It's A Lesson, Not A Failure.
How can we differentiate a lesson from a failure?
Failure may be part of success but it really exists. Failure exists. I realized that there are actually two things in life, either you fail or you learn.
Last night, while everyone in the house was sound asleep, thousands of thoughts visited me again. I was just staring at the ceiling thinking over things like this and things like that until dawn. And one of those thoughts is about the future, if I would ever become a teacher.
*Can I really become a teacher?*
*Can I handle it?*
*What if I realized that it wasn’t the dream job I truly wanted?*
Things like that and such. And then a memory of a teaching demonstration crossed my mind during my second year in college. It’s not a successful demo since I’ve messed everything. It was actually a failure to me. But then, by looking back at those times I realized something and just laughed it out.
Have you ever also asked yourself what went wrong? Or why it wasn’t right at all?
I’ve realized my mistakes in that demonstration. It was a teaching demonstration of an elementary teacher, I should’ve acted and thought like a real elementary teacher. The problem is I haven’t. I made a lesson and discussed it in front of my classmates and teacher, not in my elementary pupils. I actually realized it all just last night since I never thought of my failures that much because I always think that it is part of the success and it is part of me being a human.
All of us fail. There’s no one on this planet who never fails even once in his/her life. Failure exists in order for us to learn, or to know how far we change or achieve. However, there are also two types of failure. A failure that gives us so much lesson and a failure that only gives us scars.
As a kid, we stumbled many times before we were able to achieve our first walk. We fall many times and hurt our knees before we can run completely. It is a lesson we learned while growing up. However, if we stop trying to walk just because we stumble and fall many times then that would be a real failure.
How can we achieve something if we stop trying?
Running a business is not easy. Not everyone gets successful on their first try, some had beginner’s luck perhaps, but absolutely not everyone. And did you really think those people with such luck didn’t learn something along the way?
The case is, if you’re planning to start a business there are many things you need to reconsider first. Such as competitors and customers. How different is your business from other businesses? How can you make people believe your product or buy your product? How can you overcome a great loss if ever? What are your strategic plans to run your business for a long time? Things like that and such. I am not a business-minded person, however, my family runs a small business so I was exposed to these things and all.
Starting a business isn’t easy, and making it run for a long time is hard. You’ll experience many disappointments first. Lost your income, and probably fought with someone. You will also feel like nothings working on your end even if you have done enough. And the next choice you make will determine if you continue to learn and achieve it, or you will stop and totally fail.
Either of the two, it is you who chooses it, thus, only you can probably change your dream future or destroy it. The other one can make you realize that you learned something and improve to something better, while the other one makes you regret from even trying and keeps your mind full of ‘what ifs’.
Both of them make us realize that life is easy but living is not. We cannot keep running in circles forever. In order to live, we need to move. And in order to succeed, we need to learn. We must learn, not fail.
Am I The Only One?
Spending the whole day in my room with this gloomy weather makes me think of thousand thoughts. And I was also wondering if I was the only one who thinks like this in this kind of weather or there is also someone like me?
I’ve realized that our world is really big and there are already so many people in it. They say that out of every 10 people in the world, there 9 people who look like you or have similar features to you. I also wonder if their likes and dislikes were somewhat the same as you since it is not impossible, but then even twins have differences and similarities, right?
*I wonder if am I the only one who likes cloudy and gloomy days like now than sunny days. Maybe others don’t like it since they find it troublesome or inconvenient for their daily activities and plans. However, I really like it when the sky turns grey with cold winds and music on would make everything perfect. That’s what I was actually doing right now and I feel so at peace even if the music is rock.*
*Am I the only one who prefers the Night over the Day? I am not against the day since I still love Mr. Sun, or a vampire, or what but I find it easier to do everything at night. Like washing my clothes at night, doing school stuff, and everything I would think of.*
*Am I the only one who likes to diet but loves eating? I am never a self-conscious or insecure type but whenever I see girls my age with a perfect body shape and all, I would really admire how the clothes I wanted will fit good with that body so I always end up trying to lose some weight and baby fats but then it will only be good for a day or two and I am back to eating everything I wanted without worrying about anything.*
*While almost all of the woman likes roses, I would rather choose calla lilies. Am I the only one who likes them? Roses may be pretty but Calla Lilies has their own beauty too. It looks uncommon and mysterious, and it doesn’t have thorns!*
*Am I the only one who loves hand-written letters than long text messages? I am the kind of person who easily falls for a good penmanship, so I was thinking if all of Dr. Rizal’s love affair was also like me? He’s a good writer so maybe he also had a good penmanship. Do you know him? Dr. Jose Rizal is the Philippines ’ national hero. He saves the country using only his pen, so maybe he did really have good penmanship.*
*Am I the only one who likes pink but the favorite color is blue? Being a woman doesn’t directly mean that we like the color pink and being a man doesn’t mean that they hate pink, in fact, pink is a man’s color. When I was young, most of my things are pink. From underwear to socks, to clothes, to hairclips are pink. I bet that all of the Filipina children experience that. But as I grow older, I found out that my favorite color is blue. I am still attracted to pink cute things right now but in the end, I would still choose something blue.*
*Am I the only one who likes beautiful dresses but more comfortable wearing jeans and lose shirts? I am not trying to be boyish but I do really find it more comfortable to wear jeans and shirts. There are even times that I would steal my brother’s shirts since I like them more than my own, and sometimes borrow my male friend’s shirts. The looser it is, the more I like it. I can still wear dresses if I want or if there’s some occasion but I would still choose jeans if ever.*
*Am I the only one who likes unicorns yet I don’t believe they exist? Barbie plays a big role in my childhood years, and my favorite part is when there’s a Pegasus. I already love horses because I experienced riding one when I was a child and it was really fun, but imagining of a white horse with wings and horns makes me very happy. If ever they exist, I would really do everything just to have a ride. That’s one of my foolish and impossible dreams.*
*Am I the only one who loves swimming but doesn’t even know how to swim? Who likes to swim but doesn’t even know how to swim, right? I didn’t know what goes wrong, I tried and practiced hard already but still, I am not able to do it properly. Maybe it is really true when they say that swimming requires talent.*
*Am I the only one who loves traveling to different and new places but don’t want to go alone? I really find it funny. I wanted to travel and discover beautiful places in the Philippines and in the whole world too yet I am not that good at directions and I am not even familiar with the neighboring barangays and some places in our region. Still, I wanted to travel but it would be better if I tag someone with me.*
*Am I the only one who loves saving money but also loves spending at the same time? The moment I entered college is the moment I realized that I am already an adult. This means that I was started to get shy about asking my parents for money in my school projects and other expenses. I was never thrifty during my younger years but I come to realize how important every centavo is. I started saving little by little from my allowances, however, I was always tempted with foods, and that’s where my savings always end up. I am only a spendthrift when it comes to food.*
*Am I the only one who loves baby cologne than those expensive perfumes for my age? Honestly, I both have women’s perfume and a baby cologne in my closet. I also even have a men’s perfume actually. The two are both expensive and I only buy the baby cologne at a cheaper price but I love it more than the two. The same with lotion, I prefer a baby lotion more than other women’s body lotion. I don’t know why but I am really like that.*
*Am I the only one who likes to be silly at times but don’t want to be called immature? There are really times that we wanted to be silly in front of our family, friends, or even strangers. Like when you’re just in the mood to do so. But at the same time also you don’t want to be named as immature or crazy. It’s hard because I am really like this at times.*
*Am I the only one who wants to graduate but gets lazy in studying sometimes? Believe me or not, I never wanted a grade lower than 85. But then I can’t help it because there are times that I get tired of even moving a finger and laziness took over my will and passion. Maybe it’s just part of being a student to get tired and lazy sometimes. I just thank God that I didn’t receive grades lower than 80 despite me being lazy.*
Have you ever thought of these things sometimes? Like if there is someone who shares the same likes and dislikes with you around in this world. Like a stranger sharing the same thoughts and interests with you. Because I believe that even if everyone is unique in their own way, there are still some things that we share similarities with others.
Filipino Culture and Tradition in my Memory
Philippines is rich in culture and traditions. Aside from beautiful destinations and tourist spots, this is also the reason why I am proud to be born a Filipino. If there would be a time machine I will really wish to go back to times where Filipino cultures are still alive and respected.
Because as the year goes by, our cultures and beliefs were slowly colonized by other countries. We practiced their cultures and traditions more than we could do on our own. Here are some of the list of why Filipino culture and tradition are more unique than others.
***1. Pagmamano***
Pagmamano is a sign of respect in the Philippines. It is the action of placing the back of the elder’s hand in your forehead. Filipino children are taught with this at a very young age so that we can practice it even when we grow old. Though some still practicing it while others show their respect by kissing the elder's cheek.
There’s nothing wrong with admiring other’s cultures, but if you admire other’s cultures and traditions while forgetting ours then I think it is just not right.
***2. Bayanihan***
This is also one of the Filipino cultures back in time. It is when Filipino built their houses or hut on the land they claimed as their own. They would also plant crops and harvest on that land, and when they wanted to move to another place the whole neighborhood gathers together in moving the house to the new location. Just really like a turtle who always carries his house.
As the generation is improving, the materials we use in making houses are also improving and we find it more convenient to just build the house in our own land. Most of the houses now are concretes and made of special materials unlike before so I think it is really impossible to move it anywhere even when the whole neighborhood helps, right?
***3. Harana***
One of my favorite in Filipino culture is Harana. It is a traditional way of courtship where the man sings a song outside of the woman’s window at night. If a man couldn’t sing, he can tag along his friends or even the best singer in town to support him. This is also a way to woo the woman’s heart. In today’s time, obviously, it wasn’t existing anymore.
***4. Paninilbihan***
Paninilbihan is also part of the traditional way of courtship. But here, the man will not only serve the woman he likes but also serve her whole family. It is either he will fetch water from the well, cut woods, or cook for the family. This is his way of showing that he is capable of taking care of the woman he likes and their future family. It is also a way of showing efforts and that he’s deserving for her love.
Filipino are naturally romantic. But now, this kind of effort is not existing anymore. Boys nowadays court through their mobile phones, you can’t even tell if his feelings are sincere or not.
***5. Sukob***
Sukob is a Filipino belief about weddings. They say that it is unlucky to get married during the same year of another family member’s marriage, same with death, or if a family member dies the same year with another family member.
I remember my cousin’s wedding last month. After the wedding, my cousins and I talked about how great the wedding is and one of my cousins said that she will also get married soon. My grandmother then said to plan and do it next year to avoid any bad luck for the newlywed and for the whole family.
It feels great that we can still practice this because others would be glad and even consider it lucky to have more than one wedding in the same year. There is nothing wrong with believing in the elders and you can’t lose anything anyway.
***6. The 6 o’clock limit***
I’ve experienced this 6 O’clock limit during my childhood and even until now. It is when the Filipino children are being told to be back inside the house before 6 in the evening. Filipinos are naturally superstitious and we believe in spirits and other mythical creatures. In times, the elders believe that 6 o'clock in the evening is the time when the spirits and other creatures go out so it is better to stay inside the house during that time to avoid them.
***7. Saying ‘Tabi-tabi Po’***
As I say, Filipinos are naturally superstitious and we believe in numbers of spiritual being and mythical creatures so we are taught to say ‘tabi-tabi po’ or ‘tabi apo’ when we are passing by a huge tree, in a forest or hill, in a mound, in a dark alley, or even when we go to unfamiliar places. This is the Filipino way of respecting and asking permission from the spirits and mythical creatures so they will avoid you and if you happen to disturb them unconsciously.
***8. Chicken Blood on Birthday***
This is a tradition common in provinces. The birthday celebrant will be anointed or will be signed with a cross on the forehead by an elder with fresh chicken blood. This is the way of blessing the person or wishing bad luck away. Traditionally, this is related to a sacrificial offering for good health and prosperous life for the person who celebrated another year of existence.
I’ve also experienced this during my birthdays before but it stopped when I reached puberty because I find it weird and I sometimes celebrate with my friends.
These are some of the Filipino cultures and beliefs that are slowly dying in the new era. Let’s keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with keeping up with times and all of the changes in the world, but our traditions and especially those ones that are deeply rooted in our hearts and values must still be practiced or else it will be all die and forgotten.
Self-Reflective Questions
Knowing yourself means knowing what kind of a person you are and to truly understand who you really are. Knowing yourself is knowing wisdom. You need to understand your own emotions, beliefs, and desires first before you can find wisdom within yourself and understand someone else’s feelings, beliefs, and desires. Here are some of the Self-Reflective Questions that can help you know yourself well.
**1. Why are you passionate about what you do?**
For me, doing something we really love means passion. You can only be passionate over something you do when you like doing it or when you love the idea of doing it. If someone is doing his/her profession or job just for the sake of income or formality then there’s a higher possibility that he/she is not doing it right. Like for example, a writer. You will know if the writer is passionate about what she is writing or if she’s just doing it out of financial matters or whatnots. A person’s passion always reflects on his works, because if you like what you are doing you will surely do better than those whose only doing it out of will.
I naturally like kids, even before. I don’t have any younger siblings or cousins but I am fond of my neighbors’ kids that I sometimes play with them. I don’t know why but I just really love their innocent laughs. This fondness leads me in choosing my course for college. We all know that choosing the right course or the course you wanted is not easy because you wouldn’t know if it will be going according to your expectations. But since this is my passion so I continue striving hard to reach it.
**2. Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?**
We really can’t tell what would happen many years from now. Or even next year, we couldn’t tell what would happen to us. There may be some decisions we have to take that can change the life we planned or some incidents that may change the future we always imagined. But, I believe in God’s will. And if he allows my plans then I will say that I can see myself teaching in a public elementary school at day, and writing a novel in my own house at night. This is how I visualize myself five years from now.
**3. What are your most thankful for? What is the biggest decision you’ve had to make?**
There are plenty of decisions that I made and considered as the biggest decisions in my life. One of those decisions is when I need to choose about what course to take in college. This decision is hard for me but I’m still thankful to God who guides me for not regretting it later on and for my loved ones are there to always support me.
Choosing a course in college is already hard because this will be the key to your future. But what if you choose the wrong course, right? Or what if you realized that it is not the kind of profession you wanted? You just waste your time for nothing then.
I came from a family of Engineers and Teachers so it is just expected for me to follow my elder’s path. My parents told me to choose between the two. I haven’t made my decision at that time yet and I really find it hard to choose since I like both. Yes, I like both. Since I was 7 years old, I started to like drawings and sketches, and sometimes I draw buildings or my houses too. Meanwhile, I also like teaching kids and being with kids all day.
This is the time when I realize that I’m already grown up and I need to make a life-changing decision that can change or affect my future. I am a kid no more. This time, it is me who decides and not my parents. I need to choose something that I will not regret sooner or later. But I also realize that no matter what we choose, we need to fight and stand for it so we won’t regret it in the end. Regret is not for choosing the wrong course, but for giving it up without a fight.
**4. What was the best phase in your life?**
Although many say that high school is the best part of their life, even I agree with that, but I can say that the best phase in my life is when I enter college. Why? Because even if we only have limited time to enjoy and relax, I’ve realized and learned many things in this stage of my life. Not just unending happiness with my friends but also hardship, decision makings, and survival.
I am still with my high school friends, that’s what makes my college life bearable and fun. Because I can see that even if we seldom saw each other or hang out with each other, we have the same determination to succeed and graduate. We matured, yes, because that is how life is supposed to be. We can’t continue to be young and simple-minded forever. We need to grow up for us to realize our purpose. The best phase in my life is when I started to think and act like the grown-up I am.
**5. What inspires you the most?**
We can actually get inspiration everywhere. Even when we woke up, we can be inspired because God gives us another day to spend. A simple flower or even a stranger’s smile can also inspire you. For me, my mother is my greatest inspiration. She is the reason why I always strive hard in my studies. She is the reason why I wanted to graduate quickly because I wanted her to stop working and just let me do the job and provide for our family. I wanted her to live in comfort because she deserves that. She’s the reason why I cannot give up even if things got harder.
People or things can inspire us the most. Because this inspiration gives us the determination to continue and keep moving forward, and it gives us strengths to achieve everything we wanted.
Getting to know yourself is important because it gives you self-awareness, it can also improve your self-confidence, and it may also give you awareness not just for yourself but also for other people or the people around you. Understanding your bests and your shortfalls can make your relationship with yourself better and at peace.
