@Glez 15 July 2023 edited more from that month

Life without Peace of Mind Today, I have one of the most painful experience a person who is in need could get through. As I have shared I am struggling so much in financial aspect due to my health issue while I am currently pregnant. Others may have judged me and that is fine. People who has enough or more than enough would think people like me are toxic and I understand. That is why I keep my distance. With all the downs I have gone through these past few years I think I got used to people talking behind my back and saying things against me. I got used to people afraid to mingle with me because I might ask for help or I might ask to borrow money. The most painful thing about being in need is that you do not have the courage to stand your ground and that you have to just look down, close your eyes and deeply sigh with those hurtful words. I feel harassed. Today is the 15th of July in our country. We might have different time zone though. Every time 15th and 30th of each month came I always feel nervous because there are people who would surely call and message me nonstop to ask for payment. Please do not get me wrong, I pay them even when it is delay or installment. I update when I am awake and I reply to messages as much as possible. I have this close friend whom I have borrowed money for numerous times (with interest). Earlier, she messaged me to update and send her my payment but was not able to notice because I was asleep since I had a graveyard shift. Later on, my partner woke me up saying that someone keeps on calling and texting my mom's number and even my phone keeps receiving notification both messenger and my personal number. When I checked she has a lot of messages already and I was so shocked. This close friend knows my situation and my story because shes one of those that I trusted but today totally broke my heart.

At 7AM earlier she sent me a message and tried to call me asking me to send her my payment but was not able to read because I charged my phone at around 6am right after my shift and put it on silent mode since I am about to sleep.

Normally, I would wake up at around 2-3pm and with the numerous times that I borrowed from her this is the first time that she acted this way. She knows everything about whats going on and she knows that I kept feeling sleepy due to my condition. In this message she is saying that she need me to pay her at exactly 1pm.

My partner decided to woke me up despite me always telling them not to do so because I want to at least have a proper sleep with all the things and burdens. She even texted and called my mom. Before this thing happened, few weeks ago I chatted her while crying because someone also harassed me just because I was on emergency and can't pay due to my current condition. I think she thought by then that I may also give her reason so I can avoid paying her. What pains me is that, I thought she knew me already since we've been friends since high school. I thought she trusted me but I only realize that it is all to gain profit for her and her cousin's lending business. She was good at me before I shared the harassment incident. She even asked me to just understand the side of the other person and I told her I don't hold grudge but I just got hurt only to realize that she can do the same at the end. Now that I am typing this I am crying my heart out. God knows I did my best to get off from this miserable situation but everytime I do another problem would arise. I feel like I am going insane. I am living in a never ending cycle of struggles that I do not know if I can get back up. I only gain pain and a lesson that I should not trust nor stay close. Sorry for ranting my misfortune but I will lose my sanity if I could not share my pain. Thank you for reading this nonsense.