My online boyfriend has a secret

[December 3,2021|Friday]

I have an online boyfriend named Gabriel and we've been in a relationship for nine months.

Gab is a handsome guy but that's not the reason why I was so in love with him. It was his attitude and his personality that made me so smitten by him. And just like any typical love stories, our relationship went into different obstacles.

But despite of those inevitable circumstances, hindi naging hadlang ang mga 'yon para maghiwalay kami ni Gabriel. In fact, mas lalo pang tumibay ang pagsasama namin kahit malayo kami sa isa't- isa.

"Thanks, God. Makikita na rin kita bukas, babe," wika ni Gabriel sa kaniyang chat.

I can't help but to giggle while fidgeting my phone. Finally, makikita ko na rin si Gab in person, hanggang chat lang kasi ang communication namin. Ni-hindi ko pa nga siya nakaka-video call kahit isang beses man lang. But I don't mind that, at least magkikita na kami bukas.

"I'd definitely wear my best dress, babe. Magpapaganda talaga ako sa 'yo," sagot ko sa chat.

"You don't have to wear any fancy dress, babe. Your simplicity still radiates without those luxuries," aniya na siyang nagpa-init ng mga pisngi ko.

Makaraan ang ilang oras ng aming harutan, natulog na kami ni Gab nang maaga para sa meet up namin bukas.

—

The day came at kinakabahan akong pumasok sa restaurant na sinasabi ni Gab. Pagkabukas ko pa lang ng pinto ng resto ay nakita ko agad ang malawak na ngiti niya. He's indeed a handsome guy in person.

Without warning, he immediately hugged me.

I hugged him back and I was shocked because I should've felt any sparks nor any fluttery sensations from his hugs but I felt none. Wala talaga akong naramdaman na kilig o excitement. Is it normal?

And along our dinner date, Gab was busy talking about our plans and goals in the future but I couldn't find the joy and excitement in me. Usually pag nag-oopen up kasi si Gab tungkol sa future namin, todo kilig ako.

Pero ngayon? Ba't wala akong maramdaman? Gab is the same guy I am chatting with in online pero ba't hindi ko siya feel? Ba't parang may kulang sa kaniya?

Nang makauwi ako, I breathed out all my frustration and disappointment about Gab.

Matutulog na sana ako nang bigla akong nakatanggap ng message.

[One message received]

From unknown number:

This is Gab's bestfriend, Elle. Your boyfriend got a car accident at hindi na siya nakaabot ng ospital. He's dead on arrival. I'm sorry...

Biglang umawang ang bibig ko matapos kong mabasa ang message. Para akong kakapusin ng hininga. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng buong sistema ko.

"No..." Napailing ako, hindi makapaniwala.

—

The day after, I visited Gab's burial and I was welcomed by his family and it was Kian, Gab's bestfriend who catered me all through out my visit.

"Mabuti at dumating ka, Miss," panimula ni Kian atsaka ako ginawaran ng yakap.

Biglang lumakas ang pagtibok ng puso ko matapos niya akong yakapin. And I couldn't deny that Kian is good-looking too. He's moreno, tall and has a well-toned body.

"Masiyadong biglaan ang pagkawala ni Gabriel. Tangina, iniwan na ako ng bestfriend ko," sambit niya habang nakatingin sa kabaong ni Gab.

Sumilip ako kay Gab na mahimbing na natutulog sa kabaong niya. Gusto kong umiyak pero hindi ko magawa. Gusto kong makaramdam ng sakit pero hindi ko kaya.

Kasi ba't ako masasaktan sa pagkawala ng taong hindi ko naman ramdam? Gabriel is completely different in person. Parang 'di ko siya kilala.

"Kain ka muna, Miss. Masiyadong mahaba ang biyahe mo para lang makarating dito," ani Kian na puno ng pag-alala.

Biglang lumambot ang puso ko. The way Kian cared for me even if it was just our first meet up, 'di ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kilig which I find so inappropriate.

Imagine, nakakaramdam ako ng kilig sa mismong lamay ng boyfriend ko? Ang sama-sama ko tangina!

"Hatid na kita?" presinta ni Kian matapos kaming kumain.

Hindi na ako tumanggi lalo't gabi na. Nang makarating kami sa tapat ng bahay ko ay nagulat na lamang ako sa sinabi ni Kian.

"Maganda ka nga talaga," he smirked. Mas lalo pa akong kinabahan nang bigla siyang lumapit sa akin atsaka niya ako ginawaran ng halik sa pisngi.

"I like you, Elle..." he confessed.

And I'd never thought na 'yon na pala ang simula para mahulog kami ni Kian sa isa't-isa.

We'd go out into unnumbered dates and months of dating, I answered Kian. I know this is totally inappropriate and disrespectful on Gab's part but I can't control my feelings.

Damn, I am cheating to my boyfriend who's already dead. Worst, sa bestfriend niya pa.

Nang malapit na ang second monthsary namin ni Kian, I decided to end our relationship kasi natauhan na ako. I knew that our relationship is just so wrong in so many ways.

"Nakokonsensiya na ako, love," sabi ko kay Kian sa chat.

"I think we should stop this."

"What?" he replied.

"Let's end our relationship, love. Huwag na nating ipilit na gawing tama ang isang mali. And I guess, it would be better if you find someone else. Don't worry, hahanapan kita ng babaeng magmamahal at mag-aalaga sa 'yo. For sure, that woman will treasure you."

Iyak lamang ako ng iyak habang nagta-type. Maybe, it would be better if Kian divert himself to someone else. We just can't be together.

Kaya naman ay nireto ko siya sa bestfriend ko.

And I'm glad that the two of them clicked. After three years of being in a relationship, they are now planning to get married.

Habang heto ako.. nasasaktan at nanghihinayang.

After all these years, I still haven't move on and I'm still hurting but what makes me hurt more is what Kian said,

"I guess it's the right time to tell you these, Elle." Huminga nang malalim si Kian habang nakatingin sa akin.

"Diba wala kang nararamdaman kay Gab no'ng nag meet up kayo? It's because it wasn't him who's your online boyfriend, Elle. It was me. Ako 'yong lalakeng nakaka-chat mo. Ako 'yong lalakeng minahal mo ng siyam na buwan. Ako 'yong totoong boyfriend mo. Ginamit ko lang ang mukha ni Gab at inutusan ko siyang makipag meet up sa 'yo. Hindi ko sinabi sayo agad kasi napangunahan ako ng takot. Nagsinungaling ako sa 'yo, Elle. I'm really sorry.."

Nanlalamig ang buong katawan ko, hindi makapaniwala. My heart sank deeper as he dropped his final words.

"But Elle? Thank you because you let me go. Thank you kasi 'di natin pinilit. And as what you told me, your bestfriend did really care and love me, Elle. It made me the happiest man at hindi ito mangyayari kung hindi mo ako pinagtulakan sa iba."

Tuluyan nang bumuhos ang mga luha ko.

Tanga-tanga ko, ibinigay ko sa ibang babae ang lalaking dapat na pagmamay-ari ko!

-End

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-Thank you for reading!