Minimalistic Me: Troubled

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8 months ago

I will first start by acknowledging that the affairs of this life aren't rosy at all. I am not painting this colorful but stating the facts about reality. It rarely goes according to the agenda and the pursuit that individuals even I laid out in my diary and how I was declaring it with faith during the new year resolution. I guess I learned another thing which is not to play by my rules but by the pattern which life sets for me. Now, taking a look back at how many months have gone by without achieving most things I list to achieve, I heaved a huge sigh.

I am indeed full of gratitude and appreciation for rounding up my national diploma in the prestigious institution I enrolled in. It was time to start my life and career in the open market when I had an accident that took me almost three months to heal. This deprived me of the time and energy I hoped to put out when I was out of school.

In essence, it broke me into pieces seeing how my responsibility to both myself and my family is on me. I drowned in depression for a whole three days, locked up in my room and making muffled sounds. I'm just not the type of person who tells others how I feel, so I bottled myself into a state of stoicism and the atmosphere of my surroundings went cold.

You would literally think no one is living there in my apartment but someone was, I stayed out of social media during those moments. The tenacity and ability to switch into a positive state were not forthcoming, I often know how to navigate out of it easily but this time I kept going farther into it. The more I try to be nonchalant the more I keep diving deep so I allow nature to take its course.

I can't say I have lived my best part but I have lived my best self, improved, and advanced. Those are the changes in my life that I know I have been able to alter to the best of my ability. Isolating myself was the best way to stay away from many things that happen in the open world, it's also a medium I used to avoid too many distractions.

The sequence of events and challenges that I have encountered nearly ruined my emotional being leaving me almost unconcerned about anything. The only thing I noticed that needed attentive care and discipline was my emotions which is why minimalism in controlling emotions is of utmost importance to my life.

Times when every little thing gets to me, no single offense both intentional or unintentional goes without a lash from me. Times when I am so strict to the extent that I think emotion is just a trap. Times when I don't put up a cute smile on my face at all. I have no friends to communicate with because I don't need someone to resent me and remind me how sadistic and lonely I am.

Somehow, I became the therapist of my conduct and emotion. Several times, I tried to discipline myself from those nasty compliments I received. It was difficult to retain the rehabilitation process but I fought through it. Now, I can manage my emotions although the possibility of deviating is much less.
Thanks to minimalistic control of emotions, I can be able to relate with amazing friends, colleagues at work, and family in the calmest and most friendly manner.

Now, at my workspace, I have a mantra that keeps me in check, "Manage your reactions but do not suppress your emotions" because on a fateful day the outburst might be disastrous and that won't be funny.

Thanks for reading my beautiful piece 🦋🦋 

Photo by Limuel edited with canva || Photo by Andre Moura

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8 months ago