*“In order to be yourself, you have to know yourself” by Dr. Mariette Jansen*
Funeral Test
Have you ever heard or done a funeral test? Kinda creepy and weird right? But then let’s face it, everyone dies. This funeral test was made popular by Stephen Covey in his book, *The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.*
One of our instructors told us to do a funeral test for our activity. It is for us to know how we live our lives and for how we would like to be remembered. Since it was an activity so I made mine. I had never written or even read a eulogy before so I tried searching online templates for it but I never find anything suitable for my likings. That’s why I decided to write it this way.
*JK’s Eulogy*
*First, I would like to thank everyone who is here today to give me a proper send-off. I believe you all know me, right? I was born in Cagayan de Oro City on the 16th of November, year 1999. If you would ask my brother about what kind of person I was, he would tell you I was the brattiest and laziest person in the world. That’s true though because that’s how I was in the house. If you would ask my friends and other people that knew me, they probably said different things. Maybe my friends and others would say that I was the sweetest and kindest person they ever met, right my friends? Because that’s how I was with them. That’s how they know me.*
*I even think that I have a multiple personality disorder since I act differently at the house, or the school, or even around with my friends. But no matter how you know me, that’s still me. I am both that bratty and sweet or that lazy and kind. I just wish I made good memories with you people.*
*Dear parents, brother, relatives, and friends. Do not cry for I will only be traveling to another place. It will be a journey that no vehicle can reach but I will make sure to have fun. Honestly, I am scared of death. But I realized that it is not the death that I was scared of, I was scared of the idea of being forgotten. But I know that I will always be remembered by the people who truly love me. I can say that I live a meaningful and fulfilled life. I thank my parents, friends, and other people that love me for that. I will bid my goodbyes for now but remember that I will always be in your memories and hearts, and I will guide you from wherever I am.*
*“Goodbyes are not forever…Are not the end. It simply means I’ll miss you until we meet again.”*
This is how I wanted my eulogy to be. I don’t want it to sound so formal or monotonous, just the kind that it will be sound like I was just talking to them. I don’t want it to sound like a real goodbye but rather just little chitchat. Everyone has different preferences, even when it comes to their funeral.
**How do I want people to speak of me at my funeral?**
I want people to speak informally at me during my funeral. Like they are not about to say goodbye to me but instead talk as if I was really there and laughing with them. I want them to talk about my happy escapades with them. I want them to laugh at the funny things that I did. I want them to treat it as final *jamming* rather than a goodbye.
**What should they remember me for?**
They should remember me for what kind of a person I am when I was with them. Besides, I never act in pretense so all of those bad and good characteristics are part of me. I want them to remember it all.
**Which kind of person will people think I was when I’m gone?**
When I’m gone I want people to think that I am the kind of person who can do both. That I can be both bratty and the sweetest person they ever met. I want to stay the way they knew me. That even if there are times that I was very annoying, they would surely miss it when I’m gone.
Doing this will help us add more purpose to our everyday activities and this will also show us about how we used to live our lives or about how people know us.
How can you be a good physical education teacher?
Being an educator alone is not an easy profession or job and being a Physical Education (PE) teacher is already a tough and challenging task. Some probably say that being a PE teacher is very easy as 1, 2, 3, but it’s not. Some would say it was tiring, especially if you are an elementary PE teacher. Handling kids in physical education is different when you’re handling the high schoolers.
Being an educator means being a role model to your students because aside from parents and other family members, they are some of the most influential people in the student’s lives. Educators inculcate education to nurture the healthy development of the learners, including their bodies, mind, and spirits. And a good Physical Education teacher is a model of value formation such as teamwork, leadership, and a great sportsmanship.
The role of a PE teacher doesn’t only end with being good in teaching the students about sports and other physical abilities but also to teach every student some values regarding on how to respect themselves and the people around them. A good PE teacher should teach their students that even in sports and other physical activities it is very important to know what respect is and acts with it.
PE teachers are very hands-on in their class like giving instructions or some examples. This means that to be a good PE teacher, you must have the essential and advanced interpersonal skills so that you can demonstrate the examples well and for your learners to understand immediately.
Let’s admit that students might not be able to remember everything you said about the rules of the sports but, however, if you can demonstrate and give them a definite example, there’s a higher possibility that they would remember that even if they are outside the school.
PE teachers should must internalize their teaching styles or instruction styles to make the students understand the key concept of the lesson. It is to make sure that their students are learning. Because being a PE teacher, you must have a passion to help and teach your students the things they need to learn as well as the skills that they can use even in their daily lives, whether outside or inside the school premises. Having a passion for everything that you do makes things easier and more fun.
Aside from that, a PE teacher is responsible to widen the student’s knowledge about different sports and activities, provide them the opportunity to improve and develop not just their physical skills but also their social skills as well.
A good PE teacher must also be sensitive to his/her student’s emotional needs. Not everyone is active and good at sports. I, myself isn’t good at any sports either. PE teachers should always connect to their students emotionally to understand them more and to motivate them. They should’ve put themselves in their student’s shoes to intuitively understand when or how to convey positivity, cooperativeness, and respectfulness among their students.
This is also one way to create that kind of environment in which every student feels valued and respected by both their teachers and classmates or even with the other students. This is the kind of environment that makes learning Physical Education alive and fun.
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All Boys are Momma’s Boy
My mother woke me up at 5 am today. We planned to buy some groceries in the market since she prefers to buy fresh foods and she doesn’t want to huddle with the crowd too. Aside from that, you can see the price difference if you buy earlier than 8 am.
Usually, she goes alone because she really finds it hard to wake me up. I guess I’m not just really a morning person. But since she’ll buy a grocery worth for a week or more, then she did try everything just to wake me up.
As we’ve reached the market, she immediately did her business—going back and forth, buying everything on the list. She can’t trust me with this matter so she’s always doing the groceries. At this age, I admit that I can’t still be trusted when it comes to buying groceries. I don’t know how to choose a nice meat, what more when it comes to fishes and other stuff.
Funny that I always prepared myself to be independent and to live on my own yet I don’t know how to properly buy groceries. I bet if I was living alone right now, everything that I was eating is instant foods. Though I know how to cook but I’m not an expert in that department.
Anyway, after buying everything we need, we stopped in a bakery to buy some bread of salt or mostly known as *‘Pandesal’.* As my mother was paying, I was sitting on one of the tables while waiting for her. At the adjacent table, I saw a family who is about to go. The mother and the father were talking while the little boy, whom I think seven years old, was taking his last sip of Yakult. When he’s done, his father extends his arms so he could carry him but the boy went to his mother instead and let her carry him.
I then thought to myself if was all boys really a momma’s boy? There’s nothing wrong with it anyway since I’ve noticed that a son was more close to his mother while a daughter was closer to her father. Maybe because mothers favor the son while fathers treat their daughters like princesses and spoil them. I don’t know for others too but that’s what I have noticed.
I then remember an event way back in senior high school. It’s a class cheerdance competition so everyone was expected to participate since our final grades will be based on that. We didn’t win but since we did all of our best so we still had a little celebration after that. It happened at our classmate’s house. And since it’s a call for celebration, then the liquor was present. Juices were for the ladies while liquors were for the guys.
It is one of the memories that I couldn’t easily forget. It is a happy memory and also an emotional one. Maybe it was really true, that a person cannot lie if he’s drunk. As the night grows, slowly the guys are getting drunk. But not that of a wasted, they still know when to stop or when to continue and besides, we are there so we can also stop them if they already had enough.
It started when one of them mentioned our performance earlier that day. Vin was considered as the *‘Kuya’* for us even if his age wasn’t that far from us. He’s a kuya in the way of responsibilities and the guys also follow his leads so we always count on him. That time, Vin mentioned his mother. He said that even once, he wanted his mother to see him dance. He’s talented in the dancing department but even once, his mother didn’t see him on stage or whenever he performs. He just wanted his mother's acknowledgment.
Everyone fell quiet and as he became emotional, the atmosphere changes too. It's funny how the mood changed easily, a while ago we are all laughing our hearts out, and then after a blink of an eye, everyone felt heavyhearted.
I don’t know if they are just drunk or they just really wanted to follow Vin’s footstep or if the liquor did really tug something in them. Slowly every one of them is opening up. One of them shares to us how hard it is for him to be in a broken family and only his mother is the one who’s working hard to provide for them. One tells us his greatest regrets, and that is when he felt embarrassed about his mother and he told his friends that she was their maid. One also tells us how hurt it is when he made his mother cry by saying he wanted her to die.
Confessions after confessions. Tears after tears. No one expects this to happen. That night supposed to be a celebration for us but everyone is crying while sharing how they wronged their mothers and how deeply they regret it. Me, on the other hand, who couldn’t control my emotions was still crying like there’s no tomorrow even if they are done and started to make some jokes again. They even made fun of us who cries even if the one who’s telling the story wasn’t crying at all.
But, no. They cried. Boys will always be boys. Even if they did really cry and break down that time, they would still deny it like we don’t witness it at all. It’s weird and fascinating at the same time to see a guy opening up to not just his guy friends but even to us, their girl friends. Since we all know that guys had this pride in them and they all think that crying is for gays and weak.
No one may mention it but we all know and we already understood how they love their mothers so much. Yes, they made those mistakes and won’t let anyone even their mothers see that they regret it but deep down it’s suffocating them.
This is why I can say that all boys are momma’s boy, not in a way that they like to cling to their mothers or they always had their mothers as their back-ups, but because every boy loves their mothers so much. They wouldn’t show it but you can feel it. Not everyone can be showy to their mothers, some would be shy and choose to show it in their own ways.
Opportunity in Loses
2 months ago, I quit my job as a customer service representative. I quit not because I don’t have the skills and ability to continue but because I have to. I can still remember being very happy and anxious when I get the job. It was my first ever formal job. Not only a summer job but a 9hours working job.
I asked my mother about this when I passed the final interview, and she just told me that the answer lies in me. Whether I take it or not, it’s my decision. I gave it a lot of thought since classes already started then. Even if I badly wanted to support myself, I couldn’t just let my studies behind.
I think about it again and again. It was a seasonal offer for just 3 months though, so there will be another contract for us to be a regular employee on January 20201st. It was just 3 months, I always thought to myself. It will only pass by without me knowing it. Besides, classes were online so I think I can distribute my time well.
I prepared myself for it, physically and mentally. Since it was my first ever formal job so some of the requirements were foreign to me such as valid government identifications, medical certificates, and such things. I was even surprised by my medical result. All this time, I thought nothing’s wrong with my body but then I found out that I had a mild thoracic dextroscoliosis. I don’t understand it at first but all I know is that my spine has an abnormal curve. I don’t feel any pain too so I didn’t make it a big deal. I didn’t tell my mother about it and just pursue my plan.
The first day of my job came. I don’t know if this happens to anyone but I feel nervous and my heart is beating erratically. But I guess it’s just normal for your first day in your first job. My house is an hour away from my workplace so I needed to double my time just so I won’t be late, but then luck wasn’t on my side that day I think. There’s a traffic jam on my way to work and when I reach the building, because of the pandemic and for safety purposes, I still need to fall in line to be able to take the health declaration form.
I started to have cold sweats at that time since I was already 5 minutes late and was still the 23rd person in the line. The man before me, who also looks like he’s having constipation, faced me and asked if was it also my first day at work. I nodded and said yes. When I found out that we’re going on the same floor, the same room number, and we had the same trainer, you can’t imagine the glee that I was feeling at that moment. You can also see that he relaxed for a bit, knowing that he had company even if he’s late.
We’ve talked and it made me calm for a bit. Then a woman approach me from the back and asked if what was the line for. I answered that it was needed before we can enter the building. She nodded and fill in the line after me. She also asked me the same thing, if who is my trainer, what floor, and what room number I was in. And I started to like the situation when I found out that she’s also my workmate.
There are about five of us who are late yet we are lucky enough that our trainer is very understanding and cool. I never thought that being late on my first day of work would be so memorable. Some of my workmates were already professionals—licensed engineers and teachers, some needed to stop schooling to support their families, while I, need to hide and lie about being a student so that I can keep my job.
It was easy at first. We work more on the interactions and socialization in the first week. The next week was all about lessons and navigations. We perform mock calls every Friday to test our knowledge and understanding, and also to see if we are ready to take calls.
Working in a call center was not that hard actually. I already prepare myself, physically and mentally, so I know that it wouldn’t be that easy at first but it is also not that hard. You can’t learn and master anything with just a snap and in an easy way anyway, right? But the real challenge for me was catching up with my lessons after work.
I need to spend 10 hours for work—9 hours of duty and 1 hour for lunch, then both an hour and so for transportation—back and forth. So I only have a limited time for my studies. Let’s say if my work schedule is 9 am to 6 pm, then 7 pm to midnight will be spent for my modules, assignments, and whatsoever. And at exactly 5 am, I need to wake up and prepare for work.
It was as easy as that but then sadly it wasn’t. There are times that I missed a piece of information regarding some tasks that are scheduled to be passed, there are also times that I missed some of the class video conferences, and there are even performance-tasks that are needed to be passed. These are the reason why I sometimes struggle to catch up with my classes.
I then remember that time when there’s heavy rain and it flooded in Cagayan de Oro. We are stranded for about three hours and I prayed to God to let me go home by all means because I still have a midterm examination to answer. I was desperate of all desperate at that time.
I then started to notice that my back was aching and I feel numb sometimes. Exams and more requirements came, there are even times that I went to work without sleep because I stayed up all night doing my modules since it will be submitted the next day, and I barely eat when I’m in the house because I sometimes forgot to.
It started to become hard for me. Managing my time for school and work was hard but I know I can’t blame anyone since I choose it myself. It was hard since our finals were approaching and most of the tasks to be submitted were more on performance-based. It was hard but I choose to continue especially when I was able to receive my first salary.
I gave all my earnings to my mother and we’re able to pay the 2 months' overdue electricity and water bills. I was able to pay our debts and provide food for my family that’s why I swear to myself to continue working until my contract ends.
But then, I think my mother was right when she said to never abuse your body because time will come and you’ll take the consequences. I think I overwork myself and my body was commanding payback. The pain on my back became more severe and my nose bled during our graveyard shift. I still haven’t used to motion sickness and it adds to my pain that I used to throw up every time I got home.
My mother noticed and started to worry. That’s when I told her about the findings on my medical exam. She cried and asked me to just stop and focused on my studies instead. That I can work anything I want after I graduate anyway. I really cried my eyes out at that time thinking about my mother’s plea. I then remember how she always stayed up late waiting for me to get home safely, how she always force me if I forgot to eat my meal, how she always prepares everything so that I don’t need to wake up early, how she turns off the light whenever I fell asleep on my table doing school stuff.
I think I cried even harder when I finally made up my decision. As much as I wanted to continue the training and help my family, I couldn’t also disregard my mother’s worry. I badly wanted to help my family and support myself at least but I also know that I can only make everything worst if something would happen to me. I don’t want to be a burden. So I made the hardest decision of my life for that moment, and that is to resign from my job.
I cried saying goodbye to my workmates who became my friends too. It wasn’t that easy. But I guess you really can’t have anything you wanted even if how hard you push yourself into it. I am just glad that I was still able to receive my last pay so we used it for my consultation. And the doctor's words were like fuel to my fire. It’s like he’s pouring salt into my wounds. I still don’t feel okay from quitting my job and his words just made me feel more discouraged and down.
I don’t have any idea about what scoliosis is, but I really thought it could be cured. It turns out that I will be having this for a lifetime until I die. He said that I can’t do anything about it. He offered me two options, which is I don’t see any help to make me feel better at that time, that is operation or physical therapy.
As for the operation, he said that it is not recommendable for me, and I don’t think that I would also let someone open my skin and put metal braces on my bones. So he recommends physical therapy and makes a referral note for rehab. It wouldn’t make my bones straight again but it will help me lessen the pain. My mother agreed with it but I really feel so disappointed so when we get home, I told her I won’t enroll in a rehab.
Never. Since I don’t see any point in it anyway. They will just take my money but they will never make me okay again. I wanted to be okay again—I mean, I wanted that feeling before I learned that my spine has an abnormal curve. I never had an x-ray before that’s why we never knew. That’s why I was very devastated. I don’t want anything wrong with my body. Even if it was just mild and it wasn’t obvious, knowing that my spine looks different from normal, I don’t really feel okay at all.
