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Simple cooking guide for dudes that can't boil a egg.

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Avatar for D.B.Cooper
Written by   36
1 month ago

This guide will help those guys that for whatever reason find themselves alone and having,for maybe the first time, cook for themselves. Now when I was younger, I'd just buy absolute rubbish,frozen pies, pizza, super noodles. In today's more health conscious world that just don't cut it guys.

Ok so I think I'll do a entire weeks worth of ideas to get you through, maybe your girlfriend gone on holiday with her friends and you stuck there all week at home by yourself, don't worry, I got you covered bro :-)

Breakfast, well I'm sure you can handle this. It's just stick what evers in the box, in a bowl and add milk.


Day 1, boiled eggs.

I go for 4 medium siz eggs and 2 slices of toast.

Put the 4 eggs in a saucepan and cover with cold water untill the eggs are submerged fully but don't put in more water than is necessary, just enough to fully cover them. Put on the heat and while waiting get your 2 slices of bread, get the toaster ready and get your plate and egg cups ready,get the butter out.

As soon as the bubbles actually start to bubble up and move the eggs then bread in the toaster and start to time. From this moment you have exactly 3 minutes.

It's a race between the bread in the toaster and the eggs boiling. As soon as the toast is done, quickly butter and cut into strips between 20mm and 30mm. As soon as that 3 minutes is up take the first egg out and as quick as you can the other 3. Eat with a teaspoon breaking the top of the egg off.

Day 2,

Corned beef sandwiches.

There's some preparation needed for this, you must put that tin of corned beef in the fridge for at least a few hours before eating. Play it safe and have a tin always in the fridge. Be prepared.

Ok so ingredients, tin of corned beef, 4 slices of bread, butter, cucumber (store in fridge) and a jar of Branston pickle.

Open the tinnof corned beef with the key that is glued on, you put the little flap of metal on the tin in the hole of the key and start to twist keeping the coiled metal even on the key. If you need to I found this YouTube guide although I haven't watched it because I already know how to do it

Because you preplanned and stored it in the fridge it will be far easier to slice your freshly opened tinnof corned beef. Lay on your fresh buttered bread times 2 so you have a even complete coverage. Now slice your cucumber in around 2mm slices and place 4 slices evenly spaced on each of the two half made sandwiches, with a teaspoon get a generous spoon full and try and spread as evenly as you can on each sandwich ( 1 spoons worth on each) and finish by putting on top slice of bread.

Lunch day 3

Tin of soup.

There's so many different flavours to choose there really is a tin for everyone. I'm going to suggest 2 in this guide, cream of chicken as one and vegetable as the second. Both Tesco own brand, not the Stockwell basic one but the normal Tesco own brand.

So today we will go for the cream of chicken, now the secret here is the slow heat, don't rush it, go for a medium setting on the cooker hob, and stir regularly, increasing your stiring rate as it warmer. The tell tale sign that it has reached optimum heat is when you stop stiring, bubbles start to bubble in around 5 to 7 seconds. Empty into a bowl and enjoy.

Lunch day 4

Ginsters pasty,

The king of the easily available pasty. There 3 options here for how to serve and each has its advantages. Option 1, cold straight out the pack, perfect for thoses in a hurry. Option 2, microwave, hot but done quickly, this is my preferred method but some will say they prefer the crispier fluffy pastry of option 3 which is done in a traditional oven. This does take time though about 25 minutes I believe. If hot serve on a plate with tomato sauce.

Lunch day 5

Beans on toast,

It's my opinion you don't necessarily need a premium brand bean but it's not wise to go for bargain basement either, trial different makes and see what suits you. In my opinion the thing that varies the most is % of sauce, you don't need lots of sauce, it just makes your toast go soggy.

So, gently heat beans in a saucepan, don't be tempted to start your toast to early. Wait untill the beans are almost at the boil and when you see them just hit that boil, reduce heat and put on your toast. The extra time will give your beans a chance to hear through properly and also give the sauce time to thicken. When toast done, butter ( real butter, never skimp on the butter, if you can't believe its not butter and can't tell the difference between that shit then you need to get back to the frozen burgers and leave the proper cooking to us. Ok so butter on then straight on top with the beans. I go for the standered 2 slices of toast but a whole tin of beans easily covers 3 slices of toast if you hungry but beware it's not always easy to fit 3 on a plate.

