@Aalia 24 October 2022 more from that month

Dear Someone, _ ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but you know that I am right to say you should stop watering anything that is one-sided. I think I am right to say you are not just madly in love with them for saying you're going nowhere because they can't get rid of you, you're crazy as well. ‎ ‎ To put it subtly, I am right to say you're going insane for saying they are the only risk you are willing to take. You are going insane for holding on to the fantasy that you have built them up to be. ‎ ‎ Blame it on how they are the only ones who have ever loved you this much. Blame it on how your faith forbids you from walking out of a "blessed mess". Blame it on how you have tried multiple times. Blame it on how you see yourself backsliding time after time. ‎ ‎ If that is not enough, go ahead and blame it on how your brain likes to make itself forget your miserable life with them. Blame it on how your mind is a mess. Blame it on whatever is responsible for your daily struggles in that relationship. ‎ ‎ When you are done with your blame game, I would like to remind you that forcing yourself to do what is clearly destroying you instead of seeking help is deliberately embarking on a journey to self-destruction. ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship that is over is asking for a room to be prepared for you in silent hell. You can't put yourself through hell and call it love. ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship that is over is an admission of your inadequacy and lack of self-worth. You will be toxic not only to yourself but to everyone around you. ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship that is over is an illusion and an empty promise that will not only destroy you but consume you. ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship that is over is giving your last smile to someone who will never appreciate it and boxing yourself into a corner where you will never know what to do. ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with a cold stranger you called a lover, with someone who left you and whose ugly words and actions you would never accept from a friend, is not love but a dangerous obsession. ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but forcing yourself to be in a toxic and dysfunctional relationship just because you think you are madly in love with them means accepting that you are okay with more ugly and hurtful truths that they weren’t strong enough to tell you. ‎ ‎ You may despise my words, but I'll ask you again: why do you believe it's better to live in a state of torture? Why do you want to stay with them until you are no longer living, even if we can all see you? Why do you keep denying that what you're being served as love is actually pain, pain, and more pain? Why do you choose their thunder over anyone else’s sunshine? ‎ ‎ You might hate my words, but I will ask you one more time. Why waste your time getting hurt by someone when there’s someone else out there waiting to make you happy? Why do you prefer to choose them over and over and over, without pause, even when they don't deserve it? ‎ ‎ You can hate my words as much as you want, but you need to stop forcing yourself on people. Stop craving for validation and attention. Obsession is a symptom of cumulative toxicity, not of love. Your life is not meant to be a punishment. Stop destroying your life with a smile on your face in the name of love. ‎ ‎ I understand your relationship doesn't need to make sense to anyone, except for you and your abuser, but you have loved ones who are tired of seeing you in pain. ‎ ‎ If all the pain they have caused you, despite all the red flags you have ignored just to be with them, is still not enough for you, then consider your loved ones who are in pain seeing you destroying what is left of you. ‎ ‎ If you are not bothered about the pain going back to them will cause you, and if you're not bothered about finding out even uglier truths that you never expected simply because of your silly emotions, then consider your family and loved ones. Don't let them bleed because of your reckless love for someone who shouldn't be in your life. ‎ ‎ Save everyone around you the trauma and unbearable pain of watching you destroy yourself and know that it is okay to leave a relationship when it is no longer giving you what you need. ‎ ‎ Saying enough is enough or quitting isn't a sign of weakness. It is not a sign that you're not trying hard enough. A lot of the time, it's a sign that you are prioritising yourself and your values, and that should be honoured. Forcing yourself to be in a relationship that is over is not different. ‎ ‎ While they might have been all that you have always wanted, allow them to have a breath of fresh air now that you have realised they are not good for you, nor are you good for them. Leave the old life you had with them behind. Pick yourself up, and create your new life step by step, making sure you get the right one for you. ‎ ‎ There is so much to say, but that will i write in my next post. Until then, forgive yourself for staying in places and situations longer than you should have. Until then, always remember that letting go is a choice. And whatever choice you make will make you. Choose wisely—chaos is not love. Attention is sometimes not love, and that is why you suffer so deeply. ‎ ‎ ‎