Grievance and revenge vs letting go and going your own way
We are all weak, and sometimes we want people to pay their dues. We think it's only right, we want to have justice. We want them to pay because they promised and didn't deliver, because we relied on them and they didn't make it, because we trusted their honorable intentions and they turned into nothing.
If the actions of those we count on contradict their words and promises time after time after time, it seems only natural that we reach the point where we want them to pay. In one way or another we expect them to pay for unfulfilled promises, deception, pain, suffering, and at times even physical, material, financial and social damages and real-life problems caused by their behavior.
Very often a long time has to pass before we can realize that there is no need to balance the books. There is no need for anger and revenge. The thing is, they will pay anyway. Not because we want it to happen, but because it's the law of the universe - EVERYBODY PAYS, every one of us. But the thing is that this process has nothing to do with our whining egos asking for Justice. It's just a manifestation of unemotional, impersonal law of the universe, which states that every action or inaction leads to certain outcomes, and so at the end all people get what they get in accordance with what they have done - or failed to do.
They didn't do it, they didn't make it, they weren't strong enough or honest enough? Don't worry about it, why even bother? It's time to get up and keep going. You have to just keep going in that direction where it's not THEM acting in the way you want them to, but where you Yourself can want, and strive, and act.
Our task it to understand one simple truth: there is no need for grave, serious expectations, no matter what we've been promised by others at some points of our lives - eternal happiness, loads of money, true love, never-ending friendship, absolute closeness, or even something horrible like vengeance and tortures of living hell. Give up the importance of those expectations, understand that all people have weaknesses and make mistakes, don't expect them to be gods. There is a point where all expectations disappear, all faith disappears, all crutches of the whining, falling persona disappear... And that's the only point where a true human being - YOU - can be born.
When we choose to give someone something important - our attention, our heart, our life, our body, our time, help, sex energy, care, openness, honesty, spiritual power... or things such as our rage, our hatred, our evilness - we must understand that this thing we give is a gift. No, not like the one in the gift economy where it is generally expected to get something valuable in return. With the "things" on my list above it doesn't always work quite the same way. Expectations might be present and it's great, amazingly great, if they are fulfilled. But if they are not, those who failed to give back usually aren't fully at fault (unless they manipulated and cleverly deceived you into giving).
Most of the time, when it's not a matter of psychopathic manipulation (and trust me, I've dealt with that one), people don't give back simply because they CAN'T. That's right, they can't. They have nothing to give back to anyone in general, or maybe just specifically to you. They are too weak (just like you are sometimes!) to give. They don't have enough resources to give anything, or they don't have enough power, or desire. Maybe they are too stupid. It could be anything.
When I say they don't have the resources or the power, I mean the following: Can you blame a homeless person if they can't give you a dinner in a nice restaurant, or a tropical island trip, or a new car? Say, you give a homeless man a $2000 suit. Can you expect him to pay you back with a $2000 for your birthday? That would be ridiculous. The homeless man is not greedy, he simply doesn't have the same resources to give.
Sometimes we can't give back because we are stupid enough to not recognize when it is important. We are often blind enough not to see the treasures that life gives us through other people and value those people and their trust. We can't keep our promises because we are stupid and weak; one must have inner wisdom and strength in order to be honorable. I am NOT making excuses for our faults and weaknesses; I am saying that we must grow to have more purity, more honor, more strength. It is silly to expect a beggar to give riches back to those who gift him. In order to give, he must have something first.
Sometimes the choice is simple - to get up and walk that path where there is no help, no trust, no expectations - and stop blaming everyone else for what they cannot do. If they can't, it's their choice and not your problem. If they can't once, or twice, or three times, will you be there waiting what happens the fourth time? If they can't - they can't, and that's that.
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On the practical side, freeing yourself from current expectations (and especially from old grievances caused by unfulfilled expectations) will release an unbelievable amount of energy. When we feel bad because someone "does" something to us, we lose. There is no way around it, and there is no point arguing who is at fault. "He didn't do the right thing, she didn't keep a promise, they lied, you cheated, X behaved like a monster, Y manipulated", and this can go on forever, and you are the right one, and you are the victim, and you keep expecting, and so it's a never-ending story of constant grievance and loss and wanting that sweet payback and oh, would you be happy if that random person who caused you pain got hit by lightning and became annihilated in front of your eyes? I mean, what kind of payback? Why keep wanting it? Why keep draining your energy that way?
There are other ways. Better ways. Ways where we take control of our life, let go of expectations, leave alone those who "can't", and walk the other path where we CAN do what's important to us, including helping others and giving, no matter what someone else chooses to do or not to do.