I feel so down the following days. I was always in my room, sleeping, and doesn’t have an appetite at all. Finals came and most of our final requirements are teaching demonstration and baking for our TLE subject. This requires money so I became problematic. I don’t want to ask for money from my parents. At this age, I should be the one who gives them money and not the other way around so I really feel shy asking for money.
Then a friend introduced read.cash to me. I already heard about this before but I didn’t pay any attention thinking that it might be a scam. But as I look into it, I was surprised that it wasn’t. It is about making an article on your own and not plagiarized, and if you’re lucky you can earn big amounts. So I give it a try. I also became interested since I was into reading and writing, and I love reading other’s articles. It feels like another door opened for me.
My primary goal upon joining is to earn. I know it is also the same with everyone who joins in this. As @TheRandomRewarder gives me more and more coins, I was able to provide load for myself for online classes and I was also able to support myself financially in my teaching demonstrations and other tasks that require money, without asking my parents even a single centavo.
I started to feel okay again, day by day. Even if I only join just to earn but then it changed through time. It became my pass-time and I think an online diary too. It also healed me because I was able to divert my attention into something and at the same time it helps me financially. Read.cash helped me big time, either financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Maybe it was really meant for me to quit the job and lose that opportunity. And maybe it is also meant for me to discover read.cash and find this opportunity. Maybe you wouldn’t really intend to miss an opportunity because you’ve made a wrong decision, but rather that decision leads you to a great opportunity that’s waiting. This event made me realized that no matter what kind of decision we may take, opportunities are always there.
Now I was writing anything that I could think of and I don’t really care if ‘Bot’ would upvote my article or not, as long as I was enjoying it and at the same time, this is my way of expressing my feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Nothing’s wrong with it anyway, right?
7 Days of Punishment
Every women had their own ‘Red Days Feels’ story. And I know that like me, every women’s period feels like an everyday challenge that comes every month. This is also the one thing that men couldn’t understand about women.
Menstruation is normal for every woman. But what’s not normal is our hormonal imbalance and women have different hormones which made us unique. So I decided to write this article to give those male readers out there a head’s up and for the women to give some tips and advise as well.
Women can be moody most of the time, especially if red days are near. They get irritable and sensitive, you cannot tell. One moment they made their minds and then another one they’ll change it. Very unpredictable and frustrating, to be honest. They become picky too and sometimes crave for foods that don't even exist. You can actually be mistaken if she’s pregnant or just on her period. She can be violent too like biting or hitting you and then regret it afterwards. She’ll be super lazy and doesn’t even care about how she looks. One time she would like to eat everything and then the other time she doesn’t have an appetite at all. She would be all serious now but later she would laugh and make fun of you. And most of the time she would be emotional and cry like crazy even if she’s watching a variety show.
Women are alien for some men. But you just couldn’t understand them at all, even they couldn’t understand themselves most of the time. There are times that they are so adorable yet there are also times that you just wanted to throw them in the ocean.
I am a woman and I admit that there are times that I don’t really understand myself at all. I have an irregular period. There are months that the red days won’t come but when it comes I really feel like I was being punished. Call me exaggerating but that’s really what I always feel. I know that all of the women experienced period cramps, some are only mild and short but there are also some who experienced severe cramps and I am one of them. Some even fainted because of how hurt it is, and my friend’s sister is a proof of that.
In my case, I would know if a period is coming. I think all women know when their period is knocking already. So these are the reasons why I consider it as a punishment given on me. A week before my period, I developed acnes and small bruises. Little cramps would also start. And I’d become more irritable day by day. Tiny things irritate me easily. I sometimes even fought with my brother. I always feel like I should never lose an argument. The challenge starts there already.
On the day of my period, it’ll become worse. Just like now, today is my first day and I wanted to be alone. Not seeing anyone. Not hearing anything. Just me, alone in my room. Without thinking of doing anything. See? Just a few minutes ago, I decided to never do anything because I feel so lazy but then a few minutes later here I am facing my laptop and sharing to you how it feels to be a woman every month.
Aside from that, cramps on my first to the third day is something I really considered as a nightmare. You couldn’t even tell what would happen. It'll hurt like someone is pulling the insides of my abdomen. It’ll be so much hurt to move. So much hurt to even sit or walk so I really prefer to lay on the bed all day. And so much hurt to even take a dump. That’s true seriously. I was always afraid to take a dump whenever I got my period because I know that it would give me so much pain and I would just cry and shout like why is it taking it’s time to go out?
I would also crave for some weird foods and combinations. Mostly, I would crave for something salty and sweet at the same time. Sometimes I would crave for a salty chocolate if there’s any. When this happens, I would always try my very best to satisfy myself because if not then I would feel disappointed and discontented. That’s why I always make sure that I have some savings to spend during my period. Lucky those who have someone to provide for their cravings but I guess it is better if we practice the *“My cravings, my buy”* motto.
The fourth and the fifth day of my period will be a lighter mode for me. Cramps aren’t that hurt anymore but they are still present during those days. And also the blood flow will not be that heavy anymore. On the sixth and seventh, it will only be droplets and the cramps are totally gone. But, the acne and bruises will remain for another week. This became my cycle every time my period would come. And I know that some women share the same cycle with me too.
Periods aren’t that bad actually. It is a dirty blood so we need to let go of that. Periods only give us cramps but it is our hormones that can make us someone with multiple personalities. Some of my batch mates and friends started their period during elementary, me on the other hand is a late bloomer. I’ve got my first period during the first day of classes in my first year of high school. Some women got theirs even later than mine.
I became ignorant about women’s stuff that time really, my mother wasn't there with me because she attended my grandfather’s funeral which was also held that day. I was even panicking because I felt hurt in the abdomen, in my chest, in my legs, everywhere. I even go to my aunt’s house crying and asking for help because I really don’t know what to feel at that time. It was such an epic fail ‘first period feels’ experience for me.
So if you’re a young lady, a boyfriend, a husband or father that happens to read my article, then I would give you some tips that can possibly help during red days. This is based on my own experiences and it really helps me throughout my monthly challenge.
***1. Hot Compress***
My mother always advised me to put some hot compress on my abdomen whenever I have cramps. And I guess, mothers knows best. It may not totally remove the pain but it can make you relax. It’s just simple. Get an empty bottle with a cap. Pour a hot water inside and close it tightly. Cover the bottle with a towel or any clothes, just make sure that you can still feel its hotness. Lay on your and raise your both legs to the wall then place the bottle in your abdomen.
You can do this for as long as you want or as long as the cramp is gone. It does really help I tell you. It is a natural remedy that can keep you from taking more pain relievers.
***2. Use Menthol Pads.***
So for severe cramps, I highly recommend using menthol pads than the regular one. It is costly but it can actually help. I used it sometimes but not most of the time. It can also keep us from irritations that our regular pads give us. If you couldn’t find something like this or too costly for you, you can just make an alternative. Which I recommend best since women couldn’t use the same pads for 24 hours. We need to change every 3 hours. It is necessary so we can keep ourselves clean and away from bacterial infection.
Though women depend on pads, it is also important to make our V breathe at least once in a while. If you are just in your house and you don’t have any plans on going out for a day then stop using pads for a while, or even just for a day. Let your blood flow freely. Because sometimes, using pads can also filter the flow of the blood, so not all of the dirty blood will come out because of it. So let it breathe okay?
***3. Do not take a bath.***
This is what every woman fails to do. Even me, myself. Of course we would like to always take a bath every now and then during our period since we feel so hot, dirty, smelly, and sticky. If it would be possible to not leave the shower then we probably do it. But then my grandmother and mother told me to never take a bath during red days. They said that it will bring no good, maybe not now but you’ll suffer for the consequences later.
It really can’t help especially if we need to go to school, or work, or somewhere important. Hot yucky feelings would only add to our irritations. So what I always do is to skip a day. Like if today I take a bath, so tomorrow I wouldn’t. Then the next day I would take a bath, and then the next I would not. Something like that. Well it is not that bad to listen to people who experienced life first than us, right? You won’t lose anything anyway.
***4. Rest***
Many people already told me to never lift something heavy during red days and also to not do any hard sports. When a woman was on her period, her hormones were highly active and some parts of her body were still adjusting or preparing for it. Just like how a woman’s body prepares for pregnancy. The reason and the process may be different but it is something similar to that. So it is really important to rest during your period.
Feeling lazy was also normal. Our body would feel so heavy and it is so tiring to move or get up. As I have said, it is normal since our body is adjusting. Back pains and chest pains would be your number one enemy for this.
So if you feel like your wife, girlfriend, sister, or even your daughter would be so lazy all of the sudden then don’t try to push them to their limit because it can or might irritate them to the bone. Some of us were just keeping it a secret since we would feel shy letting our family members or the people around us know that we had red days. So it is better to be aware.
***5. Satisfying cravings***
It is not really necessary for us to satisfy our cravings right away. But if we do, it gives us so much happiness and it makes us fulfilled. I don’t know if it’s just me or some women also feel this, but I have noticed during my high school years that whenever I got my period I would also crave for some particular food and if I have enough money I would buy and treat myself but then if my pocket is empty a part of me was also empty—my stomach probably. But seriously I would really feel empty if I couldn’t satisfy my cravings.
But remember that whenever the period strikes, you can’t eat everything you wanted. There were also foods that are needed to avoid during red days and that is sour foods. If you like eating something sour like green mangoes and anything that is sour, like you are eating them almost everyday, then at least take a break during your red days. Sour foods can just make your cramps worse.
There are still many remedies that I would like to share but these five helped me the best and if you haven’t tried it yet then better give it a shot and see the result for yourself. Every woman has different hormonal imbalances so we also have different ways and remedies to catch up with it.
But if you’re a woman with severe cramps who depends on pain killers and medicine whenever it strikes then I advise you to try natural remedies. Taking medicines for period cramps are not really advisable though some may be effective for removing the pain instantly, I know it since I have also used this method before, but we don’t know the side effects we may get from it. As the oldies said *“Precaution is better than cure”.* So why not try using the natural method?
And lastly, it may sound weird but they said it is true. Whenever a woman is on her period, do not or do not let her come near a plant because the plant might die. That is what I have heard from my great grandmother when my cousin got her first period. And when it was me who got my period, my grandmother and mother also told me that. I find it weird really, because how would a plant die? It’s not like I will torture the plant or something right? Then it would probably die by that.
I find it impossible and ridiculous so I didn’t listen and even tried to water the plants. When my mother saw me she really beat me, I mean not in a most violent way. That's how she loves her plants so much. But then true enough, when morning came I noticed that the plants look so bad. It’s like they didn't drink water and their colors were like that of a dying plant. I don’t really know if it’s because of me or they just wanted to look weak so that my mother would beat and scold me again.
Wish Upon a Fallen Eyelashes
Old tale tells that if you catch a fallen eyelash, you can make a wish and it will come true. I’ve been hearing that since I was a kid but I never tried even once. Maybe because I don’t believe in that folk at all. It’s just a self-made story that the oldies tell in the youth anyway.
“Maria, wash the dishes now!” my mother shouted from the backyard. It’s getting dark already and she’s gathering the clothes that are hanging on the old cord wires that are tied in both of the coconut trees.
“It’s Linda’s turn!” I shouted back. I was busy watching some variety shows on our black and white television. Any moment from now, some of our neighbors will be here to watch some movies too.
I didn’t hear an answer from Inang but she walked in with a pile of clothes in her arms.
“Just do it. Your sister is sick” she said and sat on our bamboo chair with the clothes on her lap and started folding it.
I stomp my feet and raise from where I seated. I glared at my sister who is on the other corner and happily watching the show. I hate her so much. Everytime she is acting sick, all of the workloads will be passed on to me. If I had food, I need to share it with her. If there are things that she cannot do, I need to do it for her. I hate her so much. I felt less love by my parents when she was born.
I headed to the backyard where the well was located. I wanted to cry in so much anger when I saw how the plates were carelessly piled up. I already wash the dishes earlier. I was the one who cooked dinner. I was the one who cleaned the house earlier. Why do I need to wash the dishes now? I feel like I was not far from a slave because of that sister of mine!
I started washing the dishes. Showing how mad I was. I was doing it carelessly but I was still being cautious a little to make sure that I won’t break anything or else I would feel my mother’s beating.
When I was about to finish, I saw my father walking in from our bamboo fences with a leather strip in his shoulder. I looked at his back when I didn’t see Lakas, our carabao.
“Amang!” I run to him and *bless.* “Where is Lakas?”
He just smiled and messed my already messy hair. “I bring you *Suman.* Go share it with your sister”
I accepted the *Suman* covered in a brown paper bag and excitedly went inside the house. There are only two *Suman* so I gave the other one to Linda while I kept the other one on the side of the TV and went back to the backyard to finish washing the dishes.
I went back to the house again as I saw some of our neighbors making their way to our house now. It is already time for our favorite TV show.
I got my *Suman* and started eating it while sitting comfortably at my favorite spot. Linda was about to finish eating now and was looking at me. I rolled my eyes at her and just ate. Our neighbor’s kid, Baldo, who is just a year older than Linda went in and greeted us. He sat at the corner near the TV, it’s his usual spot.
As the show started, our neighbors slowly flocked at our door and windows. The kids were inside while the adults were just outside standing and some were sitting on the provided bamboo chairs. I was slowly enjoying my *Suman* when Linda went to my side and asked for it. I ignored her and just focused my attention on what we are watching.
Linda started crying and Inang warned me immediately. I whined too and stomped my feet.
“She already ate hers! Why do I need to give her? This is mine!” I shouted, attracting our neighbor’s attention now. Some laugh at us. I don’t really care but Inang looked at me with an unpleasant expression.
In the end, I gave the *Suman* to Linda and pinch her sides. She cried and Inang who saw it, immediately hit me with her slipper. I didn’t cry but I was holding back my tears. I really hate my sister so much and I hope that she would just be gone. I never wanted to have a sister anyway.
The show ended with me in a bad mood. Some of our neighbors left and went home already while some were still here drinking *Tuba* with Amang.
Tatang Tino, a known quack doctor in our baryo, gathered us kids for his stories again. He was now sitting in Inang's place while we made a circle and gathered in front of him. He always tells us about folk tales or stories that aren’t true. I sometimes doubt that some of the stories were only made by him. And now I wonder what it would be this time.
*"So this time, it is about the Tale of the Fallen Eyelashes"* he started. I don’t really believe in everything he’s telling us but I still listen because I like how he tells the story. He’s bald and with a long beard, and whenever he starts telling a story it seems like it was really true that’s why people believe so much lies from him.
*"Did you know that we can make a wish if we catch a fallen eyelash? If a fairy of the eyelashes would hear it, she can make your wishes come true…"*
The other kids seem to be so shocked and amazed while holding their eyelashes. I just sat there in the corner listening to his self-made stories while watching how the other kids were easily fooled. How possible can you make a wish with eyelashes? And was there even a fairy for the eyelashes?
Before, I believed that there was a tooth fairy. Tatang Tino said that if you put your tooth under your pillow they will exchange it for money. When morning came, the tooth was still there so I guess it was just a self-made story. After that, I never believed in his every story.
When morning came, Amang left early to farm while Inang went to the town to buy some food and Linda’s medicines. I finished cleaning the house as well as the backyard and Linda was still not awake. I went to the room and woke her up but instead of getting up she just kicked me. What a lazy child!
As I know, she was just faking it being sick so she can live like a princess and all the work is on me. I really hate her for that. I pinch her sides and she starts crying aloud. Inang wasn’t there so no one could give in to her whims. I ignored her and just water the plants and the vegetables in the garden.
After a minute or so when Linda stops crying. Maybe she realized that Inang wasn’t there. I’ve done all the work so I started taking a bath in the well. All of our water comes from this well. It is clean and has a sweet-like taste, and it is very cold.
I changed into my favorite pink *bestida* and was about to go out and play with my friends when I saw what Linda did to my crayons. She tears all of the labels of each crayon and draws weird shapes on our wooden wall. I hurriedly went to her and grabbed the crayons then pulled her hair. She started crying and scratched my arms with her nails.
I began to cry when my arms bled and started to hurt. That was the scene that Inang caught. She shouted and separated us. Linda started explaining while crying and so do I but Inang only hit me with a slipper. I was scolded that I should give way since I was the big sister.
