How To Love A Toxic Person

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1 year ago

Image: Unsplash via Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona

I may not be too old to speak the depth of love but my experiences in life made me understand what love is and how should it be. The love that is unconditional, enduring, kind and understanding. Reading the title might give you the idea of fleeing the relationship right away, when the person you love becomes toxic but hear the article out first.

Before you know the person is toxic, you'll know the good side of that person first that is why you fall in love but the more you stay in the relationship the more you see your partner's flaws, their real attitude and character. Some people cannot understand their partner's changes from time to time, and will say “they are not the person I used to love with” without them knowing it was their real attitude that was concealed in the beginning to avoid turn offs.

I admit, I was once a very toxic girlfriend. I don't like my boyfriend way back to enjoy his life with his friends and family even if it seldomly happens. I want all his attention on me. I get mad whenever he can't update me from time to time. I have so many extra baggages in life causing me to be toxic when I had my serious relationship.

With my experience, let me show you ways how to love a toxic person and help them to overcome their battles. When you really love the person, you will chose to stay even if there are days you can no longer understand them.

Communicate with your partner in the right way

Right communication is the key to know the depth of the problem, communicate with your partner why did they end up acting weird or being toxic, because sometimes the root of toxicity is psychological problems that needs to be overcome. Don't react aggressively when you guys have arguments, it is indeed true that “when one is in fire, one should be water” inorder to avoid more complications in the relationship.

My partner used to talk to me aggressively before, we fight a lot but later when he knows what I've been through he tried to mellow down and understand me instead. When we have arguments way back, I always propose to have break up but he usually disregard the the idea even if I was the one who have problems. He never bring ups the break up idea because he tries to understand me in every possible ways he knows.

Know your partner's insecurities

Especially to women, we have a lot of insecurities that sometimes it is not bearable anymore. But if you really love your partner, you will not be turned off after knowing their insecurities. Instead, let your partner feel the assurance they need that you'll never turn your back on to him/her despite knowing their insecurities.

My partner has struggled a lot in handling me way back as I have tons of insecurities, from my physical appearance, educational background and family background. But he never shows he was turned off after knowing all my insecurities, instead he assures me that I should not worry because I nailed being myself despite that I lack a lot. He said I am a fighter and that alone made me stand out among the crowd.

Be patient and understanding

To love a toxic person is not easy, you have to be patient and understanding because a toxic person makes every little things complicated because they are overthinkers.

I used to overthink a lot and make every little details complicated that will lead to another arguments with my partner. But my partner was patient enough to handle me and understand that I was in a deep trouble. He always tells me not to overthink things.

Be affectionate and give your attention

Giving attention does not mean you have to be there 24/7 but to be kin on what your partner's needs. Be affectionate because sometimes they only need your attention and moral support.

I met a lot of men, some are even financially capable but only my partner is capable of giving me the attention and affection I need. He didn't support me financially way back but he supported me morally something other men I met didn't do. Sometimes when I struggle financially way back he'll tell me “I'm sorry, I can't give you financial support but I am all out when it comes to moral support. You can always have my back” it gives me strength to get on my feet because there is someone who is always there to support me morally.

Embrace your partner's imperfections and accept them for who they are

Everyone has their imperfections, so your partner, you have to accept it and for who they are. Their physical appearance, educational background, family background and their past.

My partner knows everything about my imperfections, my family background, educational background and my physical attributes that I am not a trophy type. He also knows my past that I've been a drunkard, have vices, met a lot of men but didn't judge me for it. He embraced who I was and so are my past.

Don't give your partner reasons to be paranoid

One way to avoid conflicts in relationship, is to avoid things that will lead to the other party 's paranoia. Just like giving them reasons to get jealous, you should avoid getting so intimate with your opposite sex and knows your limitations.

Well, this is just additional. My partner fails on this part. He is friendly and approachable guy that made him to have a lot of female friends. This gives me paranoia everytime that he is flirting with other woman. We always argue in this matter a lot before, but as time goes by he slowly understand it. He even unfriend in Facebook all those women I used to get jealous with, I didn't told him to do that but because he wanted to avoid any conflict with the same issues that's why he did it, he said “for peace of mind” hahaha!

Those are the vital ways of loving a toxic person and helps them to overcome whatever they are going through. You're not just loving a person but you are also helping one soul from falling apart.

With all the things my partner have done, I became stronger than I was before, I overcome my toxicity and helped me to grow as person. Indeed when you are with the right person, you will grow despite all the struggles you have instead of provoking you to reach out your limits.

Right now, I can stand on my own and I understand myself more after someone shows it to me. After my healings, I started to reciprocate my partner's effort and his affection towards me, that is why our relationship already runs for 11 years and counting despite that we are in a long distance relationship most of the time.. I know it's not about how long you have been together but it's all about how strong the foundation you have built together.

Sometimes some people just need someone who is willing to listen with all their dramas, and someone who can always back them up morally.

BUT, if a toxic person does all the toxicity to manipulate you then that's another story. Some are also pretentious, using their emotional distress to manipulate others just to stay by their side. You should also be vigilant with your partner's action if it's genuine or not. Some psychotic people are good in manipulating others, which will lead the other party to get rid of them for their own sakes.

