@Greatness96 28 September 2020 more from that month

Suicidal Steps

It began from temperament I spoke less and stayed alone. I was classified melancholic; A slow stream, that yet runs; A green snake under green cover.

I nursed every ill spoken word, I thought on them until I bled. Once or twice I voiced how I felt, But I was mocked, so my wounds enlarged, And my voice sank, I swore "never again". I was scared of what they will say, I felt incomplete all the way, I wonder if I had any good in me, Such that a soul can see. I buried my esteem, for there was no need to keep. I knew no home, no peace, no hugs. I was so hungry for love, and had strong urge for care. I searched for them in smokes, bottles and fantasy. I searched for attention; a feeling of importance. I found it in indecent dresses and the lies I was told. I plunged into the abyss of depression, I found an essence in prostitution and drugs, And while I felt worst afterwards, I sort for a place, where pain doesn't exist. And the voices suggested to me "death". They told to me a tale of death; As a place oozing with bliss. I was told my kind will rule cities, And have a lot of friends. I kept smiling alone, Like a damsel newly in love. This day, I was told I was expected, That celebrations of my arrival had begun. suggestions came on how to proceed, I was encouraged to be brave. I wept for I knew I was doomed, The voices were insistent, I was warding like an addict. All I wanted was a bit of love, Maybe to be heard. I never knew I had an option, I was never told of the love of Jesus. So death became worst than living, For the very devil I feared, Is now my landlord!