It was really unfair. Everytime Linda and I had a fight, Inang never listened to me and accused me instead of being the reason for the fight. And I hate Linda even more when that happens. She was always right and I was always wrong. She is the good daughter and I was the bad one. I should give way because I was the big sister. It was really unfair! Very very unfair on my part.
I run to the rice field while crying and ignore Inang’s threats and callings. I sat on the big rock near the *Talisay tree.* I was rubbing my eyes to stop myself from crying but when I saw the wounds that Linda made in my arms I started crying again. Inang didn’t even check if I was hurt. She only cares for Linda.
Minutes passed when I was no longer crying. Just some sobs but my tears were already dried. Sonya, my bestfriend, tried to surprise me but I wasn’t in the mood. When she saw my face she started asking why I was crying. I told her everything and I couldn’t hold back my tears again. She was just there, listening and patting my back.
We let another minute pass before I could totally stop crying. She also got some *Malunggay leaves* to treat my wounds. Sonya is my opposite. Her skin is very dark and her hair is very curly. She’s also talkative and she has thick lips but she is my bestfriend. We are at the same age and we go to the same elementary school so we get along well.
"Look!" she leaned her face to me. I closed my eyes when she got something near from my eyes.
"What is it?"
She smiled widely and showed me my fallen eyelashes.
"Make a wish and blow it"
I never believed in such a thing. But then at that time I had only one wish and that is for Linda to be gone in my life. I didn’t believe in Tatang Tino’s stories but I tried to make a wish in my fallen eyelashes for the first time.
Days passed and Linda became more lazy and sickly. We always fought and Inang always beat and scolded me. I hate Linda more and more that in every fallen lashes that I catch, I would wish for her to be gone. I didn’t believe in it since my wish hadn't come true yet, I didn’t raise my expectations, but I was hoping that if the fairy of the eyelashes was really true then maybe he will hear my wishes soon.
Weeks passed when Linda was sent to the town's doctor because of having a high fever but she died before even reaching the town. They said that she has a dengue, a disease caused by mosquitos.
Inang and Amang arrange her burial in our backyard. I cried watching her being buried to the ground. I hate her but I never wanted her dead. Then I remember my wishes. Has it come true? Was this the answer of my wishes? Can I take it back now?
Four big rocks were placed on her grave. Everyday I plant my favorite flower around her rocks but it would die the other day. I was doing it everyday. After watering the plants and vegetables, I would plant a flower or anything around her stones but all would die. There’s not even a single grass growing near her grave.
Months passed and I started to miss Linda’s presence. The house seems so quiet without her now. I can watch my favorite TV show with interruption. I can have all the foods and the toys by myself. I don’t need to share the bed and the blanket. Everything was on me, even the household. And it started to get boring and lonely.
I still have the guilt that the reason why Linda died was because of me. It’s because I wish for her to be gone. I didn’t mean for her to die but I still wish for her to be gone. I realized my mistakes. If I could turn back the time, I would never wish anything.
It was Linda’s birthday and we made a little celebration for her. Months after she died. She didn’t even get to catch her 8th birthday. That night, I caught a fallen eyelash. For the past months since my sister died, I’ve been waiting for a fallen eyelash to make a wish but I can’t just catch any. This time, I caught one.
I immediately closed my eyes and wished from the deepest of my heart to bring my sister back before I blew that eyelashes away. I hope that the fairy will hear and grant my wish.
Inang woke me up early the next morning. They went to the town to fetch my grandparents. I cleaned the house and boiled some hot water. Apo and Ima, my grandparents, love to drink melted *tablea*. I remove some cobwebs and dust before going out to clean the backyard. When I finished sweeping all the dried leaves I started watering the plants. As usual, I was about to plant some flowers near Linda’s grave when I noticed a *Gumamela* plant in the center of Linda’s grave. It was surrounded by the four big rocks but the red and large petals of the flower still bloomed beautifully.
I was dropped on my knees as I started to cry. It was my most hated flower yet it grew beautifully on Linda’s grave. The fairy did grant my wish. She brings my sister back. In a different form. I hated her when she was still alive. And now, the fairy brings her back through the flower that I hated too. Regardless, I will take care of her now.
The Day We Said I Do...
Marriage here in the Philippines is sacred. We don’t have a divorce so if you want to get married make sure that it is the person you truly wanted to spend your whole life with. You can’t just marry a person just because he/she is rich, handsome or beautiful, or just because the person is famous.
Fairy tale wedding is a dream of every woman, they say. Elegant gown made only by the world’s famous designers, luxurious bridal car, majestic wedding receptions and all. I’ve met women with dreams like that and some of my friends even wish for a wedding like that. It is truly a dream come true, they said.
But then let’s not forget that a wedding is just a legal process of marriage. You can’t claim a person, husband or wife, if you haven't been blessed by the priest, the people, and the lord, and if you aren’t bound by the holy matrimony. While the relationship form outside the marriage is referred to as infidelity, which is a big sin in the eyes of the people and in the eyes of the lord.
Yesterday, January 09, 2021 is the celebration of the holy Black Nazaren and also the most special day for two people. Yesterday, at exactly 2 pm in the Parish of Saint Mary Church located in Agusan, Cagayan de Oro City, we witnessed the exchanging of vows of Francis and Honey.
Kuya Francis is my cousin. He had a long-time girlfriend for eight years and now after everything was settled, he decided to tie the knot. I am also one of the witnesses throughout their eight years of relationship. They started dating since college and have been separated for 5 years since my cousin is working abroad. Being in a long distance relationship was not easy for Ate Honey and will never be easy. They had countless fights already, thousands of miscommunications, lost time with each other but yet no one gives up. Neither Kuya Francis nor Ate Honey.
They remain faithful and loyal with each other and if they had misunderstandings they would make their mind cools first before talking it out. Misunderstanding and miscommunication are the hardest thing that every LDR couple experiences because you don’t know how to explain or to listen properly to each other without doubting his/her every words.
Words and promises are what you can only trust in long distance relationships. And sometimes, people aren’t true to their words and madness can give you doubts. Trust is very important for every LDR couple and it is also important to not break the trust that was given to you. And this is what I saw in the newlywed couple, from day one up until to the day they made a promise for a lifetime.
Marriage life is hard. I can tell. But marriage life and LDR is the hardest, well at least that's what I think. If you miss your husband you can’t easily see him because of the time difference and your different schedules, and you’ll only see him on the thin screen of your phone. You can’t hug and cuddle him. You can’t cry on his shoulder if you had a bad day. You can’t feel his warmth.
And for the husbands, they can't see their child growing up. He left when it was still a baby and when he came back it was already a teen. He missed many moments with them growing up. Husband’s patience will also be tested for not seeing his wife for a long time. Some may still be faithful and wouldn’t look for other women but we all know that not all men are the same. Men’s mind set and principles are what best describes him.
When Kuya Francis said his promises to Ate Honey, I can see that he will be a good and faithful husband to her. Not just because he’s my cousin that’s why I was saying this but because I know that he never memorized his vows. He never wrote one. All the words he said yesterday in front of Ate Honey, in front of us his family, in front of all the people in that church, in front of the priest and in front of the lord God, were the words that came directly from his heart. He didn’t just say those promises to Ate Honey but also to us and to God.
It was very heart whelming that it brought me to tears. He didn’t promise Ate Honey a perfect marriage because there’s no such thing after all, but he promised to be a good foundation to make their marriage last. He didn’t promise to be a faithful husband because he knew he had many flaws even when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend, but he promised to love and cherish only one woman in his lifetime. He didn’t promise her to never bring her tears, but he promised only joy is the reason for it.
Marriage isn’t perfect. I’ve witnessed many weddings already with perfect vows and promises to each other but in the end they got separated. I just know that Kuya Francis and Ate Honey’s marriage life would last because I can see that they are willing to fight for it. Aside from that, my cousin came from a broken family. He experienced the loneliness and pain from being one so I know he will never break his marriage and family for any reason, as well as for Ate Honey.
When the event ended, I can see the both satisfaction in the couple’s eyes. Although they were tired, but you can’t ignore the happiness in their faces. It was their dream wedding. A not so very fancy but they can call it a fairy tale wedding. Not because they spent more than hundreds of thousands pesos for it but because it was the wedding they dreamed together. In which all of their families and friends witness it and give them their blessings. And in where they made promises together in front of God and gave them his blessings and guidance as well.
Marriage life isn’t easy at all. I’ve witnessed it from my parents. It is not just all about happiness. I even remember the priest told us when I attended a friend’s wedding before. He asked if why we cry at a funeral, and feel joy at a wedding. No one answers and everyone is quietly listening to him. He said that it should be the opposite. We should feel joy at a funeral and cry at a wedding. Because when a person is dead, it only means that he already accomplished his missions and God let him rest already so we should feel happy for him. But we should cry on a newlywed couple because their life had just started. They will still face many challenges and clear many obstacles in their path. We should feel bad about them.
People laugh at what the priest said, but it was actually a real talk. Even a priest can testify that marriage isn’t easy. So if you wanted to settle down and get married, find a partner that you can see yourself growing old with. Do not marry a man just because he is handsome. Or a woman just because she is pretty and sexy. Physical appearances changes through time. Do not marry a man just because he has a lot of money and he can surely make your life easy. Or a woman just because she’s a known personality or a social media swag.
Do not marry thinking that it is okay if you fail that marriage because there’s divorce anyway. Marriage is not for trial or experiences. But marriage is a holy sacrament that allows you and your partner to face trials together. Marriage is a proof that your love for each other could last for a life time, and not even death could tear you apart.
The Faceless Woman In My Dreams
Last night, I had a dream. It’s not a new dream because I used to have this kind of dream sometimes too. In my dream, there is a woman. With white skin and long jet black hair. She held me in her arms and I was so happy. I was still a baby and I would make cute giggles. I tried to look and memorize the woman’s face but there was nothing. She doesn't have a face.
I would always wake up after that. The same goes as my other dreams. Whenever I would see that she doesn't have a face, an alarm clock or my Mom’s calling always wakes me up. Oddly how I don’t feel scared every after that dream. Aside from that, I always remember it like it wasn’t a dream at all and I would always feel a little lonely after that.
Earlier, while I was cleaning the house, I found an old photo album. I got curious so I stopped the sweeping for a while and decided to take a look. Memories flood in me as I turn every page of the album. There were photos in where I was still a baby which I would never really let anyone see. There were photos in my kindergarten graduation which I think I would be able to stretch my face because of the wide smile that I was wearing. I remember that I was very happy to be awarded as best in reading, best in writing, best in English, best in Math, and most behaved that time. I even raised my gold medal so that everyone could see. I just wish I still have that brain in academics now back when I was still in kindergarten.
There are also pictures of our P.E Festival. Yearly, it’s a tradition in our school to have an event in which all of the students will dance and participate. My memories with those times were fun but I hate how I looked with my make up in the picture. I think the only time that I like my P.E Festival picture is when I was in grade five. My long hair was on a braid and I was comfortable with my costume, plus my cousin is the one who put on my makeup that time and not my Mom so I look natural and I like it.
There is also a picture of my first communion in grade three. There is also a picture of the recognition day when I was in grade four. I look so happy in it. It was the only recognition picture that my father attended. It used to be only Mom, my brother and me in the picture because my father was always busy at work but that time we are complete.
And then there’s my elementary graduation pictures up until the high schools completion ceremony and then the graduation for completing the K-12. A warm smile was plastered in my lips as I was slowly reminiscing the memories behind those pictures. Memories never fade, but keeping pictures of those memories was a great idea.
I was about to close the album and put it back to where I found it when a picture fell out. It was a very old picture that some part of it was already discoloured and blurred. I was still a baby in that picture, probably a year and months old. And a woman is carrying me. You can see in the picture that I was looking at the woman’s face while she looked down at me with an obvious smiling face. Then I realized that it was the one in my dream. Even in the picture, the woman’s face wasn’t clearly seen. While looking at the picture I remember the funny voices and chuckled in my dreams.
A smack on my arms startled me so much. For a while, I think I would have a heart attack. I am always easily startled! I was about to shout at the person when I realized that it was my mother. She then started nagging again about how lazy I was that I couldn’t even finish sweeping the floor yet here I was just sitting along. To distract her, I showed her the picture and asked her about the woman. She narrowed her eyes to clearly see the picture.
*‘It’s your aunt. You used to love it so much when she always carries and plays with you’* she said. I then realized that those dreams aren’t just dreams but my memories. Mom said that it was their youngest sibling who died years ago due to a heart failure. She used to stay with us when both of my parents have work. She buys me toys, food, and clothes. And she always plays with me and my brother. She’s like a second mother to us and we call her Mommy.
She died when I was very young and now I don't remember what she looked like. She was the faceless woman in my dreams and in my memory. I may not remember her face clearly but I can still remember the sound of her voice and I am sure that I love her and I miss her so much.
The world isn’t all about black and white, there are rainbows too.
This happens during our freshmen years in college. I remembered so I just wanted to share it. It was the first Friday after the school had started. Supposedly, we don’t have a class every Friday since the school declared it as a day for students and teachers to catch up with their pending works, assignments and all. But that time we had to go to school for the freshmen’s orientation. Our college dean announced that one so we really need to go, besides attendance is a must.
They said that the orientation will start at 8 so me and my friends tried to be on time, though we entered the school gate at 8:15. Oddly how the hallway seems so quiet but there’s a group of people in one of the kiosks with their giant speaker and loud music. On regular days, I won’t really pay attention to some people I don’t know but that time was different. I got curious.
So, I tried to look at them one by one. There are about five of them. The four were standing while doing some dance steps while the other one was just sitting facing the hallway but still doing some steps. My eyes were fixed at the one who’s sitting. I really thought he’s a foreigner plus he’s wearing a white shirt. I am easily attracted to people who wear white shirts and I don’t know why.
Since he’s the only one facing our direction, he eyed us curiously too. Maybe thinking of what would be our business there when it is a big Friday and we aren't supposed to have a class. So back to our business there, when we reach our classroom there is no one except for a few classmates who’s also waiting for the orientation to start.
We went to the gymnasium thinking that maybe the orientation was held there but still nothing. I already doubted that maybe there’s no orientation at all. We decided to wait while some of our classmates already went home. I got curious at the loud music and shouting so I pulled my friend there. I am never a fan of some dance groups in our school way back in high school that’s why I was very amazed to see one up close.
The people in the kiosk earlier were already with their other members and they’re doing some stretching I think. I’m not a dance pro so I don’t know if it’s already part of their dance routine or just a pure stretching. We decided to sit on the nearest bench just so we could watch them close.
They were running in a circle that time while doing some hand gestures when I saw that guy in a white shirt again. They did that for a minute until they changed their routine. Watching him closely, I have a gut feeling that there’s something in him. Until they end their stretching and start their dance routine. That’s when I confirmed that I was right. He’s a gay!
I am not against gay, I actually love them. What’s wrong with being a gay, right? That’s when I also thought that maybe I had a crush on him. He’s handsome I admit but there are also times that he looks beautiful. I like his smile and whenever he does some nasty moves I would just laugh at the back of my mind. I probably look like an idiot sitting there in awe and staring only at him. I would even clap when they made some awesome moves, like a total idiot really.
That’s why I was very happy when my bestfriend, Dee, wanted to join the dance troupe. I was very supportive throughout her audition and I feel so proud when she passed. It feels like I was the one who gave birth to her, I was just so happy. Every Friday was their time to practice. Sometimes I would make the boredom in our house as an excuse so I could go with Dee and watch them dance. And sometimes there were group projects or make up classes that’s why we need to go to school.
I did totally agree with Dee when she said that ‘School is boring when you don’t have a crush’. I know that school is a place for learning and not for things like that but being an adolescent, it can’t be helped. Besides, crush is only a form of idolization. I was only amazed by how he looked so handsome and beautiful at the same time when he danced. It’s not like I would marry him instantly. Well, thinking about that, I only want him to be a motivation alone. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don’t want him to be a friend as well. I don’t know but I really become snobby to him, even if there are times that we talk. Maybe I was just too shy. I was more close to his bestfriend, who is also a gay, that whenever he see me he would greet or kiss my cheek instead. He’s also good looking but I prefer him as a friend. Maybe I just really like someone who looks both handsome and beautiful, that I don’t want to be a friend nor a boyfriend, but just a mere inspiration.
And now, I heard that he’s in a relationship with his bestfriend. Yes, his gay bestfriend. I didn’t get disappointed or what but I feel happy for them. They look good together despite of some words behind their backs. I am truly happy for them.
