This is the sequel of my previously published story "How I Met My Husband"
🎶 The bed's getting cold and you're not here;
The future that we hold is so unclear;
But I'm not alive until you call;
And I'll bet the odds against it all;
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear;
You might be right but I don't care;
There's a million reasons why I should give you up;
But the heart wants what it wants... 🎶
-Selena Gomez."The Heart Wants What It Wants" (2014), Album: For You.
If I were to describe my feelings at that moment, this song lyrics would definitely fits perfectly.
It has been 3 weeks since we decided to separate ways but I just missed him more everyday.
I always caught him staring at me during our trainings but he'll just look away whenever our eyes connect then pretended like nothing happened. I don't know if he felt the same but he never tried approaching or texting me anyway so I assumed everything's just fine and we're on the same line moving forward. This uncertainty and doubts were just remnants of our good memories together and it will eventually go away.
It's around 10:00 in the evening when our training ended. We walked together as a group as we look for our ride home. I was about to call a cab when I felt someone pulled my hands.
It was JC.
My heart started to pound really, really fast. I just gave him a "questioning glare" because I really don't understand what was happening.
He said "Let's talk, I just couldn't take it anymore."
We talked privately and admitted that the feelings we had grew deeper and stronger after those weeks of trying to forget everything. We both can't deny the fact that we needed each others to complete our day and kept motivated as we go along our lives.
At that time, we took again another heavy decision and agreed to get back together but this time, we made it officially. He asked me to be his girlfriend that night and without second thought, I hugged him and gave my sweetest "yes".
But our happiness that night didn't lasted long as we thought about how should we kept it a secret or to decide who's gonna give up dancing and who's gonna stay. It was never an easy decision to make.
Days passed, we opted to keep it a secret for awhile as we figured out our next step. We continued avoiding each other during our trainings. This lasted for another 2 weeks until we can no longer took it. We wanted to tell our friends but we're just so afraid that we'll both get kicked out of the group for violating our golden rule.
We love each other but we also love our passion. At that time, neither of us was brave enough to sacrifice. While we were in the midst of our serious talk, we both received a text message from our troupe president announcing the result for the recently conducted audition to select 15 dancers to represent our University in the upcoming nationwide hip-hop dance contest. JC was among them, it's his dream to join such big competition. Though I wasn't selected, I am still so happy and proud of him.
At that time, I realized maybe it is God's purpose to help and guide us in making our minds up.
I told him that I'm quiting the troupe and sacrifice all my efforts but he must promise me that he will make me proud no matter what. He objected at first because he also witnessed all my hardship but I convinced him eventually.
The following day, we talked to our president and adviser to admit our relationship and also told them about our decision that I'll gave up on dancing. They praised our guts for having enough courage to open up about this. Our adviser gave me chance to stay but in one condition. We must never let our relationship hinder our performances as a group and if we fight over our relationship, we must never take it inside the training ground or else we will both be kicked out. We agreed and promised to follow the implemented rules for us.
We felt relieved after that since we don't need to keep it a secret to anyone. Now, we get to eat or go out together happily just like before. We also got to tell our friends and they congratulated us.
We always celebrated special days like monthsaries, valentine's day, birthMuuudays, anniversaries, etc.
Our relationship was never perfect. There were misunderstandings and fights but we always ended up fixing things and stayed on each other's side.
After 3 years, I graduated in college and decided to move to another city to apply for work.
It was the first time we had this "long distanced relationship" or LDR. It was tough because we only get to talk to each other during our free time. I was working on night shift so we only have 1-2 hours time to talk and update things.
It is hard but we managed to survive for three months of LDR...
We argued over something one day. I was really tired and stressed from work that time and he also felt the same because of his ongoing OJT (On-the-Job Training).
We uttered words out of our emotions and we ended breaking up with each others.
We were both devastated at that time but none of us dared to fix it maybe because of pride. We also needed some time to be alone.
We never talked for more almost two months.
Until one day, I found out he was going out with other girl. I was really hurt and wanted to get him back badly.
People say: "You'll only see the person's worth when you see him/her holdind onto someone else"
Yeah, I bet so.
I just cried myself until I fell asleep every night.
Maybe he was never for me or maybe he never loved me in the first place that's why it was so easy for him date another girl.
Those were the thoughts that made me anxious.
After days and nights of nonstop crying, I decided to stand up and continue living my life. I realized nothing will happen to me if I'll just cry and cry.
I started going out with my friends and met new people. It helped me recover slowly. Until I met this guy who interests me a lot. He's a friend of a friend. We started talking when my friend gave him my contact number. He texted me amd introduced himself. We became really good friends until he courted me. I admit I was mesmerized by his mysteriousness so I accepted him.
First month of being in a relationship with him was good. He's intelligent, responsible, matured and gentleman. We never had any problems during our first month. I can say that he's really an ideal man.
Time passed and I get to know him really well. He started to act unreasonably. He always accused me of cheating or seeing other guys but I never did! He insisted his claims and we fought over and over until I discovered that he's been lying to me. He was the one seeing his ex-girlfriend behind my back. When I confronted him, he denied everything and he almost hit me but he came to his senses. I broke up with him at that instance. We've only been for like 4 months, good thing I discovered his bad side.
He apologized to me by giving me flowers and chocolates. He also waited for me at my workplace during end of my shift. He knew my schedule because he's asking my friend. I ignored him but he's really persistent. He continued it for 2 more weeks until I decided to gave him second chance. He also promised never to do it again, I believed him.
We were fine for another month until I caught him looking up through my social media accounts and text messages. He blocked every guy in my friend list even those my close friends and colleagues. He was being manipulative at that time. I was very furious but I let it slipped because I got no energy to argue, my work is draining me. I let him do as he pleases.
One time, he saw JC's post on my news feed that he's in the same city as we are for a short vacation. He was so mad about it and then again accused me of talking and seeing JC. I never knew about that damn post and I even remembered him blocking JC so I don't have any idea how the hell we ended up being friends again in my social media account. We never talked for months since we broke up.
I had enough of my boyfriend's delirious thoughts. He's so toxic and suffocating so I decided to end things and never to give him another chance. He tried apologizing again but I never paid attention. He gave up after more or less 2 months.
May 30, 2019 :
I received a message to my social media account, it's from JC. He was just asking how am I doing. He said, he heard about how toxic my past relationship was and he said sorry because he was thinking it was his fault for letting me go in the first place. We talked like friends. We don't have any hatred or grudges left in our hearts. We moved on from the past.
He invited me to attend their graduation rites the following week, I agreed since our former adviser also invited all dance troupe alumni to attend our annual kick-off party for graduating student.
I came on the said day. That was one lit party. After that night, JC approached me and asked if I'll still attend his party because his family was looking forward to seeing me. I said yes because I don't wanted to break my words.
We got to their place around 8:00 in the evening, together with our friends. His family greeted and accomodated us warmly. I missed them so much.
I felt so awkward when we started talking things because they always brought up our past as a topic.
They're also teasing us on going back together since we're both single. We just ignored it, we don't have the same feelings as before.
The party ended around 2:00 am, we bid goodbyes. I was about to call my friend to fetch me when JC stopped me. He said he's gonna send me home, I didn't refused though I still kinda felt awkward about it.
He got me home safely and bids good bye.
Part III: If it's destined, I'll find it's way back 💓