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Relationship talk #2 : Long-term or short-term?

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Written by   93
1 month ago
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Happy Sunday.

We're not new to the fact that relationships or marriages end every day, it's called 'breakfast' by the Nigerian netizens. Gone are the days where the number of months spent in dating or courtship amounted to the length of the supposed forever. These days people who date for even four years end up getting divorced less than two years after due to differences they can't reconcile.

Does that mean that a long-term relationship isn't worth it since the duo won't be able to know each other despite being together for that long time?

I have a friend who's totally against dating for more than one year, according to her, it only leaves room for sinful acts (she's a firm believer in no sex before marriage). She believes no matter the number of years, you can't completely know a person but you should always watch out for the red flags.

There's this old couple I know, they've been married for over fifty-five years now. About 7 years ago, the husband was quickly rushed to the hospital because he was choking. Apparently, when he was trying to put off his artificial teeth, he choked on them, I'm not sure how he managed that as the teeth aren't small one bit.

The children were all surprised, they didn't know their father used artificial teeth, they confronted their mother about this and she admitted that she only found out almost thirty-five years into the marriage.

Thirty-five years! This shows that you can never know a person completely, how was he able to hide that?

With this realization, is it safe to say that short-term relationships are the best? I mean, you can't completely know a person, why bother with long-term ones?

I asked someone else about this and he explained that long-term relationships can't help to know everythinggggg about a person but it can at least narrow the differences down.

Like one of my friends said paraphrasing "Marriage/Relationship is mostly about comparing their differences. The context of relationships is that the two parties have their similarities and differences, so discovering that and being okay with it is what makes relationships work. The things in common can always change but the differences cannot."

I honestly agree with him, tell me if you think differently.

This gave me a completely different view, does this mean that two people need a lot of time to know their major differences and work them out?

But then I thought about people who date for a long time and still get divorced barely a few years into the marriage like the example I gave before. During those years, didn't they have time to trash out those differences?

That then made me conclude, that I think it has to do with the parties involved. It's the individuals involved.

Naturally, some people can be closed off, you think you know them but you really don't. If they don't let you know certain information, you can't. It could be that they don't feel comfortable enough to let you know or some other reasons best known to them.

So it depends on the people in the relationship, some people get married impulsively barely two months into the relationship and they'll work it out.

The funny thing is the irreconcilable differences can be extremely petty things like light on or off while sleeping. Sometimes it can be absurd to think marriages end because of that.

Do you think differently? Please do share your thoughts below.


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Thank you for reading🤗

May 15th, 2022.

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Written by   93
1 month ago
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Comments

I do agree you can't fully know a person no matter the years spent in relationship. We just gotta prat the right one comes in. .. some relationship of 3-5 months last longer in marriage to other in 2-5 years.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Yes ooo

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Omo that's shocking. 35 years of marriage and the wife doesn't know. How's that possible? No matter the time frame, one can never know the full details of the other person.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Honestlyyyy

$ 0.00
1 month ago

From what I've come to understand, there's no laid down rules for marriage or relationship(majorly). It works better if the both parties are ready to love over the differences...but this tend to be tough too sometimes.

It's just God!

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Embracing the differences, that's a good one, thanks for stopping by

$ 0.00
1 month ago

What worked for one might not necessarily work for the other. Know thyself and know your partner. It's never in the length of years or the distance or not, it's about how much time you have vested into knowing each other.

When you guys meet, what do you talk about? Most people spend years courting and yet they don't even know how many children their partner would want to have. They would spend 7 years courting, thinking they have known the basics and they start fighting over what could have been avoided. I've seen 6 months relationship bloom and 9 years courtship crashed. The intentionality and the honesty in the conversations you both have is what matters. When there is understanding and communication, other differences can be thrashed out in the court of sacrifice without counting scores.

$ 0.02
1 month ago

Intentionality and honestly, that gave me something to think about. The length of the relationship doesn't matter, it's the will of the people involved to make it work. Thank you for this

$ 0.02
1 month ago

Exactly, dear. You are most welcome.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Intentionality and honestly, that gave me something to think about. The length of the relationship doesn't matter, it's the will of the people involved to make it work. Thank you for this

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Short term or long term doesn't matter, what matters is what they have done to know each other very well. I will prefer the short term cos I can easily get to read one very fast.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

How do you know you read people well?

$ 0.00
1 month ago

How do you know you read people well?

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Lmao, na me know, don't worry.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Whether short or long term relationship, you still won't know their behaviors because you will be surprised when they start introducing new personality and that would leave you to wonder how come you never knew all these while. The best is to observe and be at alert for red signs even before getting married because those little red signs most people overlook are something that would generate into bigger ones when they eventually get married.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Exactly, some of those little red flags that people ignore turn out to be extreme deal breakers, it's so sad that when it blows up it's too late and causes damage and leads to regret.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Exactly, some things that people think aren't big deals turn out to be deal breakers

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I don't think it's about the years of courtship. I think that some people are blinded by love and as a result of that, they wouldn't sit back to watch or observe their partner. There are many things my partner didn't tell me and I know about. So you may not even be in a year relationship with someone and you may know 80% of things about him. It depends on how you can observe things

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Ohhh, observation, that's true

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I feel like different things will work for different people. For some people long term, for some just short term. Although, most people now date for ill reasons without realising why exactly they in a particular relationship. The truth is we cannot know someone entirely. But the reason why we have arguments is so we know eachother and bond together again. I think I like long term relationships. Starting a new relationship is as stressful as studying law, I don't want to do that.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Actually, I prefer the long term too, gives me time to be comfortable and bond with the person.

I can't even imagine starting a new relationship, I dread another talking stage

$ 0.00
1 month ago