@Charlotte 26 September 2020 edited more from that month

I don't care (Do I?)

Have you ever been in a situation where you told your friends or everyone around you that you're okay and that you don't actually care, but deep inside you know it's a lie? That the truth is, it bothers you. You think about it all day and then found yourself being your anxious self tries to overthink everything. It's natural for people to feel uneasy towards any circumstances. Sometimes, it felt like what you've done wrong today will haunt you for the rest of your life. It's hard when people don't know how to forgive and forget. Your mistakes from the past will suddenly surface because those you wronged won't forgive you even you admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness. I can clearly understand those people who forgive but never forget, but those who don't either of the two, I don't think so. Some people may say that they can forgive but never forget. Regarding this, I am honestly okay with it, why? Because even we forgive someone we can't forget the scar but we understand that people are not perfect, we commit mistakes so we won't forget what they've done to us so we won't hurt others the same way they did. It's like a lesson, so remembering it is okay. Dwelling on it is not. I was bothered by something today because of what I did from the past. The moment I offended someone a year ago, I totally reflect on what I did and learned to be careful in things that I'll do. Sadly, some people can't forgive and forget that until now a certain someone still shows his irritation or hate to me, publicly. My friend inform me about it but I just shrugged and said "yeah am fine don't care tho". In fact, I'm not okay. It's been a year, I admit my mistakes and changed. Why do some people kept their hate towards me because of one mistake when in reality they do shame, offended, and hurt me countless times? I understand that the difference in age and status in society have something to do with respect. But how can a youth respect elderly when they don't even show it? Student- Teacher relationship should have boundaries and respect in between. It's not just the students shall respect the teacher, it should be vice versa. I felt like I was only the villain and never been the victim. I'm not okay, I care, I'm overthinking, and I am definitely paranoid about it and what will happen in the future. I can understand that we perceive things differently, some might think it's totally my fault since I'm the one who wronged that specific someone in the first place. I was wronged too, speaking foul words and all to me and a lot of people. I know this anxiety will not go away for days because I worry what will happen next. I prayed that I'll overcome this soon, because I believe and I am fully aware that, worrying is an absence of faith. I still hope that y'all have a great day ahead❤