@Aalia 21 October 2022 more from that month

“I’ve been trying so damn hard, to figure out how this could have happened; how you could have erased me from your life as if I never existed, when you were the one who chased me down and wouldn’t give up, until I finally let my guard down just long enough, to hand you a few pieces of my shattered heart. Like shards of glass they cut my fingertips, as I handed them over to you. And you promised me, that you would take care of my pieces; that you would never ever leave me; that for this love you would always show up; that for me, you would always come through. But you lied, didn’t you? And you think I couldn’t see through your empty words? Your promises were already broken, the moment they left your lips. But I chose to ignore all the red flags I saw, because I wanted so much, to believe in this; in this idea of a love, that would never abandon its counterpart; of a person who could have held tightly, to the words that they’ve spoken. I wanted so much to believe in us; to believe that our love was forever, and unbroken. And so, I kept on keeping on. And so, I kept on hoping. But here I am now; face down in the dirt; my scars all exposed; tears flowing. I’m bleeding out slowly. There is a darkness that surrounds me, as I’m beginning to discover the truth; that you were the one who chased my demons away, but in the end, I meant nothing to you. You tossed me into the trash like garbage, the very moment that you realized, you weren’t getting what you wanted. You’ve taken my heart and my soul in your hands, and you’ve crushed them, and severed their connection. It has led me down a path of great fear, deep heartache, and introspection. You took away my compass; now I move blindly, with no direction. But don’t you worry my darling girl, I’ve been knocked down before. I’ve lived through a hell that you couldn’t imagine, and I broke down the goddamn door; and I will do it again, once more. I will pull myself up, off this cold fucking floor. For I am not that terrified girl anymore. I will find a way out, without your help. I am armed with the strength of my truth. And it doesn’t really matter, how much I truly cared; because I was always just invisible, to you.”