a result he let's people down. But he expects them to let him off the hook because, after all he is so terribly committed. In fact, he intimidates people with his prodigious ability to make commitments.
He does not let people down because he is too committed; he lets people down because he is not responsible. He makes too many commitments to too many people. But there are also times when two reasonable commitments made by a responsible person simply get each other's way. We can't keep both of them, at least not the way both people expect us to keep them. Circumstances force the conflict.
Here is a doctor utterly committed to his daughter, and certainly committed to be at her wedding. But he is also committed to a patient who has heart attack two hours before the wedding. He has to decide between keeping his commitment to his daughter and keeping his commitment to his patient. Whatever he does will let one of them down. He doesn't give up his commitment to either of them; but he has to say NO to what one of them expects from him at this moment. The doctor is not overcommitted. He has made reasonable commitments, but he is paying the price for being a limited person trying to keep commitments in a world where things can happen at the wrong time. Whichever person he chooses to be with, he will have to trust the other to understand, and if she cannot understand, to forgive.
Commitment Keepers Commitments keepers need to be tough. We cannot meet everybody's needs all of the time. And if we try to meet them all, we probably will not meet any of them well. I am committed to my students, But I sometimes have to say not to lone student who needs my help at an hour when I need to get ready to deliver a lecture to a room full of other students. On the other hand, that individual student's need may be so urgent that I will give him or her all of my attention even if I have to stumble through my lecture.
My limits force me to choose between specific claims that people have on me at a moment when their claims conflict with each other. I did not create my limits. Nor did I create the conflict. So, while I may regret having to make the choice, I feel no guilt for the choice I make. Let's have a coffee Hari Enjoy reading...Blessing
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