I realized that no matter what our gender is, if we like someone, we would really like someone despite their gender too. I am a woman but I prefer gays over guys. I do sometimes like the same sex, so what? It doesn’t mean that if I am a woman, I couldn’t like other women as well. Or if they are gay, they couldn’t like gay as well. We all have our different gender preferences and it is our choice of expressing our individuality.
That’s how my preferences are. I couldn’t change it just because it isn’t right in the eyes of other people. Everyone has a freedom to choose what they like and to choose who they love. It isn’t in the law, and God never said it was a sin. Yes, he only created a man and a woman and no other gender as what anti-LGBTQIA always says, but liking or loving someone in the same sex was never a sin. That’s how they show their individuality and we should respect every individual.
I know that other genders were slowly being recognized now. I am happy for it and I support it even though I didn’t join any organizations about it. But I also know that some still couldn’t let themselves free for fearing the judgements or disownment from their own family and the people around us. Hiding your true self in the dark while showing others what they were expecting from you was the hardest. You will never be at peace. You will never be happy.
Let’s just respect each and every one of them. It didn’t make them less of a human because of their preferences. You aren’t greater or smarter than they are just because they are different. The world isn’t all about black and white, there are rainbows too. If you want a perfect world, then start building your own.
Amen to Women
Earlier this day I was left alone in the house. My father’s at work, my brother went out for a while, and my mother went to the groceries. So being left in the house I was told to do the chores. Cleaning, washing the dishes, watering the plant, everything.
For some reason, I liked it the most when I was left in the house. I don’t really mind doing all of the household chores as long as I am alone. And whenever that happens I would connect my phone to the speaker and turn the volumes up. Being at home alone and with a loud of music is a kind of relaxation to me. It’s like my happiness is at peak level and no one can really ruin my mood for the whole day. I think most teenagers can relate to this. The feeling was just really something.
I don’t know but I feel more comfortable being alone at home with loud music and I can do the chores properly too. So I let my playlist decide whatever it wanted to play until it plays a song that I’m not familiar with. I was already in the front yard that time while watering the plants since I’m done with my indoors chores. I’m not familiar with the music but I did really enjoy it and I love its lyrics.
I don’t know the title of the song but I concluded its ‘*Amen to Women’.* I’m not sure but mostly words that are repeated more than twice are sometimes the title of the songs, right? So the song is talking about both the bad traits and good traits of a woman. How are they so bossy and moody sometimes? How are they so unpredictable? How do they change their mind so easily? How complicated they are? How men couldn’t understand them most of the time?
But then they will be missed when they’re gone. The way they clung and took care of you. They make you mad and laugh at the same time. Their cute dances when they cook. And the way they make your heart melt. They are all God-given. Women are a blessing from above.
I love how the writer put that idea in a song. I know that we all have gender equality but let’s not forget to appreciate women. I also know that some men don’t know their values but every woman is precious. Just think how amazing they are despite their attitudes that sometimes even they don’t understand themselves. Give her love and she can give you her life. Give her sperm and she can give you a baby. Thinking about it, humans can’t multiply without women.
I was really touched after hearing the song and was a bit sad for those battered women out there, especially for my neighbor who used to be a battered wife. I don’t know if it still continues now but before whenever the husband gets drunk she would be full of bruises the next morning. Some of our neighbors tried to talk to her but she just couldn’t leave his husband alone for a reason that she’s his wife and she’s just fine. This also shows that some women are hypocrites. And if ever you had their heart they would not leave easily but instead they will try to hold on even if they are already hurting.
I am just thankful that my father loves and respects my mother so much. Just like in the song, how the song writer praises and respects women so much. You really feel how he appreciated the existence of women and how thankful he was in God for creating a wonderful masterpiece.
I’m not saying to treat them all in a special way but at least appreciate them all and give them respect. After all, your mother is a woman, your sister is a woman, and some of your cousins and friends are women. If you disrespect one, try imagining how would you feel if your mother, or your sister, or your girl cousins and friends were disrespected? No matter how mad you are, or how disrespectful they are because it can’t help that some of them have that attitude, but then just think that if you disrespect one you already disrespect them all.
What’s good in 2020?
I know most of us—everyone probably hates the year 2020. Some maybe think it was the worst year. No one can blame us for thinking that way but let’s also look at the good side. Year 2020 may be the worst for giving us hardship, deaths, typhoons, tragedies and all the chaos we faced but it is not a failure.
In fact, it makes us stronger than before. It makes our faith stronger. And makes our family bond stronger. Only few have noticed the good things that 2020 brought us but all of us benefit from it. You may deny it but if you look through you’ll realize that it makes sense at all.
What’s good in 2020? Well, in my own perspective although there are plenty of bad things that happened but there are also plenty of good things. In general, there are three best things that 2020 gives us.
1. Faith
*Faith.* For me and for some of us also, there are times where our faith becomes stronger throughout the year 2020 but there are also times where it was shaken. 2020 is a year that tested our faith in so many ways. Some of us asked God why this needs to happen, or why did he allow it, or something like that. Some were shaken completely and some found their way back to God.
I even knew someone who thinks that this is God’s punishment to us, for all of our sins and for being greedy. But no, it isn’t. Let’s just not forget that God will never put us in a situation where he knows we can’t handle.
2. Bond
*Bond.* Before everything of these happens, we seldom spend our time in our homes. Adults were busy in their business or in making money and any adult matters while adolescents were busy spending time with their ‘Barkadas’ and friends. House isn’t a home anymore. They feel more at home at their workplaces and with their friends' company, even on holidays.
But when general community quarantine was mobilized and everyone was told to never leave their houses, this improves the bond in every family. Every dinner was great. A house completely feels like home.
3. Survival
*Survival.* This doesn’t mean for being alive all this time but for being able to hold on until the end of the year. 2020 taught us to fight, to never give up, and to be strong. We tend to fight for our lives but our battle in this year was not just solely for ourselves but for everyone who loves us as well.
Most of us think that this year is a failure but try to look closely, it isn’t at all. Year 2020 may bring us great pain and sorrow but in return it makes our mind, heart and soul stronger. We don’t know what 2021 may give us but for sure we know that whatever happens in year 2021 and for the future years we will all face and surpass it just fine because 2020 helps us to become stronger and braver.
So let’s not hate 2020 anymore, instead, let’s close the chapter with a smile on our faces knowing that whatever 2020 throws at us we surpass it all and we survive with a better version of ourselves. And now, we’re all ready to face what 2021 may give us so let’s all forget the hate, say our thank you’s, and bid our farewell to the year 2020.
Electricity Is Not A Necessity
*Electricity is not a necessity.* I always hear that from my mother since before up until now whenever she caught me overusing electricity. Like if I would turn the television on but I was more attentive to my phone or if I forgot to turn off the lights, something like that and she would really nag me all day.
And whenever she nagged me she would always say that people nowadays won’t live even a single day without electricity. Since I was used to her nagging about that so I didn’t really make a big deal out of it. But then I would be lying if I would tell that it didn’t cross my mind, if people wouldn’t really live without electricity?
Because in today’s generation, it seems like electricity is one of the most basic needs for people to survive. We need it as much as we need air to breathe, or as much as we need food and water to survive. That’s how significant electricity is to us now.
I remember when my grandma brought me to Aunt Lucy’s house, she’s my grandma’s bestfriend and almost a big sister to her. Aunt Lucy is 98 years old now. So, this happens on her 90th birthday, almost eight years ago.
My grandma tagged me along with her to celebrate her bestfriend’s birthday. Aunt Lucy didn’t marry and doesn’t have a child so it was only us and a few of her niece and nephews who already had a family. The first thing I noticed is that Aunt Lucy’s house is huge and modern looking but she doesn’t have a television. All of the house accessories were antique and expensive but there’s nothing that could make her living more comfortable such as an electric fan, stove, washing machine, or even a refrigerator.
At first I thought it was odd, but then when I asked her about it I started to understand. During her younger years, electricity was something that they would need less. She grew up without being exposed to electricity and such things. Gas stoves or lamps were their source of light. They don’t need fans because the air before was more cooler and fresher than now. They don’t need a refrigerator because all they eat is fresh foods every day, and whenever they need to preserve the food they would just place it in a jar and pour some vinegar and salt to it. That’s their way of preserving food before. They don’t need a washing machine because their elders taught them some values that a woman must learn how to wash her clothes to become a responsible mother in the future.
She grew up in that way so I can’t blame her. But then, that happened long ago. Many things have changed already. There were also inventions that are discovered and used even until now. Things change as time rolls fast.
It doesn’t mean that since there’s no such thing before we’ll continue living like that. Humans won’t be contented with that. They would always change and explore. But seeing how things are now, maybe what my mother always told me was right, that people cannot live without electricity.
As we slowly discover the usage of electricity, we seem to be so fond of it and mistook it as something we cannot live without. It became the most important thing in our daily living. We use it to know some world’s updates or to know some recent news and issues. We use it for online classes. We use it for work. We used it for cooking, cleaning, and doing all the household chores. We use it like we cannot really live without it. We mistook it as a necessity. I think almost everything we do now involves electricity. We need it so much to survive but it is not a necessity at all.
Whenever there is a power shortage in our barangay, most of my neighbours would shout in horror and disappointment if there’s a sudden black out. Like their whole life had just stopped or been paused because of this power shortage. Like they cannot do anything without electricity and they would yearn for it to come back immediately. Like they cannot breathe properly without it. How ironic isn’t it? And every time this happens I would really realize how engrossed people are to electricity. And that maybe my mother was really right after all, people cannot live without electricity.
The Beauty of Poverty.
I am poor and I am not sorry for that. I was glad that I was born poor for I have learned how to value even the smallest things. Here in the Philippines, poverty is one of the most biggest problem that our government is facing.
Year 2020, although a bit hard for every one of us, but also taught us so many lessons in life. It’s like God let us experience this crisis for us to learn the values of life and what it is to live. There are so many tragedies that happened around the world throughout 2020; protest everywhere, crime rates increases, discriminations and all. All of these includes power, greed, and social discrimination.
We shouldn’t let our social status affect our characteristic as humans. If the cost of being rich is manners, then I would rather be poor forever. I am not discriminating rich people because I know not all of them are like that, same as the poor.
But then, I think being poor is God given. Being poor is a blessing. Why? Because they are taught the most lessons in life. And poor are closer to God because whenever they have problems, they would pray. Being poor isn’t a sin, but dying without trying to get out poverty is.
So here are the things that poverty taught me:
1. **Never to waste food.**
My mother always told me to never waste food and to eat everything that is serve on the table. Every single grain of rice is important because farmers work hard to provide us that. They spent sweat and blood for that single grain of rice. Aside from that, we should never really waste food because not all people have the means to eat three meals a day. Some even sleep with an empty stomach.
2. **Conserve water.**
The second thing that poverty taught me is to always conserve water. Not all of us have and can drink clean water every day. We may have plenty of water now but that doesn’t mean we can waste it all we want. Think for the future generations. Time will come and water will be insufficient for both people and animals.
3. **A centavo matter.**
I also learn to appreciate every single thing that even a centavo matters. You can’t make a peso without a centavo, as well as a dollar without a cents. Being poor limits us from buying things we wanted. But it also taught us to differentiate the things we need from the things we only want. Needs and wants are very different that people mostly don’t know. Needs are the necessity we need to survive such as shelter, water, and food. While the things we only want are the temporary things that gives us temporary comfort such as cars, air-conditioned, and gadgets. We should always think first before we spend money lavishly.
4. **Learn the importance of life.**
Also, learning the importance of life. That it is not only the human lives has a value but the animals as well. Health is wealth. If you are poor, being sick is expensive. Many people have already died due to sickness and not being treated. It’s not just in the Philippines but in the whole world. How hurt it could be to watch your family member die and couldn’t even do anything to help? Though, I was still thankful that I was born poor because I learn to appreciate life more and thanking God that he’s extending my life every single day.
5. **Trust God.**
Lastly is to always trust God. Never complain for the life that is given to you. You aren’t born rich because God loves you more, or I was born poor because God loves me less. And do not also let destiny decide your life. It is us who create our own destiny with hard work and then trust everything to God. He will do the rest.
I’ve met people who complain about their life to God. I also knew people who are poor and were attached to illegal drugs and whine everything to God when in fact it was their own choice. They made that choice by themselves and now that they are paying for the consequences they would blame it to God?
If we are born with a hard life then we should do anything or everything to make our life better. Appreciating every lessons we learn and to never forget where we came from. We should always look back from where we came from.
What defines Christmas?
Every year, Filipinos were anticipated when Christmas was coming. We have different ways in celebrating Christmas and everyone is excited for the gifts they may receive.
Here in our barangay, when ‘Ber’ months started people cooperates to make the plaza wonderful and Christmas-like. Every tree has Christmas lights and there’s a giant Christmas tree. Most people love to spend time in the plaza because it’s beautiful and majestic.
And when *‘Simbang Gabi’* or *‘Misa de Gallo’* starts, people flock at the church trying to complete the *Simbang Gabi.* Legends says if you complete the *Simbang Gabi* all of your wishes will be granted. I don’t believe in this because I think even if you haven’t completed it, if you just wish and pray earnestly to God he will listen and he will command your wish.
And on Christmas eve, the amount of people who would go to church will be multiplied than on the *Simbang Gabi.* And after the mass, people would go to their own houses to wait for the Christmas countdown and at exactly 12 midnight everyone would make a noise. Fireworks displays are everywhere and everyone is celebrating. This is how Filipino celebrate the birth of our saviour, Jesus Christ.
The pandemic affects how people usually celebrate Christmas, especially here in our barangay. The plaza who used to be so bright and majestic is now so dull and gloomy. There is no giant Christmas tree and there is not even a single light on the trees. Though people still participate in *Simbang Gabi* but because the amount of people to be in church is limited so it is not like before.
And for once, I believe in the legend. I tried to complete the *Simbang Gabi* so that I can wish for this pandemic to be gone. Sadly, I couldn’t. Some school works makes me awake until dawn and exhausts me so much that I couldn’t make it to church. The final mass also started earlier than the usual, but I didn’t expect that people would still flocked in the church amidst the threat of the virus. Social distancing was even forgotten just so they can join the mass.
When we got home, I realized how different this Christmas is from the one that I was used to. Since the mass ended early, people also celebrate earlier. But there are no parties, no fireworks, and some even sleep before midnight. Then I remember what the priest told in the mass.
*“You shouldn’t feel sad about how Christmas changed. Christmas didn’t change. Just our way of celebrating it. Parties, gifts and all don't define Christmas. Because Christmas was still Christmas, it is the day that the king was born. It didn’t change.”*
There may be no parties and loud noises how it was before. And the excitement we usually feel when Christmas is approaching may also change but not the essence of Christmas. Celebration doesn’t define Christmas at all, but rather how thankful we are that a king was born to save us from our sins.
Sleep Paralysis
Sleeping late is the new normal. Though, even before the spread of pandemic, sleep deprivation is one of the top problems of the world. Mostly teenagers are engaged in this, especially now that we’re in this situation in which we spend most of the day in the four corners of our house. The spread of this pandemic really changes everything, including our sleep—or rather I say, worsen?
Sleep is a necessity. It is as important as our basic needs such as food and water. It is as important as our daily routine. We need sleep to survive. Everyone needs sleep because it affects almost every part of our system from brain, lungs, heart, to our metabolism, immune system, and emotions. In fact, our brain is still active even if we are asleep because sleep helps remove toxins that build up in our brain when we’re awake. Studies also show that lack of sleep or getting poor quality of sleep, increases the risk of disorders including high blood pressure, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, obesity, and depression.
And I just realized how important sleep is today. Earlier this day was my grandmother’s schedule for check-up. So I was the one who accompanied her to the hospital today. While the doctor was checking on her, I went to the pharmacy to buy some of her medicine and to also pay the bill. Since there’s still people on the counter, so I waited.
Then a stretcher came rushing in with some nurses who looked troubled and in a hurry. I got curious, there’s this saying that ‘Curiosity kills the cat’, and I would just answer that ‘Cat has nine lives’, so yeah I let my curiosity win.
I buy medicine and pay the bill first before following the stretcher. And it just led me to the ICU. I concluded questions in my head again. What happened to the patient? Is he/she going to die? Was an accident happened?
