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Listen Before I Go

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Written by   91
1 month ago

October 20, 2021

"I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue."

There's a demon living inside my head

He screamed at me, he wants me dead

He tells me stories that was a lie

He is messing with my head most of the time

I stay up late at night cause he never want me to sleep

He whispered to me "cut your arms to bleed"

I closed my eyes as tears running down my cheek

I ignored what he said and I went on to sleep

When morning came, he made my day even more miserable again

It didn't stop as it told me to stab myself with a pen

I look at myself in the mirror and he was watching near

He laughed as he said "you're ugly, useless and stupid" loud and clear

I begun to hate the things I loved mostly

Growing apart from everyone but I tried to smile nicely

No one notice the tears and the fake smile

So everyone thought I'm just fine

I tried to scream and asked for help

But no one came cause I'm all alone by myself.

I stopped socialising and keep it all to myself

Cause no one else can see the devil except for myself

The jar begun to fill and I can't hold it any longer

Feels like no one else cares so I go up a little higher

I can see the buildings up here

And small people are so busy down there

I screamed "I love you mom and dad" as loudly as I could

Hear me calling your name once more

And I hope you heard, and listened before I go.


Healing is a really difficult process. When a member of my family said or did something that upset me, my tolerance and wrath levels were tested on multiple times, and one time I couldn't help but become furious and say something I knew I would later regret. When the event was over, I felt terrible and wished I hadn't reacted in that way or said what I did. But then I recalled that I'm still healing and that I'll be tested throughout this time. At the very least, I told myself, I'm learning to control and discipline myself so I don't get provoked again.

I basically pushed myself to be more persistent about not allowing someone to have such a negative impact on me. I worked on staying calm. I'm usually a calm person, but when someone tries to bring out the worst in me in order to provoke a reaction, I know how to react. But I don't want to live my life on the edge, waiting for the next member of my family to upset me by doing something stupid. I convinced myself that I deserved a better life. Because I grew up with a lot of contradictory emotions and didn't have a suitable outlet for them, I chose to mend my sentiments on the inside.

I made the choice that I would never further harm myself, my family, or even my own tiny family/kids. I don't want my toxic features, which I received as a kid from my relatives, to have an influence on my life and future.

As an outcome, I've been able to rest. And getting back on your feet is never simple. You will make mistakes on occasion, but don't be too harsh on yourself. Making errors is something we all do. Just keep going on your path to healing. You can do it. You are deserving of a better life, but you must first work on improving yourself.


Short Closing Inspiring Thoughts

Always keep in mind that ;

When there's nothing left, hope is what keeps you alive.

---

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Date: October 20, 2021
Author: Corpsekkuno
Title: Listen Before I Go
Article No.: 68

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Author’s Note

Hello! Corpsekkuno here! I just want to let you know that everything is fine and I'm only writing those stuff that I've been keeping on my mind.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this; I appreciate your effort and I hope you enjoy. 

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Written by   91
1 month ago
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Comments

I really can't help my tears to fall upon reading your article because it is also in my head in this most trying time many people my experienced the same. God will always be there for us.

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User's avatar eve
1 month ago

awee, sending you a virtual hugs. everything will be fine just believe and pray to GOD

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1 month ago
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User's avatar eve
1 month ago

Indeed hopes keeps us going, there are sometimes I feel like to end it all, but when I think about things I haven't done and I have the hope I will do it someday, I keep on pushing.

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1 month ago

Onoo, those demons in our head na persistent talaga pag dadown. Wag na wag papakinggan yan, huwag papadala at papadaig. If you can't really take it anymore then seek for his help. Try to talk to him, feel him and then hope again. Makakaahon ka jan.

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1 month ago

yep.. never ever lose that hope.. nice article :)

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1 month ago

Thank you sis ☺️♥️

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1 month ago

Ang galing naman :)

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1 month ago

Thank you po ☺️

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1 month ago