How do I find common ground with my mom and dad?

Many adults are in constant conflict with their aging parents. Or resentfully cut off communication. This is because we are not used to seeing our parents as independent individuals and expect clear-cut behavior from them (respect, recognition, praise). And they, in turn, do not want to accept the fact that we have grown up and are able to build their own lives. There is a vicious circle. Hence the many mutual complaints.

Where is the solution? And is there one in general? Parents at their age can not change. So what's left? Something to tweak in your head.

Someone's Facebook post:

I have a kid in second grade myself, and my mom tells me off like a schoolgirl 17 times a day. Yesterday she watched another parenting show and started lecturing me in front of my daughter. I do not bring up, I do not require and, in general, what do I know about life. How do I keep it together? How not to send her away for a long time?

A young, well-established woman, who has long since overcome her teenage "battles" with her parents, reacts to her mother's outbursts as if she were still 15 years old. Mom, in turn, complains to her neighbor: "Can you imagine, I do not sleep at night because of her, and she, ungrateful, can not talk to me on the phone!

Why is this so? Why do relationships with parents in adult children are the same? Let's find out.

Mom and dad for 30-40 years used to that you are in their lives. And in general - they gave birth to you, raised you, and finally "molded" out of you something good :). Do you notice? Parents treat an adult child as an object.

That is why the fact that you have a different opinion or decided to dispose of his life in a different way, causes rejection and resistance. It's like a houseplant suddenly saying, "I don't like the view out the window here, I'm going to the other window sill next door.

And vice versa - you, too, find it difficult to perceive your parents as separate entities. They've been around since birth. They fed you, clothed you, groomed you, wiped your nose, put up with teenage tantrums, etc.

After such an intense life together, the child (even if he is 34) perceives his mother as an object, that is, as an entourage to his own life. And he behaves in the same way. He tries to incorporate his parents into his understanding of the world and make them comfortable.

By the way, this is the sign of an infantile person who psychologically has hardly overcome the level of a teenager. It is inherent in his attitude toward the world, his attitude toward the people around him as objects of manipulation: "I'm going to press you now (with pity, hysteria, claims), somehow manipulate you, tell you something like this - and you will do as I want." Try to look at your parents as... communal flatmates :).

Neighbors don't have to be the way you want them to be, they have a right to have their own views on life. They are adults with the right to privacy and personal (different from you) opinions!

Do you want your parents to see you as an independent adult and not pry into your life with advice? Become an adult and start treating them as equals, and most importantly, get the phrase "Parents should" out of your vocabulary.

They have already given you the opportunity to become the person you are today. Don't demand anything more.

And you'll get the right to be you in return. Not to conform to their expectations, not to follow their advice and live the life YOU think is right.

Of course, this change in your mindset is not easy, and nothing will change in one day. But in six weeks, it will. Do you think it doesn't happen?

Image sources: diets.ru

I thank God for his help in writing this article, and you, dear readers, praise him if your reading has been helpful to you.

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