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A Stranger In My Life

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Avatar for Eirolfeam2
Written by   716
1 week ago
Topics: Life, Stories

Let me put an end to this even if it did not even start in the first place. Let this serve as a confession and a farewell message at the same time. Unlike the other stories I have written, this one hits through the deepest corners of my heart.

I have to acknowledge my emotions because if not, it will make my life a little more miserable. But I also have to let all of these feelings go to avoid having a bigger scar left on my heart.

It was not so long ago when I started to feel what I should not feel, when I began to dream what I should not dream of, when I started up acting differently from the way I was, when I began being so excited about the things that could be, when I was slowly opening my heart, letting my guard down, just to welcome a stranger, called Love, to my life. That's what I thought, but was it really it?

It was intentional. I knew what I was putting myself into. I became a water that just wanted to flow in the river of hopes and dreams but was full of questions, doubts, and uncertainties. I knew from the start that it would end like this, where I am feeling heartbroken, even though nobody hurt me but myself. I knew that this would be the consequence of my actions but I still let my emotions get the best of me.

My brain and my heart had been in a constant battle between who should reign. For once in my life, I wanted my heart to win. I wanted myself to feel how it is to actually love someone wholeheartedly- to fall in love with the idea of being in love while entirely being in love. Does that even make sense?

For a moment, unnoticeably, I let my heart gain a victory. I was vocal about my feelings, acknowledged them, and showed them in the best possible ways I can. I wasn't a stranger to this kind of emotion, but every time I encounter it, everything just feels new to me.

I love beating around the bush, like how I am now, but I hope I was able to deliver the message I wanted to convey to you.

I remained hopeful with my conviction that there is someone out there who is destined for me to love for the rest of my life, and at some point, I wished it was you. I have my own sets of attributes that I look for in a man. There were some that you possessed, but most of them were missing. However, I disregarded that fact because I thought, maybe, I was already 'in love' that I overlooked the imperfect parts and saw them perfectly.

I was drowning in the fantasy that our worlds would someday collide, that all of the spoken words actually mean something and not just some nuisance, that all of the gestures shown were honestly genuine, that you and I could actually be a thing, that I would get to experience how it is to be loved by you, and that my mind and heart were slowly being deceived that everything was certainly real.

But I was hit by the reality that it's just a fantasy. Then again, I myself was deluded and my fragile heart was a traitor, it believed what it wanted to believe.

My heart was fooled which gave me a roller coaster ride of emotions. One day, I would wake up feeling so in love as if I already found the one, but another day, I would also wake up wondering if you also feel the same way towards me. One day, I would feel so sure about my feelings as if I was so ready to take the risk, but another day, I would be so confused especially when I feel like it will only be neglected.

My excitement grew bigger, I started to think that even though I am not your first love, you will be my first and hopefully the last, and this love will make all your other loves irrelevant.

But all these imaginations were just formulated because of my fragile heart.

They say love is a gamble, and in order to win, one must learn how to take the risk. But I couldn't put my heart at stake for something that is not certain, that makes me feel confused, and that will leave it broken and bruised.

Or maybe I was sure of how I felt, but I was and is not yet brave enough to stand for how I feel because, maybe, I know it won't end the way I want it to. But if it worked out, perhaps, I will still not be ready to be committed amidst all these doubts and uncertainties.

Even if it was just for a short while, I am grateful I've felt all these emotions- being happy, in love, excited, jealous, saddened, crushed.

If in the future, we get to meet again, I will welcome you with open arms, but for now, this is goodbye to this stranger in my life.


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Avatar for Eirolfeam2
Written by   716
1 week ago
Topics: Life, Stories
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Comments

Love is very very complicated talaga.. Magmamahal kalang naman masasaktan kapa..haysst.

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Kaya nga. Hahahaha Charot. 🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

you will be my first and hopefully the last

sakit nang part na to ...waeeee??? bakit ba kailangang masaktan pag nagmamahal aigoooooo

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Ewan ko po. Hahahaha 🤧🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

nyay hahahahaha

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Nakuuu Florieeeee, wag mo ng hahayaang puso ang mangibabaw sa sunod. Mas sundin mo nalang ang sinasabi ng utak mo - wait, pano kung sya din ang laman ng utak moo ee di 🙄. Ewan basta ayaw ko ng love, it's complicated.

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1 week ago

Hahahaha Sundin nalang ang tiyan kaya kumain nalang tayo ng kumain. 🤣🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Ayt ako'y sasang ayon jan. Tara ng mag lomi! Haha

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Can we say this is really love, but it's not certain.

Sometimes in life we will need to take a risk so that we know the questions in our minds.

Being in love but finding it hard to take risks.

$ 0.05
1 week ago

But one is not brave enough to take risks, I guess. Hahaha 😹🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

It was like, hey good bye feelings! Haha 😆 Stranger is Love. Hmmn I wonder. Rawr.

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Hello, Love, Goodbye. Hahahaha 🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Sabi nila kapag may pagmamahal wala na daw kinakatakutan? haha narinig ko lang po yan ewan kopo if true hehe..

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Saan mo narinig yan? Hahahaha 🤔🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Sa kapitbahay po hehe agngingiitak nukwa no malagip ko agidiay hugot da hehe..

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Awit. Ilocano ka gayam. Hahaha 🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago

Haha wun Ma'am sikan sa immuna nameet ko nga ilocanu ditoy hehe.

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1 week ago

Sino ba iyan madam.. Bat binibigyan ka ng roller coaster experience... @Kryptlook.. Anong say mo? 😅

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Wala. Ito ay gawa-gawa lamang ng mga illuminati. Charot. Hahahaha! 🤣

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1 week ago

"Or maybe I was sure of how I felt, but I was and is not yet brave enough to stand for how I feel because, maybe, I know it won't end the way I want it to." - this part says a lot. Being inlove but afraid to take risk. Being inlove but not ready to commit. Being inlove but not sure if the other person is feeling the same way. Being inlove is complicated and sometimes we do not know how to handle it and ended up saying goodbye to the person we did not even get the chance to be called ours.

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Awww. True. Hahaha 😹🤧

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1 week ago

Ang sakit lang talaga nitong gawa mo. 💔😭🤣

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1 week ago

Ang ganda sis. Ganyan talaga ang love, wala kasiguraduhan. Minsan kailangan din natin magtake ng risk para malaman natin ang mga katanungan sa ating isipan.

$ 0.05
1 week ago

Thanks for reading. Ehehe 😹 True din pero wala akong alam jan. Hahahaha Charot. 🤣

$ 0.00
1 week ago