I wanted to die

How I really wanted to end this fucking life. But everytime I held the blade and place it in my wrist I remember the people I will left behind. I still wanted to see their smiles and heard their laughter. I still wanted to be part of their life and witness their journey as they succeed, to be part of their mourning and proud moment. Everytime I held the rope and ready to put it in my neck I remember my dreams. I still wanted to achieve it and don't let it left forgotten. I still wanted to know how it felt like to finally accomplished the goal I've been aiming the whole time. I still wanted to feel that "alive" thingy when people achieve their wildest dreams. Everytime I go in the rooftop of 35th storey building and ready to jump I remember what would be my future is. I still wanted to walk down the aisle and saw my man waiting in front of the altar. I still wanted to have a child and watch her grow into an independent and strong lady she is. I still wanted to grow old with them together. I always look forward to everything that's why I can't end my life. Looking forward of what more this life has to offer aside from the heartaches, problems and stuffs. I'm still looking forward.