@Ever 25 November 2020 more from that month

Its okay not to be okay

There was a time in my life, when I experienced, what one would say, something in between what is real and unreal. Something you would like to tell others but you couldn’t because you’re afraid that they would laugh so hard. It all started when I saw the person that made me fall in love. My heart beat so fast and I figuratively flew in the sky every time I saw her. She was the reason why I still went to school despite all the problems I had in my life. Problems that were so bad that I even thought of ending it. Lunch time, and every vacant and free hour I had, were reserved for watching her from afar on a bench behind the school, where she would sit and read a book. I noticed that she was always wearing glasses and her hair was always messy. I felt so shy just thinking about approaching her. Every time I attempted to, I always felt that there seemed to be butterflies in my stomach. Days and months passed and it became my routine to see her in the same place, at the exact time. Many of my classmates especially, Meg, my girl best friend had been wondering why I always went behind the school but I never told any of them the reason. There were only a few days left before graduation day, but I had not gotten even a single hi from her. Most of the students had already gone home by 4:30 pm, but I checked the bench behind the school and I saw her sitting there and still reading a book. That time, out of nowhere, I had such strong feeling of wanting and needing, to talk to her. So, I slowly walked up to her. At the moment I said “Hi,” she answered me in a familiar voice. What I heard made me cry. It was the voice of my mom who died years ago due to cancer. I took a look at her, and saw the resemblance, not only in her voice, but even her face. I was so shocked that I couldn’t move nor speak. Then she said, "Don't give up. I will always be here for you". All this time, the girl that I was in love with was actually my mom. She smiled at me and suddenly stood up and started to walk away, leaving the book she was reading behind. A few seconds passed and I felt someone grabbing my arm. It was Meg, asking what had happened and asked what I was doing in front of an old tree. I couldn’t give her an answer, because I was still so shocked and confused by what I had just experienced. I went home, crying deep inside. I told my best friend what happened later on, and some of my classmates but they just laughed at me. They thought I was just joking. They never believed me. Even Meg thought that I was crying in front of the old tree because of some girl who dumped me. Graduation day came and after the ceremony, she handed me a book. She said that she saw me holding it before, and later on, found it under the old tree. I immediately took the book and saw the title on the cover: "You Are Not Alone". It looked so old but it was the book that my mother was always reading to me when she was alive. A book about a man who had so many problems that he wanted to end his own life. But with the help of his friends and loved ones he became successful. That story happened a long time ago. Now, I have my own job and family. I always believed that all of what happened that day was real. I know that my mom will always be beside me to help me. I know we should not feel alone in this world. And every problem in this world can be solved. Just don't give up.