If you already did the things I've mentioned above and see no progress on your partner then, it's time for you to find ways to get out of the relationship because it will not prosper anymore but will destroy both of you.

Disclaimer

All written was based on the writer's perspective opinions and experiences, if it's not applicable on your situation then disregard those advises.

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Date Published: May 27,2022

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1 year ago

Comments

This is a great lesson for those who are in a toxic relationship presently. It will really help them a lot

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1 year ago

I agree with the first one which is communication. In every relationship, an effective communication is one of foundations of a strong relationship.

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1 year ago

Very well said , this is a mind opener to those couples who are in a toxic relationship but still want to pursue it, since they still love each other. If bought of them have willingness to change for the betterment of their relationship then nothing can separate them. ❣️

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1 year ago

After reading your article, I am feeling I am in toxic relationship. I hope your article will help me in improving our attitude, love, avoid us from overthinking, save us from extra limitations regarding to his friends. Thanks for writing, it is really helpful many things I experienced same.

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1 year ago

I think it depends on how toxic your partner is. If he negatively affects your mental health or if he hurts you, then it would be nice to get out of the relationship immediately.

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1 year ago

There are different type of hurt as well.. there are other people entering relationship that are too sensitive that they all look out for themselves alone if they were happy or hurt. Relationship is taking care both, coz it takes two to tango..

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1 year ago

I have now read an excellent story about how to transform a toxic relationship into a loving and enduring life.

I have a slightly different experience. I have been trying hard for the last 25 years to save my partner from her parents and siblings' never-ending hatred and toxic behavior. We always go to them with all our affection, tolerance, and help, but nothing has changed from their side! This has a very bad effect on our life.

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1 year ago

If things, don't go well after enduring so much then it's time to distance so you'll save both of you from the bad effects.. you can't keep enduring all the time since you need personal growth and peace as well.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Yes, our meetings and telephones have decreased over the years.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Btw, thank you so much for the sponsorship. I appreciate it :)

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Sponsorship is a feature we should use to support ourselves and the platform. Thank you, too, for accepting my request to feature my link on your ReadCash profile page.

$ 0.04
1 year ago

That's great, at least both of you can have peace

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1 year ago

Regardless of our pasts, since all people had mistakes, obeying the Lord's will for us and correcting ourselves for the sake of having a meaningful, heavenly and prosperous relationships is what we secretly desire. A fuller and blessed life for you and your future family and that man which is your one true love eybyoung.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Thank you, and likewise to you Julalaine :)

$ 0.01
1 year ago

Ako selosa talaga ako ate, ewan ko ba. Yun yung isa sa problema sa akin, kaya swerte ko dahil hindi friendly sa babae sa Darren, at baka makapatay ako. CHAROT.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Hahaha ako di naman masyado selosa.. lalo na ngayon na nag mature na ako di na ako selosa, ang pagka over selosa din kasi di mabuti kasi you don't show enough trust on your partner and also you are limiting them to communicate with other people which is part of our daily lives to get along with other people..as long as your partner knows his limits, you should not limit him as well.

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1 year ago

Imperfection really challenge the couple.

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1 year ago

Yung partner talaga na andaming hanash sa partner nila yung di kayang mag embrace ng imperfection at lalo nayung maganda lang ang pakikisama sa happy moments peru in bad times nako mag-iiba din ugali, a sign of a toxic partner and relationship.

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1 year ago

Yun nga, dapat kasi talaga balansi eh.. e base din nila sa sarili nila kung perfect ba sila haha

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1 year ago

In my 12years of marriage, I can say that were still in grade 1 level when it comes to adjustments, with our characters, attitudes, and everything. One of our weakness is with our conversations, we never had a healthy conversation every time we had disagreement. But, one thing that I'm thankful for is that God is our mediator. Toxicity always exist, we like it or not, it's up to us to deal with it.

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1 year ago

As long as both of you naman can compromise sis maayos at maayos ang mga di pagkaka unawaan.

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1 year ago

Yes sis, kapag may nag tone down na, settle na Yan, pero pag pareho intense ang emotion, wala talagang mangyayari, Kaya kadalasan, sumusuko ako agad pag pressure na ang usapan. Mahirap pag medyo hot tempered ang partner sis, Yong adjustment talaga KAilangan.

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1 year ago

In every relationship communication is very important. Through this you may understand what your partner is going through and why he/she is acting like that. Without knowing the root cause of everything, there is no room for understanding..

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1 year ago

Yeah, right communication lang talaga para maisaayos ang problema..

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1 year ago

I and my partner were also feeling toxic toward each other but we overcome those issues that makes our relationship more complicated. first we should have an effort for both sides to understand and listen.No perfect relations

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1 year ago

Yeah there's no perfect relationship.. indeed.

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1 year ago

Everything stems from communication. With effective communication you can understand the insecurities, the doubts, the fears and be able to work towards better understanding. I agree with you, communication is vital.

If that person isn't the type to encourage, facilitate, initiate or support communication, nothing can work and it's the best for the person to leave that relationship before it turns violent.

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1 year ago

Exactly Ola, if things does not work out anymore after trying so hard to communicate better, support and etc.. still no changes at all it's better to end the relationship coz it only means, both are not meant for each other

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1 year ago

Exactly. There is no point, really and it's best they severe the ties.

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1 year ago