Our theme song for today

Pano naman ako? Nahulog na sayo binitawan mo lang ba talaga ako Pano naman ako naghintay ng matagal sayo wala lang ba talaga lahat ng yon sayo ano na bang gagawin ko?

Maybe some of my fellow Filipino reading these words above sang it because who wouldn't? This Filipino song is popular right now and after Andrea Brillantes posted a Video to her tiktok with this song, i loved hearing it because it is very sentimental and it was made for those people who are broken. By the way, I forgot to introduce you the title of the song and that is:

Zack Tabudlo's PANO or in english title, HOW. I don't know why, I listen to this song today. Maybe because I saw someone who was with another woman earlier. How I saw him with someone?

My Sister and cousins invites me to go to my former School to play a Badminton with them. Since, I'm bored here at our house, I joined them to go there. Everything is good, we are laughing and having fun. I also make that opportunity time to take some pictures using my new phone. I make my cousin as my model to practice how to capture a good shot to my new phone but then, when I'm taking a photo of my cousin I focus it to the gate part on her back and there, I saw someone with a beautiful lady. A girl who has a whiter skin than me, with a long hair, and sexier. She's beautiful even if she doesn't remove her facemask.

It became a slow motion to me when our eyes meet and he was shock because I was there. I can tell that he's courting the girl because of how they talk to each other, how he guides her to sit to the beanch and how they take selfies to each other.

I was act like I don't care just like how I treat him when the time that he was asking me to go out. But to me, I don't take that as seriously because what if he's just joking right? And he doesn't mean the words that he said. Like I said to my previous article before titled: Sermons that I learned from watching ,

That's the reason why I became cold to him. That all of his words, I consider that as a joke but you know what? I once fall in love to him too and he know that before. But I don't continue my feelings to grow because I don't like my heart to be hurt plus, he knows that I loved his cousin.

Now, I was confused. It is just a week when he asked me to go out but I just response to him that he look like he is not serious to me. Then after the conversation, There's no conversation to me anymore and now, I saw him with someone else. I admit that I'm broken right now. Like yeah, I thought he like me? I thought he is not the same as his Cousin but I remember that they are have the same blood. My godness! I hated my self to be a sad ghourl right now because I promise to myself that I will never make myself miserable because of guys anymore.

But hearing that song "PANO" from my Sister because she knew about 'us' for a long time. Plus my Grandma also thought the same too because he picked me up for how many times now and he even asked for a permission for me to go to the outing with my friends. I was pissed because of her. She's teasing me esp. When we go home because she also saw that he's with some another girl and my sister was like, "Hindi mo pa kasi sinagot, nakahanap na tuloy ng iba." (You haven't answered him yet so he has already found someone else) And as a great pretender, I response her a I don't care look. But when I listened the song using my own phone the lyrics is really hits me hard.

May nararamdaman din ako

Di kasi manhid na tulad mo

Alam kong sanay bumitaw

Ang isang tulad mo

Lalayo na ba ako?

I Don't know why it's really easy for him to replace me. Maybe because I was right, that his feelings for me is just a temporary and I'm easy to replace. I don't know but I think, I should never have a feelings for him because he was dangerous. So the question to that lyrics if I would distance my self to him, I should answer it with a yes. While it's still early since, He doesn't know that I have still feelings for him.

Pano naman ako?

Nahulog na sayo

Binitawan mo lang ba talaga ako?

The question that I would like to asked to him is, How about me? That now that I fall inlove to him again, if he just released me because he thought that I don't like him anymore? Or because his feelings is not really for me?

Pano naman ako?

Naghintay ng matagal sayo?

Wala lang ba talaga lahat ng yon sayo

Ano na bang gagawin ko

Another question just like the lyrics stated, How about me again? That I'm waiting for him everyday. His chat, His presence, like that. I Don't know that the rumor is true that our friends told me that he was courting his classmate. I thought that it is just a story telling from them but nah, it was real because I already saw it with my both eyes. I also like to asked him the same question, if all of what we talked and our memories when we see each other is just nothing to him and last, I don't know what to do right now.

Lyrics source: LyricFind

As of now, i don't know if I'm really a heart broken since, I should just think that it was nothing and pretend that nothing happened. Besides, no one knows if what are we beforem Aside from my family, they just think it as a thought and we didn't confirm to them. Our friends are clueless too since we are not together before. I just admit that I have feelings for him, and he do the same but it was late because I'm not sure to him anymore. Our relationship before is so very unclear.

Closing thoughts...

There's this thought that comes to my mind right now while writing and remembering how he was looking at me and when he spend his time with someone else. By how he laugh and smile to that girl, I thought that he deserve someone better. I know that the girl is the girl that our friends mentioned that he was courting so, I think he has a good future to that girl because her course is also Engineering unlike me, I'm just staying at our house, my life is hard. I should be happy because he choose the right decision and that is to let go of me which is I'm not really sure if he really like me back then or he is just confused to his feelings.

I'm okay. I'm fine. That's life and i'm already get used to it. Someday, I can also find someone better. A Man who will take care of me and love me. I should focus to my Goals first and I know that God has a purpose for us. Maybe, we don't deseeve each other and so, I accept it and now, I stop listening to that song because It will just give me a flash back of how I look to him earlier.

My Previous articles:

My bag is full of what?

Galeria: A Photos in the Old years

Learning not to meddle in other people business

What I hate when I'm watching drama or Movies?

Past and Present year Questions to Answer

Let's end my depression with...