I Lost My Self-control!

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2 years ago

It's been 3 weeks or almost a month now that I'm being unproductive and always slacking off from writing. I have this problem for myself that if I'm fond of something, I can't get the hang of it for so long. Once that thing make a huge influence on me, I can't get over it. Then, I'll redo it over and over again until I'm satisfied or until I lost my interest in that particular subject.

Mostly, the thing that can catch my interest quickly is music. Once I liked it, I will continue to play it on repeat all day or even all night. I guess that is what they call the Last Song Syndrome.

Other things that can catch my interest are manga and anime. Once I discovered something that suits my taste, I will crave it more and more and more. Then, when I'm already completely immersed in reading manga and watching anime, I slowly creating another world in my imagination so that I can picture some scenes that I want to happen that are not illustrated by the artist.

This habit of mine is somewhat confusing. I don't know if I'm just going insane or being succumbed to addiction. Once I started it, the harder it is to escape or avert my mind and make interest in other tasks.

The Battle Between Me and Myself

"Our greatest enemy is ourselves."

That is what my teacher once told me way back in high school. Well, I can't argue with that anymore. I finally realized how that feels right now. When I have a certain goal to achieve or when I suppose to have some top-priority task to be done but I put it aside over and over again just to slack off.

No matter how I convince myself to stop that right away and start doing what I'm supposed to do, it's no use. I just act opposing to what I think and all of that motivation and encouragement that I build-up for days just disappears in few seconds.

So after a month of slacking off from the real work, I made up my mind that I would write no matter what. Well, it's not an easy task to battle with myself but I'm glad that I was able to write even if it's not continuously. At least, I am writing phrases or a paragraph a day just to overcome this manga-reading-addiction that I'm dealing with.

Breaking the Spell

"Am I bewitched?"

By the time that I have discovered that masterpiece and start reading it, I'm slowly getting immersed and suddenly being devoured by the world of fantasies illustrated in those pages of books. I feel like each of those characters was casting a spell on me every time I flip those pages.

Instead of saving money as a goal, the exact opposite happens – I spend a lot more. I have been guilty to myself all this time. All of my hard work of writing here to earn and save money for my education has been put in vain.

I'm such an idiot or going crazy, perhaps.

Back To Square One

"From here on, I'm going to stick to my goal matter what. I wouldn't be swayed by those temptations ever again."

These are such huge words to carry but I pledge to do this. May this indecisiveness leave me and may my body cooperate with my mind. Temptations are everywhere but I already learned my lessons. I know exactly what to do now.

"Stubborn people don't learn their lessons until they make a mistake worth regretful."

Now, these are the words of my current boss that is echoing in my mind recently. My boss is right but I ignored the warning. As a result, here I am now reflecting on my actions. However, I am glad to complete an article for today after what happened.

I'm finally back on track!

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2 years ago