Flipping the Switch Off β€”in the midst of my episodes.

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Avatar for Ayane-chan
1 year ago
Topics: Emotions, Random

03.16.23

Tapping my foot on the chair in front of me and biting my lips as I was holding my phone while staring blankly at it. Honestly, I don't know how exactly I should start my introduction in this post since it has been a while that I have been inactive in the platform. To either I should include a quote or a descriptive paragraph, yet I didn't even have a specific topic in mind to talk about but just random ramblings about the things that was taking up much of my time recently.

I have the intention to write for a long time but keeps on putting it aside for I don't know what should I talk about. While waiting for another subject to start, I have though of randomly writing down anything that will come to mind as an exercise that I was doing before. Freewrite β€” is the answer to a writer's block. Isn't this our effective method previously until now? I guess, I didn't really just have more time to do that.

I was mindlessly been consumed by this. It took me more time than I expected it to flow smoothly. Now, there was my Professor starting the class with a prayer and I had to divert my mind back into it.

03.18.23

I lost count on how many hours I have spent while lying on my bed just to pull myself together, gather all the motivation left in my soul to continue what I have started to write here. It has been a long day, though it wasn't actually. I think I had spent my entire week by just interacting with hundreds of people in just three hours of my morning. I collapsed on my bed as soon as I got home. No energy left even to have my lunch before taking a nap. I dozed off in an instant.

Actually, it was fun and full of learnings. I get to know the students that I should be teaching on the next meeting as I assisted my co-Instructors with the assessment. Socializing wasn't just for me. I can try talking and discuss a few things in front of a lot of people but after a while, I easily get drained.

The worst part about it, is that my emotions became unstable as I lost lots of energy. I get emotional and irritable. Initially, I'll feel numb in my chest, my breathing would be heavier, and next thing, tears would be streaming down my face as I couldn't hold them back anymore. I often have these episodes and not just when I'm drained but also when I'm stressed or when something triggers it and flipped that switch inside me.

If I only know how to switch it off so I could stabilize it forever, I would have done that immediately and never turn it back on. Yet, in reality, emotions don't have a switch. We can't control and we could only let it flow.


Hey there!

Thanks for being with me this time. Hope you're having a good day.

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1 year ago
Topics: Emotions, Random

Comments

hello mamsh...nice to see you still on my notifs

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11 months ago

I also have that same episodes. Minsan may gathering dito sa bahay, then I will shut off tapos hindi na lalabas ng kwarto after a few chitchats. Parang naddrain ako kaagad.

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1 year ago

Same thing with me. I can't stand gatherings. I'll find a way out even if it's finished yet. πŸ˜†

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1 year ago

If only we all can turn our emotions on and off then there will be no moody people in the world again

But sadly we can't How have you been

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1 year ago

Yes, that's how it really is. Better let it out than holding it in. It may cause mental issues if we don't let it flow.

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1 year ago

I don't even know how to hold things like that in me because I don't like holding grudges with people

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1 year ago