Stressed

These days, I've just been extremely stressed. Much more so when I was working in my previous company. I have a lot of regrets in choosing my current company because it wasn't as good as I hoped it would be. As it goes in any chemistry lab, all benefits are given upon regularization unlike in some companies. Also 6 working days is just rediculous in the end. No job is ever worth it unless you really love the job, you're escaping problems at home, or you live really really close to the company that you never have to wait for the traffic to subside before you can go home. Unfortunately, none of what i mentioned applies to me. I live quite far from my current company. I like my family and my house, and I want to see my dogs and have time to help around the house. And I get caught in traffic for an insanely long 2 hours.

I know some have it rough with having to travel 4 hours for work, but I do think they have some kind of out of this world dedication to their job to actually have the patience for that. Sadly, I don't and I'm more on the practical side of this world. I want to be productive, I want to have time for myself and time to do what I planned to do for that day, but with this company, my personal time is so compromised. So is my health because I've been walking 3 kilometers every day just to get home. There are barely cars that I can ride once the clock strikes 4pm. And i either have to wait an hour or 2 or I walk the 3 kilometers (which takes me about 30-40 minutes to do so.)

Sure, walking shouldn't be that bad but when you're walking down a street that has nothing but cars, and you're basically inhaling all the car fumes, it is nowhere near healthy even with a mask on.

I got sick because of this, my system is not used to these kinds of fumes and this amount of walking.

My mental integrity is so compromised because I found out they don't test every sample they get as they should. It feels like all my experience in a testing lab just went to waste here because all the protocols they have are so against the ones I was trained to do. i never had to fake results because thre was always data to back everything I do. But here, I experienced faking data. You guys have no idea how disgusting it makes me feel, especially since you're considering food safety.

I get that they lack the time and equipment for it, but it just really goes against everything I know.

In light of that, I think this drawing of mine highlights my mental state here right now.

Messy and completely incomplete. I feel like this lab will not complete me, but instead, will slowly tear me down. The pay is not worth it despite there being no OT. I would rather have time to rest, draw and write than to be stuck somewhere where I'll eventually get sick (either from diabetes or from something in the lungs cuz of the location). Either way, I will adjust to the nightshift time since I like the night. I can adjust to sleeping in the day and I don't have regrets in not using my license. I can still use it in the future.

Another painitng I finished today but lol the nose was pretty long.

Progression shots

Sorry for ranting again. I'm still pretty sick but my supervisor is still asking me to report to work tomorrow. Then my mom is arguing with me about why i applied for the BPO industry and she won't even listen to my explanation. She's just telling me to adjust and give it a try. The generational gap is really not helping my case here, I swear.