What path are you taking?

Life is short not because you will die early but because you may die at anytime without you knowing it. Some may have reached 50, 60, 70 and more but then it is not a guarantee that they have lived life to the fullest.

I am almost 30 and I wanted so much in life but I am not even halfway of it. Thinking that anytime can be my last day pressures me a lot. I get to think about my childrens future without me because I know for a fact that it would be very hard to sustain their needs and they cannot depend on anyone not even on their father.

Guys, boys, fathers are very much weak when it comes to temptation. They cannot leave without the taste of sex so I can never entrust my children to him because surely he would only find another woman to build a family and my children will then be left behind. So I wanted to hurry and do my best to achieve a lot. I wanted to impress because it may give me promotion or better offer but then it drains me more, I wanted to run a small business wishing it might give me a big break and I am thinking about vlogging in youtube, tiktok or facebook as it may give me something in return but then I always end up not fulfilling anything though because I lack the passion.

So up to now I do not know how can I go about making sure that my children's future will be bright without me with them.

My direction is nowhere and it seems like the path I am taking is blurry. I am never sure what do I wanted to fulfill in life anymore and how will I fulfill anything?

I realize that if I overdo things it might shorten my time with my family even more.

Life is really unpredictable. I want to reach that point where I know my children are in good hands and that I can be at peace. My mom would often tell me that if she dies hopefully it is when me and my siblings already have our own family so we won't feel much pain of her leaving and so she won't worry too much of us not being taken cared of.

And I think I want to have the same perspective and prayer.

But other than that, I also pray for my kids to find a good and god fearing partner. Someone who will not harass them or molest them. Someone who will be strong enough to be their foundation.

As of today, what I can advise to the young generation is never ever bare a child if you are not financially, emotionally, mentally and even physically ready. Why?

Being parents is a lifetime commitment so even when having sex without protection feels like you are in cloud 9 then let me slap you with the fact that it can give you 9 months of homesickness and mood swings plus a lifetime of never ending payables, right!

It is never a bad thing to build a family and others have gain new money by doing their best while they have a newborn baby to feed but not everyone is lucky enough. Milk alone costs fortune what more as they grow? Right?

...end thoughts...

Up to now I am still afraid of what would be the end or if when will everything comes to an end and if I will be lucky enough to experience the best in life before I give my borrowed life back to our creator. I am always afraid because I am feeling weaker and weaker each day and I feel like anytime soon would be my last. I pray to God to give me more chance to be with my children. I wanted to really guide them. As I grow older I realize how scary it is to be in this world and I want to be their light when there's darkness, their strength when fear would eat them up.