Betrayal

My friends betrayed me and now I trust no one....

I recently experienced some serious betrayal. My best friend told some pretty big lies (laced with some small truths) to my "person."He wasn't my boyfriend but he was the biggest part of my life. Anyway, so my best friend told him some heinous things about me and he cut off all contact with me, changed his phone number, etc. He didn't even ask me for the truth. And my friend lied to my face and swore she did not tell him. Unfortunately, the small truths she interspersed with the lies were facts only known to her, and she'd threatened to tell him before, once, when she was angry with me.

I moved, I did the stuff exchange, I said good riddance to both of them and have tried to move on. I mean, with friends like these, who needs enemies? I am fortunate enough to have lots of good people in my life who have stood by me -- a good family, good friends who didn't believe the lies, etc. On the outside, I have moved on.

But it's sunny Friday and I am sitting in the library writing this, listening to "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell on repeat. Things are not OK. I am not OK. The two people I have loved the most over these past five years are gone. And I don't even really know why. I spend lots of money I don't have, I don't sleep, the eating disorder I have worked so hard to beat is rearing its head, and I feel like every day I am putting on a show - -- even, sometimes, for myself. I tell myself that I am better off, that things are looking up, I go to a therapist who encourages me to stay present, I run, I listen to happy songs and try to get outside as much as I can. But the heart wants what it wants, and what it wants is to not feel like love is a sham.

I am scared to trust people. I am scared to let anyone really know how much I am hurting -- I am afraid that they will hurt me or leave me too. I am ashamed that I was fucked over this badly -- ashamed that I still, for all intents and purposes -- don't have a clue as to why this happened, as to what I could have done to deserve the calumny of betrayal, and worse the lack of trust.

Being betrayed by your best friend is one of the most difficult things you might have to deal with. I suppose that I wouldn't really know anything about that due to never considering myself as my best friend. I guess the worst betrayal one can go through is betraying yourself. I have gone through that many times, it's awful and it hurts when it does happen. You never think that you can actually hurt yourself so terribly that it would affect your life until it happens.

I've learned over the past years that you cannot sit there and think that you have a best friend unless you realize that you are your own best friend. You have to learn to love and trust yourself before you can love and put trust in a “best friend”. So I've recognized that the people I thought were my best friends throughout these years were actually just people I was associated with, acquaintances. This also shows how you can not rely on people.

You always find something new about that person and some may never show their true colors. Some people may think that you can't be best friends with yourself but if you love and trust yourself you can. This is actually a good thing, it teaches you to love and care for yourself; depend on yourself and to make sure that you don't have to depend on others for advice when really you can solve the problem yourself. When I did I realized how dreadful awful I betrayed myself and also the people around me I saw how much it hurt.

I told myself that I would never do it again and that I needed to learn to love myself so I could grow up and acquire a best friend the right way. One may trying to do best by not treating themselves that way anymore and to straighten up completely make sure you don't betray myself anymore. I feel that it's a lot more harmful a person to betray themselves than it is to betray another person. I have also learned that not everyone feels the same way as you, there for do not know how bad they hurt you. Most teenagers seem to think lacking empathy makes them "cool.

NOTE: Throughout life you will discover many universal truths. One of those happens to be that you can count on humans to let you down. Betrayal is one of the primary disappointments we find in our species. It’s part of our nature and it has been perfected as the primary payment for perceived slights. To the extent possible you want to try and limit the number of people in your life that are predispositioned to be untrustworthy. And second, you want to get these people out of your life.

Part of being a friend is to tell the person who betrayed you, how you feel. Many people often don’t even know they have acted in a way that would qualify as betrayal. If nothing else, you can teach them to be a better friend. If they don’t recognize their behavior as wrong and don’t apologize, then that friendship is over. Get a self check and make sure you are not overreacting.

These are toxic relationships. We don’t do toxic. You don’t drink poison just because you are thirsty.

But you must be forgiving and always stand ready to forgive them and be gracious to them if they come to try and mend the relationship. You are not required to re enter the relationship. Just because a person feels and then shows remorse, does not mean they have integrity. People often reconcile to stem their feelings of guilt and shame, not because they recognize their behavior as wrong. The pain they are trying to get rid of is theirs, not yours. A common toxic self soothing action. You can tell the difference.

Do a relationship credit check. How long have their closest friends been around? How do they speak to one another? Suck ups and psychophants are often just getting their fix off the “attention supplier”. 500 friends on Facebook does not equal 500 friends. Zuckerberg homogenized then destroyed the meaning of “Friend”. Don’t expect friendship fidelity from casual or online “friends”. Brake check yourself; is this really a friend? You will know when you have been betrayed for real. Betrayal is when your wife and your side chick are both pregnant. Then a little while down the road, you discover you are not the father of either baby. Betrayal and Karma are best of friends and often enjoy working together.