@Aalia 9 October 2022 more from that month

Now when you say that you can't lose me. I'm thinking of that reality when you didn't make any effort for me to stay. My presence was not special for you. I was there just like any other person you had in your life, but with the burden of carrying your sorrow on my soul & your insecurities in my mind. Every step in my life happened when I thought about you. Every decision was affected because I wanted to stay in your life. But I think life had a different plan. Or perhaps you had a different plan, because I never noticed you fading your smile when I wasn't around. As if my presence and absence are the same. But that hurt me when I saw your smile fading away when I was with you. Maybe that's when things started going apart. I tried to forget those moments, but my mind recalls the every moment I got sucked by love. It doesn't recall the happy memories anymore. I think they faded too with time. The only thing that did not fade away is my love. And I don't know what to do with this love when it's not about your big, beautiful eyes. It's useless to me without seeing your smile. But now I don't know if it can fix anything. Because anything is not worth fixing now in my life.