There's still hope

a lot of things has happened and life seems like it isn't waiting for anyone, I'm grateful for so many things I have today, cause they use to be a dream to me, even if it might seem that a lot of people have already used it before me, that doesn't make it lose its taste, I remember this time some years back when I was working in a betting shop, I leave house 7 am and come back 8 pm, don't usually have money for lunch, I usually divide my transportation money.

Met some people in the hood and we became close, we talk and vibe together, sometimes they buy me lunch and sometimes I buy them lunch for the little I earn, life wasn't that tough but I felt it was okay, it was okay I said, I trust the wrong set of people and got f#cked, don't judge a book by the cover they said, but some covers say it all about the person.

I'm the kind of person that always want to see the good the people even when I know that they are evil, I believe that they aren't born that way, they just got tired of being used by life, that's why they switched position and decided to do what they do, the place we live affects us negatively and we believe that there's only one way of getting out of poverty, which is being a fraudster.

In a city where the top dogs are into fraud, what do you expect the younger ones to do, they look up to them as mentors, when the top dogs defraud someone, they use it to motivate the younger dogs that this is the only way to make it in this society, they have no other choice than to believe because it looked like the only option presented to them and they want to become millionaires in their early 20s, doesn't matter who gets hurt, they just want to be rich and have a lot of money to spend.

It's hard to convince someone not to go into fraud because they will ask you to your face, what other options do they have, I remember when one of them was telling me to join him so we can both handle it together, I told him I can't because I won't be able to, he persuaded me and I had to give it a try, I did it for some months and I had to stop, not that I wasn't able to defraud someone, but because it doesn't feel right to me, I know that I'm destined for something greater and not this, I know that if I continue like that, I will let go of my dreams and ambitions, I know that it's not going to be easy to go the other way, but I just have to go the other way, even when the odd is still against me, there's thing feeling in me that tells me to keep moving and I'm still moving.

Someone of them has changed and they have a whole lot of money in their bank account, they post luxury things and cars that they bought, some even own a house now, here I'm, feeling like I am not doing anything right, I asked myself where did 5 years of my life go, causes sometimes I feel like I missed 5 years of my life, it's not easy looking at myself in the mirror cause it feels like I'm still the same I used to be 5 years ago, feels like nothing has changed like I'm moving in the the cycle of struggle.

Sometimes I do ask myself if truly fraud is the only way to get out of poverty here, then I realized that the environment is messing with my head, the country is messing with my head and they are making it look like genuine hustle doesn't work, they make it look like dreams doesn't come true, I feel desperate but I am trying to myself not to do what doesn't pleases me.

At my age, society makes it look like I'm poor, the 20s are supposed to be the time to build one's dreams and purpose in life, but when all the 20s around me already own a car, it gives me anxiety, I'm just too young to be thinking like I'm in my late 60s, I have a whole life ahead of me but this place is trying to change me, I do need a change of environment.

I don't know how long I can hold on here, but I know that the energy in this place is already piercing through me and it won't be long before it gets into me, sometimes I just feel like staying indoors is the best for me, so I won't see what will make me start thinking negative things, but I have to go to work, every day at work feels like the same to me, like I'm living in a loop.

I had to read some stories about celebrities that I look up to, to gain motivation from them, I know that we might not pass the same struggle but I know that they had something that I have now “perseverance” doesn't matter if that's the only place I draw energy from, I just have to keep drawing it.

Before I left the studio today, I was trying to record but my vocal wasn't encouraging, the generator ran out of fuel and I had to go home, on my way, thoughts started coming into my head and it was telling me not to give us on myself with a simple explanation, which I will write here.

Life is like you going home now, some people that have cars will use their cars to get home quick, some that have bicycles will ride it, some will use the commercial bus, while some (me) will be walking home, imagine this as the journey to our dreams, the ones will cars will get there early, the ones with bicycles will get there but not that early, the ones that enter commercial buses will be stopping on the way but still get there early, while we (me) will be taking steps does matter whether I take little steps or big steps, but at the end of the day, we all arrive home safely, mine might have take longer, but I still got home. This tells me there’s still Hope

Thanks for reading this article of mine, I don’t know what to write about that’s why I just started writing about what is running through my mind.

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27/01/2022