Lunch day 6

Vegetable soup, same cooking method as cream of chicken see above. A secret tip here though with this soup is a sprinkle of Cayan pepper to give it a kick ( can use chilli flakes)

Lunch day 7

Cheese on toast


Place your bread (2 slices) on a wire rack and place under the grill, while it slowly starts to toast, slice some chedder cheese and also thinly slice 2 mushrooms and chopp up 2 spring onions.

When the toast looks like it's just starting to change colour turn it over and start toasting the other side. When this side reaches the required amount of toasting for your personal preference then remove from grill and turn the toast back over to the side you just about toasted. This side should be crispy but not fully toasted. Lay on your mushroom and chopped onion and then carefully lay on the slices of chedder making sure to cover the toast right up to the edges. Place back under the grill untill the cheese is fully melted. Remove from grill and enjoy.


Dinner day 1.

Chicken curry and bassmati rice.

In today's busy world sometimes convenience is king so this is the quick curry and rice option.

The price of this curry has risen by around 50% over the last year and a half, it was 59p for ages but is now 80p. But still a bargain for the busy single guy. Empty contents of tin into a saucepan and gently heat stirring occasionally, when it's steaming hot and just starting to boil, turn the heat right down and leave to simmer. Take your package of rice and carefully test about a inch into the side of the packet at the top. Stand in your microwave and heat on full power for 2 minutes. When done carefully remove from microwave and fully tear open at the top, pour onto a plate and arrange in a circle around the outside of the plate leaving the center for the chicken and vegetable curry, remove curry from hob and pour into the space you created.

Dinner day 2

It's a fact today that more people are switching to a vegetarian diet so for tonight we will have spicy bean burgers with chips and peas.

Pre heat the oven to the required temperature and place your spicy bean burgers on 1 tray and place your chips, evenly spaced out, on another cooking tray. I find oven chips always require a extra 25% cooking time than the pack suggests, so please bear that would n mind. Try and work out the cooking times of the bean burgers and chips so that they both are ready at the same time, that's the secret to good cooking, having everything ready at the same time. When you have around 15 minutes left till the burgers and chips are ready, fill the kettle and put on to boil, take your peas out the freezer and pour a generous amount into a saucepan. When the kettle has boiled, pour boiling water onto the peas in the saucepan untill fully covered, lid on and place onto a high heat. Will take around 5 to 8 minutes to come back to the boil but as soon as it does start timing. Thes will take 4 minutes, when the time is up, drain in a sieve, place on plate and serve up the chips and burgers.

Note, these burgers are quite spicy.

Dinner day 3

Double sweet and sour

I double up on these as 1 just not enough but seeing that they only 70p each, doubling up not expensive. Follow the onpack instructions but the pro tip here is, stir. Stir very well between microwave sessions and stir well after before eating.

Dinner day 4,

Spaghetti Bolognese

Fill the kettle and put onto boil, you want about 100 grams of spaghetti for a good man sized dinner. When the kettle has boiled pour the boiling water into a large saucepan and put on a high heat, when it starts to boil again, add the spaghetti. Now start to heat your beef Bolognese, stirring continuously. When boiling turn down to simmer, after around 10 minutes of boiling spaghetti it should be ready but check the pack as different spaghetti takes different amounts of time to cook. Drain and then serve mixed in with the Bolognese.

Dinner day 5

Take a break, treat yourself to a takeaway, you've cooked the entire week so far, let someone else do it for a change.

Dinner day 6

Fish and chips ,

So many different varieties of frozen fish available and it frozen as soon as it's caught these days so frozen as fresh if not fresher than fresh. Follow on pack instructions for your choice of fish but remember to give the chips a little extra time for extra crispyness.

Dinner day 7

Pizza. Of course frozen pizza not as good as your dial up, mushy on a moped delivered in a box pizza but the dude on his own needs to watch the pennies and at a fraction of the price, it's frozen tonight.

So that's it, you cooked a entire week .👍

Keep a look out for next week's guide, "how to brew your own beer and save a fortune v pub beer."

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Avatar for D.B.Cooper
Written by   36
1 month ago
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Haha, no kidding, you really started to explain it from zero prior knowledge required. 😂👍

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1 month ago

My god i couldnt live like that anymore

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1 month ago

Ha ha ! Back as a single guy I once shared a house with this guy "Dave" who the entire time (around 6months) I was there I don't think I saw ever eat or peel or cook a fresh vegetable.

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1 month ago

I remember when i was single i ate pasta every night

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1 month ago