My eyes are still wide awake, flipping pages of my bible in preparation for the meeting the next morning, even though it is past midnight. I shifted my gaze to my wife, who had been sound asleep for several hours. My thoughts was quickly taken back down memory road as I stared at her naive gaze. How far we've progressed from being separate individuals to our current state of oneness. The cost we'd paid for one other's sake. We must let go of our particular perspectives on life in order to see the world from the same perspective. We must give up our particular preferences in order to have our say. As I reflected on our younger days before getting married, more of these thoughts flooded my head.
Our lifestyles were definitely the polar opposite before we married. As soon as I get up, I prefer to make my bed, pray, and shower. When goods aren't put away properly, such as shoes in a shoe store, wardrobe closets, and standing closets, I feel irritated easily. I don't enjoy sharing my thing with anyone, not even my siblings, no matter how close we are. I don't like being around a lot of people, thus I just have a few buddies. My siblings and family were my closest pals and the people who made up my world. I can't sleep with the light on, the radio on, or the television on. I lived alone throughout my school years to keep things my way. That was me down memory lane.
She, on the other hand, prefers to wake up and pray first, then shower before making her bed. She prefers to hang her clothes from end to end on a rope connected to a wall, keep them around or on the bed, throw her shoes anywhere, and use her bed as a table, chair, and whatever else she can think of. She enjoyed being in the company of others, had a large number of friends, and was extremely extroverted. She wouldn't be able to sleep if the lights were turned out. My wife, Joyce, was the one fully in charge of her life.
We met and fell in love in spite of our differences. We go on a date, and then one day we marry. But how can we live in peace and harmony when we come from such disparate backgrounds and lifestyles? So many sacrifices have to be made, a lot to let go and let in. The biblical injunction that says "And the two shall become one flesh" becomes our equation to solving the issues of marriage. I let go so I could let in, she too let go so she could let in, and together we created a new pattern for living, a pattern for "we", "us", "our" in place of "I", "me", and "mine".
As singles, we all have various experiences and lifestyles, but once married, you are no longer a man and a woman, but a husband and a wife, and you are in a different universe than a single person. Unfortunately, many people still desire to live as man and woman as in their single lives after they marry, when they have to live as husband and wife. There's a distinction to be made between a man and a husband. There is a distinction between a woman and a wife in the same way. The husband expects the wife to follow his beliefs and principles, and the woman expects the husband to accept hers.
There is nothing wrong with the way you have lived your life, but if you have to live together as a couple, you need to make some adjustments in order to have a successful marriage. One has to fix it and the other has to fix it too because, it is not the person in charge of the home or not but the success of the marriage. So, when you got married, it wasn't just a change of name or position, "you", "me" and "mine" were also changed to "we", "us" and "our". So what are we going to eat is different from what am I going to eat, what am I going to wear is different from what are we going to wear and which school will our children supposed to attend is different from which school you want the children to attend.
The fact is that neither you nor I have the power to make a relationship work, but sadly, many want to speed up their marriage in private, where they have to live with their partners in the way they did before marriage. So the problem now is that many married men and women still live life as unmarried men or women in their marriage, go out as they please, dress as they pleased and keep company with whoever they like. It is difficult to have a successful marriage in this way when couples are still behaving as if they were not married.
I do not remember ever deciding on what to eat or what to wear for any occasion. My wife kept asking "what are we going to have for breakfast" and whatever she chose is ok by all of us. she was able to combine the things we like and dislike and came out with the like of us. Well, I'd love to eat her preference of meals over and over again. When it comes to clothing I let her choose because she is the one who buys it, and we have a lot of clothes to match. Going for a function or anything else is always two and her company is very quiet desirable. Our children look to us as examples as we strive to live in harmony and peace among ourselves.