@Aalia 24 October 2022 more from that month

“Closure” sometimes takes so long not so much because it has anything to do with the other person but rather the internal work you have to go through yourself. That closure you think you need doesn’t come from questions answered or that final conversations to move on. When phrases in your own head are on repeat sound like: “What did I do wrong?” “What didn’t they like about me?” “How could I fix this or what could I have changed?” Realize the problem with this kind of thinking is you’re looking at a relationship made up of two people and what you’re doing is taking accountability, ownership, blame and fault for all of it. You’re doing that, all while putting yourself down and heightening the other party. So the reason that closure is taking so long is because the work you have to do digs deep into self love. And you can’t move on or move forward without that love. Because self love is that the foundation and your core and you practice it, those questions change to statements that sound like: “The mistakes I’ve made here will help me to learn for the next thing.” “There are a lot of great things about me, this person just didn’t see all of it and that’s okay.” “There isn’t anything to fix or change here because we gave this a shot and it didn’t work out.” Until you can get to a point of seeing things end and shifting that in your mind to a place of self love, you’ll always feel a little stuck in the past or looking for closure you never received because closure wasn’t what you needed, love was. If that love couldn’t come from a partner then it’s your responsibility to give it to yourself because you deserve that. But self love isn’t always the easiest thing to just pick up and learn, it takes practice. It takes listening to yourself and correcting that inner voice, if that inner voice is critical. It takes being so aware. It takes repeating good things about yourself until you believe it to the core. If loving others comes so easy for you and putting others first is what you’re used to, this shift will feel like a challenge because it isn’t something you’re used to. But you deserve the same love you give.