Some of the family members were outside the room. A woman who looked like she was in her 40’s was crying miserably while another woman who looked younger was comforting her. An older and bald man was just standing away from them and busy on his phone so I chose to approach him.
I ask him about the case of the patient in my most kindest and concerned tone. I don’t want to offend them by sounding like a nosy and curious girl so I really tried to empathize with them.
He said that it was his youngest daughter and she’s not waking up. I asked again for the reason in my most sincere voice as possible. I avoid asking if she’s dead because I might offend him. He said that the doctor told them that it is about sleep paralysis and the most possible reason was sleep deprivation or not having enough sleep.
He said that his daughter was taking online classes but she became engrossed in multimedia recently and couldn’t even get a proper sleep or if she was still sleeping? They didn’t know at all.
From that moment, I felt cold blood running through my face. Oh my God! I was so like that!
I began to be concerned for the girl. Will she be okay? What will happen to her? Will she die? Will I be also like her?
The man asked me if I was still a student and I just nodded. Then he advised me to not dwell on technologies so much. We were supposed to control technology, but instead, the technology controlled his daughter.
I can’t get it out of my mind so I tell my grandma about it on our way home. And I instantly search about the effects of sleep paralysis or not having enough sleep when we arrive.
So, the major cause of sleep paralysis is sleep deprivation. It is when we don’t get enough sleep. So sleep paralysis is a feeling of being conscious but unable to move or speak. It really looks like you’re just sleeping but the difference is you can’t wake up even if someone is tugging you. Some people who experience sleep paralysis also feel pressure or a sense of choking. How horrifying it is!
That’s why sleep is really a primary biological need. No animal, especially human, can live without it.
I know that most people are getting less sleep than they need due to some reasons, especially these days. I am guilty for that. It was 12 midnight here in the Philippines yet I am still wide awake. I just wanted to share this since it is really bugging me and for a reason to inform anyone who doesn’t know.
Study also shows that sleep deprivation may cause Alzheimer’s, impairs brain function such as memory which probably the reason why I became forgetful these days, makes us moody, and can also affect our decision making. There are so many bad impacts of having a lack of sleep.
Many people say that they can catch up on sleep during weekends. I am also guilty for that one. But then, everyone, sleeping longer on weekends may not be adequate and enough for our brain and body to recover.
I remember my professor in my entrepreneurial subject last year. He said that if we are deprived of sleep for a day, then we need to catch up a proper sleep for a week or two.
We all had that sleepless night and probably all of us also think that it is harmless, but then when is the time to believe that it actually is? When something bad already happens?
Give Yourself a Break.
Give yourself a break. Because it seems like everyone is forgetting about themselves these days.
Everyone deserves a break. For those students who are struggling in their modules and requirements but still chooses to go on, you need a break. For those hard working fathers who keep putting their life at risk despite this pandemic just to support their families, you need a break. For those mothers who are tired from doing the household chores while taking care of their family, you need a break. For those teachers who are doing everything to understand and help their students pass, you need a break. For the medical doctors, nurses, and other hospital staff including the security and janitors, who are doing their job despite of danger, you need a break. Everyone who struggles for the past months and for those who are still struggling, give yourself a big break.
Loving yourself doesn’t give you harm. Making yourself breathe even just for a day won’t make you poorer. We are all precious. Either a fetus, an infant, a teenager, a student, a worker, an adult, a parent, or even a grandparent are all had an equal worth in this world. Don’t dwell yourself too much in making money, stress, and other worldly problems.
If you feel like you’ve been into something heavy for the past months—projects, school problems, family problems, etc., then give yourself a break. Take a day to relax. You don’t have to go on a beach, massage parlors, or anywhere that can cost you a lot. Stop thinking about anything other than yourself even just for a day, and trust me you would live a little longer.
You can enjoy yourself even when you’re just in your house. Stop doing the things you always and usually do and try doing something new. How about watching some TV while having some popcorn on? Or put some hammock in your backyard and sleep there for as long as you want? Or try planting, study says plants relieves stress. Why don’t you make your garden beautiful? Or try meditating in some hill or near the shore away from your home? You can also play with your kids or pets if you have one. Or spend time with your friends and talk about random stuff or funny memories in your youth.
Because did you know that laughing extends our lives, nourish our brain, strengthen our hearts, and makes us younger? Yes it does. A life that’s been lived is a life that’s been loved, so don't forget to love your life. If you don’t want to die early, then as early as now learn to give yourself a break. Even diets have cheat days, right? So why won’t you also give that to yourself? There are so many things that can make us relax without spending so much. All you have to do is to not think too much.
We only live ones, so why spend it all in worrying about your problems? They are called problems because they have solutions. If you can’t find an answer to that problem then maybe there’s an error. You don’t have to complicate anything. Problems without a solution is an error, while problems with a solution are still problems, so why complicate yourself?
Rich Man’s Poor Pocket
Every holiday, it was my routine to pack some food and give it to the old lady in the plaza. She’s poor, old and alone, but she’s not a beggar. I don’t know why but she’s only staying in a particular spot in the plaza. I don’t know if she had home or families with her, I don’t have the guts to ask since I think I might offend her.
So it was Christmas eve when I first saw her in the plaza. The mass had just ended when we passed by at her. I have this attitude to stare at people I am curious with—which my mother said was bad manners to stare at people for too long. But I was really curious so I keep staring at her even when we’re walking away.
She looked so lonely sitting on that bench as people passed by at her. I even saw some teenagers mock her. I asked myself if she had a family. Or relatives perhaps? Does she have home to sleep? It’s Christmas, does she have something to eat? But it doesn’t seem like she’s staying in the plaza because she doesn't have a home to sleep with, rather it looks like she’s staying there because she’s waiting for something or someone maybe.
I look away and stare at my mother instead. When my mother gets old, I will take care of her and never leave her side. I promised that to myself.
When we reached home, we ate the foods on our table and waited for the countdown. It’s not so much but it is enough to fill our stomach. Then my thoughts fly again to the old lady we saw earlier. The night breeze is cold and it looks like her dress is thin. I wonder if she ever got something to eat, or if some passer-by saw her and maybe offered her even a cup of coffee.
I was really bothered about it so I packed some food and fruits. I even put on some melted *Tablea* to warm her stomach. My mother asked me about what it is for, and I just told her I’ll be giving it to the old lady in the plaza. She just nodded and helped me pack it.
I took bigger steps to reach the plaza immediately. It is not so far in our house but not that close either. I scanned the whole plaza but didn’t see a shadow of her. I waited for a while thinking that she just went somewhere and came back again to the place where she was seated but nothing showed up. Fireworks started so I just went home.
I never saw her again after that time. New years’ passed and classes started again. My friends decided to have some snacks at the plaza, and right there I saw her again. She’s still sitting at the same place and still wearing the same dress like the first time I saw her.
We’re buying *Balut and Penoy* that time but decided to give mine to her, besides I’m not that hungry anyway. My two friends saw what I did and bought her a drink. She didn’t say her thanks but she smiled warmly at us. Something’s really tugged my heart with that. Her eyes looked like she’s about to cry but she was thankful for that small act of ours.
For the next Christmas, I was sure I’d be seeing her again so I packed food earlier so I could give it to her before the mass. But then I never saw her and the mass was starting. I really prayed that she’d be there so I can give it to her. Fortunately, she was really there. As I was approaching, I saw a man giving her food from the famous fast food chain and hugging her saying ‘Merry Christmas Po’.
I smiled thinking that humanity wasn’t dead after all.
When the man leaves, I immediately give her the food that I packed and also greet her with ‘Merry Christmas’. She’s not always at plaza no one knows where she’s staying too. But every time I saw her and if I had the means, I would really give her something to eat or to drink at least.
And then recently, I thought about her. If she's staying during this pandemic or if she’s okay? I always find a way to go to the plaza and look for her but she’s nowhere to be found.
But yesterday, I saw her. It was my cousin’s birthday yesterday so there’s a little party in the house. The party was ending and we’re craving ice cream. My cousin and I were strolling the plaza to buy some ice cream in the nearby store and there where I saw her. I told my cousin to pack some food for the old woman when we get back home and she immediately agreed. So we did really pack some food when we reached home to give to the woman.
We’re almost running just to reach the plaza since it was near curfew. We don’t want to spend the night at detention so yeah. But then, she’s already gone when we arrive. We searched for her but she’s really nowhere, instead an old man with dirty clothes is there near her spot.
So for the food to not go on waste, we decided to give it to him instead. The man smiled in a creepy way and my cousin immediately took a step backwards, almost running. I glared at her and just gave the food to the man.
He laughed and accepted the food. “You’re so rich, young miss” he said. I instantly shake my head to disagree.
“We just happen to have a small celebration for my cousin’s birthday. I don’t have money to give so that’s all I could offer”
He shrugged, still laughing. I could tell that he didn’t have a shower for a long time.
“You’re rich in here” he said pointing a finger to his chest, in the heart. “Thank you. I am actually waiting for the old lady here so we could share this, some rich man also gave this to me earlier” he said pointing at the other paper bag which had food for sure. I smiled and greeted him a merry Christmas before saying my goodbyes.
Few steps away from him, I looked back at the old man. Street dogs flocked at him. I saw him give each of the dogs food and pat their head. He would laugh every time another dog would come. Then I recalled what he said. That I am rich. But it was actually him who is rich.
He also waits for the old woman so they can have the meal together and he gives the street dogs food when in fact it was not enough for him and for the old woman. When some rich people can have and eat anything they want but couldn’t even share something to those in need, here he is. A poor man, who doesn't have anything, not even his own meal, but still willing to share the tiny amount of food he got to another needy like him and to those hungry dogs. He maybe poor in money matters and in other material things but his heart and soul is rich with kindness. He’s indeed a rich man with a poor pocket.
I Was My Father’s Princess (Spirit of Christmas)
I felt cold as I held the cold metal handle of the ICU’s door. My mother has been calling me for days now. I can’t stand her begging so I just decided to agree a visit in the hospital.
“Vangie” Mom’s face lit up when she saw me entering the room. I sighed, hugged her, and asked if she’s doing alright.
“Yes, I’m fine” she answered then looked at the person lying on the hospital bed. I didn’t tear my eyes from my mother when I noticed how she aged a lot than the last time we saw each other.
“Van…gie…” a weak voice from the person lying on the bed, calling my name but I still didn’t take a glance.
My heart aches so much and all I wanted to do is to just run away. From everything. From him.
It’s been ages. I did everything to forget but hearing him now calling my name in a weak manner makes all my efforts go in vain.
I tried to forget. But the more I pushed it away, the more memories came rushing in. I can’t just totally forget everything. I can still remember…
*“Evangeline!” my mother’s voice echoed as she screamed my name. Instead of answering, I put on my earphones and turned the volumes up.*
*She immediately stormed into my room. “Vangie! I said, dinner’s ready!”*
*I remove my earphones to answer. “I’m full.” I lied and continued being busy with my computer. I saw her sighed but didn’t utter any words and just left.*
*I enjoyed myself watching some movies online that if my stomach didn’t grunt I would really forget that I was hungry. Looking at my wall clock, it’s past 10 pm already. I’m pretty sure that no one’s in the kitchen already so I went out of my room.*
*I vigorously took a bite in my peanut butter sandwich as I continued to make two more sandwiches. It’ll do for dinner.*
*“Is that what the school taught you?”*
*I panicked when I heard that voice but I instantly put on my façade. I act like I didn’t hear anything and just continue putting butter on my sandwich.*
*A hand snatched the plate of my sandwich and it immediately broke into pieces as it landed on the floor.*
*“If I knew that you would grow up like this, I should have killed you before!” his voice thundered throughout the kitchen. His eyes were red and he’s fuming mad.*
*I trembled from the insides. I know that if he would hurt me now I can’t defend myself. We heard running steps as my mother appeared on our sight.*
*“What happened?”*
*“Knack some sense in that worthless child of yours! If she doesn't want a father anymore then better leave my house.” He said then leave.*
*My mother heave a sigh and looked at me with tired eyes. I just shrugged and marched back to my room like nothing happened.*
*“Don’t disrespect your father like that. He’s still your father” my mother said as she follows me to my room. She scolded me but I didn’t say a word. Rather choose to shut my mouth than say anything.*
*Silence is also an answer after all.*
*I know I was hurting my mother but what can I do?*
*I recalled my father’s last statement a while ago. Leave the house huh?*
*I laugh without humour as I watch the busy street outside my window. I’d love to leave this house, but it only means that my mother would be left behind. I don’t want to leave my mother. I am an only child so I was the only one who could take care of her. And she’s also sick.*
*A searing pain stabbed my heart at the thought of my mother. How can everything turn into this anyway?*
*When morning came I received an invitation from Elvis, one of my friends. He arranges a pool party in their house with only us, his friends, are invited. I look forward to it rather than staying here in my room for the whole day.*
*I put on my pink bikini before wearing a shirt and a short. I heard some noises in our front yard as I went out of my room. It’s probably my father’s friends and his co-workmates.*
*I went down to the kitchen carefully so that no one would notice me. I saw my mother preparing food for the guests. She eyed me from head to toe and asked if I will be going somewhere.*
*“Just in Elvis’s. I’ll be with Tricia and the others” I answered after drinking a glass of water. Mom knew most of my friends so she didn’t make it a big deal anymore besides, Elvis house was just a few blocks from ours.*
*I don’t have a plan on going out of the house using the front door so I used the door at the back. I’ve done it so many times before, every time I wanted to go out of the house without my father’s knowledge. There’s a huge tree in our backyard which helps me to escape.*
*I snorted when I heard my father talk about me to his friends. I even heard my Ninong laugh heartily upon hearing a story about me. He talks about how proud he is of me like he just didn’t say that I was useless last night.*
*I walked my way to Elvis house. All of our friends were already there when I arrived.*
*“Late as always!” Patricia, my best friend, beamed at me. I smirked at her.*
*“Sorry Babe, I’m only pretty but not perfect”*
*Everyone groaned upon hearing that and I just laugh at their reactions. I greeted everyone with a hug, including the boys. They are already used to me being like this and we’ve been friends for a decade now so no one really puts a malice on it.*
*We are 10 in total here. Shan, Elvis and Tricia were grilling something beside the pool. While Kimmy, Suzy, Mikey and Nick was playing water volley ball together with our two gay friends Alfred and John.*
*I help the three in grilling—most likely help eating the food they grilled. Aunt Selly brought us some drinks and fruit shakes. I greeted her and kissed her cheeks. We’ve been friends for a long time that our parents already knew each and every one of us.*
*When the grilling was all done, we joined them in the pool and we played till our heart’s content. I can really feel the Christmas break when I was having fun like this.*
*“What would you take for college?” Alfred, but we sometimes call him Freda, asked no one in particular. That question was for everyone.*
*“My mom wants me to pursue Engineering” John answered first. I pursed my lips upon seeing him tie his black one piece bikini. He even put some foam on it so it would look like he had some boobs.*
*“Business” Patricia answered.*
*“Business too” Suzy.*
*“Business three” Nick.*
*Everyone answered. I was happy hearing them about their dream courses but I also feel a hole in my heart. We are all going to be a college in the next school year. College means busy life, and busy life means less time with friends.*
*“How ‘bout you, Van?” Freda asked when he realized that it was only me who didn’t answer.*
*I shrugged. “Architecture maybe? Or something related to arts and design.”*
*“Ooh! So you won’t follow your father’s footsteps?” he teased. I just rolled my eyes heavenwards. They all laugh at my reaction. They knew well that I really hate it when they mention my father.*
*“You still mad at him? Jesus, you hold grudges so much” Elvis said as he handed me the beer he opened.*
*“How long has it been since you fought with him?” Tricia asked while looking up to remember the answer to her question.*
*“What do you expect? Vangie loves her pride so much!” John said while laughing.*
*I laughed with them too but I didn’t say a word.*
*“What’s the reason for it again?” Nick asked.*
*“Oh, I still remember it! Tito scolded her real bad when she didn’t come home earlier than her curfew” Suzy laughed and so as everyone.*
*“Gosh! You’re a rebel” said Mikey.*
*I looked at them all with a smile and just shrugged. Everyone thinks it’s because of my pride. That I am rebellious. That I am a bad daughter.*
*Ofcourse, anyone would think that way if they didn’t know anything. And I just stayed silent. As always.*
*It was already dark when we decided to go home. The moment I went inside my room I immediately found my notebook in my pile of clothes. It’s just a small blueberry notebook. When I found it I started writing down the things I wanted to say to my friends. Things I wanted to say to the world.*
*And the moment I finished writing is also the moment I burst into tears. The things I wanted to say we're just written in this small notebook because I don’t have the courage to tell them.*
*A sob came out of my mouth and I immediately covered myself with a comforter. Suppressing another sob and hoping that my mother won’t hear it from the other room. My heart felt so heavy.*
*Yes, I was always silent regarding that matter. But my silence already spoke a thousand words yet no one hears them.*
*Yes, I am a bad child. But I was a good daughter to my mother. Isn’t it nice to be bad in order to be good? I don’t know any other way to protect my mother but this. And no one would really understand that even my mother herself.*
*Yes, my pride is as tall as Olympus Mons of Mars. Because it is all that I have. If I would lose even that sense of pride then I would probably lose my mind.*
*I stayed silent not because I was guilty or because I don’t have anything to say, but because I think they aren’t ready to hear my thoughts.*
*I loved my father so much. I was a daddy’s girl. He is my hero. I was his princess but I never thought that it would turn out this way. I look up to him so much. He’s a respectable police officer. A good father and a faithful husband. People respect him so much because he’s a good man.*
*That’s why I really can’t just forgive what he did.*
*I was 13 years old when I noticed something. We are so close but everything started to be uncomfortable. A father will never make his daughter uncomfortable. I even cursed myself for thinking that way. There’s no way my father would do things that would make me uncomfortable.*
*15 years old when I caught him stealing secret glances at me. I even caught him hiding in a curtain while looking at me. Many times. I act like I didn’t know or saw anything but I started to get terrified. I develop nightmares and that creep feeling like someone is always looking at you even if you’re alone.*
*16 years old, when I caught him getting out of my room one afternoon. He’s in his uniform, maybe preparing for work. I went cold thinking what he did in my room. Still, I pay respect and act normal. I have always been respecting him despite the feeling that his actions brought me. But when I saw how my underwear was disheveled, I just broke down for the first time. He’s making my accusations of him true.*
*I develop depression and my anxiety gets worse every time he’s around. I became cold towards him. I always denied his ‘father and daughter date’ invitations. He became a different person to me. Still, I never disrespect him.*
*17 years old when I got fed up. I went home late that time because I was celebrating my friend’s birthday. I get more than a scolding from him. He slapped me while saying how disrespectful I am.*
*I have always been respecting him despite the things he has done. I may be cold sometimes but I never disrespect him the way he accuses me. Then I realized that respect doesn't work that way. Respect is only for those who deserve it, not for those who demand it.*
*He demands for my respect when he can’t even respect me. I’m his own daughter yet he didn’t respect me even just for the title. Even just for being the daughter of his wife.*
*He broke my heart into pieces. And every piece of my broken heart continues breaking whenever I think of my mother.*
*I was terrified. I don’t feel safe. I wanted to tell my mother about it but I’m afraid she will be hurt. Or that he can easily turn the situation upside down since I don’t have any evidence. He’s a police officer. People knew him as a great man. No one would believe me. I don’t have proof.*
*The fear he gave me was my only evidence. Isn’t that enough?*
*Once upon a time, he was my King. Now, he turns into something I never expected. I feel betrayed. And the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, but instead it comes from those you trust the most.*
I keep everything to myself. I was battling my demons alone. He broke me. He broke my trust. He ruined the image of a fairy tale he built in me. I may smile and act so carefree that people know me envy, but they will never understand my pain. And will never understand. Because sometimes, it’s not always the tears that measure the pain, but the smile we fake.
