Depression or Anxiety
I haven't been myself for about a week now, and I still don't know what is wrong with me, I look at myself and it feels like I am doing enough like all my efforts are just me playing around.
I started with my lifestyle first, I told myself that I will change the way I dress and stop doing a lot of things, eg: stop laughing around like I use to, put value in myself, and don't allow anyone to take my simplicity for granted of foolishness, which I have managed to keep this far and I have been seeing life from a different perspective ever since, but I still feel like something is missing and I can't seem to get the thoughts off my mind.
Another one is my music career, I don't know how to put this, but it's my I'm slowly drifting away from my music career because of the low engagements I get, I know that I am trying, but just like read, I need more engagements, thinking about the amount of money and work I need put in, it's not going to easy at all, but I never wanted to be easy anyway, I just want it to be worth it, worth the efforts, worth the sleepless nights, worth the money I put in, even if it's 1$, I just want my efforts and hard/smart work to pay me because an effort doesn't produce good results that are pleasant to the ear, always feel like a waste of time, energy and money, when I think about all these things, I try to do more than the previous to see if I am going to get better engagements on Instagram.
My love life it's the most complicated, anytime I think that the reason I am still single is that I am not wealthy yet, I feel so down, though it might not be the reason, I feel like 80 percent it's because of my current financial status.
My graphic design job, graphic design has been my source of income since early last year, when I decided to go into graphic design because I had a laptop and an Android phone, but I was damn broke, I was always at home watching movies and doing nothing when it was too much for me to bear, my phone was giving me issues back then, the screen wasn't functioning well and I had a target of being few gadgets, I took my time went into graphic designs, I bought a new phone and few gadgets in less than two months, I decided to learn more about graphic designs, but I haven't been concentrating on it lately, I am slowly listing it, I know it and I can't do anything about it because of what I have been feeling ever since just yesterday here, I lost a graphic job that I was supposed to do for one of my favorite clients, just because my mind is else where and I couldn't concentrate on the job, though I needed the money very badly because right now, I am seeing my period and it's not white at all, when he told me that I wasn't creative in the design and he will do it his self, I just said okay, I know I should have told him to give me a little time to redo it again, but I am myself right now, and I don’t think that I would have do it any better than it was.
Conclusion
I don’t know if I am depressed or having anxiety, I just know that I haven’t been myself lately and it’s affecting me both physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, I don’t know if I am going through a lot or a lot it’s going through me, I pray this feeling pass away so I can be myself again, cause I can’t afford to lose another job, just because I am not myself, and I need to keep motivating myself in my music career because I know that if it was easy, everyone would have done it, that's what should make me keep going, to be different and excel more than others, not that it's a competition, but I got to be better than I was yesterday.
22/11/2021
First of all, have you been eating food? That's one of the basics, if you are hungry the stomach strongly controls the whole body system including the mindset of thought. Another one again, just give a lady a trial, you mustn't be like Mac before engaging. Having someone/partner to talk to in depressed times have a way of fighting anxiety or depression. If you can't get one there, just find one here. Or I should tagged someone? 🤣🤣