My sweetest downfall... (Part 1)

I've already shared my worst relationship, the devil guy char. So I'm gonna share my sweetest downfall.

I think most of us had this bittersweet memories with our first love... and here's our story.

I met him when I was in college. Actually, they're 2 irregular students. Let's call them MJ and Paul. I was more attracted to Paul before because he's like me, emo -kid style, he also plays guitar and that's my weakness. A guy who plays guitar is ❤, lol.

Then MJ was kind of quiet type. I was closer to Paul than MJ at first but everything has changed when MJ and I joined the same club, founded by his classmate, who's also my friend until now.

He's my senior and he mentored me in video editing. We got close but no feelings. We became "siblings" in our group of friends, and because I was not attracted to him, I really treat him as my older brother, pure friendship at all.

All of my friends in college, boys or girls, we always says "I love you" to each other, with no malice. I'm one of the boys and I only have 1 principle. Don't fall in love with a friend. Walang talo-talo ika nga.

MJ and I became closer as time passed by. He's a sweet guy not only to me but to his other friends and his family. The sweetest guy I've met in my entire life. And because he was a normal sweet guy, all of the things that he did to me were not a big deal.

One time, he surprised me, he borrowed my USB and when he gave it back to me, I went to the computer shop and to my surprised when I insert my USB my edited photo was in the background. So cheesy right? My girl friends started to tease me and making an issue. And I was like "kapatid nga db?"

He was always there for me. We always talked via text. He always listened to my endless drama, I'm comfortable talking to him because he's a good listener. I can't remember when was the time that I got confused. When was the time that I realized that I'm breaking my own rules.

MJ was a good-looking guy, he has height, fair skin, most of gays in our school had a crush on him, we can sell him actually haha, lol.

I suffered much silently when I started to feel confused. I always tell myself "hey girl, you're not pretty and it's so impossible for him to like you", " hey girl, don't break your own rules" I had to say bad things about myself for my feelings not to grow.

And it's hard when I'm trying to control my feelings while he keeps on treating me special. I will talk to myself again "you're special because you're his sibling right?" Hahahaha, I suffered for how many months actually, I don't want to ask because I don't want to get embarrassed. I don't want to be called feelingera 🤣🤣, coz like what I've said, he's good-looking, and I'm an ugly duckling. It just doesn't make sense.

When he graduated, I thought that our relationship as siblings will fade but I was wrong. it gets stronger. Before I go to school he will meet me to give me some fruits, he even gave me a Minnie mouse mug because Mickey mouse was my favorite. When we have a seminar to Baguio, he met me and accompanied me to PUP so I can be safe, coz it's late night. And my in denial self "ah okay he's doing his best because he's my kuya".

He gave a lot of signals that I ignored just because I don't have that self-confidence and love was not in my mind back then. Falling in love was not in my plan coz I believed that it won't help me in my studies.

I remember he even used other sim card to play hide and seek with me. He texted me as secret person kuno. All of my friends telling me that it's MJ and I always answered back with " what's the reason? Oh common" until one time, MJ texted me using the number of the secret person, he was using dual sim 🤣, kibit balikat na lang ako and I didn't asked him why he had to do that trick.

Everything was okay, he found a girlfriend. I started to feel that everything will go back to normal but I was wrong. He texted me the scariest words that I don't want to read/hear. "What if magkagusto sayo kuya mo, ano gagawin mo?"

To be continued....

*I'm more comfortable sharing my past because they're already part of my past. I'm trying to stay low-key with my present and future love ❤️

-lead image, owned by me.