I stopped believing in fairy tales. I defined it now as a ‘Painful memory’.
“Forgive me…my princess…” he said weakly followed by a long beeping sound of the monitor.
And just like that. My tears flow like I’ve never cried before. I turn my back on him and run out of the room. I didn’t listen to my mother’s call.
I realized that I resented him so much. For years I hated the fact that he’s my father and blamed him for everything. I never build a family thinking that my daughter would also experience what I have experienced, and just indulge myself to work all because of him. He scarred my heart so much. And I learned that the person who can hurt us the most is the person we trust the most. The younger me trusted him so much, but he also hurt me so much.
Why do people only ask for forgiveness when they are on their deathbed? To be accepted in heaven? To die with a peace of mind?
I watched wearily the busy street outside the hospital. Today’s Christmas. They say that Christmas is the day of forgiveness.
I sighed and watched the beautiful fireworks display. I wiped the last evidence of tears in my face and smiled at the sky. I’m tired of crying over and over about this matter. But I guess it is true that even if you already cried everything, the pain will always be there. I can’t do anything to remove that pain. But then maybe I get tired of feeling this pain. I feel so done. Not mad. Not upset. Just simply done.
Maybe through the years of hating him, I’ve also unknowingly forgiven him. And now that he asks for forgiveness, I don’t know what to feel anymore. But after everything, I think this is the first Christmas that my heart is at ease. Maybe it was the true spirit of Christmas. Learning to forgive the people who hurt you, with or without their apology. And learning to accept and live with the pain.
Nurse for a Summer
Ever since high school, I have this knack for responsibility in me. I have an older brother but between the two of us, it is me who acts more like an older sibling. And ever since kindergarten, my parents already had their expectations in me.
At an early age, I understand that we are not one of those families who affords to dine in a fine restaurant almost everyday or even thrice a week. So, also at an early age, I already set my mind to do everything that can lessen my parent’s expenses in me—in my studies or whatnots.
There’s this program in our municipality in which students’ who applied for this will be working during summer, good for 20 days. The government will pay us or the school for our expenses in the next opening of classes. And since I was attending a public high school so I will be able to get my money, unlike those who're in private schools.
Our work was not that hard anyway. It is either we help in cleaning our community or plant vegetables and all. It depends on the program that the government wants us to do. But there’s one summer that is a bit different from the usual because I was assigned to the neighbour barangay and my job was neither to clean nor plant vegetables. I was assigned to a health center.
I don’t have an idea what to do really. I was enrolled in education and not some medicine courses or something related to treating people. Luckily they assigned someone to educate us about the things we must do before we start working. Our job was more on inputting the confidential information and patients data on the system. So we are likely to face the computer most of the day.
During my first day, patients come and go as I do my work. They even use honorifics in me like I was some professional doctor or what, and some even call me nurse. It was uncomfortable at first since I’m not used to it. They would always greet me good morning when they arrived for a check-up and said their thank you’s and goodbyes before leaving.
There’s this time when Nurse Emma arrives later than her usual in-time. She’s the only nurse who will assist the doctor that time since the head nurse and his assistance nurse went on a seminar that day. Dr. Cabunoc, who’s already in his 50’s, arrived as well as the patients who are patiently waiting outside the clinic. Surprisingly, the patients flocked that day unlike the other days.
Dr. Cabunoc told me that Nurse Emma still has something important to do so she will be really late. He asked me if I could help him assist the patient. I agreed immediately even if I don’t know exactly what to do. I recalled the way Nurse Emma assisted the patients. I’ve watched her do that for the past few days and gladly she taught me how to take the patient’s blood pressure during our break the other day. It was only for fun since I was curious but at that very moment I am so glad.
We usually accept patients at exactly 8 am. Luckily, some barangay health workers are there to assist. Patients go to them first to be verified and fill up a form before coming to us so it is not that hard to do the rest. And the first ever patient that I assisted has a deep wound cut on his left foot. I pretended to be calm and professional even if I was panicking inside.
The wound was about four inch long and very deep. It was still bleeding and obviously the patient was in a deep pain. I proceed with some questioning as to what Nurse Emma was doing before checking his wound. I almost vomited at the sight of it! I don’t know how Nurse Emma handles situations like this or even a worse case than this.
“Nurse, am I still able to walk?” the patient asked and I really don’t know what to answer because in my point of view his injury was severe.
I was really lost in words that all I can say is “God is good all the time.”
And I don’t know if it soothes him or stresses him out or what. I find it funny now that I recalled it.
He can barely walk so I accompanied him to the next room, where the check-up will be done. Then I started assisting another patient. I realized that even by just watching Nurse Emma, I’ve learned a lot. There are times when I need to check the patient’s blood pressure and when I see how high it is, I sometimes advise them on what to do or foods to avoid. They will thank me for that and I always feel so proud of myself. I don’t even know a single thing about medicine yet here am I acting like a professional nurse.
There’s even this time when a kid patient hugged me because he said he was very thankful to me. He has some colds and he needs to take a shot. Dr. Cabunoc still had a patient that time so he asked me to give the kid a shot. I was so scared, so was the kid. We are both afraid of injection. So to finish it at once, I tried to trick him to divert his attention. Good thing it worked. And luckily I got some candies in my pocket so I gave it to him. His mother thanked me and she urged her son to thank me as well. The boy hugged me saying “Thank you, Ate Nurse”.
It really warms my heart. I have been filled with thoughts since that day. Do doctors and nurses also feel that warm? Is that the reason why many choose this career? That feeling was addicting. The happiness you feel when you are able to help someone and make them happy is intoxicating.
Ever since, I always believe that those people who love science don’t believe in God. Just like scientists and doctors. They believe that everything has an answer and God’s existence was a question mark to them. I don’t even know why God let me experience that kind of work when it is far related from my course. I can’t even use that experience in the future. You can’t just treat people without a degree in medicine and you can’t also apply in some medicine related job if you don’t have a background in studying medicine. So I really don’t understand why. Sure after that time I always wanted to help people in any way possible, either guidance or health related.
Right after that day, my job is more than just sitting in front of my computer all day. I was also able to go on a medical mission, it’s not part of my job since weekends were my rest days but I choose to come and help. I was dead tired at the end of the day but I was very satisfied.
And right then, I realized that a doctor, nurse, or even a barangay health officer’s job is very important since patients entrust their health and life to them. And I was very honoured that even if I’m not really a nurse nor a doctor or a barangay health worker, I was given a chance to be trusted by those people who seek help. Though I’m not sure if the same thing would happen if they knew that I was just a mere summer jobber.
Being trusted and called ‘Nurse’ was something that grew in me, that when the 20 days ended I was very sad. I am so blessed I experience that even with just a short period of time. I’ve learned a lot and maybe even without a degree or background in medicine, I think I can still help people in my own possible way. I am still looking forward to being a nurse again even if it’s just for summer, especially now with this pandemic.
Home-Based Trial No. 2: Pasteurization Process of Fruit Juice (Lemon Juice and Coconut Water)
L. Pasteur was the first person who appreciates and understands the existence of microorganisms in food. He showed that the souring of milk is due to the presence of microorganisms in the milk. In 1860 L. Pasteur used heat treatment to destroy unwanted microorganisms in wine and beer. This process is now widely known as pasteurization. In 1868 he shipped a cargo of pasteurized wine all over the world to prove the affectivity of his discovery.
The modern pasteurization is known as the application of enough heat to a product for a certain period of time to kill pathogenic microorganisms, while leaving the product sensory and nutritional qualities remain undistracted. Total microbial destruction is not possible in pasteurization because microorganisms generally die in logarithmic fashion once exposed to heat. One log cycle reduction in survivors gives a 90 % reduction in number. The required time to complete the 90% reduction will depend on specific microorganisms and temperature in which the product is subjected. Thus pasteurization does not guarantee absolute safety, but promises a matter of reduction of risk.
Throughout the years demands on fruit juices became a trend, as well as the many approaches alternative to thermal process to preserve fruit juices, but thermal treatment remains to be the most cost-effective to ensure microbial safety and enzymes deactivation of fruit juices.
Modern pasteurization processing can be classified by the intensity of heat treatment applied to the product. There are two types or classification of modern pasteurization: the High temperature Long time (HTLT) and the High Temperature Short Time (HTST). HTLT is the most commonly used method for processing fruit juices and beverages. This method needs more than 80°C temperature with 30 more than 30 seconds holding time. While HTST requires a temperature equal or more than 80 °C and a holding time less than 30 seconds.
The main objective of this home-based trial is to be able to learn and apply the basic principles of pasteurization in various fruit juices.
Lemon juice and Coconut water both need pasteurization to extend its shelf life and to ensure microbial safety. But pasteurization also has drawbacks in fruit juices. Lemon juice can be easily affected by pasteurization due its delicate fresh structure; it may affect its color, taste and nutritive value. And due to its acidic nature lemon Juices are ideal to be subjected to High Temperature Short Time (HTST) pasteurization method during processing. It simply means that the the overuse of heat treatment may affect the juice quality in both physicochemical and sensory attributes.
The result shows that application of pasteurization process to different fruit juices needs thorough understanding the properties of the juice to ensure that the process is beneficial to the product. The lack of knowledge of the raw materials used in the product may end up with failure to extend the shelf life of the juices and loss of important qualities such as sensory quality and nutritive value of the product.
My Day Yesterday...
Since this pandemic started, everything was affected. Literally, everything had changed. New normal, policies and all. Especially in terms of education, leaving us with only distance learning or online classes as the only choice.
Because of this sudden change, not only the student suffered, but also the educators and the higher departments as well. In order to continue the education despite this pandemic, they made an option in which students only had two choices, either to stop or to continue studying through distance learning since face-to-face wasn’t allowed yet.
I, as a student, can really tell and differentiate the two. I grew up with face-to-face learning, and I can say that even if it was already an actual class it doesn’t mean or guarantee that hundred percent of the student can really understand the lesson and discussion well. How much more with this distance learning in where educators only give the modules and that’s all. We pass the quizzes, we pass the exams, we comply with all of the requirements, but we don't even understand what the course is all about. Just for the sake of compliance. Well, at least we strive hard to pass anyway.
So this is about one of our courses, the Technology and Livelihood Education (TLE). For our final requirements, we opt to make and design a cake by group instead of individual to at least lessen the expenses. We are only three in our group and we decided to make “*Steamed Ube Condensed Milk Cake”.*
Well, at least in this subject we can learn through our experiences since some of the activities are actual and we only need to take a video of ourselves while doing the activity. Some of those activities are about the proper measuring of ingredients and how to properly use the cooking tools and equipment. Baking and designing cake may be a bit difficult and complicated for us beginners but after everything it was indeed satisfactory.
So, originally, my teammates and I decided to cook Steamed Ube Condensed Milk with Ube Yema Frosting, but instead of Ube frosting we used natural condensed milk as an alternative since we’ve got short of ube condensed milk. At first, we doubted if it would be still like what we have planned but luckily it came out well. The three of us collaborate to make the cake, maybe not perfect, but at least almost perfect. Neither of us has the most experience in baking, so the three of us are considered as beginners.
Throughout the process, the first thing we did was to prepare all the ingredients. We measured all the dry and wet ingredients and set them aside separately, both for the cake and frosting. Even when we’re just started mixing the ingredients, we can’t contain our excitement because for sure at the end our efforts and hard work will be paid off. We don’t have an oven so we use an alternative for it, a steamer.
When the cake is already cooked, we let it cool down first and then we work on the frosting. Then after the frosting was made, all of us three brainstormed to think of what would be the most suitable design for the ube cake with a milk frosting. So, we choose the minimalist one. Just like the saying ‘Simple but beautiful’ and it really turns out well. We also add grated chess at the top as a toppings. We are more amazed when we slice the cake because on the outside it didn’t show that it was actually an ube colored cake. It was really a wonderful, fun, and yummy experience.
Aside from that, we did really have fun since it’s been so long that we last saw each other. So even if we only saw each other yesterday just to make the requirement, it doesn’t matter because we learn to appreciate that little amount of time but gives us ample happiness.
A Trip to Sagpulon Falls, Jasaan, Misamis Oriental
If you would to choose, what would you prefer? A planned trip or the unplanned one? What’s the difference anyway, right? They are still both a trip, and a trip supposed to be fun. But for me, there’s a very big difference between the two.
In the planned trip, you already expected the fun. You prepared and planned it for a long time, and when it was finally happening you already knew that this would happen, you already knew who are the people you are having fun with, or these are the things that you would do there, or this is the kind of fun that you would probably feel. It was still fun though. But if the trip was unplanned, the fun is kinda different. It is twice more exciting than the planned one.
Five years ago, I went on an unplanned trip. This is also one of the moments I treasured the most in my school year 2016-2017. As I have mentioned in my previous article, Dee and I were always together. Every minute of the day. Every break and lunches. Even going to the ladies room we’re still together, accompanying each other.
