@Fhadz 8 October 2021 more from that month

a friend once asked me what thoughts were meandering within my mindㅡ for she knew all her life that I was struggling from a great agony caused by the battle between myself and I. I told her that I wanted to be an angel. I wanted to have my own wings to fly and to feel the wind on my cheeksㅡ crossing the very sides of my face and turning it to red alike some ladies' lips. she, then, said to me, "you can't be an angel, dear, for you are already a human being." "and you do not need a pair of wings just to be an angelㅡ for me, you are already one of them." she smiled widely as she said these. but I knew, way back then, that she discerned what I was trying to sayㅡ she just didn't want to show her dismayㅡ that I wanted to take my own life through a gun, a blade or even a knife just to finally put an end to my suffering. when I told her about that thingㅡ concerning my desire to be an angel-being, she knew, way back then, that my yearning to fly was an understatement of my longing to dieㅡ that I don't want to be here in the ground, whereas to be here no longer feel so safe and sound. she deeply comprehended that the ache beyond my soul was slowly consuming my all and I felt that she wanted to take part on all of the distress innards my heart. she was the dearest one to meㅡ the only person who could profoundly understood the real me. but I wasn't able to know her betterㅡ I never noticed that her smiles hid the saddest truth about herself, that her loudest laughters were percursors of her screams for help, I never saw her feet were tired escaping from the travails she had kept. one of her memories that I will never put on oblivion was her fondness of high places, for she wanted to see the whole world from the sky's point of view. if there was a chance to bring back the hands of the clock on that day she told me about it, I would hug her real tight and told her that everything will be alrightㅡ that eventually, our souls will heal, for it will. yes, it will heal, my dear. she jumped off from a skyscraperㅡhead first. I saw her body drenched with her own blood, her face soaked with all the tears she concealed for all these years... her arms almost covered with scars and her neck left with a rope's marks. she was dealing from her own demons, yet she never told me. I wish I could go back to our good old days together. I wish I had told her the same thing that she said to meㅡ that she didn't need to have a pair of comeliest wings just to be an angel-being... for she was already one for me.