Na Charger I Borrow, My Phone Begin Speak in Tongues” 😭📱 Make I tell you this once so you no go learn the hard way — stop borrowing people charger. Especially from neighbor wey dey smile like say she go heaven, but her charger dey do ritual underground. That day, around 9:07pm, rain wan fall, my phone don reach 3%. I try dim light, off data, airplane mode join — nothing work. Battery just dey blink like NEPA light. My own charger don finally kpai. The wire don scatter like spaghetti, and I no get money for new one. So I carry my pride and beg my neighbor: “Sis abeg, you fit borrow me your charger small?” She smile. Innocent-looking. She say: “You fit use am o, but e dey shock small.” Shock ke?! If na small shock, why you no use am iron cloth? But I too desperate. As I plug my phone in… GBOOOOOM!!! Phone make one pheeew sound. Screen flash white. Then I see Apple logo. Mind you — I dey use Infinix 😭😭😭 My heart cut. I unplug am faster than NEPA light go off after you just iron finish. Then she come say: “E dey behave like that when e no sabi the person phone.” Ah. Wait. So charger dey do tribalism? Or I suppose introduce myself before plug: “Hi, I’m Funmi’s phone, nice to meet you. Please no shock me.” Since that moment, my phone no be the same: E go just type rubbish like “asfklashjkll” when I no touch keyboard. One night, gospel music start play by 2:13am. Sometimes I go plug am, battery go stop at 71% like say e don tire. And guess wetin? The babe still dey use the charger o! She tell me: “E no dey like stranger phone. Na small attitude e get.” Attitude?? Na charger or Yoruba babe from TikTok? 🙆🏽‍♀️

Since then, I don swear: ❌ No more charger borrowing. ❌ No more “abeg plug am small.” ❌ If battery die, e go die in peace. Because this charger nearly send me to WhatsApp group of spiritual warfare. Now my phone dey behave like person wey don smoke loud. Camera go open by itself. Flash go blink when I sleep. And e go refuse to on until I tap am 5 times like ritual. My fellow hustlers, learn from me. Hold your charger like life support. Tie am with rubber band. Kiss am goodnight. If person beg you say: “I just wan charge 5%.” Tell am say:“I no get NEPA inside.” Because next time you borrow charger, You go charge battery, but lose peace of mind. Funmiwrites Wagwan family 😎