I’ve also experienced some cutting classes because of her. Though even if we cut classes sometimes I still make sure that I don’t have a failing grade. Because honestly, even if I tried almost all of the ‘things’ you should do in high school, I am still a grade conscious.
So, it was in the month of October as far as I can remember. Since Dee and I always had our breaks at the school canteen so we befriended the canteen head. We call him ‘Kuya’ and his wife ‘Ate’. We’ve become close together with the few of my classmates that they would allow us to owe for something we eat if we don’t have money as of the moment and just pay it the next day.
Afternoon classes were cancelled that time. Teachers were in a meeting since finals were approaching. Like usual, we’re in the canteen doing nothing and just chit-chatting about random stuff. Then one of my classmates mentioned a trip to a falls somewhere in Jasaan, Misamis Oriental. Kuya immediately agreed and said that we should go there. Right at that very moment.
I was taken aback and kinda sad since I know I can’t go with them. I haven’t asked permission from my parents, and even if I asked I’m quite sure they would let me. My parents were strict when it comes to ‘gala’ with friends. Besides, I don’t have money for the sudden trip.
It was nearly 2pm when we decided to go home. Them to go on a trip, and me on my way home. Fortunately, Kuya got his car and offered us a ride. I joined and told them that they can just drop me on the main road since I can’t join them on the trip. I thought they agreed but it turns out that I was tricked.
Dee told me that it was only once. If I would be scolded then better to make unregretful memories. I was very nervous but deep inside I know I was very excited. So the sudden trip to Sagpulon Falls continued. We’re even singing at the back of the car like we’re living the best of our lives as the wind blowing our hairs.
Sagpulon Falls is a natural attraction situated at Barangay San Isidro, in the mountainous part of the municipality of Jasaan, Misamis Oriental. It is 30 minutes or so away from the main road, and you can reach it by car or through the famous transportation called ‘Habal-Habal’. I never knew such a place existed before. And it was a long long travel before you finally reached the falls.
That time the place was still under development so it will be prepared to open in public. There’s an entrance fee but Kuya shoulders it all, or we haven’t paid even a single centavo—I can’t quite remember, sorry for that.
So as we’ve entered, we are all fascinated. The gigantic falls look so beautiful and there’s also some small falls beside it and a cave under the falls and behind the rocks. And what makes it more magical is that there’s a rainbow in the falls! Yes, a real rainbow. I don’t know how it formed or why but it was an actual rainbow, though a little smaller but very visible.
Everyone prepared for a dip, me on the other hand don’t know how to swim. But then out of nowhere, Dee handed me a life vest and urged me to swim. The feeling of excitement overflows in me. I joined them but I was just on the shallow part since I’m afraid I’d be drowned. They swim all the way to the falls and rock, I was envious.
Then a stranger asked me if I could swim? I said no. Then she started giving me basic lessons. She held my hands and urged me to go to the deepest part. I didn’t know her but I listened to her and trusted her. Being able to reach that part is like an achievement for me. She told me some tips as we swam back and forth to the shallow and back to the deep. But thinking about now, I guess I was only a pro swimmer if I had a life jacket on. Swimming does really require talent you know.
We actually had fun. I had fun. That even if you feel your muscles aching but still you don’t want to get out of the water. We even play like a child. It was really fun that I am smiling while writing this and reminiscing about the past.
It was so fun that even if I got home with wet clothes and got scolded real time I didn’t regret anything. It was so fun even if I woke up with body pain and sore muscles. Unplanned trip was indeed more fun than the planned one.
How To Avoid Depression?
I’ve already heard hundreds of deaths caused by suicide. Here in our neighborhood, there are already 3 cases of suicide. An adult and two teenagers. Whenever I hear about it I can’t help but ask myself ‘why’? What’s their reason? Since then, I always include them in my prayers. I’m not a religious person actually. I don’t go to church every Sunday. But I know God. I know that there is a sin and there is forgiveness.
Every time I heard news about suicide I’ve always reflect on it. Because I know in myself that ‘suicide’ crossed my mind before. I was a struggling student during high school, and there’s an incident in which my parents are called in school. It was the first time in my student history. I don’t know what and how to tell my parents. I can’t keep it out of my mind and I develop insomnia. I’ve lost my appetite too and from time to time I cried. I started to panic because I knew what would happen if ever my parents knew about it.
The time comes in where I should really tell my parents about it. They are furious and confused. My mother went to school with me, but before we left the house, my father’s words gave me anxiety. He said that if ever I would be suspended or dismissed from school, it's better if I would stop attending school forever.
I may not be the best student but I love school very much. And hearing those words from my father, and knowing that he’d do everything he said, I just feel like I was lost in a black hole. To be honest, at that moment I promised myself that if ever I would stop attending school then there’s no point in living anymore. I’ve never told anyone about it, even my best friends didn’t know. I only keep this to myself and pray to God. Fortunately, the disciplinarian pitied us and just told us not to do that again. Well, we’re not really at fault so we’re forgiven.
Until now, I haven’t told anyone about it so I decided to share it here. It may sound funny or simply petty to anyone but it isn’t for me, because I know that if ever the opposite happens I would really end my life. Or maybe not too.
This is why I was curious about people taking their own life. I know that they know that suicide is the biggest mortal sin, but why still choose to do it? Because of depression. Depression is a serious illness that negatively affects how you feel, think and act. It makes you feel deep sadness, hopelessness, anxiety and despair. And it triggers suicidal thoughts.
Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. Sadness is also normal as well as panic and anxiety. Failures and difficulties are also part of life. It is all part of life. It is either you fight it or get drowned with it. We hold the choices in our hands. It is us who decides for our destiny, not other people or the things that makes us depressed.
Growing up was never meant to be easy. Who says it was? Who says they didn’t struggle? Life isn’t all about rainbows and unicorns. It doesn’t work the way you like it. And for us to grow, we must experience hardship and pain. We must struggle. We must fail. We must get depressed. Because that is the only way we grow up.
Because sometimes, the things we wanted the most are the hardest to get. Priceless things are hard to get. Life isn’t all about happiness. Pain makes us learn. No one lives their life with only happiness. Can you imagine life without pain and only happiness? How could we learn? And how could we understand happiness if we didn’t know pain?
Family problems, insecurities, stress, academics, bullying, tragedy, grief and being pessimistic are the factors that may trigger depression. Even a tiny problem can cause you depression if you would let it eat you.
We shouldn’t judge a person by how big or how small his problems are because we all have our different problems in life. You don’t know what that person is going through in life. Remember that a person who laughs hard, hides the biggest problem.
But it’s not about the weight of our problems, it is about how we handle these without being depressed. Who doesn't have a problem anyway? Even a princess suffers.
If you are really feeling down and don’t know what to do anymore then try diverting your attention into something. Try forgetting your problems for a while. It works on me. Sometimes, if I would feel that it is slowly eating me, then I would find a place in our house where I can cry all I want without someone disturbing me. And after that I would feel a little okay.
You should also try it. Cry your heart out. Don’t suppress yourself. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it simply means that you are hurting and suffering from inside. No one can better understand ourselves more than us, so no one can also help us heal more than ourselves.
If crying wouldn’t be enough, then try doing the things you really wanted to do. This time, don’t think of others opinion or the other things that stop you from doing it. Just focus on yourself even for once. Trust me, if you love yourself more today than yesterday, you would realize your worth.
Like for me, this distance learning was really stressing me out big time. Deadlines and all. Plus family and financial problems. I really sometimes wanted to give up but instead I chose to continue. I would write a story, instead of my modules, and write all my frustrations out. I also sometimes stress eating or sleep whenever I want. It did really help me clear my mind and think properly the next day.
And if it wouldn’t be still enough, then it is the time to seek God. You don’t have to feel alone anymore, if you think that no one would understand you then start praying. You don’t have to go to church just to pray. You can do it in your room. Find peace, pray to God, and surrender yourself to him. Trust me, he would listen. Cry in him and ask for forgiveness and guidance. You would notice that the weight on your shoulder lightens.
All of us experienced depression, we may have not noticed it, or not may be as severe as the others but we all had. It is just the way we handle it. Don’t let it eat you. Avoid it. Your life is precious so don’t take it easily.
2016-2017: A School Year that I will Surely Remember Forever
High school life is the best and the most memorable time throughout our teenage years. Do you agree? Every one of us has or had that very memorable school year in our whole high school. Most times in my high school up to senior high school were fun and majestic but there’s really a specific time where I can say that it is the best of all the best high school experiences. In the school year 2016-2017.
We belong to the first batch of senior high school so we don’t really have an idea about what would be the school life of a senior high school student. That time, our school was still under construction since they changed the location of our new school into a wider area. So, our temporary school was located outside of our barangay. We would travel 15-20 minutes everyday, it’s not that far but neither close like our previous school location.
First day of being a senior high school student came. I was a bit nervous but also excited at the same time. Nervous because I don’t want to be left behind, what if I can’t be with my friends in the same class? Things like that discourage me a little. I have 3 bestfriends. 2 of them, Dee and Kea, enrolled in the same school and same strand with me while the other one was enrolled in another school. I’m afraid we’d tear apart. And also, excited because there are so many new faces.
After the morning opening and some speeches from the principal, we proceed in finding our classroom. And imagine the joy I was feeling when Dee and I were classmates. It’s just sad that Kea is in another class. Moving forward, we didn’t make that a big deal since our classroom was just adjacent to theirs. Besides we always see each other, and the three of us go home together. We’re inseparable. Kea always eat lunch with us too.
The constant classroom setting in every first day of class is, the first row of seats is for the geniuses and smart ass’ students, the second row is for the not so smart students, the third row is for the not smart and not so smart students, the fourth row up to the last row is for the students who has their own world.
In the first week of classes, Dee and I were sitting in the second row. The next week, we transferred to the third row. On another next roll of the week, we transferred again to the fourth row until we reached the last row. We don’t have a seat plan so our teacher was just cool with it.
So why did we always transfer seats? It’s not because we discover what kind of a student we were but because through time we develop more and more of friends. In our class, the majority of the students were boys and only few are girls. Most of our girl classmates were sitting in front or on the second row, that means that most of the guys were at the back.
Yes, we develop more guy friends that time. I am not an anti-social but since then I only have few friends and most of them are girls, if I have a guy friend then it would be a gay. But that time, I realized that a guy friend who you can treat as a brother is much better than your thousands of girl friends.
They would not talk on your back like your other girl friends do and they didn’t make me uncomfortable. A proof of that is when Dee was absent, I already made friends with all of my classmates but Dee and I were always together either lunch and snacks or ladies room. That time, Dee was absent and Kea was also busy with something so she cannot eat her lunch with me. Our classroom was already empty that time and a bit scary. I am hungry and I don’t know where to eat, I also don’t want to eat in the classroom.
Fortunately, the boys came back with some food in their hands. I thought they already had their lunch but it turns out that they just went out to buy food and went back to get their bags. They notice that I was the only one left in the classroom so they asked me to join them for lunch. I was hesitant. I may be close to them but thinking that I would be the only girl in the group makes me uncomfortable so I refused. They are about 10 of them, all straight guys. It wouldn’t be that nice in others perspective if I would come with them, but then boys being boys. Persistent and all, so I did really end up eating with them.
Gladly they didn’t do or say things that would make me uncomfortable. They treat me like one of them and I really appreciate it. You can say that they are the guys who you can get drunk with because you know that you are in good hands and they will protect you. They are their own version of chivalries.
So why is this school year the most memorable for me? It’s because everything started here. This is the school year where I cried and laughed the most. I already have some friends but this school year taught me that there are many kinds of friends, that a friend in need is a friend for life. And this is the school year where I realized that living your life is not enough, you need to live and enjoy life as well. Enjoy every bits of it.
I’ve got so many memories from this school year that every time I would remember it, it makes me feel nostalgic yet it also feels that it just happened yesterday. It gives me solitude and I would end up with tears.
One of my unforgettable and funny experiences here is during our science exam. You wouldn’t really believe what happened. And no one also expected that, even us. It just…happened. So the thing is, in our classroom, we have that classmate who is good in a particular subject. My seatmate, specifically, is good at science so I was very glad thinking that I might be able to pass the exam if I can take a peek at his papers.
Then a once in a lifetime moment in every exam came, our teacher went outside. I prepared myself to copy my seatmate’s answer but was distracted with a loud ‘thud’ on the door. I was very shocked and in awe when my classmates locked the door and even put the teacher’s table in it so it won’t be easily open from the outside, then with just a snap all of them were hovering at my seatmate’s chair that even him was also shocked with the sudden event.
They didn’t realize that our teacher was in the window watching us. We’ve called for the guidance office and almost got punished. Teachers call us names but for us, it’s more than conspiracy. It was an unexpected teamwork since no one would really tell or admit who locked the door. I laughed really hard that day. That feeling when your eyes would tear up because of so much laughter? I laughed with what happened but whenever I remember my science teacher’s reaction I would really end up crying in laughter. His reaction when he looked at us through the window, getting the same source of answer, was really priceless. He’s more amazed than mad.
Mindset of A Murderer
I just want to raise a voice for every child that is being aborted by their own mother. Everyone, they are angels. They’re innocent. They are gifts from above.
They say that if you became a parent you have that very will to protect your child. And they say that a mother’s love is eternal.
Is it true or just a mere tale?
Because why are there mothers who can kill their own child without a second thought? Why? You think it’s not a big deal because it is not that big yet? I tell you it is a big deal. If you just listen to your science teacher before then you would know that the moment a sperm gets to the egg cell it has already a life. Now the moment that you decided to take that life away then you are already a murderer yourself.
I’m not trying to be a nosy here, I just want to save you from making more sins and from killing innocent lives.
Now if you’re not ready for it then why have unprotected sex in the first place? It was an accident? Stop making that dumb reason because you knew well that it’s not. If it was a product of tragedy, like if we say that it is a product of rape or something, then you know that it was innocent. I wouldn’t say that I understand how you feel because I honestly don’t, but I know that it was not easy and you just want to get rid of the things that give you back the bad memories that you want to forget.
They say that if a woman becomes a mother she has a connection to the baby in her tummy and the baby would feel what the mother would feel. I just don’t understand why some can still sleep peacefully at night after killing their own child or throwing it like a garbage.
Teenage pregnancy is one of the most rampant issues here in the Philippines. A child who’s also having a child, these leads to abortion, poverty, and child abandoning after birth.
I have a neighbour who got pregnant early. She’s just 3 years younger than me. As I remembered, she’s just 15 years old when she got pregnant with her first baby. She raised the baby even without a father, that’s a good thing.
Even at a very young age, if you chose to be a responsible mother then you can, and if you chose not then it was still up to you. Let’s just remember that we made our own life and decisions, it’s just our mindset.
Now, after a few months, I’ve heard that my neighbour is pregnant again. Her first baby is now a year older. It’s just a good thing that she still decided to raise the baby even without a father again. I am just a little concerned with their way of living since they are very poor and her old mother is the one who supports her and her baby, and now with another baby.
Time flew fast and she gave birth to a cute little girl, the first one is a boy. I can see that somehow, she’s a responsible mother even if she still acts like a kid and does night outs with her friends. But, just after her second baby turned 7months, we heard that she’s pregnant. Again.
One of my neighbours is an old couple and they don’t have a child, so they talk with her that if she likes they can adopt her baby. It’s a great idea since the couple are just concerned with them and she is still able to see her child whenever she wants because they’re just neighbours after all. But then she refused. The couple were sad but didn’t push it through.
Months later and she gave birth, but the thing is we didn’t see the baby in their house. We just heard from her mother that she sold the baby off. We are all shocked as well as the old couple, they are very disappointed with the news. They’ve been longing for a child and yet she just easily sells her baby off.
Months later and she got pregnant again. Seeing her pregnant every year is like a normal thing in our neighbourhood. But this time, what she did is horrible.
I think she was in her third month that time. The baby bump was already visible. She walks proudly around the neighbourhood with it but after a week her tummy flattened. She killed the baby in her womb. It really breaks the old couple’s heart. They talked with her but she couldn’t just listen and continue doing that again and again.
It really saddened those women who wish to bear a child but just couldn’t, yet those who waste precious innocent lives are blessed. I mean, if you can’t be responsible with your actions then be responsible with someone’s lives. You don’t know how many women who wish for a child and pray for it very hard, yet you just kill it like it doesn’t matter at all. That’s not the mindset of a mother, that’s of a murderer.
@EnkeDemoiselle
